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Boring Bikini Samurai Assassin Girl = OneChanbara (Review)

OneChanbara

OneChanbara (2008)

Directed by Yôhei Fukuda

I didn't really expect a good movie as I popped OneChanbara into my DVD player but I mean the cover has a girl with samurai swords, a cowboy hat and she's wearing a bikini. Least this could have been was Japanese Skinemax.

But it turns out OneChanbara, which is based on a PS2/Xbox game wasn't a Versus like zombie movie or Japanese hentai. It turned out to be some low end, cash in video game movie that was probably directed by the Japanese Uwe Boll.

Egads.

So who is this girl on the cover? Her name is Aya, some mystical assassin with kick ass sword skills that by pressing "X" alot with "square" enables her to slaughter the attacking zombie hordes. She's got a fat fuck Japanese guy with her that plays as comic relief and Reiko, a shot gun toting zombie renegade.

Mission wise, they go from setting to setting killing zombies until they reach Dr. Sugita and his protege Saki (who is Aya's sister). Various hadoukens later, she kills her sister and they ride into the zombie filled sunset.

Yawn.

The girl on the cover was mute for most of the movie and oddly wasn't hot as I thought she was gonna be. Also, you've got your standard Sailor Moon schoolgirl outfits, zombies who use weapons and various goofy CGI.

I haven't seen a good Japanese zombie in a while and had low expectations for this but I'm eager to get our next good Japanese zombie movie. You listening Japan? Get to it.

Rating:
1/2 a


Here's the trailer.





Wow these video game trailers have more skin than the movie....





Here's more video game footage....



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Ha, and for some reason, I still really want to see it! The Asian chick in a bikini strapped with swords is just too damn appealing, but at least my expectations will be as low as possible if I ever do get to this one.

If you find this in the dollar bin...thats a bargain. Might as well grab it.

congrats on the bloody disgusting nod. the force is strong with this one...

Fans of the genre 'Japanese Zombie flick featuring Katana-wielding Bikini Babes' can't be all that difficult to please. Hell, I know I'm not. But this really failed to deliver on what could've been a winning idea. Too little humor, and too much half-assed sentiment for a movie of this type. I'll still be checking out the sequel though - One Chanbara Vortex. I'm not holding out much hope, but you never know!

Hmm.. Japanese Uwe Boll.. Ah SHIT, I clicked "Block" instead of "Add" on Netflix..

I rented and reviewed this a few months back,. It was entertaining mainly for the T and A and the sword fighting aspects. Just not on the level of a Machine Girl or Tokyo Gore Police.But well worth a rent.

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