Friday, December 31, 2010

The Best Quotey Quotables from the Worst Movies I saw in 2010

Everybody has their worst of 2010 lists. Seriously, so much crappy flicks seem to have come out this year. I can't really make a worst of list because I actually didn't see these horrible films. Sure it would have been fun to butcher and make fun of these flicks, but why torture myself. I'm not a sadist.

In any case, I did see some UGH, SIGH and OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! flicks and I've pulled the best quotey quotables from those reviews.

So enjoy some quote snippets from the crap chunks of 2010 that made me smash a few walls with my head. The jaded viewer exits 2010 with a LOL. Enjoy!

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"But at the end of the day, it's a low budget bait and switch propaganda shockfest that says I'm blood drenched insanity when its more of an 70 minute death metal music video instead."

-from The Back Room Review

"It does get a little cheesy at times, where the characters are completely ACME cartoon cutouts or Skinemax parody movies. It really does feel like one of those Skinemax movies where the pseudo porn stars play secret agents or horny aliens looking for men to prey on."

-from Bitch Slap Review

"I mean it stars Dominic Purcell. And if your watching a movie with him in it, there is a 100% guarantee he's going to punch somebody in the face."

-from Blood Creek Review

"Push the button! Push the button! Push the button! Push the button! Push the button!"

-from The Box Review

"The acting is a little cheesy....How do you make up for this? Add boobs!"

-from Brainjacked Review

"The boobs make their first appearance. They're real and they're spectacular!"

"Jeez jlove's [Jennifer Love Hewitt] cleavage are weapons of mass erections
"

"
These are the hottest massage therapists ever."

"
Omg its a montage of jlove boobs in lingere...this is unfreakinbelievable"

"
Jlove's boobs are hooked on coke....omg the cops just busted in! (Pun so intended)"

"
Only 30 days in jail for whoring...way to go jloves boobs!"


-from The Client List starring Jennifer Love Hewitt Live Tweet

"Is there a website where I can learn to make these awesome traps? Say deathtrapsforbeginners.com?"

-from The Collector Review

"Holy hamburger phone! Juno is alive!!....The girl we wanted to die is alive and she's now freakin an expert crawler assassin."

-from The Descent 2 Review

"Yes, I'm actually calling Dread a diet version of Martyrs."

-from Dread Review

"The title is indeed indicative of what you get. Couldn't somebody just give our bunny a carrot?"

-from Easter Bunny, Kill! Kill! Review

"The best way to describe The Final is its Saw 90210. In a typical suburban high school, a group of self aware misfits and outcasted teens devise a plan (based on horror movies, oh how self aware!) to take revenge on the jocks, popular douchbags and mean girls. Inviting them to a costume party, the partygoers are drugged and when they wake up are cuffed and chained together. Suffice it say, our teen outcasts are gonna get medieval"

-from The Final Review

"How could a movie that consisted of hot girls in tank tops with bouncy cleavage and two horror titans, Bill Moseley and Tony Todd end up a worthless pile of crap? The Graves is completely clichéd, annoying, repetitive and cheesy. And that's me being nice."

-from The Graves Review

"It's your typical Hollywood fare, but you know...more Koreany."

-from Tidal Wave Review

"What we do have here is a slow burn, drawn out psychological drama that is amped with so many clichés it could be labeled “GENERIC SUSPENSE FILM” by the Dharma Initiative. After Dark is famous for adding these types of films to its lineup and passing them off as “international horror”. Sigh."

-from Hidden Review

"However, at the end of the day the movie is a wicked slow slow slow burn. It takes so long to get to the nitty gritty that no Red Bulls were helping to keep me awake."

-from The House of the Devil Review

"Manhater is a supernatural pseudo rape and revenge movie pure and simple. Have I ever seen a supernatural women scorn revenge film? Nope. This is what makes it different and also interesting to watch. It's not without its flaws in story, sometimes laughable FX and stiff actors. But hey, it's got a porn star on the cover and its got gore and that gets at least a half a spinkick in my book."

-from Manhater Review

"So who is this girl on the cover? Her name is Aya, some mystical assassin with kick ass sword skills that by pressing "X" alot with "square" enables her to slaughter the attacking zombie hordes. "

-from OneChanbara Review

"OK so we got a Ruskie, a Yakuza, an ex Con, token blood diamond slavemaster, Israeli sniper hottie, Eric from That 70s Show and Brody. Odds token black guy dies first. 2:1."

-from Predators Review

"The one thing I’ll say about The Reeds is, well it had actual planty like reeds. As for the movie itself, it’s a muddy boggy creek. In other words, a complete mess."

-
from The Reeds Review

"Temptation has hot British chicks with red contact lenses and plastic dollar bin fangs."

-from Temptation Review

"I had to watch this over the course of 3 days as I was getting bored every 20 minutes. That's how irritating this film was. I mean seriously, the film had one death in the entire thing. ONE!"

-from TMA aka Darkness Review

"Thora birch is looking oldish and she's on an american wrestling team? And they are in bratislava! E europe is like the w virginia of europe"

-from Train Live Tweet

...........And finally the best quotables from the WORST HORROR MOVIE OF THE YEAR comes from the A Nightmare on Elm Street remake.

"Wow, New Freddy killed a dog. You so badass New Freddy."

"Why does this Joy Division wearing t-shirt motherfucker look like the douche from Twilight?"


"Micronapping is the "new twist" in this. It's blending reality and dream world. I was micronapping while watching this flick. I also took a shit while watching this flick."


"Also, they had a
mirror scare/false alarm cliche in here as well. Jeezus you fucks are lazy."

"I hate remakes. I hate Platinum Dunes. I hate New Freddy. I hate New Nancy. I hate micro-naps. I hate this movie."


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What's your worst horror movie of 2010? Got any quotey quotables you want to add from some not so good movies this year? Comment away!

Happy New Year to all you jaded viewers!!!



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2 comments:

  1. This is always my favorestest post at the end of every year, may every one of them make it on to the boxes of the DVDs someday.. Someday..

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  2. LOL! Great quotes! And I'm so glad most of us can agree that ANOES remake was the worst horror film of 2010. What a piece of crap.

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