In the sweltering heat, what better way to get cool by watching the action summer movies. As we get into action-palooza, I figure I'd get in the mood by watching Predators. I wasn't expecting much but 64% fresh on Rotten Tomatoes convinced me to give it a try. So let's head over to the game preserve with a WTF list.1.) They're not even fuckin around, drop em in and lets get slaughtering
2.) Adrien Brody makes artsy fartsy movies doesn't he?
3.) Danny fuckin Trejo is a Mexican enforcer? This is like a totally new role he's never had to play before
4.) OK so we got a Ruskie, a Yakuza, an ex Con, token blood diamond slavemaster, Israeli sniper hottie, Eric from That 70s Show and Brody. Odds token black guy dies first. 2:1.
5.) Predators dogs are like Star Wars reject pets
6.) Predator vision has not improved since the 80s.
7.) Gratuitous reference to Ah-nuhld! You'd think the Predators would want revenge on Dutch and transport him to the preserve.
8.) It's not a Predators movie without a guy with a mini-gun.
9.) Jeezus. Topher Grace is one whiny bitch.
10.) OMG! Is that other alien target Species 8472?!?
11.) Hello crazy Laurence Fisburne
12.) Goodbye crazy Laurence Fisburne
13.) Original Predator vs Uber Predator. It's not as climactic as I was hoping.
14.) That twist was lame .
15.) Yakuza vs Predator! Awesome! This is the best scene in the entire movie.
16.) Dude. Is that CGI on Adrien Brody body?
17.) Well looky here, he went all Dutch.
18.) None of the characters are that memorable as in the original and there aren't as many memorable lines.
19.) Seriously...how would Brody know how to fly a Predators ship if he was able to hijack one???
20.) If we had to tally Predators vs Human matchups, it would look something like this: Predators: 30,492 Humans: 3
All in all, Predators was a decent action movie that let me cool off for a few hours. It's hard to live up to the original and even Danny Glover's drive by Predator 2 is good to watch on TBS from time to time. Only time will tell if Predators will rounds out this trilogy for the better.
 |
Check out the trailer below.
Posts
Looking forward to see it. I don't expect much, but as long as I'm entertained it's gonna satisfy me.
ReplyDeletei wish next morning you find yourself dropping from some aircraft right into predators arms and then you get sodomized and spend rest of your life sucking his balls..... too bad there ain't no homo predators so ur purpose in life is in vein.
ReplyDeleteI just saw it for myself and really enjoyed it as a solid action film with a few great moments and a few bad ones. I wish I could say more, but that amazingly thought out and well written comment by anonymous seems to take away all the impact I can give.
ReplyDeleteOh the wonders of internet anonymity!
ReplyDeleteI'm going to leave that comment up forever. While watching Predators, I never questioned their sexual orientation...but gay Predators? What a concept!
ReplyDeleteSeems Anonymous LOVED Predators and disliked the fact I made fun of it a little? Or he could be 100% crazy. I go with the latter.
Hey, at least you could say you've been sodomized by a Predator. I don't think many people could lay claim to that one?...
ReplyDelete...Or he could be a little crazy. ;)
I haven't seen it yet, but I like Robert Rodriguez, and I'd be curious to see how it turns out. I definitely won't watch it in a theater though; I'll probably just wait till I can borrow it from someone. Machete is probably the only movie I'll watch on the big screen this year.