Tuesday, November 30, 2010

The Shortround: The Sweet Hand of the White Rose (Review)

We haven't had an edition of The Shortround in a while. But thanks to director Davide Melini, I was able to view his newest short The Sweet Hand of the White Rose. I previously reviewed Melini's short The Puzzle which I said "...compacts alot of eeriness in it's 4 min+ runtime."

Melini, a former assistant director of giallo auteur Dario Argento brings a different theme and style from his previous effort. White Rose has lives intertwining with a tint of ghost and the supernatural in its 16 min run time.

Here's a quick synopsis.

"How many times have you had a bad day? How many times have you thought you would run away from everyone and everything? That is exactly what happens to Mark. In order to forget about a heated discussion with his girlfriend, he decides to get in the car and go far away. But a little mistake will change his reality forever...".

So what's the final prognosis on The Sweet Hand of the White Rose?

the jaded viewer says: In nutshell sort of way, I can best describe it as a supernatural PSA. Melini establishes two characters Mark who recently had a fight with his GF and is driving on the road to get away from her bickering and Mary, a 10 yr old blonde haired girl who is on her way home after playing at the park.

These 2 seemed destined to meet in a most unfortunate way. First let's start off with the good. The cinematography is quite outstanding with daytime scenes framed nicely and an ominous background of a cemetery at night. You feel warmth and dread during the day and night scenes and its highly effective.

The ghostly presence towards the end is slickly done with a good amount of eerie. The twist ending is predictable as a B/W reveal shows an auto accident has no happy endings.

The short was dubbed in English which kind of distracted me as I prefer watching any foreign film with subtitles. But there isn't much in actual dialogue but more character narration about their stories which lead to their eventual meeting.

The Sweet Hand of the White Rose is an effective, styilized short PSA that probably should be shown to teenagers to see the dangers of texting while on the road. It happens more than you think. It's a bit cheesy with it's message but the message is important.

Melini made White Rose for a mere $2,000 Euros and the quality of the short is detailed with production values rivaling a Hollywood production. I'm eager for him to try a feature length film, possibly even a Italian giallo film (yeah I know that's kinda stereotypical of me). After the Adrien Brody lawsuit and the controversy from Dario Argento's Giallo, we may need some new blood into this genre.

Davide Melini has the talent to do it.

Check out the trailer below.

For more information check out the links below.

Monday, November 29, 2010

Interview with Death of the Dead's Christina Rose

In my review of Death of the Dead (read full review here) I wrote Christina Rose's performance was "brilliant" and described Rose's character Wanda ".....was slicing and dicing in a Wonder Woman outfit bought from an S&M store. Yum."

As you can see in the photo above, I wasn't lying was I?

Gary King's Death of the Dead is a hilarious film that turns the zombie and kung fu genres upside down and produces a bucket of laughs. So intrigued my Christina Rose's performance, I wanted to get to know the actress behind nerdy Wanda. So thus is born the first jaded viewer interview. Christina Rose was gracious enough to answer my goofy questions. Thanks Christina!

1.) Tell us a little about yourself. Be sure to include the adjectives like awesome, beautiful and zombie killer. :-)

An awesome fun fact about me is that I was born in Naples, Italy. I have a beautiful family of six including three sisters, my mom and dad, and my amazing dog Sammy :-) . I’m a New York based Actress who has worked professionally in Film, TV, Commercials, Broadway, and am also a professional Zombie Killer. :-)

2.) How did you get involved with Death of the Dead?

Gary King and I had been in contact before this film. He was hired onto the project and was able to recommend me to the producers of the film. I auditioned for the role of ‘Wanda’, and the rest is history!

3.) Your performance as I wrote in my review was brilliant. Have you acted in a comedy before? Is acting in a comedy (especially in a horror comedy) different from your previous work?

Thank you for the wonderful compliment. My first feature film that I fhot was called ‘Happy Birthday Harris Malden’, in which I played the supporting role of ‘Elsa’. This film was a comedy, but the style was very different from ‘Death of the Dead’. I’ve also performed in many stage plays/musicals that were comedies as well, such as playing ‘Adelaide’ in ‘Guys and Dolls’ and ‘Marty’ in ‘Grease’ on Broadway.

Acting in ‘Death of the Dead’ (a horror comedy) is both similar and different to my previous work. I find that the main ingredient for an actor in playing any role in any comedy is finding the TRUTH in the moments that the character is living. The actor should never ‘try’ to be funny or witty. If the actor is living in the moment and experiencing what the character is going through then humor will arise.

Physical comedy was prominent in some of the previous work that I mentioned and in ‘Death of the Dead’. As an actress I have to be very open and unlimited in the use of my body when it comes to a comedy. Some things work, and others don’t, but you have to be willing to experiment.

4.) I think Wanda might be the new Buffy we've been looking for. Her transformation from clueless nerd to kick ass zombie killer was fun to watch. How did you approach the role and what kind of characteristics did you give her that weren't in the script?

I knew that the character had to go through a huge transformation after reading the script. In the audition my main goal was to show the diversity between the two sides of ‘Wanda’ by making strong choices. I knew there needed to be a big physical transformation as well as the character’s personality.

During the audition process I made some specific choices for ‘Nerdy’ Wanda. I knew the character was unattractive and your ‘typical nerd’ so I wore large glasses, put my hair in a pony tail, and wore baggy clothes. But a character is so much more then just the physical appearance. I had to find out what ‘Nerdy Wanda’ was like beneath her skin (self conscious, socially awkward, weak-yet still having a strong belief in herself).

Once I found out who ‘Wanda’ was from deep within I was really able to enjoy and play with the role. One characteristic that stays throughout the film is Wanda’s big heart and belief that she could be something great!

In the beginning her lack of talent, looks, and all around ability prevent her from moving forward until she obtains the magic belt. So as ‘Sexy Wanda’ she is finally physically able to do everything she has ever dreamed of doing and finally unstoppable! I got to become a super hero. I’m thrilled that I was able to have the opportunity to explore this character and make her what you see onscreen today!

5.) What was it like working with Gary King and Bo Buckley?

Working with the entire creative team was amazing! I don’t think this film could have been what it was without the efforts of every single person involved.

Bo Buckley was a fantastic producer/writer for the film. He helped the production run very smoothly. His positive energy and great business sense and made him a joy to be around on set.
Gary King is a splendid director. This was my first time ever working with him. He allows the actor to make various choices per scene. I love that I was able to say the lines a variety of different ways so they had multiple choices to use in the editing room.

Gary is definitely one of the best director’s that I have ever worked with. He really lets the actor get involved with the development of their specific character. He’s a very talented filmmaker, and I see big things for him in the future.

6.) You handled yourself solidly in the action scenes. Did you get any weapons training? What was it like to film the onslaught of these kung fu zombie hordes?

One of my favorite things about this film were the fight scenes. We had such a blast on set, but it was very fast pace. I only had 2 days of training before we started shooting the movie. One day of scene work with the other main actors, and then one day of fight training. On the day of fight/weapon training I learned Bo Staff, Nanchuku, and various Martial Arts moves (kicks, punches, blocks, etc.). My previous experience included Stage Combat, Stunt work (bungee,harness), some Karate, and my dance training.

The person director Gary King and I chose to model my ‘BadAss’ Wanda after was Jean-Claude Van Damme because of his graceful/dance like fighting style. This was my first opportunity to portray a character like this. I really enjoy doing a lot of my own stunt work. I would do it again in a heartbeat!

7.) The movie has quite a few one liners, zingers and hilarious jokes. Do you have any favorites?

A few lines that the audiences seem to remember are:

‘Wanda the wimp’
‘Wanda the weirdo’
‘Wanda the weakling’

They’ve become a favorite of mine because I hear these repeated so often!

8.) Any possibility of a sequel if the movie takes off? What would you like to see in a possible sequel?

There are some exciting things happening right now with the film that could eventually lead to a sequel if the audiences dig it enough. We have a current ‘Death of the Dead’ Comic Book in the works, as well as possible action figures. The film has been getting great reviews from the press and the fans, so if it gets the right distribution there is a good chance it could hit a wide audience.

If there is a need or strong desire for a sequel in the future I think we can make it happen. I know the director and producers have already been tossing around ideas. We’ve discussed more of the adventures of ‘Sexy Wanda’ fighting various battles. Gary said it would be the same humor, but more action. So we’ll see!

9.) I see your collaborating again with Gary King again in How Do You Write a Joe Scherman Song which is a musical. How's this film differ from DotD? Also, do you have any future projects coming up?

‘How Do You Write a Joe Schermann Song’ is a Feature Length Movie Musical. So the main difference right off the bat is that there will be singing and dancing in the new film that comes out in 2011. This film is also a drama. We like to say that it’s ‘Once’ meets ‘All that Jazz’. As you can tell ‘Death of the Dead’ is far from a drama. My character in the Movie Musical, Evey, is an aspiring Broadway performer who is struggling with love and life in NYC. My character is VERY different from ‘Wanda’. You will have to watch the film to see more!

I’m very excited for 2011. I have a few Feature Films that are in development right now. I cannot release information on these projects just yet. I would love for people to stay tuned to my Facebook Fan Page, Website, and Twitter to find out my future projects when I can release the information. You can also watch for me in the ‘Lucille Roberts Gym’ Television Commercial that will air all next year (2011). I also have been talking to various filmmakers about projects for 2012.

Thank you to everyone for your support and please continue to follow and support my career! :-)


Want more info about Christina? Check out the links below. Follow her on Twitter and Like her on Facebook!! If you don't she'll kick your ass like she did to this guy!
Check out the trailers for Death of the Dead and How Do You Write a Joe Schermann Song below!

Friday, November 26, 2010

Random Thoughts for the people waiting on line, in the cold on Black Friday

Hello [insert name here].

Wow. You really decided to get on that damn line at 10pm for the Black Friday sale that starts at 3am. Holy shit dude, that's like 5 hours away. What are you gonna do in the wickedly cold weather for 5 fuckin hours??

If you're reading this, it looks like you stumbled upon the jaded viewer. Hey, whats up? Well this is a site dedicated to horror movies and various other subgenres. I'm rambling. Damn, it's nippy out.

I saw you! You looked at your watch! Really? That was exactly 24 seconds since the last time you looked. Well look at that line. I mean there are probably 20 people ahead of you and you thought by going at 10pm on Thanksgiving that would give you a mega head start. No such luck. Buncha savages in this town.

I might as well entertain you. Let's start off with this:

carlton dance!

Who doesn't love the Carlton dance? Fuckin classic.

So what are you planning on buying? If this is all for a fuckin 40 inch, 1080p, 240 mhz, Samsung HDTV, I'm sorry to say the 20 people ahead of you are on line for that exact model.

You're going to have to plan your route when they open those doors. I suggest tripping the guy behind you so you get some distance between those jabronis at the back of the line.

You gotta think like a running back. Look for a fat fuck and let him be your lead blocker. Make sure he's heading in the direction you need to go because he might be heading to look at fuckin grills. Unfortunately, fat fucks have low stamina so you may need to use the thug faction at this point. Thug factions are those group of hoods who are gonna buy a bunch of DVD players and sell down the street. They're like the Oceans 11 when it comes to Black Friday.

Hmm, looks like you got 3 hours to go. You bring anything to eat? I suggest Skittles, 5 cans of Four Loko and a bag of Cheeseburger flavored Doritos.

Well that dude ahead of you came prepared. It's like he's camping at the Grand fuckin Canyon.

If your a dude, you could practice hitting on some hot girls waiting on line. Oh yeah, the hot girls are at Walmart. It's a fuckin hub of hot girls at the Black Friday Walmart line.

You know, you're going to have to take a piss soon. Who's going to save your place on line? Somebody might take your spot and sell it on eBay.

Some dude is gonna puke his turkey dinner at some point. Watch out.

There's always one big momma standing on line desperate to buy a big momma outfit. She is fierce and may kill at least 3 people to buy that blender. Put a raw steak by her filled with roofies and hope she takes the bait.

Honestly, even if you get your TV, your going to have to wait on an even longer line to pay for it. I suggest using the "I have a bladder problem" scream to get to the front of the line.

As you got here early, feel free to make fun of the people who just got here at 2am. Fuckin rookies.

I nice steaming cup of hot chocolate would be awesome right now. I'll drink one for you. Wow that was yummy.

Have you ever thought about the geopolitical implications of a capitalistic society whose main source of imports are being turned over to the developing world? Sorry, maybe I should simplify that statement for you. Gummy bears are fuckin tasty.

Your probably hallucinating after drinking your 8th can of Red Bull. So let's listen to the Dougie song from The Hangover. Click Here!

I know horses sleep standing up. Maybe you can try that. Though your wallet might get stolen. Hmmm...yeah you'd totally get pick pocketed.

Hmmm 1 hour to go! Let me know what 2am at the mall feels like because I'm never going to stand on line to get 70% off.

Look around and start to imagine who'd you kill for that TV. Would you totally cap that mom with her kid in the stroller? Wait on a sec...why is their a mom with a kid in a stroller? Oh for Christakes!

The lack of sleep is probably making that pretty buff security guard woman looking like she's Megan Fox. She actually does look like Megan Fox. I think you should go for it!

You're probably thinking fuck this shit, I'm going home. This isn't worth it. But you know who wants you to buy that TV and brave this violent crowd???

World famous porn star Jesse Jane!

"Buy that TV [insert name here]! If you don't you, your baseball bat isn't that big."

Good luck out there Mr. and Ms Consumer. Brave that line and buy that TV! If you don't the terrorists win. Go America!

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Happy Thanksgiving from The Jaded Viewer!

I know everybody will put up the Eli Roth Grindhouse trailer so I might as well to. The interesting thing here is that Thanksgiving is going to supposedly be a full length movie. It'll be interesting to see if it can be awesome like Machete was. Hell, I wanna see a longer, extended cut of the cheerleader trampoline scene.

In any case, don't piss off any pilgrims this Thanksgiving.

Happy Thanksgiving from The Jaded Viewer!

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

The Taint (Review)

The Taint

The Taint (2010)

Directed by Drew Bolduc and Dan Nelson

I think we have record for fastest shot of a pair of titties in a movie.

3 seconds.

That's how long it takes The Taint to whip out some boobies for your viewing pleasure. It's a hell of an opening for this lowest denominator flick however if you're an alpha male with a pulse, you know something moved.

I hate to be crude with my review but when you view this soon to be cult classic, you have to describe it as openly as a gay 80s montage (which we have in this flick as well).

The Taint is the next evolution of the Troma movie. I think Troma has lost touch with it's extreeminess but directors Drew Bolduc and Dan Nelson have spawned a new genre of low budget horror comedy. The American WTF movie. That's what The Taint is. It's got a mild plot, some easily identifiable characters and lots of WTF. I've never seen so much WTF in my movie viewing history. That and a lot of penis. Yes folks, this movie has more penis shots than a Playgirl pictorial.

I've seen some indie budget horror coms that fall in line with The Taint. But the others never had the amount of gore and splatter this flick has. In the same vain as Black Devil Doll, Isle of the Damned, Hanger, Gutterballs and John Waters flicks it's 110% offensive and 200% fucked up fun.

Running at an unbelievable 70 minutes, you'll need to take a long cold shower after seeing this filthy filth. If you have a wife or GF, send them to movies to see a rom com because they may "Bobbit" you if they catch you watching The Taint.

Boring Plot-O-Matic

THE TAINT is an intellectual experience. It is a violent and misogynistic film about violence, misogyny, and entertainment. It features sadistic violence, gratuitous sexual content, and scenes of spellbinding dramatic interest. It also contains more cock explosions than any other movie ever. It’s the ultimate sexually-frustrated-male-nerd-emotional-masturbation-release film, done in the style of an 80’s horror-comedy.

Awesome Review-O-Matic

The opening credits are done VHS special effects 80s style which time travel you back to those 80s gorefests we all loved. After the boobie montage, we meet Phil O'Ginny, a blonde hipster slacker dude who seems to have found himself in the middle of a misogynistic crazy men massacre. The men, with full frontal penis dangling are attacking the scantily clad women all across this small American town. That's some heavy duty WTF don't ya think?

Suffice it to say, Phil's high as fuck and encounters a few interesting people along the way. He first meets Misandra who goes all flashbacky as she tells him her marriage was destroyed by the water supply that's now tainted which has caused all the men to be misogynistic maniacs. It's filled with 80s staples such as montagy picnics in the park and mooshy face cave ins.

Later Phil and Misandra meet up with a Phil's old PE teacher and his bunch of cronies who also go all flashbacky through a Rocky style 80s montage which is filled with gay innuendo at its extreme. Seeing a dude pumping iron and wrestling seemed so innocent to us back in the 80s. Not so much today and the parody of this is hilarious.

Now almost beaten to a pulp, Phil is saved by a masked stranger who in his former life was a scientist who with his science team (complete with fancy gizmos and calculators) try to create cockzantium (a drug so that all dudes can get BJs). The Nazi propaganda commercial devised for this fucked up Viagra is LOL funny.

So it's up to Phil to save the day and as the plot-o-matic says, we get more cock explosions than I've ever seen in a movie.....ever.

Stuffed into the flick is a funny bunny cartoon and tons of naked women getting slaughtered in all sorts of ways. Slice and dice, large rock to the face trauma and more penis oozing than a porn movie. Bodily fluids are evacuated from every orifice in The Taint. Don't say I didn't warn you.

For a low budget flick by some Virginia college students, The Taint is a high value production. They could have easily dragged this to 90 minutes but I'm pretty sure they didn't have that much footage. The acting is self parody edging on corniness but that's not really the point of the flick. Plot, acting, soundtrack are secondary to what the film ejaculates on screen. It's pure simple WTF and they have tons of WTF money shots for your viewing pleasure.

You can't beat this flick in that department if you cloned Waters and Kaufman together. The Taint is a 21st century fetus of 80s splatter comedy. It's totally fucked up but in that good, punch in the face sorta way. Every dude on the planet is easily mesmerized by seeing a pair of tits, but also easily traumatized by seeing full frontal cock.

You're going to see the best and worst of both worlds in The Taint and you're going to keep repeating in a loud, happy voice.....WTF!!!!!


Tons of full frontal nudity by hot women
BBA trifecta (boobs, bush and ass)
Full frontal penis


A shitload of practical and digital gore effects.

WTF moment

The cock explosions at the end

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

There is always one film a year that is so offensive, so fucked up and just pure trash that it makes my Top 10 list. Last year it was Black Devil Doll. The Taint has made a case for being on that list this year.

I can say, it's one of the funniest horror comedies I've seen this year.

If you're inner gorehound needs to be fed and if you're inner misogynist needs to be jerked off I highly recommend The Taint. You won't be disappointed by this throwback 80s splatterfest.

The Vitals

Check out the trailer below.

The Taint Trailer (NSFW) from Dan Nelson on Vimeo.

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Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Comics You are NOT Reading: Zombo (Review)

Thanks to Mr. Rhinocerouslip Bumcrack who runs I FUCKING HATE R'n'B... and DUBSTEP!. He sent me a UK comic that was definitely not on my radar. My knowledge of top notch UK comic book writers has only come though via Garth Ennis (Irish, Preacher, The Boys), Mark Millar (Scottish, Kick-Ass, Wanted) and Alan Moore.

I absolutely dig Ennis whose series The Boys is so fuckin awesome. But I digress.

Zombo is the newest creation out of 2000AD and my first introduction to this publisher. So what's Zombo about?

Zombo: Zombo’s Eleven When Flight 303 carrying government experiment ZOMBO crash landed on the lethal death world of Chronos, the flesh eating ghoul was the only survivor not picked off by the planet. Having joined forces with the eleven Suicide Boys – teens looking for spectacular ways to die – Zombo is on his way to becoming a TV star…

I absolutely loved Zombo. It blends wacky humor with complete evisceration on every page. It mixes in a bit of sci-fi, horror and Lost all into a wild Four Loko blackout in a can comic book. The cover absolutely sets the tone with Zombo politely asking: "Can I eat you, please?"

Zombo is a sort of anti-hero, part zombie and part human. Sent to the death world Chronos with other survivors the first book gives some back story and some serial wicked kills. They don't call it a death world for nothing.

Survivors you think may make it are all fodder for this death planet as the survivors die from poisoned fruit, vicious plants and even Zombo himself. Zombo's dialogue which have him addressing everybody as Mister give Zombo a childlike persona mixed in with a wild dog on a leash. The government agents who control Zombo have sent him to this world to clean up a Shadow rainbow blackhole (don't ask). Throw in some cannibals who leave a limbless and armless survivor in their wake and you got a death every 3 panels. It's not a stretch to say most people die gruesomely but Zombo survives because well he's already dead.

Al Ewing and Henry Flint, the creators of Zombo are on serious hallucinogenic drugs. I mean they write stuff in like a traveling variety Christmas show crashing landing and dying via a Christmas Tree monster and in the final book called "Zombo's Eleven" they have a 11 "Suicide Boys" who look to commit suicide and put it on "Death Tube". They're main focus is to film their deaths to get the best star rating.

Seriously, this is fuckin funny as hell. So wickedly WTF clever. Each of the characters in Zombo from a Russel Brand suicide boy parody to a Simon Cowell like asshole called Hank Epsilon are so annoying (like in real life), you're glad when they die, come back to life as zombies then die again.

The main adversary in Zombo is the death planet which causes humans to turn into zombies (who are just irritating talkative Return of the Living Dead zombies) . A final climactic battle onboard a space station involving zombies rampaging, zombie bees and Death Tube video massacres was truly fantastic.

I gotta admit, Zombo made me laugh in that this is insanely weird, fucked up and I must be high sorta way.

The tagline is Murder! Mayhem! Manners!

Fuckin A.

Check out a panel below!

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Monday, November 22, 2010

Tales from Beyond the Pale (Episode 3 and 4 Reviews)

I'm totally hooked on Tales from Beyond the Pale. It's totally makes my morning commute go by like a flash when I'm on the train. I download the episode, load it up to my iPhone and I got 30 minutes of entertainment. Like I said when I reviewed the first 2 episodes, Glass Eye Pix brings about the evolution of horror radio. Top notch star voice talent, great suspenseful stories in half an hour and some sound effects that make it feel real.

The next 2 episodes were just released and both went in very different directions. Is this Seat Taken? from Sarah Langan takes a stab at serial killers while This Oracle Moon goes all sci fi. Read the reviews below to find out which one was better.

Here are a couple of brief reviews of the last 2 episodes.

Is this Seat Taken?

Written by Sarah Langan

We get a Dexter-ry episode in this tale from Sarah Langan. Here be the plot:

A young man meets an alluring woman on the Long Island Railroad and slowly comes to realize they have a common past... but maybe not the one she is recollecting.

This episode was decent, though it had a few moments. I've actually commuted on the LIRR and to hear the sounds of the train were dead on.

Robert Benchley our strange stranger is manipulated by LI heavily accented Cassey Coca who has taken an interest in our hero. Their relationship is one of a doctor/patient feel but it becomes more intense. The dialogue is heavy and at times pretty hilarious. Benchley is a little odd and off and his secrets are slowly dragged out by our Amy Fisher like Cassey. At times, the conversation seems read rather than casually spoken and lines feel forced.

The end feels a little predictable as it ends with a bang. I can't say I loved Is This Seat Taken but it was entertaining. It's a pocket full of Dexter, horror radio style.

You can download a preview of the episode, by clicky here.

This Oracle Moon

Written and directed by Jeff Buhler

I recognized Jeff Buhler's name immediately. He had directed Insanitarium (which I reviewed and gave 1 SK) But what drew me to this episode was that it featured the voice talent of Ron Perlman. Perlman's voice is so recognizable you could figure it out through a subway intercom.

This is the first sci fi horror Tale from Beyond the Pale. I'll admit, I liked this one just because it was sci-fi-ish. Here be the plot:

A rescue team of astronauts is dispatched to a distant moon in hopes of reclaiming survivors from an ill fated exploratory mission sent six years prior. When no survivors are found, the rescuers turn their attention to the elusive creatures inhabiting the nearby hills for answers.

Perlman brings his Hellboy attitude in as Marsh, our el capitan. He steals the show as he has all of the best one liners. This Oracle Moon can best be compared to Event Horizon in its sci-fi horrorness. It's got that eerie chillness as Captain Marsh and his crew sense everything on this distant moon isn't as it seems.

I also liked the sound effects in this one. Just bleeps and bloops and rocket ship engines brings in a nice Star Wars touch. And for the first time, we hear fighting in a TFBTP! I imagined Perlman in his space suit punching creatures with a long metal pipe. You'd think it would sound goofy but your imagine runs wild when you HEAR something rather than see it.

Overall, This Oracle Sound twists as all the other episodes have. It's predictable but the explained ending was creative. I liked this more than the previous entry as I've not been exposed to much sci-fi horror of late. It's good their mixing in different types of horror genres. Sci-fi horror to psychological serial horror.

As always Larry Fessenden's intro is always funny and the breaks in between make it feel all 1950s.

Every horror fan with a mp3 player, iPod or iPhone, Droid or whatever digital entertainment device should at least download one of these episodes. It's definitely worth the $2 (it's the price of a cup of coffee!) to check out some quality horror radio back from the dead.

The Vitals

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Thursday, November 18, 2010

10 More Undeniable Parallels Between Porn and Horror

Not a lot of people will admit they watch porn. The same can be said about horror as well. That's one of many parallels both genres have. So after reading this article called 10 Undeniable Parallels Between Porn and Horror Movies, I figured I could come up with more parallels between the 2.

I'll admit, I agree with almost everything on that list in some way or the other. If you don't take it too seriously, it's pretty funny and unbelievably true. Porn is the bastard child of Hollywood yet horror is looked upon as the stepchild of the studio system. Both are treated like shit.

So I'm adding 10 more to this already comprehensive list.

1.) Their conventions are eerily similar

Both horror and porn have conventions in the most unlikely of places. Horror has their conventions in hotel ballrooms while porn will have them in suburbia. Both can even sellout convention centers.

Both have booths and feature film viewings and have crazy stunts to get some buzz. Freebies a plenty at both conventions.

2.) They both remake or reboot current or past films

Horror is the reboot and remake genre of genres. Every horror movie of the last 20 years seems to either have been remade, rebooted, prequeled or sequeled. Porn is the master of their domain when it comes to parodying Hollywood movies. They've even parodied horror movies making it a double penetration!

3.) They both have an awards show honoring themselves

Horror has the Scream Awards. Porn has the AVN Awards and both have quirky categories. Horror has winners for "Holy Sh*t Scene of the Year" and "Most Memorable Mutilation" while porn has "Most Outrageous Sex Scene" and "Best MILF title".

4.) Group slaughter is the same as an orgy

At times in a horror movie, the slasher will go all mass genocide on a group of victims. This is pretty much the porn equivalent of a gangbang or orgy. Both involve sweaty people and lots of heavy breathing.

5.) Both genres are dominated by white people

Most actors and actresses in both genres are white. Sure you'll get a token minority every now and then but for the most part, it's stereotypically pale.

6.) They're side by side at the video store

Umm, you ever notice that the horror videos are right next to the swinging doors that say "Adults Only!". C'mon, I know you did.

7.) Both have subgenres that are fucked up as hell

Horror has torture porn. Porn HAS actual torture porn.

8.) A hulking big man wants to "stab" the shit out of a hot girl

This is pretty much self explanatory.

9.) Both have foreplay

Before you get to the good shit, there is tons of foreplay. Slashers taunt and ridicule their victims before the final slaughter. Porn has lots of...well you know.

10.) Bodily fluid is splattered all over the place

I'll leave this up to your sick and dirty imagination.


C'mon now, you noticed all these things to. You just don't want to admit it. A few other similarities are both have blogs and sites dedicated to reviewing their movies. Have you ever been to a porn movie review site? It's spookily similar to a horror review. Do you have any more similarities to add to the list? Think about it.

While you're thinking, I'm going to get the best of both worlds by watching The Human Sextipede.

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Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Break (Review)


Break (2010)

Directed by Nick and Becky Sayers

Well this is a first for me. One of the horror blogosphere's own Becky Sayers from The Horror Effect, with her husband has directed their first feature horror film. I know a few other bloggers have directed their own shorts or features but this is the first time I'll be reviewing one of my own brethren.

First, it's an accomplishment in itself to go out and go beyond blogging and making your own damn film. It's to be applauded on effort alone. The film was made in 2 weeks and a few thousand dollars. That's extremely low budget for even the lowest budget movies. From script to post production, the Sayers put blood, sweat and more blood into Break. The film is DIY filmmaking at it's most raw. Both Nick and Becky were Jack and Jill of all trades plus a crew and cast that were willing to go the extra mile. Kudos to them all.

But now let's get to the movie. Break is an experimental indie film that has a rawness that is not seen in many horror movies. But where it falls short, it makes up for with ideas. The ideas that flow from Break are interesting to say the least. The obvious comparison is that it is similar to The Signal. I kind of think Break is an indier version of The Signal. Same sort of ideas but set to scale.

I could easily classify this as a "descent to madness and paranoia" movie or "teens gone crazy battle royale" but somehow you can sense the idea of a good/evil paradox coming through. That's not to say it's a perfect film. It suffers from all the markings of a low budget feature film and is a little incoherent at times.

But for a first feature film, it's slickly done and tries to provoke you to think. That's worth something in my book.

Boring Plot-O-Matic

Reunited for the weekend, a group of friends are driven to violence when an unknown force seems to bring out the worst in them. Who will be the first to break?

Awesome Review-O-Matic

Going to breakdown the film by each 1/3 so you know what's the what.

The first 30....

The first half of the film is all set up as we follow a group of friends in Washington (state that is) as they party in a house in the woods. We get to know all of them and discover all their very unique personality traits. Michael is our level headed "hero", Kane our gun toting, beer drinking Stone Cold persona, Danny and Heather our normals so to speak. Running parallel is the story of Angela (Michael's GF, who oddly resembles Sarah Michelle Gellar to a tee) who lives in Cali.

It's your standard meet and greet for all of them. Angela however is soon abducted by Hector and they both begin to play a cat and mouse game of quotey quotables.

The next 30....

Soon, our house guests all start to hallucinate and de-evolves into madness. Flashbacked nightmares get everybody on edge and one by one they all start to go all homicidal. Soon Kane is hunting his prey with a shotgun as our cast dwindles away.

Meanwhile in Cali, Angela is seeing how demented Hector has become and he is the impetus for what the hell is going on.

The final 30....

All hell is breaking loose as the bodies pile up. Prey gets hunted and the hunter becomes prey. We get a thrilling conclusion and an ending that is bittersweet.

All 90.......

Wow I was vague wasn't I? OK, let's start off with the good. The film definitely has a nice look to it. Eerie shadows, a soylent green tint in some scenes and a few choice scenes of unrelenting violence. I'll admit, I could care less about those damn kids in that house. Teens going all crazy has been done before and I felt like I was watching a YouTube short.

What mostly intrigued me in Break was the scenes between Hector and Angela. Hector is a character who speaks in quotes from notable writers and authors. His reasoning for kidnapping Angela is cryptic but becomes clearer as the world is soon gonna go all apocalyptic. We don't know in the beginning why everybody goes all crazy but this gets explained by what I like to call "crazy talk" by Hector.

Angela somehow redefines "victim" with her backtalk. She criticizes his logic, insults him and seemed fearless. Their dialogue is cluttered with extra syllables and scrabbled words that kind of didn't make any sense. Why is Angela ridiculing some mad man who was about to kill her? I had to admit though, I wanted to know what they would do and say next. Their conversation is where the ideas from Break come from.

Good vs evil. Do all people have parts of the devil inside them? And if they do, does it all need to be triggered in some way and then we all"break" into madness? Sadly, we only touched the surface of this subject. I would have liked to have seen how this unknown force was handled by more characters. Our kids in the woods seem to easily become Jason Voorhees-es pretty quickly. Seeing their struggle to overcome or succumb to "the signal"would have been a more interesting thing to see.

On the technical side, Break also suffers from a few nauseous shaky cam moments and a few scenes of pure darkness. I'm not going to overly gripe about production here but it has to be noted. At times, the movie seemed to chug along into random filler moments.

The acting is tolerable but at times a little questionable. Upon seeing the death of one of their friends, the others didn't act so distressed. Umm their is a girl with a shotgun hole in her chest. I think I'd be a little shocked, wouldn't you? Some of the cast give no emotional ooooomph to their performances though the standout has to be Jonathan Bruno as Hector who plays an evil incarnate apprentice pretty well.

The dialogue is a little clunky. I'm not sure why but some lines seemed so out of place situationally. A quick exchange between Hector and Angela as Hector forces her to take a shower has got to be a total WTF moment. But I may be nitpicking at this point. The dialogue clearly pushed an agenda and taken as such, I see it as a necessary evil.

Overall Break earns points on atmosphere and ideology. It's clearly got a few wrinkles in it but it's a solid collared shirt of a movie. Break is a film that takes the conventional and mixes in the experimental. It's a cocktail some people may like and others will hate. But no matter, what you think of this low budget indie horror film, you can't deny that it was made for horror fans and for an audience that likes a little thinking in their horror.

Here's hoping it breaks through.




Slice and dice

WTF moment

That uncomfortable shower scene dialogue

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

The directors have sent Break to the Big Break Movie contest held by Rogue and AMC. If the movie makes it to the finals you can vote here.

Head over to the official site for more info and as always check out one of the best horror blogs out on the intertubes, The Horror Effect.


Check out the trailer below!

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Sella Turcica (Trailer)

I sometimes lose track of my list of studios and directors that I dig. In the case of Toe Tag Pictures, I've been trying to keep up to date with their latest and greatest. I last checked in when the trailer for Murder Collection Volume 1 was released. But they've released a few new movies of late including Maskhead.

I actually own Redsin Tower and August Underground Mordum (a signed copy via a purchase from Fred Vogel himself). Back in the day, I would explore the vendors and the Toe Tag crew were always a must visit.

For you noobs, Toe Tag gave birth to the August Underground flicks which have cemented themselves on hundreds of "disturbing horror movie" lists. But they have been evolving from heavy FX features to story driven flicks. That's not to say they leave out the gore and splatter out. Their expertise and believable effects are what makes them one of the best horror companies out there.

So with that, I realized a new trailer was released for their newest feature entitled Sella Turcica. Here be the plot.

Sgt. Bradley Roback (Damien A. Maruscak) returns home from active duty after a mysterious accident leaves him paralyzed. Awaiting his return, his mother, Karmen (Camille Keaton), and younger sister, Ashley (Jade Risser), remain unaware of the details of the accident and severity of Brad‘s condition. Once he arrives, though he looks sickly, his family members are pleased to see him alive and don’t bring attention to his ill appearance. Over the next twenty-six hours Brad’s condition terribly worsens, barreling down to a gruesome conclusion that will change the family forever.

Now check out the trailer.

It's been getting high praise among the horror community. They are calling it the best Toe Tag flick to date.

For more info, check out the official site and to order the DVD, click here.

Monday, November 15, 2010

Tales from Beyond the Pale (Audio Review)

With the amount of digital entertainment in this day and age, you'd think radio would be dead. But it's still alive and kicking though has evolved into something a little more frightening courtesy of Glass Eye Pictures Larry Fessenden and Glenn McQuaid. Tales from Beyond the Pale is the evolution of horror radio. It's also an evolution in the horror genre. It's been a long time since the two have blended but Glass Eye Pictures has created a 21st century audio cocktail that had me on the edge of my seat.

You should already know Glass Eye Pictures as the studio that has brought you I Sell the Dead, The House of the Devil and Stakeland. But this newest project brings horror radio back from the dead and I gotta tell you it's fantastic.

At only half an hour each, each tale is filled with a story that is cunningly enticing and downright macabre. So far only 3 stories have been released and I had a chance to listen to the first two. With the voice talents of Vincent D'Onofrio and Ron Perlman, these aren't your golden oldies. These all have great actors and writers that weave a tale that give you a chill down your spine.

Here are a couple of brief reviews of the first 2 episodes.

Man on the Ledge

Written and directed by Joe Maggio

Vincent D'Onofrio and Larry Fessenden (and others)

As the title says, a man on the ledge thinks about his life as police try to talk him down. D'Onofrio plays John Alba whose life has spiraled out of control. The premise is only the trigger that enables the twists and turns to happen in this twisted tale.

The show is complete with audio stimuli from NYC sounds to police radio. These little touches make you feel like you're there. D'Onofrio is brilliant as a man who not only seems to be in utter despair but disturbed as well. The dialogue is clearly filled with rants of dubious monologue, colorful analogies and conversation that make you think.

It's all of this that makes Man on the Ledge feel oddly real. You will never look at a suicidal man about to jump the same way again after hearing this tale (because I'm sure you all do this all the time :-P)

British & Proud

Written and directed by Simon Rumley

The second episode of Tales from Beyond the Pale takes Western paranoia to a new level. British & Proud follows Sebastian, a British dude who marries Zalika, an African beauty as they vacation to visit her family in Sudan, Africa.

Let me just say the difference between TFBTP and other horror radio is that they don't just rehash old urban legends or horror short stories but we get to listen to NEW stories told in such a creative way complete with sound effects and performances of the highest caliber.

So many different themes are explored in British & Proud. Western imperialism, identity and love. As Sebastian uses his heart rather than his head, you start to empathize with him and his situation. But sometimes, when you keep it real, it can go wrong.

British & Proud is maliciously evil and uniquely mesmerizing. You really start to listen to each word, to each noise and especially to each scream at 100%. You know many of these tales won't end well, but you can't help but listen.

If you want to download something fun and creepy, Tales from Beyond the Pale is pure 30 minutes of wickedness. Larry Fessenden's hosting introduction reminded me of the old Cryptkeeper with a tinge of Rod Serling. You even get an old timey break (it's just promos for a trailer) that makes it feel classically new.

Horror fans and bloggers, this is a must download. So turn off your TV, shut off the game console and before you shut down your computer, download Tales from Beyond the Pale. Horror radio-casting is your new form of entertainment and it's here to scare the hell out of you.

The Vitals

Friday, November 12, 2010

The 10 Worst Apocalypses

With the Walking Dead just kicking ass on AMC, I was originally going to post a list of things that logically would kinda suck during a zombie apocalypse. One of the main things would be all the freakin flies and maggots that would infest the dead. Shouldn't we see flies buzzing around each zombie? Also, a few weeks into decomposition, its maggot city right?

But I digress.

It's no shock that a zombie apocalypse to me is the king of apocalypses. I mean the dead walking around is pretty much fucked up as you can get. Limited human survivors and a constantly growing army looking to eat your brains guarantees an end to the world. But what other types of apocalypses would suck?

Here is my list. I hope you include your own in the comments. I'm also putting up a poll in the right nav bar so you can vote on which you think is the WORST OF THE APOCALYPSES.

Now head to your fallout shelter ASAP!

10.) Water Apocalypse

the jaded viewer says: Think Waterworld. Say because of global warming the ice caps start to melt and we all gotta live on boats. I'm not good with boats and get sea sick pretty easily. Shit, I don't want to grow gills either.

9.) Religious Apocalypse

the jaded viewer says: You'd think I'd say it would be God vs the Devil or angels vs demons. But that's not the kind I'm talking about. It would kinda suck if the world collapsed into a collective war over religious ideology. Oh shit you mean that's happening now? Fuck.

8.) Asteroid Apocalypse

the jaded viewer says: You know where I'm heading. Yup Armageddon and Deep Impact territory. The impact of the asteroids would eradicate a large population but the fallout would cause us to probably all live underground. We probably wouldn't have Internet either.

7.) Natural Resources Apocalypse

the jaded viewer says: On Discovery Channel they once theorized if we ran out of oil all hell would break loose. Wars would breakout all over the world as each country horded gas and oil. We really do need all the stuff we dig out of the Earth and it would be madness if gas cost $100 a gallon.

6.) Vampire Apocalypse

the jaded viewer says: I recently read Guillermo Del Toro's The Strain and he really details a widespread pandemic if vampires elected to go all vampy and not be all secretive about their intent. Daybreakers illustrates that we could all be infected pretty fast. A vampire world with consist of no sunlight and an overwhelming thirst for blood. But the superhuman strength would be fuckin awesome.

5.) Virus Apocalypse

the jaded viewer says: An airborne virus spreading across the planet is the most frightening and MOST REALISTIC thing that could happen. We've had our scares with Ebola and Mad Cow. Say we get a virus like in Stephen King's The Stand, we'd all be fucked. Quarantine zones, wearing masks and hazmat suits. Say the virus turned us into flesh eating mutants? Who would I get to play XBox Kinect with?

4.) Robotic Apocalypse

the jaded viewer says: Skynet goes self aware. Your jacked into the Matrix (which doesn't sound so bad). A war between the machines is gonna suck. When your Wii starts attacking you, all hope is loss.

3.) Nuclear Apocalypse

the jaded viewer says: It's The Road and it's depressing as hell. Sure Mad Max may look fun with their dune buggies and Road Warrior shoulder pads but the 100 or so years in the fallout shelter would kinda suck.

2.) Alien Apocalypse

the jaded viewer says: We're not alone. But after they destroy all the major cities and start a human genocide you'd hope we would be. A virus from a Mac ain't gonna work dude. Being slaves to an alien race is pretty much the worst case scenario. No way we can beat their technology if they're using fuckin force fields. Plus being destroyed by aliens would be demoralizing as you'd think humanity could do it better ourselves.

1.) Zombie Apocalypse

the jaded viewer says: Like I said, a post apocalyptic zombie world would just plain the best worst. Zombie corpses, flies and maggots. All major cities uninhabitable. I mean the walking dead would stink like crazy.

Plus I'm not good with firearms. Maybe I should brush up via Call of Duty.


Well that's my list. What do you think is the worst of the apocalypses? Go ahead and vote in the poll to the right and if you got your own list, share it below.

And if I flipped the question around, what would be the best apocalypse that you think we'd all be able to survive? I'm thinking vampires (we got daylight!).

Share your thoughts!

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Thursday, November 11, 2010

The NYC Horror Film Festival (11/10-11/14)

The NYC Horror Film Festival kicked off yesterday. It runs from 11/10-11/14 and is at Tribeca Cinemas (54 Varick Street @ Canal St).


It seems I couldn't get a press pass for this but was given a mild discount. It goes to show you the horror blogosphere which I'm proud to be a part of is not taken seriously as I thought. Would you rather have a blurb on Bloody Disgusting or Dread Central or a couple of in depth posts detailing the experience to the horror community? I'm not sure if I'll go to any of the programs because of this. I'm a NYC horror blogger trying to cover a NYC horror film festival. I think I qualify at press at this point. But I digress.

I think bloggers are just as important as horror journalists but in the eyes of a film festival such as this, they don't think so. But again I digress.



The guests this year are top notch I'll admit. Robert Englund, Michael Wright, Michael Gingold, Bill Lustig, Joe Mauceri and Tony Todd will hold a panel discussion on Saturday.


I've added trailers to the list of feature films screening at this year's event. Each program will have one feature, a couple of shorts. A couple of films that were on my radar are Yellow Brick Road, Won Ton Baby! and The Pack. I've seen Ticked off Trannies with Knives which was kooky interesting to say the least.

Check out the list of films below with TRAILERS!

Bereavement (11/11 @7pm)

Yellow Brick Road (11/12 @7:30pm)

Don't Go in the Woods (11/12 @9pm)

The Pack (11/13 @ 2pm)

Outcast (11/13 @ 4:30pm)

Ticked off Trannies with Knives (11/13 @ 7:30pm)

Kiss the Abyss (11/14 @ 4:30pm)

Won Ton Baby! (11/14 @ 7:30 pm)

Also on 11/13, Robert England will receive a Lifetime Achievemant Award and there will also be a screening of a Nightmare on Elm Street. A panel discussion on 11/14 will also be held and moderated.

A few solid flicks in this year's festival. If you're in the NYC area and a horror fan, you should check out one of the programs on tap. Tickets for each Program are $16 while an entire All Access Pass is $160.

Head over to the official site for more info.

Tuesday, November 09, 2010

Midnight Son (Trailer)

Everybody thinks it would be cool to be a vampire. You live forever, you get to have super strength and possibly even hyptonize hot girls to do your bidding. Sure, there's that sunlight problem, crucifixes are a nuisance and that overwhelming thirst for blood.

Beats being a zombie though right?

From the jaded viewer inbox comes this indie vampire flick entitled Midnight Son. Here be your plot:

MIDNIGHT SON is the story of Jacob, a young man confined to a life of isolation, due to a rare skin disorder that prevents him from being exposed to sunlight. His world opens up when he meets Mary, a local bartender, and falls in love. Tragically, Jacob’s actions become increasingly bizarre as he struggles to cope with the effects of his worsening condition. Forced by the disease to drink human blood for sustenance, he must control his increasingly violent tendencies as local law enforcement narrow their focus on him as a suspect in a series of grisly murders.

The new chic movie thing to do is make realistic supernatural flicks and it looks like Midnight Son strives to make the bloodsucker night creature more believable than ever. With a few vampire flicks already making that claim, we'll have to judge to see if Midnight Son can hold it's own.

Check out the trailer below.

For more info check the linkage:

Monday, November 08, 2010

Bangkok Knockout (Trailer)

OMG. You so have to watch the trailer below of the new movie from action choreographer Panna Rittikrai. He is the man responsible for those insane action stunts, muy thai fights and crazy battles from Ong Bak to many other action stunts.

His stunt team is now world renown and with Tony Jaa off at a monastery (seriously, I'm not kidding), there are quite a few budding action stars that want to make a name for themselves. But they're all going to make an audition in Bangkok Knockout which looks fuckin awesome.

Watch it now.

You done?

Wait did I just see the following:
  • A dude jump over a burning car?
  • A burning dude smash through a wall?
  • A dude get by a car going 100 mph?
  • A couple of dudes getting run over by a car?
  • A guy get run over by a motorcycle?
  • A fight scene take place at the bottom of a moving truck?
  • Flying backwards kicks?
  • Evil American warlord?
  • A dude avoiding a car by spinning?
  • A flying knee kick to the throat?
  • A backward scissors kick?
  • Simultaneous leap frog kicks?
  • Flying bike kicks?

Bangkok Knockout comes out in Thailand on December 10, 2010.Magnolia Pictures has picked up the film for US distribution. No stateside release date announced yet.

OK what do you think? Are you freakin excited? Well I am. This looks awesome.