Adam Green's Hatchet II (Review)

Hatchet II

Adam Green's Hatchet II (2010)

Directed by Adam Green

By now you've heard about the controversy that surrounded Hatchet 2's theatrical release. It was pulled mid run from theaters from AMC who cited "poor performance" at the box office. But the horror-sphere will argue that releasing an uncut, unrated and uncensored version of the movie in theaters was a huge gamble by Dark Sky Films and AMC and it was pulled because it contained too much exteeminess, gore and splatter.

Arguments aside Hatchet 2 deserved at least a decent theatrical run to prove old school American horror can survive theatrically. When all that floods US theaters are PG-13 3D CGI kills snoozefests, one can only wonder if the 80s inspired slasher films can survive in this climate. Obviously not.

But on the merit of a horror film, Hatchet 2 is a sequel that literally starts off where the last one ended. Everything about Hatchet 2 follows the sequel formula to a tee. It's been said before that Green's Hatchet is to Alien as Green's Hatchet 2 is to Aliens. Hunters abound in the sequel and all hell breaks loose. But we'll get to that in a sec.

Hatchet 2 is an unapologetic splatter slasher flick that says "Fuck You" to the other horror movies of 2010. It's the big bully in the room that taunts you, gives you wedgies, makes you feel sympathetic towards it then punches you in the face and takes your lunch money. Straight out, it's one of the best horror movies of 2010 and will easily make my top 10 list.

Victor Crowley slaughtered his way into a great rookie season in the original. Here he gives more of the same. It's the same formula and somehow it works again. I might as well go with my same review formula to.

Boring Plot-O-Matic

Marybeth escapes the clutches of the deformed, swamp-dwelling iconic killer Victor Crowley. After learning the truth about her family's connection to the hatchet-wielding madman...

Awesome Review-O-Matic

If you are any kind of horror fan, you will appreciate Hatchet 2 for what it is. A fun, goofy gorefest slasher film. It doesn't take itself seriously and if you just relax and take it all in, you know Adam Green is winking at you with a few inside jokes. If you missed it, here are a couple.

• The film starts off exactly where the first film ended
• Adam Green makes a cameo as Ben and Marcus's friend whose still in New Orleans
• The character Chad references living in Glen Echo and if they heard about Leslie Vernon (referencing Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon)
• The character Parker from Adam Green's movie Frozen is seen briefly on the TV in Reverend Zombie's voodoo shop speaking to news cameras about her lawsuit and settlement against the ski mountain from the film.
• Troma's Lloyd Kaufman makes a cameo as one of the would be hunters
  

But let's get to the standard slasher jaded viewer checklist for this review

What makes a good, fun slasher movie? Below is a list of what we here at the jaded viewer deem as full of chunky gooiness when it comes to the ingredients of a solid slasher-palooza.

Does Hatchet 2 achieve everything on this list?

1.) Does the movie have..... a mysterious, insanely strong, ridiculed as a child, deformed, inbred redneck slasher?

Check.

2.) Gratuitous, over the top, super fleshy nudity?

Check. Plus we get a cameo from our former Buffy the Vampire Slayer cast member. You can't go wrong with the best nudity in a horror film. Gratuitous nudity. It's the gift that keeps on giving.

3.) Stereotypical teenage caricatures with a few old people who die gruesome and horrific over the top deaths?

Partial check. Well it's more like redneck caricatures who are old people who die gruesome and horrific deaths. Old people dying is fun.

4.) No Plot?

Check. It's a check in the fact that sure in Hatchet 2 we get to know a little more about the backstory of our freak show Hatchet face Victor Crowley. Seems like he's a bit Obama-ish which explains why he has the body of Ray Lewis. More Crowley mythology was OK but it wasn't necessary. You tell me he's a ghost/spectre from the swamp, I'm good.

5.) Kills by our slasher that make you go "Fuck yeah!"

Check.

6.) Gore, lots of it. Like serious decapitation, dismemberment, impalement, hatchet frenzy steroid rages and blood shooting out at various penetration wounds, limbs a flailing and mindless splatter and mayhem?

Check. I especially enjoyed the double saw as well as the hatchet in the vagina kill. Parry Shen has now been killed twice and both were solid. Poor Parry. Some face scraping and propeller trauma weren't that original but Green was quite creative on the kills. I give the kills a B+.

7.) Geeky leader who takes charge of the hapless group as they try to escape who befriends a hot girl who knows about the "legend" (there's always a legend no one believes)

Sorta Check. A few fodder victims never believe the legend and get to meet good ole Vic up close in person. Hot girl Marybeth takes charge and Danielle Harris does a great job in being the final girl. Her Southern drawl accent came and went but I let it go. Her uber hotness and cuteness negates any "bad acting". Parry Shen is hilarious as Justin, twin brother of Shawn from the first movie. I like how he had the faux goatee like he was the evil twin. Tony Todd plays creep Rev. Zombie who knows how to kill Crowley. But his theory is as good as looking it up on Wikipedia.

8.) Funny yet ill timed dialogue but also various quips and one liners that are funny only the first time around (yet somehow funny again when you buy the DVD and only when you're stoned)

Check. A former couple add some random sex before they're eliminated. We get a token black guy making token black guy funnies that come out flat.

9.) Gratuitous cameos by actors who have portrayed horror legends (Candyman, Freddy Kreuger and Jason Voorhees) that make you flash a metal sign and do the Beavis and Butthead pseudo head nodding.

Check. Tony Todd is the only one in Hatchet 2 but when he's battling Victor Crowley I was like: "It's Candyman vs Jason!!!! This is fuckin awesome!!!!"

10.) Wildly ambiguous ending that can be used to warrant a sequel?

Actually...well.....ummm....no?

If you haven't seen the original, seeing these movies back to back makes the Hatchet series a solid entry to the American slasher genre. It's not as good as the first one as the characters in Hatchet 2 were more of the locals rather that the funny, goofy tourists. But the on screen kills were all top notch and quite creative.

And at the end of the day, your going to watch Hatchet 2 to see those gallons of blood tossed on a tree. I mean it's such an old school effect but somehow I don't mind. I don't need to see CGI kills to be a happy horror boy. All I need are dumb victims, a secluded area and a body being twisted in a way that's not humanly possible.

It's that same formula that worked in the 80s, worked in the 90s and worked the aughts. And it works. Hatchet 2 is old school American horror. Got that motherfucker?

Gore-ipedia

See checklist item #6

Nude-ipedia

Gratuitous nudity at its most gratuitous


WTF moment

Double saw kill...fuckin awesome

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

Hatchet 2 is already on Video on Demand and will come out on BluRay/DVD on February 1st. Many in the horror blogosphere have made it their mission to support Adam Green and unrated horror. As a horror fan, you should be for this when it comes to horror movies that deserve it.

Hatchet 2 is violent, sick and twisted. It's a gorehound's delight and a top notch slasher flick. It deserves your support and will show up on my Top 10 list for sure.

The Vitals

• The official site
• ArieScope Pictures
  
• Facebook Page
• Follow Adam Green on Twitter

Rating:

Categories: 2010 horror movies, Adam Green, Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon, gore, hatchet, hatchet 2, old school american horror, slasher films, slashers, splatter, splatter gore, victor crowley

Old School American Horror: Revisiting the Hatchet Death Scenes

With Hatchet 2 coming out next month and after rewatching it on Showtime, I had forgotten how awesome Hatchet is. I remember when I first heard about Hatchet. It was probably on some horror site and the tagline of "Old School American Horror" just got me pumped. We we're going to see a fuckin vintage 80s slasher film. This is the shit!

I saw the trailer and it looked mega awesome. Adam Green had unleashed Hatchet to us at the perfect time. We weren't massively rebooting or sequeling all the old horror we had now. It was new, it was a throwback and it was full of extreemy gore. I didn't realize Hatchet (see my original review) was going to bring back all that was fun about the slasher genre. And it did and jolted up to #2 on My Top 10 Horror Movies of 2007.

When I wrote my review, the legend of Victor Crowley as a new iconic slasher hadn't hit me yet. Here's what I wrote:

"Our man, Hatchet head is by far the most solid slasher to come along in ages. He's not a mysterious, conjured up evil or a pissed off fisherman, nor is he two teenage horror buffs.

He's a deformed, inbred redneck with a big hatchet scar. His dad put a hatchet in his fuckin head. That's a awesome slasher."

So after watching the film, I figured a relook back at the mega awesome death scenes would be fun. Have you forgotten them already? Let's rewatch em again and rank em!

DEATHS #1 and #2 (Mr. and Mrs. Permatteo)



"Mr and Mrs. Permatteo are totally getting ripped off"

the jaded viewer says: When I first saw this, I got flashbacks of Jason immediately. "Jump to conclusions" guy is hatcheted up and the Mrs get her mouth ripped open inside out.

Rating: A

DEATHS #3 (Shapiro), #4 (Jenna), #5 (Shawn), #6 (Marcus), #7 (Misty) (killed off screen)



"Shapiro gets a twist" (@ :33)

the jaded viewer says: Solid goblets of gore as Vic goes all twisty on our porn con man. Vic already went all mouth rippy, but the neck twisting was a twist (hahah get it?) and it's still awesome but kinda didn't have the splatter oooomph of the second kill. Still solid arterial spraying.

Rating: B+

"Jenna loves the pole" (@:48)

the jaded viewer says: Where the hell did Vic get a sand blaster? Is he sanding the Crowley house? Still an awesome skin rippage scene complete with a wrestling move thrown in.

Rating: B

"Shawn wasn't head strong" (@ 1:05)

the jaded viewer says: Poor Shawn. Sure he wasn't the best New Orleans ghost tour guide, but he tried his best to keep everybody from losing their minds....well except his own. Simple decapitation but solid.

Rating: B

"Marcus gets disarmed" (@ 1:44)

the jaded viewer says: It's not enough he gets his arms ripped of by Vic, but his now armless body gets pounded into the "Green" tombstone. I love how Adam Green gave us that not so subtle visual cameo Easter egg.

Rating: B

DEATHS #8 and #9 (Victor Crowley (not really) and Ben (well he looks like he's gonna die))

"Vic, be careful there's a pole...never mind."



the jaded viewer says: The supposed death of Victor Crowley came off kinda blah. I mean he runs into the pole. But the ending after the ending totally makes up for it as he uses Ben's arm to get Marybeth.

Rating: C

Well there ya go. A solid retrospective of the deaths from Hatchet. As the sequel takes place right after the original, we'll see if Ben survives (umm I don't think so). What new death scenes will we see in the sequel?

Can it possibly top these? In a month we'll find out. And we'll also get to know of the curse and back story of our new wait for it LEGENDARY slasher, Victor Crowley.

So what was your favorite death scene? Do you think Hatchet 2 can top these? Let me know!

"Kids can be so cruel"

Categories: 2010 horror movies, Adam Green, gore, hatchet, hatchet 2, kane hodder, old school american horror, slasher films, slashers, splatter, splatter gore, top gore movies, victor crowley

There is a 90% chance you will take a photo of a ghost

[FYI: A weird thing as I wrote this. I had almost completed the entire post when all of a sudden half the post got deleted. I then had to write this for a 2nd time. Jeez. Was it a ghosts? After effects of eating BP spilled oil seafood? I don't know but it was damn weird]

Well I'm back. My friend Vic said "he had some shit he had to take care". Something in regards to tourists invading his swamp and he had to clean his hatchet again. Well maybe next time Vic. But New Orleans is quite a city. From the French Quarter to the awesome food (and the open container drinking), you will have tons of fun in the Big Easy.

So while I was there I decided to take a real authentic New Orleans Ghost Tour. The tagline stated what I have in the subject line: "There is a 90% chance you will take a photo of a ghost".

Really?

That got me quite excited. If you followed me on Twitter, you would have seen:

The ghost tour I signed up for has a 90 percent "you will photograph a ghost" success rate. I'm now kinda scared

So here's some of my photographic evidence from the tour. You can judge for yourself if I took any ghostly pictures.

The tour started off at Rev. Voodoo's Shop. This place had a collection of occult merch. I used this time to grab my 2nd beer as I staggered with my fellow tourists to start the tour.

The first stop was of a house where a 1800s mistress froze to death on a snowy New Orleans night after being dared by her husband to stand on the balcony, naked. If she were to do this, they would get married (there's more to this story, but I was kinda binging at this point so I don't remember). See a ghost? I don't. Where are you white snowy ghost lady?

Is this a ghost? Nope. It's a guy playing a violin while walking on a tightrope. I think he was sober.

Well this is the Andrew Jackson hotel. Supposedly some drunk kids (wait those are Philly fans) decided to go all pyro and burnt a few blocks of New Orleans killing a bunch of innocents. Now the hotel is haunted by these kids. Our tour guide, Jennifer Raven explained that people who stay at this hotel (why?!?!) have had photos of themselves taken (while naked of course) while they are sleeping from a vantage point of being directly above their bed.

Yes folks, we got pervert pyro kid ghosts.

This is Lafitte's Blacksmith Shop Bar. It's been featured on some of those Ghost Hunter shows. Lafitte himself is haunting this place and people have heard French being spoken in the men's bathroom, the fireplace and the upper rooms.

I took many photos and went into the men's bathroom. I was about to take a picture of what I thought was a ghost but it was just a guy taking a shit. A very drunk guy.

Here's a pic of the bar. See any ghosts? The door towards the end is the mens bathroom where I saw smelly drunk guy on the toilet. I decided to get another beer and talk up the hot waitresses.

See hot waitresses! But no ghosts :-(

We concluded our tour at the house above. We were told of a socialite who wickedly abused her slaves. See, during one of her glamorous dinners a slave started a fire forcing the dinner guests to be evacuated. The police and fire company soon discovered a room of horrors. The room was full of slaves who had been horrifically tortured. They decapitated, arms sliced, faces skinned, holes drilled in their heads, maggots eating their flesh and one slave women was put into a wooden crate for days.

Now the slaves haunt this place with a vengeance.

The kicker here is Nic Cage bought this house WITHOUT knowing the story. Upon hearing why every tour stopped to take pictures, he demanded to know the history of the house. Good job Wicker Man. [INSERT NIC CAGE STUNNED PHOTO HERE]

Well that's about it. I also went to a magic shop which is of the photo I took in the beginning of the post. I really did feel like Giles and Willow when I was in there.

It looks like I was in that 10% as my photos don't seem to have any weird orbs or ghosts in any of them. Do you see any? Hmmm, well it was fun in any case. So do you guys believe in ghosts? When you see a photo with some supposed supernatural evidence, what do you think?

Do you think ghosts deleted my original post?

Iii aMMMMmmmm a GhOOOOOOOsssssssssssTtttttt

What the hell is that???? I didn't write that.

Categories: ghost stories, hatchet, new orleans, victor crowley

The Jaded Viewer is going to Victor Crowley country

I originally tried going to New Orleans last year but some fucked up shit with my flight prevented that. In any case, I hope to take a haunted swamp tour and visit ole Vic but more likely I will try to go on one of those haunted New Orleans house and/or cemetary tours.

I'll definitely write up something for the site with some pics and stuff. I may even go for a swim in their lovely clear blue waters of the Gulf of Mexico. The wildlife must be full of vigor and majesty and probably not sick, toxic or dead from some oil disaster. No way could an oil company cause the greatest environmental disaster evaaaar made (that's sarcasm folks)

So I will be MIA for the next few days as I travel to New Orleans for some much needed R&R. But if you want to follow this mini adventure with me you can follow me on Twitter @jadedviewer.

I'll be tweeting away the highs, the lows and the weird. If your a jaded minion follower of this here blog and live in the New Orleans area, drop me a tweet. We may cross paths and share some awkward silence or I may ignore you completely.

In any case, you've got plenty of features to keep you entertained (see nav bar to the right) ---------------------------------------------------------------------------->

See you in a few days!

Damn, I hope Vic is in a good mood this time.

Categories: hatchet, jadedviewer.com, the jaded viewer, victor crowley

the jaded viewer goes on vacation.....again

Well I will be MIA for the next few days as I travel to New Orleans for some much needed R&R. I figure while I'm there, I'll head down to the Louisiana bayou and visit my old friend Victor Crowley.

Me and Vic (his friends call him Vic, his victims call him "NOOOOOO! Argh!!!") We go way back. I visited him after he got that Hatchet in the head. We played Monopoly, Jenga and Trivial Pursuit. Vic also liked to kill animals with his bare hands. I just never got into that.

I'm hoping to bring back some souvenirs. Maybe a severed head, a decapitated arm and possibly my very own hatchet.

So while I'm eating some jambalaya, crawfish and creole food, drop me a line and let me know what's the what. Let me know what you think of the jaded viewer. Do you want more lists? more commentaries? more reviews? more porn?

Let me know or I'll get Vic to drop by your house. I warned ya.





And as a added bonus check out Adam Green's newest Halloween short "Jack Chop"!!!
His shorts are hil-freakin-larious. You can check some of them by going here.





Be back soon!

Categories: Adam Green, hatchet, the jaded viewer, victor crowley