Monday, September 06, 2010

The WTF List: Machete (Review)

In the YouTube clip I posted on Friday it says Danny Trejo has played a killer in 62 movies. He's played a rapist in 25 movies. And he's played a killer who is a rapist in 19 movies. Talk about being typecast.

But that's all over now for Danny Trejo. He is Machete and boy can he fuck up people badly as a good guy as he does a bad guy. Machete is mega-tastic and hits on all cylinders. As a grindhouse/exploitation film, as an action film and as a comedy. It even works as Skinemax!

It's bar none one of the best movies this year. Full of the Times Square grindyness I adore it has so many WTF moments you can't help but fuckin applaud. Robert Rodriguez takes the Tarantino formula into exteeeminess, pure of adrenaline knife slaughter, side Jessica Alba boobage and a stoned out Lindsay Lohan.

I originally debated which would be better Machete or the Expendables? Over the weekend, I saw both and Machete wins on all counts.

Is there more to say? Yes there is so on to the WTF List!

1.) Machete's opening slaughter is magnificio!
2.) I love the 6 million dollar man sound effects for Seagal's katana
3.) These McLaughlin ads are not too far off from the real thing....thanks Arizona.
4.) A couple of shots from the fake Grindhouse trailer didn't make it into the movie (but most of it)
5.) Jeezus Jessica Alba is fuckin hawt
6.) Jeezus Michelle Rodriguez is fuckin hawt
7.) I was in Austin a few weeks ago...I didn't know a race war would happen so soon
8.) Jeff Fahey is so good as a bad was hard for me to see him Lost as Lapidus
9.) The intenstines scene is so fuckin bad ass I just shit in my pants
10.) The bullet stopped the other bullet...fuckin brilliant!
11.) so the ladies man!
12.) Yummy side boobage from Jessica Alba
13.) Oh boy...can you believe we're seeing a race war in a movie?
14.) Seagal is playing a Mexican who thinks he's Japanese
15.) Everything doesn't make any sense....just like a true grindhouse movie!
16.) Everytime I see a shot from the original trailer, it gives me a happy
17.) Cheech kicks ass for the Lord
18.) Don Johnson is damn good as a white supremacist
19.) Torrez vs Machete was ehhhh...whoa....WTF?
20.) Don't fuck with the myth!


A very fun flick where you can turn off your brain and laugh at the insanity. I'm sure Machete was a big hit in Arizona. Should Machete have been an hour and 40? Of course not. But somehow it went by mega fast. The CGI blood and guts were sometimes a little too obvious but forgivable as that's what R.R. does.

Oh btw...Machete don't text.


Check out the original grindhouse trailer below!


  1. I might be the only person I know that is entirely out on this film. I just cant bring myself to care man, hopefully that will change when it hits DVD!

  2. Machete quite literally blew my mind. It had alot more funny moments than I thought it would, and the violence was just so darn creative. The intestines rope especially, I mean, I wasn't even grossed out, just in awe of the genius. A nice John Woo touch, according to Punkenglish. (And who the heck ordained Cheech a priest? Silly Bishop... :D ) That movie made me sooooo happy.

  3. Its fun film. Sure its CGI murder death kills but somehow it still works. I mean grindhouse movies never made sense and it follows that same formula. Just a good amount of funnies and ridiculousness to keep you entertained.

    And Machete came out at the right time...thanks Arizona!