HatchetHatchet (2006)
Directed by Adam Green
Old School American Horror. Motherfucker.
What makes a good, fun slasher movie? Below is a list of what we here at jadedviewer deem as full of chunky gooiness when it comes to the ingredients of a solid slasher-palooza.
Does Hatchet achieve everything on this list?
1.) A mysterious, insanely strong, ridiculed as a child, deformed, inbred redneck slasher.
Check.
What makes a good, fun slasher movie? Below is a list of what we here at jadedviewer deem as full of chunky gooiness when it comes to the ingredients of a solid slasher-palooza.
Does Hatchet achieve everything on this list?
1.) A mysterious, insanely strong, ridiculed as a child, deformed, inbred redneck slasher.
Check.
2.) Gratuitous, over the top, super fleshy nudity (and seeing the boobies of a former Buffy the Vampire Slayer cast member)?
Check.
3.) Stereotypical teenage caricatures with a few old people who die gruesome and horrific over the top deaths?
Check.
4.) No Plot.
Check.
5.) Kills by our slasher that make you go "Fuck yeah!"
Check.
6.) Gore, lots of it. Like serious decapitation, dismemberment, impalement, hatchet frenzy steroid rages and blood shooting out at various penetration wounds, limbs a flailing and mindless splatter and mayhem
Check.
7.) Geeky leader who takes charge of the hapless group as they try to escape who befriends a hot girl who knows about the "legend" (there's always a legend no one believes)
Check.
8.) Funny yet ill timed dialogue but also various quips and one liners that are funny only the first time around (yet somehow funny again when you buy the DVD and only when you're stoned)
Check.
9.) Gratuitous cameos by actors who have portrayed horror legends (Candyman, Freddy Kreuger and Jason Voorhees) that make you flash a metal sign and do the Beavis and Butthead pseudo head nodding.
Check.
10.) Wildly ambigious ending that can be used to warrant a sequel?
Check.
Hatchet is 80 minutes of the most fun I've had in a theatre. I had to scour NYC to find the one theatre it was playing at. Some of the jokes were kinda lame but the characters were throwbacks: geeky leader, token black guy (who plays the token black guy to perfection), bimbos with the idiotic director, Floridian elderly touristy couple, hot looking local and the asian (or not so asian) tour captain.
And the throwbacks made me all nostalgiky. Our man, Hatchet head is by far the most solid slasher to come along in ages. He's not a mysterious, conjured up evil or a pissed off fisherman, nor is he two teenage horror buffs.
He's a deformed, inbred redneck with a big hatchet scar. His had put a hatchet in his fuckin head. That's a awesome slasher.
Hatchet is great fun. It won't change your life, but when has seeing gore and titties at the same time made you think of changing the way you live. Right?
Check.
3.) Stereotypical teenage caricatures with a few old people who die gruesome and horrific over the top deaths?
Check.
4.) No Plot.
Check.
5.) Kills by our slasher that make you go "Fuck yeah!"
Check.
6.) Gore, lots of it. Like serious decapitation, dismemberment, impalement, hatchet frenzy steroid rages and blood shooting out at various penetration wounds, limbs a flailing and mindless splatter and mayhem
Check.
7.) Geeky leader who takes charge of the hapless group as they try to escape who befriends a hot girl who knows about the "legend" (there's always a legend no one believes)
Check.
8.) Funny yet ill timed dialogue but also various quips and one liners that are funny only the first time around (yet somehow funny again when you buy the DVD and only when you're stoned)
Check.
9.) Gratuitous cameos by actors who have portrayed horror legends (Candyman, Freddy Kreuger and Jason Voorhees) that make you flash a metal sign and do the Beavis and Butthead pseudo head nodding.
Check.
10.) Wildly ambigious ending that can be used to warrant a sequel?
Check.
Hatchet is 80 minutes of the most fun I've had in a theatre. I had to scour NYC to find the one theatre it was playing at. Some of the jokes were kinda lame but the characters were throwbacks: geeky leader, token black guy (who plays the token black guy to perfection), bimbos with the idiotic director, Floridian elderly touristy couple, hot looking local and the asian (or not so asian) tour captain.
And the throwbacks made me all nostalgiky. Our man, Hatchet head is by far the most solid slasher to come along in ages. He's not a mysterious, conjured up evil or a pissed off fisherman, nor is he two teenage horror buffs.
He's a deformed, inbred redneck with a big hatchet scar. His had put a hatchet in his fuckin head. That's a awesome slasher.
Hatchet is great fun. It won't change your life, but when has seeing gore and titties at the same time made you think of changing the way you live. Right?
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Yes! I truly enjoyed...I love good old-fashion slasher flicks
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