Wednesday, September 01, 2010

Old School American Horror: Revisiting the Hatchet Death Scenes

With Hatchet 2 coming out next month and after rewatching it on Showtime, I had forgotten how awesome Hatchet is. I remember when I first heard about Hatchet. It was probably on some horror site and the tagline of "Old School American Horror" just got me pumped. We we're going to see a fuckin vintage 80s slasher film. This is the shit!

I saw the trailer and it looked mega awesome. Adam Green had unleashed Hatchet to us at the perfect time. We weren't massively rebooting or sequeling all the old horror we had now. It was new, it was a throwback and it was full of extreemy gore. I didn't realize Hatchet (see my original review) was going to bring back all that was fun about the slasher genre. And it did and jolted up to #2 on My Top 10 Horror Movies of 2007.

When I wrote my review, the legend of Victor Crowley as a new iconic slasher hadn't hit me yet. Here's what I wrote:

"Our man, Hatchet head is by far the most solid slasher to come along in ages. He's not a mysterious, conjured up evil or a pissed off fisherman, nor is he two teenage horror buffs.

He's a deformed, inbred redneck with a big hatchet scar. His dad put a hatchet in his fuckin head. That's a awesome slasher."

So after watching the film, I figured a relook back at the mega awesome death scenes would be fun. Have you forgotten them already? Let's rewatch em again and rank em!

DEATHS #1 and #2 (Mr. and Mrs. Permatteo)

"Mr and Mrs. Permatteo are totally getting ripped off"

the jaded viewer says: When I first saw this, I got flashbacks of Jason immediately. "Jump to conclusions" guy is hatcheted up and the Mrs get her mouth ripped open inside out.

Rating: A

DEATHS #3 (Shapiro), #4 (Jenna), #5 (Shawn), #6 (Marcus), #7 (Misty) (killed off screen)

"Shapiro gets a twist" (@ :33)

the jaded viewer says: Solid goblets of gore as Vic goes all twisty on our porn con man. Vic already went all mouth rippy, but the neck twisting was a twist (hahah get it?) and it's still awesome but kinda didn't have the splatter oooomph of the second kill. Still solid arterial spraying.

Rating: B+

"Jenna loves the pole" (@:48)

the jaded viewer says: Where the hell did Vic get a sand blaster? Is he sanding the Crowley house? Still an awesome skin rippage scene complete with a wrestling move thrown in.

Rating: B

"Shawn wasn't head strong" (@ 1:05)

the jaded viewer says: Poor Shawn. Sure he wasn't the best New Orleans ghost tour guide, but he tried his best to keep everybody from losing their minds....well except his own. Simple decapitation but solid.

Rating: B

"Marcus gets disarmed" (@ 1:44)

the jaded viewer says: It's not enough he gets his arms ripped of by Vic, but his now armless body gets pounded into the "Green" tombstone. I love how Adam Green gave us that not so subtle visual cameo Easter egg.

Rating: B

DEATHS #8 and #9 (Victor Crowley (not really) and Ben (well he looks like he's gonna die))

"Vic, be careful there's a pole...never mind."

the jaded viewer says: The supposed death of Victor Crowley came off kinda blah. I mean he runs into the pole. But the ending after the ending totally makes up for it as he uses Ben's arm to get Marybeth.

Rating: C

Well there ya go. A solid retrospective of the deaths from Hatchet. As the sequel takes place right after the original, we'll see if Ben survives (umm I don't think so). What new death scenes will we see in the sequel?

Can it possibly top these? In a month we'll find out. And we'll also get to know of the curse and back story of our new wait for it LEGENDARY slasher, Victor Crowley.

So what was your favorite death scene? Do you think Hatchet 2 can top these? Let me know!

"Kids can be so cruel"


  1. The death scenes were the ONLY thing Hatchet had going for it, and I expect the same out of the sequel unfortunately. Saw the preview, looks ok.. ish..

  2. Carl - Its a throwback slasher. Its the same Friday, Nightmare and Halloween formula but with more gruesome kills.

    Adam Green is a solid director that just seems to know the horror genre.

    But we all can't agree on everything right? Which is why we all have blogs! :-)