If you're inner gorehound needs to be fed and if you're inner misogynist needs to be jerked off I highly recommend The Taint. You won't be disappointed by this throwback 80s splatterfest.
Watch the film below and be mesmerized by exploding dicks!
Showing posts with label 2010 horror movies. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 2010 horror movies. Show all posts
Thursday, May 10, 2012
If you're inner gorehound needs to be fed and if you're inner misogynist needs to be jerked off I highly recommend The Taint. You won't be disappointed by this throwback 80s splatterfest.
Watch the film below and be mesmerized by exploding dicks!
Monday, April 04, 2011
Prowl Prowl aka The Strays (2010)
Directed by Patrik Syversen
Oh After Dark, you never disappoint me. When I ask for a cliched, stereotypical horror movie with dumb white kid fodder, generic pseudo vampires and frenetic camera movements you deliver on q.
Straight from the revamped After Dark Originals lineup comes Prowl aka The Strays, a horror movie that takes a different spin on the night crawlers who meet some Abercrombie and Fitch wearing small town white kid hipsters and you know...get slaughtered. Yawn.
As much as the film likes to think it's different...it's not. It's your same old bag of scares, cardboard cutout teens and army of blood thirsty creatures. Funny enough, the whole thing kinda is The Hamiltons meets 30 Days of Night. Is that a good thing? I don't even know..it's certainly not a compliment.
Boring Plot-O-Matic
Amber dreams of escaping her small town existence and persuades her friends to accompany her to find an apartment in the big city. When their transportation breaks down, she and her friends gratefully accept a ride in the back of a semi. But when the driver refuses to stop and they discover the cargo is hundreds of cartons of blood, they panic. Their panic turns to terror when the truck disgorges them into a dark, abandoned warehouse where blood-thirsty creatures learn to hunt human prey, which, the friends realize, is what they now are...
Awesome Review-O-Matic
I read the other reviews by some well respected horror critics. They actually found this movie OK though cliched. But one thing you'll find from me is if I didn't enjoy a film, I let you all know it. So as this movie is as cliched as a Jokey Smurf gag gift, you get a cliched Q&A review.
1.) So who's the final girl and does she have final girl superpowers?
Our final girl is Amber, a blonde cutey who longs to leave her small town for the big city. The first half an hour is the movie explaining this to us. Really? I get it. All I needed to know is she wants to leave cuz she's from a shitty small town. Plus after the nerdy, fat Jewish kid tries to put the moves on her, she rejects him. How can I possibly root for Amber and her stuckedupiness now? I hate her already.
2.) Is it true they wear Abercrombie and Fitch clothing, play Truth or Dare in the back of a truck in which they hitchhiked in and are white in color?What other race would wear A&F? Venezuelans? It makes no sense to hitchhike to the big city in the back of a fuckin truck but they do it...cuz white kids do dumb white kids stuff. Where other races deal with real problems, white kids problems are "Are we out of Cloves and Wild Turkey?"
No way a brotha gonna ride in the back of a creepy redneck trucker guys truck. Unless he was Carlton Banks.
3.) I'm 100% sure the teens cell phones all work because AT&T and Verizon cover 97% of America and one of them must have AT&T or Verizon and not shitty Metro PCS or *gasp* T-Mobile...right?
Like every other horror movie, either the battery has run out or every other horror movie takes place in that damn 3%. I'd like to totally visit this 3% place. I am 100% sure it's one of the Dakotas.
4.) The film introduces night birds of prey vampire demony type creatures that hunt human prey and thirst for blood. So are there naked boobies in this?
Girls in tank tops only. One day, we'll see a girl run away from a creature and rip apart her shirt for no apparent reason. On that day, I will cry and say "Thank you, I'm so happy you understand me Mr. Director".
5.) I've tasted human blood and it kinda tastes like purple drink. Why can't these creatures just buy some purple drink from the local 99 cents store instead of murdering innocent mall shopping teens?I like purple drink too. Next thing you know purple drink gonna be sold at Hot Topic and mass marketed to suburban kids everywhere. Gone will be the days where people enjoyed the novelty of purple drink as a cheap, watered down grape tasting beverage. What was your question again?
6.) How's the splatter content? Will I say "Fuck yeah!" in any of the gore scenes?
Severe neck trauma, arms and limbs flung all around and death by bashing of a gas canister.
7.) Why are girls so good at hiding? Is it genetic? Do they go to a pre-school Hide and Seek class? I've tried Googling this with no luck.
All girls are given cloaking devices on their 13th birthday. Oh and all women are part chameleon.
8.) Cmon, there's gotta be something cool that happens in Prowl. Like a giant robot saves the final girl right before she is about to be attacked by by a horde of blood creatures.
You know what saves the day? A lighter. I shit you not.
9.) I heard there's a twist in this flick that will make you crap in your pants (you know not literally crap in your pants but metaphorically, because I've never crapped in my pants ever, and if I did I would not be know as the "master crapper", fuck you, stop calling me that) So is there a crazy twist ending that will make you metaphorically crap?
Yes there is. It makes no sense. Like time travel and beef jerky. I mean dehydrated beef? What's the fuck is that?
10.) Is there a wildly, ambiguous ending that foreshadows a sequel that will never see the light of day? I guess so. Do you want there to be one? Give me $1 and I'll say yes if it makes you happy.
WTF moment
The supposed twist ending
The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis
Prowl is now out on DVD as well as a few other After Dark originals. It's pretty much the same as the other After Dark selections blending road tripping teens who meet blood thirsty creatures. As much as others claim there is character development, I saw none. I saw characters I actually wanted to die in horrible and gruesome deaths. From the first minute of the film, I wanted all these characters to suffer.
Does that make me a bad guy? And nobody said "Prowl on this motherfucker" before they killed one of the creatures. Big FAIL.
The Vitals
Rating:
Check out the trailer.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Let Me In Let Me In (2010)
Directed by Matt Reeves
Didn't I already review this?
Oh yeah I did. As most horror fans already watched Let the Right One In (review here), we all probably were comparing the original while watching the remake. I can't say I blame you. I did the same thing.
Everything I wanted to say is pretty much in that original review. The American remake is almost similar to the original though upon reflection I have to say the Swedish film is a little better.
Why?
Oddly enough, it's because I saw it first. Something about seeing the Swedish version and watching superb characters, a mesmerizing story and that stellar invitation scene the first time around sticks in your mind. Seeing a replay in all American speak makes it less powerful sorry to say. That's not to say the film is any less better. It's still strong with stellar performances by Chloe Moretz and Kodi Smit-McPhee.
Director Matt Reeves does a beautiful job of shooting the film, the story still emotionally impactful and the performances top notch. But it's that damn elephant in the room (the original) is kinda standing there going...."What? I wasn't good enough?"
I'm totally stealing from my original review.
Let the Right One In [or Let Me In] is a movie that is a journey in to a fantastic world, where the love of two people, be it tweens or grownups, is complicated, tender and always full of hardship.
But choices have to be made. And everybody has to live with the consequences.
Boring Plot-O-MaticA bullied young boy befriends a young female vampire who lives in secrecy with her guardian.
Awesome Review-O-Matic
Seriously. I'm not going into an in depth review here. I wrote all my thoughts about the Abby and Owen relationship in my original review. I explored the themes, the relationship and the vampire mythos they created. So read that in my first review. So what else is there to talk about?
I'll say this. Chloe Moretz (who was last seen in the awesome Kick-Ass) gives an outstanding performance as Abby. From playing a vicious Hit Girl to tender blood sucking vamp, she shows a clear understanding of what makes her characters tick. Her blood dripping savageness is mixed in with an innocence lost. You have to applaud the balance of her performance as Abby.
Kodi Smit-McPhee (who I last saw on The Road) does a good job as Owen, our bullied tween. He has a soon to be love struck champion feel to him. Like in the original, Owen is not overtly shocked by seeing Abby's true nature but mesmerized by it all (and even possibly blinded due to his undying love for his new girl).
What I didn't like was the overt use of CGI to make Abby look like Blade in Blade 2. WTF was that all about? The original film lacked any of that and worked. Reeves figured he'd Clover some field into Let Me In and it totally wasn't necessary.
Finally, I was waiting for the invitation scene (which I have said is utterly inventive as it is brilliant) and I'll admit the Swedish version handles it a little bit better.Check out the original.
The blood dripping from the ears and the eyes. It looks like Eli is crying. Also the way its shot, you see Eli's face dead on like Oskar does. In Let Me In, its a bit more distant. Abby has her head down and you can't see the pain that's being inflicted.
It's still a powerful scene in Let Me In but clearly it's done so creatively and in your face in Let The Right One In, it hits you like a ton of bricks. I hate to compare but I HAVE TO. The remake was made only 2 years after the original. 2 years!!!!
Let Me In is one step below the original but it's good enough to stand on it's own for the American viewing audience. It has the alienation, the loneliness and it develops the relationship of two people (no matter their age) as they connect in the frigid winter of Nowhere, America.
I'd like to say it had the same impact as Let the Right One In, but I can't. The remake was made because Let the Right One In was so successful and so powerful. If the original didn't captivate us, no way would Hollywood goes all remakey. That's what Reeves had to realize. And that's exactly what Director Tomas Alfredson said about the remake:
"Remakes should be made of movies that aren't very good. That gives you the chance to fix whatever has gone wrong. I'm very proud of my movie and I think it's great, but the Americans might have another opinion. The saddest thing for me would be to see this beautiful story made into something mainstream. I don't like to whine, but of course - if you spent years on painting a picture, you'd hate to hear buzz about a copy even before your vernissage"
(vermissage meaning the start of an art exhibit)
(from MoreHorror.com)
I couldn't say it any better.
Gore-ipedia/Nude-ipedia
Neck trauma
Acid face
Blood and blood and blood
WTF moment
Invitation Scene
Pool Scene
The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis
If you can't stand subtitles, watch the remake. But if you want to see the original in its now classic glory, it's the only way to see it. And because of this, we have 2 ratings.
Rating:
1/2 (if you've seen the original)Rating:
(if you haven't seen the original)Check out the trailer.
Friday, January 28, 2011
Fright FlickFright Flick (2011)
Directed by Israel Luna
[screener provided by Breaking Glass Pictures]
Ho Hum. It's another slasher flick with a movie in a movie gimmick. Right off the tranny heels of Ticked-Off Trannies With Knives, Israel Luna brings us another homage of sorts with Fright Flick. This slasher flick seems to be Luna's take on those campy and cartooney 80s slasher flicks of old.
I'm all for keeping it old school and seeing a few blood splattered walls and neck trauma but Fright Flick is so generic and assembly line produced I'd rather watch a rom com.
The movie relishes in playing out a horror movie within a horror movie set. Cast of characters include our gay as hell director and make up artist, greedy producer, eager script writers, line producers, PAs and big breasted actresses. Soon a mysterious killer is slicing and dicing our cast and crew until our back to scenes guy gathers the clues to find out who's been naughty.
I'm not sure where Luna wanted to go here (he wrote and directed). With Trannies, the exploitation gimmick with a twist made an ordinary grindhouse flick feel new and inventive. But here, the horror movie production that's real twist has been used in so many ways, you might as well just go 360 and make the horror movie the actual horror movie within the film.
Fright Flick is campy and corny and jokey...like Jokey Smurf. Sure the explosion in a gift gag is funny the first 3 times but after a while you want Gargamel to eat that motherfucker. We carefully encounter a reveal which can be easily figured out using your standard Sherlock Holmes detective manual.
The gore is pretty standard as is the nudity. I mean big boobies on girls that look like 6's at best kinda sucks. The ending goes as far as copying shot for shot the ending of an infamous slasher flick of the 80s. With all this, the movie falls flat like the survivor girl's chest.Luna has the talent to push the edges of indie horror in a refreshing way but Fright Flick is like his Mallrats. Sometimes your going to make a movie that just plain sucks. It's good to get it out of the way now.
Gore-ipedia
Slice and Dice
Nude-ipedia
Boobies all around by at best 6's
WTF moment
That shot for shot ending from that movie with the psycho mom
The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis
Fright Flick will be released on DVD via Breaking Glass Pictures from their Vicious Circle Films label. It's now available on DVD as of Jan 25th.
The Vitals
Rating:
Check out the trailer.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
ShellterShellter (2009)
Directed by Dan Donley
#20 on my top 20 horror movies of 2010 list is a movie called Kill Theory. Basically its about what you do in order to survive. Psychological survival movies have been done before and they are always interesting to watch. The reason is because you start to ask the same question the characters are asking.
Would you kill or maim people or even people you love to survive?
I've always liked these movies and in Dan Donley's Shellter you get posed the same question, but it pushes the envelope a little more to the extreme. Our main hottie Zoey finds herself in a post apocalyptic world where an infection has spread and she and a Doctor and Nurse are holding up in a fallout bunker.
Not knowing what lays beyond this shelter, she must decide if the doctor is her only hope for salvation.
Shellter is an indie horror flick that instead of regurgitating tired old zombie flicks gives us the wiggins through psychological torture. Zoey is our mouse and we get to see her go through the maze. It's clearly mesmerizing to see the film unfold and start questioning her actions and reactions and the film does this effectively well. Where it goes a little awry is in the fact I knew the twisty twizzler ending 5 minutes into the movie and knew I was going to hate it.
We've all seen mice experiments before and you know eventually it'll get to the cheesy middle. It's how the maze is conceived is what makes it exciting. And Shellter has an interesting way to get there but your going to go on a lot of dead ends before you get there.
Boring Plot-O-MaticZoey, (Cari Sanders,) awakens in the medical facility of an underground fallout shelter. The Doctor, (Will Tulin,) explains that an infection has killed most of the population. The only people left are either a few lone survivors like her and the infected: The living dead.
The Doctor is assisted by a Nurse, (Maria Olsen,) who it seems has gone completely insane. They “treat” a steady stream of survivors/patients.
The only way of “curing” the infection is by surgically removing the affected area, which leads to gruesome results. The Doctor wants Zoey to replace the unstable Nurse and become his new assistant. Zoey is very hesitant to join the Doctor who is willing to do whatever it takes to survive, no matter how questionable or terrible the acts. But after a patient offers to trade places with Zoey and do “anything” the Doctor wants, Zoey realizes that if she doesn’t do it, someone else will do these terrible things to her.
Zoey has to decide what she is willing to do to survive, and the viewer has to make that same decision: How far would you go to survive?
Awesome Review-O-Matic
Zoey's journey starts off as she finds herself drugged out and hearing video of a infection that's spread. All food is tainted but a Doctor (Will Tullin) has informed her they are safe. Later Zoey starts to see other people be rescued and the good doctor begins performing medical experiments. To us the viewer, these all seem to be questionable but to horrified Zoey, she deems the doctor's actions as a means to help herself.
Other survivors are given a choice to stay and leave though when they leave they are shown as being killed by infected savages. This stimuli clearly strangles Zoey to stay and she is slowly given more drugs and given a yummy food supply of urine and fried human flesh to survive.
In the most pure and blatant experiment scene that emulates those Milgram experiments to a tee, Zoey and another survivor are forced by our good Doctor to pass a test where Zoey is told to high voltage another woman as she is forced to answer meaningless questions. The experiments are clearly interesting to read and watch (remember that Stanford prison guard/prisoner one?) but here in Shellter it's comes off as a little absurd. My damn pesky logic comes in. Why didn't Zoey just question why the doctor would want to perform such a mindless experiment?
This experiment seems just out of place in Shellter. Like the movie was written around this one scene. It's effective but almost ridiculous within the context of the film. The doctor is clearly insane and I have to say no matter the reinforced stimuli of psycho babble within Zoey's new shelter, you would have to conclude that an experiment like this makes no sense.However, of course you wouldn't have a film. The evolution of Zoey from sane Human X to insane foot soldier progresses fast. Soon Zoey is helping the good doctor in every experiment and torture which encludes head bashing, ocular trauma, 2nd hand rape and your everyday slice and dice.
As we get to the ending which I Nostradamused 5 minutes in, the movie rushes through the reveal and gives the viewer the happy ending. You know me, I hate happy endings.
Solid performances mixed in with really dumb performances are scattered throughout Shellter. Sanders as Zoey gives a good performance as she turns from normal to abnormal than to normal again. Kudos to Tulin as the Doctor who has a look that makes you cry out for Dateline's Chris Hansen. He sells his mad doctor well and I would get the creepy critters if I was in an elevator with him. The other survivors who interact with our big two give lazy, over the top acting that made everything seem more SyFy mixed in with a Troma film. C'mon now, we don't need that much exaggeration.
Donley's film looks good for an low budget indie horror film. The sets are fantastic and the shots are done really well. However, there seems to be lots of filler muddled throughout. I'm not sure but I think Zoey was drugged like 10 times in that movie. The movie never gets frenetic, where we see a sort of cat and mouse play out. Instead we get a slow, monotonous approach with Zoey slowly seeing the bigger picture. The makeup effects and non CGI gore and splatter seem to be top notch. You really appreciate a film that is willing to do it the old fashioned way.
So what's the deal with Shellter?
Sure it succumbs to Saw like qualities and the old torture porn cliches but that psychological approach keeps it entertaining. I of course take that old liberal, leftist approach that goes with the idea that I would never torture or kill somebody to save myself. And you want to yell at our mouse Zoey to stop her stupidity. You of course would never eat horrific foods, assist in torture or kill somebody to save yourself right?
Shellter asks that question and shows it via extreme horror. The maze is a little disorganized in Shellter but you can't help but keep watching because you want to know if our little mouse will get the cheese.
Cheddar is our bitch.
Gore-ipedia
Ocular Trauma
Unnecessary surgery trauma
Non consensual rape
Decapitated hands, legs
Slice and Dice
Nude-ipedia
I think there was some....I forget.
WTF moment
The doctor gives some food to Zoey telling her it taste like shit and she eats it. Guess what you think she ate.
The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis
Shellter actually does an OK job of giving us the best of both worlds. Torture porn and psychological horror. It does both decently, but nothing I'm writing Bloody Disgusting about. You can get your psycho horror fix without the gore by watching The Killing Room or Kill Theory. But where's the fun in that?
The Vitals
- Check out the official site
- Check out the Facebook page
- Available for 30 day stream ($4.95) or DVD purchase ($9.95) via IndieFlix
- Buy the DVD via Amazon.com
Rating:
Check out the trailer.
Monday, January 10, 2011
Look at those links above! Hahaha, I couldn't resist. Well it's that time again where I make your life easier by compiling the top 10 (or best of) lists of every major film and horror site, horror blog and online magazine out there on the interwebs. I do this because I also like to see how it compares with my own list and because you deserve one place where you can go to instead of Googling for it.
Over a 100 lists are below (I've totally Googled out after compiling the list)
I haven't tallied all of them but checking on most of them, you'll see the same movies on the list though a lot of different #1's.
If I missed a list or you want yours added, drop me a line or leave a comment.
Now say thank you Mr. Jaded Viewer. Seriously. Just leave a comment letting me know this was somewhat appreciated. It'll take you two secs. Now fill in that word verification. See that wasn't so bad.
This year I've divided it up by different categories.
Horror Bloggers
- 28dayslateranalysis
- A Nightmare on Samityville Street
- A Gory Place
- All Things Horror (Mike)
- All Things Horror (Chris)
- Billy Loves Stu
- Blood Sprayer via Planet of Terror
- Box of Horror
- Cinema Du Meep
- Day of the Woman
- Dead Derrick's Reviews
- Dead Derrick's Reviews (Borp)
- Dead End Drive-in
- Deadly Movies
- DVD Trash
- Evil on Two Legs
- Exploitation Nation
- Final Girl
- Flowers of Flesh and Blood
- 42nd Street Cinema
- Hey! Look Behind You!
- The Horror Club
- The Horror Club (Midlins)
- Horror Dose
- Horrorphilia via Zombies Don't Run
- Horror's Not Dead
- Horro's Gory Reviews
- The Horror Effect
- Horror Movies & Stuff.com
- The Horror Review Hole
- The Jaded Viewer (#10-#1)
- The Jaded Viewer (#20-#11)
- John of the Dead
- The Liberal Dead
- Little Miss Zombie
- The Man-Cave
- Maynard Morrissey's Horror Movie Diary
- Noahphex
- OductionProduction's Midnight Time Warp
- Paradise of Horror
- Slasher Speak
- Son of Celluloid
- Thrill Fiction
- Twisted Central
- The Vault of Horror
- Wag the Fox
- The WGON Helicoptor
- The World of Disgruntled Monkey
- xdubyahx
- Zombots
- Zombies Don't Run
- Arrow in the Head
- Bloody Disgusting (BC)
- Bloody Disgusting (RD)
- Bloody Disgusting (DH)
- Bloody Disgusting (Micah)
- Bloody Disgusting (Theo)
- Bloody Digusting (HorrorGuy)
- Bloody Disgusting (Mr.D)
- Bloody Good Horror
- Brutal as Hell
- Brutal as Hell (Ben)
- Buried.com
- Cinesploitation
- Dread Central (The Buz)
- Dread Central (TC)
- Dread Central (The Foywonder)
- Dread Central (HW)
- Dread Central (GJ)
- Dread Central (MattFini)
- Dread Central (Nomad)
- Dread Central (TWIB)
- Dread Central (Uncle Creepy)
- Dread Central (AK)
- Fangoria (Behah)
- Fangoria (Chris)
- Fangoria (Mike)
- Fangoria (Nick)
- Fangoria (Sam)
- Fatally Yours
- Fatally Yours (MV)
- FEARnet (Theatrical)
- FEARnet (Unreleased)
- Horror Bid
- Horror Fanzine
- HorrorMovies.ca (PoppaScotch)
- HorrorMovies.ca (Suspira_89)
- HorrorMovies.ca (GoldenSimitar)
- Horror Yearbook
- MoreHorror.com
- Planet Macabre
- Shock Till You Drop (JA)
- Shock Till You Drop (RT)
Film/Movie Sites
- About.com (Theatrical)
- About.com (Direct to Video)
- Cinematical
- Cinemaroll
- Examiner.com
- Examiner.com (2)
- FlickChart
- Film.com
- Film School Rejects
- GeekPlanetOnline (Mike & Ike)
- GetGoodMovie.com
- Hubpages.com
- Inforindo.com
- io9
- Killer Film
- MovingCost.com
- MovieFanCentral.com
- MoviesOnline.ca
- Sound on Sight
- What Would Toto Watch?
********************************************
Did I miss a site or blog? Send me an e-mail at jadedviewers at yahoo dot com and I'll add you in. If you don't have a site, leave your top 10 in the comments below.
Appreciate the effort? Become a follower of the jaded viewer on Twitter and a fan on Facebook!
Appreciate the effort? Become a follower of the jaded viewer on Twitter and a fan on Facebook!
Friday, January 07, 2011
Everybody has been posting their Top 10 Horror Movies of 2010. Sorry for taking so long to get this live but I had to catch up on some of the movies I missed this year. I usually look at other people's lists and watch the movies that others claimed were the best. If I didn't, I would have missed out on a few sleepers this year.Like last year, I've extended this to 20 films. If you missed #20 to #11, clicky here. I had a different take on what was considered "the best" this year and my picks are totally abnormal from everybody else. I'm just quirky that way.
First some fun facts and sidenotes!
- Though some of these movies came out in 2009, I label any movie that got wide releases or DVD releases in 2010 as coming out in 2010
- It's a mix of indie horror and theatrical releases
- Here are the movies I didn't see yet: Black Swan, Let Me In, Shutter Island, Paranormal Activity 2, After.Life and a few other indie horror films that ended up on some Top 10s
- The 20 films broken down by country: USA = 12, Canada=2, UK=1, Finland =1, Australia=1, Serbia=1, Netherlands=1, Spain=1
- The 20 films broken down by spinkick rating: 4 spinkicks=1, 3 spinkicks= 16, 2 1/2 spinkicks=3 (I did not give any horror movie 4 spinkicks this year)
- Honorable Mentions: The Crazies, Daybreakers, Berdella, Dawning, etc.
- To read the entire review of the film click on the title.
- The horror mockumentary makes an appearance numerous times
- Shaky cam/Shot on video flicks haven't jumped the shark yet
- 3D Horror was everywhere and sucked in most cases
- The Human Centipede was the most talked about hype movie that bordered on mainstreeminess
- An unrated horror movie is too much for Hollywood theaters to handle
- The number one movie on my list is again not from the USA
10.) Triangle(3 spinkicks)
Triangle delivers everything you want from a horror movie. Heightened Hitchcockian suspense, twizzler twists and turns and there is blood by the pint. For a movie created out of the UK/Australia that boasts a group of Aussies doing their best American accents, it delivers on everything you want in a horror thriller.
Your mind will trip out from the amount of WTF is in this film. So much head turning plot twists you may need to drink some Four Loko to get it all straight. It all comes full triangle and by the end you checking IMDB message boards and trivia to find out what's the what.
I love the intertwining concept of loopy time and a mad killer on the loose. And when a boat slasher film gets you to think and scan the internet, it's one of the best this year.
9.) Rec 2(3 spinkicks)
I'm not a huge fan of shaky cam first person POV horror. So going into Rec 2, I knew the SWAT team was going to get involved, we were going to get some possessed zombie kills and I was gonna get nauseous again. Cue the Dramamine.
Rec 2 is a superior movie to the original. It's amped up the infected, brought in the heavy weaponry via SWAT officers and thrown in some crazy Spanish hipsters who get exactly what they deserve. What you end up with is a sequel that twists and turns you on every scene and makes you big gulp in complete darkness.
I gotta say, the Rec movies are the best this POV genre has to offer. They are solid flicks and use the POV gimmick very well. Rec 2 does jack up the scares, the claustrophobia and the tension. Out of all the the POV movies I've seen, Rec 2 is so far the best of the rest.
8.) Babysitter Wanted(3 spinkicks)
Babysitter Wanted is everything The House of the Devil should have been. It's got the same premise as Ti West's film. College girl with lousy roommate gets a gig to babysit a couple's young little tyke in the middle of boonies USA. Suspense is drawn out as mysterious phone calls start ringing, she frantically searches for the kid and than the big reveal is well...revealed.
Babysitter Wanted is what I wanted from The House of the Devil. It takes that babysitter urban legend and squeezes every drop of horror onto the screen.
A very solid horror movie that actually lives up to what it was trying to do. All in all, Babysitter Wanted hits on all these notes and does it without including the 80s nostalgia.
7.) Piranha 3D(3 spinkicks)
Piranha 3D is as cheesy and as yummy as advertised. As the only movie that's 3D on my list that says a helluva lot. 3D, tits, piranha and gore. What more did you want from a film Alex Aja?
Via Insano Steve's review.
Hey a 3D horror movie can be good after all. As long as it is good as a 2D movie first. Don't be fooled just by the 3D part. Although, something must be done about the pricing. $16.50 for a 3D movie makes these things hard to recommend.
But in the end, if you know what to expect here (a fun gore-filled teenage t&a slaughter fest), well then Piranha 3D delivers on that. Whether that means I'll go see Piranha 4D (or whatever they call the sequel), that remains to be seen, .....
6.) Dead Hooker in a Trunk(3 spinkicks)
Dead Hooker in a Trunk is a modern day black comedy exploitation film of pulpy goodness. As the title suggests, shit hits the fan when our troupe of twin sisters, a Jesus freak and a junkie find a dead hooker in a trunk. It starts off a chain reaction of ass kicking, appendages being ripped apart, some sexual molesting and a bloody bloodbath.
The Soska Sisters first feature film is raw in that grindhouse way and has that Tarantino feel with a extra dose of indie grittiness. You'll laugh, you'll wince, you'll metal head bob your head due to the awesome soundtrack.
DHIAT is a mad mad bizzaro movie that has everything you would want. Hot kick ass girls, some ha ha's and LOLs and one killer soundtrack. I've got the Soska Sisters on my radar, it's time the rest of the world has them on theirs.
"What's not to love about junkies, bad asses, hot women and a dead hooker in a trunk?"
5.) Hatchet 2(3 spinkicks)
Arguments aside Hatchet 2 deserved at least a decent theatrical run to prove old school American horror can survive theatrically. When all that floods US theaters are PG-13 3D CGI kills snoozefests, one can only wonder if the 80s inspired slasher films can survive in this climate. Obviously not.
But on the merit of a horror film, Hatchet 2 is a sequel that literally starts off where the last one ended. Everything about Hatchet 2 follows the sequel formula to a tee. It's been said before that Green's Hatchet is to Alien as Green's Hatchet 2 is to Aliens. Hunters abound in the sequel and all hell breaks loose. But we'll get to that in a sec.
Hatchet 2 is an unapologetic splatter slasher flick that says "Fuck You" to the other horror movies of 2010. It's the big bully in the room that taunts you, gives you wedgies, makes you feel sympathetic towards it then punches you in the face and takes your lunch money. Straight out, it's one of the best horror movies of 2010.
4.) The Last Exorcism(3 spinkicks)
The Last Exorcism is one of the best horror movies of 2010 by far. Not because it had elements of Paranormal Activity or exorcism scares, but because somehow the mockumentary feels as real as real could be. Evangelism is clearly a scary thought in general, but when you you see how real the fakery can be and how people will believe in "the show", that's what's truly scary. The Last Exorcism amplifies this horror wise but the foundation is not without a chill to the bone factor as well.
The shot on video POV should have jumped the shark here but didn't. It reminded me of Lake Mungo, which is #3 on this list. When done well these fake docs somehow get the jumpy jumping. It's a smart mock and I liked the mockery of religion.
Sure it got a little cliched towards the end though it ended cleverly, it's a haunting feeling nevertheless.
3.) Lake Mungo(3 1/2 spinkicks)
I must admit, Lake Mungo was not on my must-see radar when reviewing the After Dark Horrorfest movies. But this is the hidden gem beneath the proverbial sand of the eight films. I was exceptionally surprised at how great the movie was and amazed that it didn’t slowly evolve into a cheap Paranormal Activity gimmick.
The trailer and poster are very misleading and you may be convinced you’re seeing a midnight movie set to deliver jolts of jump scares.
Lake Mungo is your counterpoint to the jump scare ghost cinema verite type film. You will be so convinced by its authenticity, you may be calling a psychic to find out if it’s real or not. Or just head over to Wikipedia. Because if its on Wikipedia, it’s true.
2.) The Human Centipede(3 spinkicks)
The most hyped up film of 2010 horror wise. The Human Centipede is pretty much a "I loved it" or "I hated it" type of film. It's reputation sealed itself when you hear the concept of what's being done and sure it doesn't go over the edge in execution, it clearly boggled the horrorsphere in every way imaginable.
The Human Centipede is a tornado of a film that challenges your visual senses and challenges your brain to compute what you're seeing. It's really something you've never seen before and that's the beauty of it. It takes about an hour to get the completion of this new Frankenstein like creation but its well worth it.
I fell on the I loved it side and though I wished it had gone further, seeing our mad scientist have his dreams come true was my dream come true as well.
1.) A Serbian Film(3 spinkicks)
Many of you haven't yet seen A Serbian Film and somehow be thankful you haven't. But I have and when a movie scars you like this one did, it easily cements itself as the #1 horror film of 2010.
Was it a movie critiquing the Serbian government's brainwashing of ordinary citizens into committing atrocities during the war? Or is it a vile, disgusting piece of crap pretending to be art?
Honestly, I don't know. As I watched I tried to see if there was satire as we watch the de-evolution of our main character Milos. But viewing fucked up scene after fucked up scene, I was kind of shocked into a jaded submission of WTF. Something is being said about the Serbian's ravaged past but all that kept echoing was "NEWBORN PORN!"
That is one of the many fucked up things that happens in A Serbian Film.
Critics have either praised or been disgusted by the film and I now know why. Having heard of this film through the festival grapevine (and that it was being banned from film fests) I can honestly say it's a downright despicable film from the beginning and especially towards the end.
In the vain of Palumbo's Murder Set Pieces, Buttgereit's Nekromantik, Oldboy, August Underground and Hostel, the movie shocks and shocks until you vomit and then shocks some more. I of course have made it a point to see all the most fucked up movies and to be honest, yeah it's sickening but not as sickening as I thought it would be.
Could a commentary on Serbia's government and the lives of its citizens NOT be done in such a vile manor? Sure, but nobody would go see it. Only the art cinephiles would see a subtitled film portraying the atrocities of a small country in Eastern Europe.
So Srdjan Spasojevic and writer Aleksandar Radivojevic decided to go the exploitation/horror sub genre to make a point. Exploitation is now the new chic, the "It" genre, the rebooted sub genre that used to be the stepchild of the horror genre.
And that's why I think it's effective and the best horror film of 2010.
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I've seen your Top 10 list, now you've seen mine.OK, I know you horror minions have your 2 cents. So go ahead and let me have it. Throw that smelly poop at me or if on the off chance you partially agreed on some of my picks, send me that love. Chime in and let me know what you think.
This list of the Top 20 Horror Movies of 2010 also is an opportunity to see the movies you may have missed that made many of the best of 2010 within the horror community. We all missed a few flicks here and there. I hope you all give all of these movies a chance and then come back and let me know what's the what.
The Jaded Viewer Related Linkage
- Top 10 Horror Movies of 2010 (#20-#11)
- The Best Quotey Quotables from the Worst Movies I saw in 2010
- Top 5 Action Movies of 2010
Monday, January 03, 2011
Burning BrightBurning Bright (2010)
Directed by Carlos Brooks
[this review brought to you by guest writer Dylan Duarte, who has a pet lion named Prancing Leo]
Burning Bright is about, at its core, a young woman named Kelly Taylor. Kelly plans to attend college soon, and already has her funding secure, but her mother's untimely death leaves her in charge of her autistic little brother Tom. Her stepfather John offers to look after him, but Kelly trusts him as far as she can throw him. But even after refusing his offer, he still manages to muck things up.
Kelly attempts to enroll her brother in a special school, but when John uses all of the tuition money to buy a tiger for some new safari venture that he's cooked up, Tom's application is denied. However, these things quickly become trivial. A hurricane is coming, so John has all of the windows and the doors of the house boarded up from the outside. The house, which should be safe and secure, then becomes a death trap when the tiger gets loose and Kelly and Tom are trapped inside with it.
The movie kicks off with John (Garrett Dillahunt) purchasing the tiger from a man named Howie (Meat Loaf), though I'm not sure if we ever learn his name in the movie. But his name isn't important, at least not nearly as important as the tiger that he's handing over, a tiger that he can only describe as "evil." John jumps at the chance to acquire such a vicious attraction for his safari. The entire transaction, coupled with the impending hurricane, conveys a certain sense of doom. You know that tiger is going to be the death of somebody and the shady roadside deal is ideal for setting the tone.
Admittedly, it took me a little while to get into the movie, but once it got its claws in me (har har), I was absolutely riveted. I can remember the exact moment it happened.
Kelly was down in the laundry room, looking for a way out of the house. As she attempts to push the board off of a window, the tiger starts to break through the door behind her. Not able to get out the window and only seconds away from being lunch, she desperately clambers up inside the laundry chute, where she has to push against the sides with all her might to keep from falling. She looks down and sees the tiger pass beneath her. I'll stop there, I'm getting chills thinking about it.
From that moment on, I was hooked in a way that only the best nail biters can hook me.The premise of the movie sounds a little silly: a young girl and her autistic brother are trapped inside a house with a tiger during a hurricane. It sounds like too much at once, but it all comes together perfectly, making for an engaging 90 minutes.
A movie like Burning Bright relies on its ability to generate tension, which it does masterfully, keeping you on the edge of your seat. The ending may be a bit disappointing in its predictability, but it does nothing to spoil the truly frighting experience that is Burning Bright.
"Our guest writer, Dylan Duarte, is a horror buff and writer who writes about Halloween costumes. He can be reached at dylnduarte at gmail.com."
Rating:
Friday, December 31, 2010
Everybody has their worst of 2010 lists. Seriously, so much crappy flicks seem to have come out this year. I can't really make a worst of list because I actually didn't see these horrible films. Sure it would have been fun to butcher and make fun of these flicks, but why torture myself. I'm not a sadist.In any case, I did see some UGH, SIGH and OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! flicks and I've pulled the best quotey quotables from those reviews.
So enjoy some quote snippets from the crap chunks of 2010 that made me smash a few walls with my head. The jaded viewer exits 2010 with a LOL. Enjoy!
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"But at the end of the day, it's a low budget bait and switch propaganda shockfest that says I'm blood drenched insanity when its more of an 70 minute death metal music video instead."
-from The Back Room Review
"It does get a little cheesy at times, where the characters are completely ACME cartoon cutouts or Skinemax parody movies. It really does feel like one of those Skinemax movies where the pseudo porn stars play secret agents or horny aliens looking for men to prey on."
-from Bitch Slap Review
"I mean it stars Dominic Purcell. And if your watching a movie with him in it, there is a 100% guarantee he's going to punch somebody in the face."
-from Blood Creek Review
"Push the button! Push the button! Push the button! Push the button! Push the button!"
-from The Box Review
"The acting is a little cheesy....How do you make up for this? Add boobs!"
-from Brainjacked Review
"The boobs make their first appearance. They're real and they're spectacular!"
"Jeez jlove's [Jennifer Love Hewitt] cleavage are weapons of mass erections"
"These are the hottest massage therapists ever."
"Omg its a montage of jlove boobs in lingere...this is unfreakinbelievable"
"Jlove's boobs are hooked on coke....omg the cops just busted in! (Pun so intended)"
"Only 30 days in jail for whoring...way to go jloves boobs!"
-from The Client List starring Jennifer Love Hewitt Live Tweet
"Is there a website where I can learn to make these awesome traps? Say deathtrapsforbeginners.com?"
-from The Collector Review
"Holy hamburger phone! Juno is alive!!....The girl we wanted to die is alive and she's now freakin an expert crawler assassin."
-from The Descent 2 Review
"Yes, I'm actually calling Dread a diet version of Martyrs."
-from Dread Review
"The title is indeed indicative of what you get. Couldn't somebody just give our bunny a carrot?"
-from Easter Bunny, Kill! Kill! Review
"The best way to describe The Final is its Saw 90210. In a typical suburban high school, a group of self aware misfits and outcasted teens devise a plan (based on horror movies, oh how self aware!) to take revenge on the jocks, popular douchbags and mean girls. Inviting them to a costume party, the partygoers are drugged and when they wake up are cuffed and chained together. Suffice it say, our teen outcasts are gonna get medieval"
-from The Final Review
"How could a movie that consisted of hot girls in tank tops with bouncy cleavage and two horror titans, Bill Moseley and Tony Todd end up a worthless pile of crap? The Graves is completely clichéd, annoying, repetitive and cheesy. And that's me being nice."
-from The Graves Review
"It's your typical Hollywood fare, but you know...more Koreany."
-from Tidal Wave Review
"What we do have here is a slow burn, drawn out psychological drama that is amped with so many clichés it could be labeled “GENERIC SUSPENSE FILM” by the Dharma Initiative. After Dark is famous for adding these types of films to its lineup and passing them off as “international horror”. Sigh."
-from Hidden Review
"However, at the end of the day the movie is a wicked slow slow slow burn. It takes so long to get to the nitty gritty that no Red Bulls were helping to keep me awake."
-from The House of the Devil Review
"Manhater is a supernatural pseudo rape and revenge movie pure and simple. Have I ever seen a supernatural women scorn revenge film? Nope. This is what makes it different and also interesting to watch. It's not without its flaws in story, sometimes laughable FX and stiff actors. But hey, it's got a porn star on the cover and its got gore and that gets at least a half a spinkick in my book."
-from Manhater Review
"So who is this girl on the cover? Her name is Aya, some mystical assassin with kick ass sword skills that by pressing "X" alot with "square" enables her to slaughter the attacking zombie hordes. "
-from OneChanbara Review
"OK so we got a Ruskie, a Yakuza, an ex Con, token blood diamond slavemaster, Israeli sniper hottie, Eric from That 70s Show and Brody. Odds token black guy dies first. 2:1."
-from Predators Review
"The one thing I’ll say about The Reeds is, well it had actual planty like reeds. As for the movie itself, it’s a muddy boggy creek. In other words, a complete mess."
-from The Reeds Review
"Temptation has hot British chicks with red contact lenses and plastic dollar bin fangs."
-from Temptation Review
"I had to watch this over the course of 3 days as I was getting bored every 20 minutes. That's how irritating this film was. I mean seriously, the film had one death in the entire thing. ONE!"
-from TMA aka Darkness Review
"Thora birch is looking oldish and she's on an american wrestling team? And they are in bratislava! E europe is like the w virginia of europe"
-from Train Live Tweet
...........And finally the best quotables from the WORST HORROR MOVIE OF THE YEAR comes from the A Nightmare on Elm Street remake.
"Wow, New Freddy killed a dog. You so badass New Freddy."
"Why does this Joy Division wearing t-shirt motherfucker look like the douche from Twilight?"
"Micronapping is the "new twist" in this. It's blending reality and dream world. I was micronapping while watching this flick. I also took a shit while watching this flick."
"Also, they had a mirror scare/false alarm cliche in here as well. Jeezus you fucks are lazy."
"I hate remakes. I hate Platinum Dunes. I hate New Freddy. I hate New Nancy. I hate micro-naps. I hate this movie."
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What's your worst horror movie of 2010? Got any quotey quotables you want to add from some not so good movies this year? Comment away!
Happy New Year to all you jaded viewers!!!
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