The Green Inferno (Review)

The Green Inferno
The Green Inferno (2013)
Directed by Ei Roth

"I wonder who the real cannibals are."

-Professor Harold Monroe

Its funny. Every now and then I'll check my stats and realize this post "Top 5 Cannibal Movies Of All Time" will get some traffic. It's an old post, the videos don't work anymore but it still resonates with people searching for the exploitation of old. The cannibal genre.

I've been itching to see The Green Inferno ever since I heard Eli Roth was making of it. I knew this genre was in good hands as Roth knows the people who made the genre what it is. He's well aware horror mavericks like myself will compare it to Ruggero Deodato's Cannibal Holocaust and Uberto Lenzi's Cannibal Ferox. But he preambled the NYC premiere of The Green Inferno by saying that it was a different kind of cannibal film and that we need to put what we know of those films in a vault and take The Green Inferno as it is.

And what it is, it's an Eli Roth cannibal film. And it's fuckin awesome.

The Green Inferno is a buffet of modern day exploitation and wicked satire with a heaping spoonful of blood, guts and splatter.  This is probably the best movie Roth has ever made. His other films only touched on fleeting fears, but with The Green Inferno, his scathing critique of slacktivism is smart as it is millennial.  Generation Y is in the crosshairs and Roth scalps them cleanly by using every tool in his horror arsenal. It's a fun romp seeing good-doers face ultimate terror by the people they are there to protect. The cannibals are unleashed and make no apologies for who and why they are. It's fuckin brutal and fuckin glorious. What we have here jaded viewers is a perfect game within the horror exploitation trope. This is as good as it gets.

Boring Plot-O-Matic

A group of student activists travel from New York City to the Amazon to save a dying tribe but crash in the jungle and are taken hostage by the very natives they protected.


Awesome Review-O-Matic

If only our slacktivists had read this list, they'd probably be alive.

With The Green Inferno, we see the pillars of the horror and exploitation genre mixed in. Our final girl Justine (Lorenza Izzo) a student at Columbia University in NYC learns about the modern day horrors of the world she lives in and feels obligated to do something (see white guilt). Her roommate Kaycee (Sky Ferriera) is like the rest of us. Her 'tude: That shit isn't my problem. When she meets some hippie radicals led by Alejandro (Ariel Levy) she self motivates herself to join them to stop the evil corporations from bulldozing the native tribes homes in Peru.

The set up is of course designed to ridicule this new Twitter world of hashtag slacktivism. Conversations in the film echo how real world change is a process instead of a viral video. Ignoring this practical advice, the group has their sights on live streaming the horror from the Amazon with hashtags and shaky phone cams. Roth alluded to the KONY video and how a like and retweet are now the methods Millennials show they are smart, pseudo activists and PC.  Rarely does anybody get off their ass to do something real. Such is the world we live in and as these American kids see how the 3rd world lives it's full of full frontal irony.

These are bookends of The Green Inferno. Roth forces us to chug how we think the world should be with what it really is. But in between we get chock full of the wickedest slaughter I've ever seen on film.

The gore and splatter hit high marks all around in Inferno. You can thank Make Up Effects guru Greg Nicotero of The Walking Dead fame for some of that. The spectacular plane crash with stunning  "Oh Shit!" kills to the slice and dice meals for our natives are spectacularly done. Body parts are removed, ocular and mouth trauma will make gorehounds happy and yes, we get heads on poles.  Roth homages Deodato and Lenzi and if you have a keen eye (or have watched Cannibal Holocaust 1000x) you'll see them. It's cruel deaths in it's most undiluted form. It has spectacular bloody kills, even more than all the Hostel films put together.

Within this chaotic blood-o-rams are colorful cannibals that bring another dimension to the savages. They are not evil per say, but more so uncivilized which probably is more frightening to the city dwellers. Led by a queen and an enforcer, the cannibals are happy to be munching on what they perceive as the real savages. Their meals are our worst fear and though we should detest their actions, it's more of a WTF, it's who they are type attitude. The funny part of all of this is that Roth and his crew used real natives who had never seen a real film before and were even amazed by ice cubes. Lots of indie DIY filmmaking too. The realness shows here, on the faces of the tribe playing a fictional secluded tribe and more so in the children who mock and are intrigued by our gringos. Roth puts in his own touch on real animals doing real shhit but not as fucked up as Deoadato's real life cruelty.

So you'd think a movie with sharp critiques and splatter would be a straightforward horror film. But with Roth, the gags, funnies and humor all seem to find a balance in Inferno. You'll see it play out between the students, the cannibals and in the fact that somebody is getting chopped up and fuckin eaten. In this most absurd premise, Roth makes the hashtag #cannibalsgetthemunchies take on a whole new different meaning.

The performance by Lorenza Izzo is solid. You feel obligated to root for her as compared to the other hotties, they play out as stereotypical panic girls. Levy's Alejandro is tall, dark and ambitiously mysterious. Comic relief comes in the form of Jonah (Aaron Burns), some stoners and a bearded hipster.

I will say a lot of people will be surprised by Eli Roth's latest flick (it's been 6 years since he directed Hostel II). It's as good as a Quentin Tarantino exploitation homage but without the long winded conversations and alternate histories. What The Green Inferno seems to show is that the cannibal film defies any decade when done in a way that is clever, insightful and has the most gut wrenching scenes of civilization gone awry. It's a genre being introduced to the generation that should be ashamed they don't know shit about what happens in the real world, but see it filtered through tweets and posts and goddamn Instagram coloring.

Who are the real cannibals?

Probably the current generation that consumes that shit, shits that shit and enjoys it all.

Fuckers.

Nude-ipedia 

Surprisingly none

Gore-ipedia 

Heaping mountains of it. It's all glorious. GLORIOUS!!!!

WTF moment 

Ants. Nuff said.

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

The Green Inferno will be in theaters next year. It's MUST SEE. It will probably be one of my best movies of 2014 list for sure (going to rank this when the flick gets a wide release). Oh lovely cannibals, how I love this fuckin genre.


 Rating:

Categories: cannibal ferox, cannibal films, cannibal holocaust, cannibal scalping, cannibals, eli roth, exploitation, exploitation film, Mondo Cannibale, the green inferno, top 5 cannibal movies

Watch Cannibal Holocaust on YouTube right now (because you can)

Sorry I've been MIA. My TV was fucked up for a few weeks and I couldn't review any movies. But that lead me to watching more Internet videos then I care to admit. Surprisingly, it seems there are quite a lot of cannibal trailers, clips and ENTIRE full length flicks on YouTube.

I've already given you my Top 5 Cannibal Movies of All Time as well as 5 Things I Learned from Cannibal Movies. So I've watched my fair share of these flicks but the Cannibal Holocaust is without a doubt just the most fucked up movie in my movie watching history.

If you're a noob who's self teaching yourself the skid row junkie world of exploitation, it'd be best to view this on an empty stomach.

What a world we live in that you can watch a most fucked up movie on your computer instead of a 4th generation dubbed VHS tape. You kids have it fuckin easy.

Enjoy!

Here are some fun facts for you after you watch the film! How about some FAQ too!

Categories: cannibal films, cannibal holocaust, cannibal scalping, cannibals, exploitation, exploitation film, ruggero deodato, top 5 cannibal movies, ultimo mondo canibale

5 Things I Learned from Cannibal Movies

With all this talk of Eli Roth's The Green Inferno, the cannibal movie is poised to make a comeback. I mean we haven't seen an awesome full native vs white man cannibal movie since the 80s. We've seen cannibal parodies and Bruno Mattei flicks. Hopefully Eli Roth will stick to the formula that have made Deodato and Lenzi horror household names. In a nutshell the white man must pay for trying to civilize the uncivilized.

When will they ever listen?

But what have we learned from the best cannibal movies of all time?

1.) The white man thinks he knows it all

When will the white man learn he can't control the cannibal natives. Be it for TV ratings or brainwashing the population, shit always hits the fan. Leave the poor blue smurfs alone (sorry wrong movie). All your technology doesn't mean shit when you got an arrow in the knee.

2.) Brains, Eyeballs and intenstines are fuckin tasty

Don't judge the natives because they like eating human sushi.

3.) The natives win because they have home court advantage

Civilized people don't know shit about the jungle. Can they swing through trees? Fuck no. Do they know the shortcuts to the river? Hell no. Natives know everything. You can run but no way can you hide.

4.) Documentary filmmakers have short life spans

It doesn't even have to be death by cannibals. I can only imagine the malaria, flesh eating virus and other fatal things that one can get in the jungle.

5.) When you see a body with a fuckin pole through somebody's mouth, it's time to fuckin leave

I mean it's common sense.

*********************************************

Do you have others? Chime in below! What do you think about Eli Roth's new movie? Will it live up to Holocause, Ferox?

Categories: cannibal ferox, cannibal films, cannibal holocaust, cannibal scalping, cannibals, eli roth, exploitation film, jungle holocaust, top 5 cannibal movies

10 Things from 70s Times Square that exploitation movies need to bring back

Exploitation and grindhouse movies these days are no longer that exploitative. Sure Tarantino and Rodriguez can call their movie Grindhouse, but somehow if I'm not offended by it, it's not really exploitation. Planet Terror, Death Proof, Machete and Hobo with a Shotgun are all solid flicks but these as you would expect are sanitized Hollywood flicks for the masses.

70s Times Square could care less about the masses. They catered to the guy with the fedora, large sunglasses and trench coat. The true grindhouse films wanted to shock the shit out of you for 70 or so minutes. Bad dubbing, recut and edited foriegn flicks, and retitled films were the standard. But you'd have a wide selection of the WTF and outrageous. Movies that would offend you, test your limits and obliterate your tolerance for the absurd.

Clearly we've all grown up from our 70s scumminess and we'd hope to be a more tolerant and equal society. But a tiny part of me wants to see some exploitative absurdity, something that goes waaaay extreme that you can't believe what you just saw. A millennial Pink Flamingos if you will. 

Will we ever see any of these things/subjects ever made into a feature to call themselves real exploitation?

1.) Super duper racist films

Fight for your Life was completely nuts. Thing about this plot. 3 escaped inmates, a white trash redneck, a Mexican and an Asian violently assault a black minister. You've offended every race in America in one movie. Movies like Goodbye Uncle Tom supposedly cashed in on the blaxploitation craze but 70s grindhouse cashed in by being so offensive, you'd think a race riot would happen in the theater.


2.) Sexually violent deviousness

Ahhh clearly the 70s grindhouse could care less for women. Boobs, butts and skin all to be killed off in horrific fashion. I think of the ridiculousness of Patrick, a movie about a comatose man with psychic powers uses them to manipulate a hot nurse. The kills were wickedly hypnotizing and spawned an even more sexually violent sequel from Italy!

3.) Midgets and Freaks

Have you seen the movie Freaks? It was made in 1932 and starred actual midgets and freaks. Clearly we have to be PC about our little people and visually challenged these days. But the ironic part is this film is actually pretty good, shows them as normal people and featured a part of our society that would have been ignored.

4.) Pimps and Hookers (in Atlantic City)

The only time you see pimps and hookers is on HBO's AC Hookers. Oh what fascinating lives these two groups lead and somehow, yes somehow this could be exploited into some awesome movies if you think of it.

5.) Cannibals a Go Go

It's not like there are anymore cannibal tribes in the world anymore right? Right? I mean even if you stereotyped some tribe to be killer cannibals, it's not like they'd actually see the flick. It's the genre I miss the most. Devil white man gets comeuppance for trying to civilize the savages. It's the formula with a message and the gore.

6.) Mondo Schmondo

 Have you seen the footage of Filipinos crucifying themselves on Easter Sunday? No? Then YouTube it. This shit still happens. All countries still have some crazy, wacky rituals and I don't think we've seen them all.

7.) Experimental Surrealistic Nonsense

We all need a little Alejandro Jodorowsky in our lives.

8.) Something Japanese

Rule 34. If you've thought of something so fucked up, so nasty and so disgusting, chances are the Japanese have made a movie about it.

9.) Slashers who are plain old crazy

Luther the Geek was a movie about a carnival freak who bit the heads off chickens and drinks their blood. He then proceeds to kill random people while clucking. We need more films like this.

10.) The New Christina Lindberg

We need a movie where a girl next door vixen gets violated and then goes all revenge served cold. This is an untapped genre begging and pleading to resurface.

What 70s/80s subgenres from the olden days do you miss? Will we ever see any of these highly offensive subgenres/topics/things ever made in the Hollywood machine or the indie underground?

Chime in!

Categories: 70s grindhouse, Alejandro Jodorowsky films, blaxploitation, cannibal films, christina lindberg, exploitation, japanese exploitation, luther the geek, slasher films, times square

The Woman (Review)

The Woman

The Woman (2011)

Directed by Lucky McKee

Oddly enough, I think I was one of the few who watched Andrew van den Houten's The Offpsring, the original movie The Woman is a sequel to. I gave it a "C" which is the equivalent of 2 spinkicks. I originally wrote:

"What the book and Ketchum tried to hint at is that these cannibals are like locusts and it’s in their nature to kill. Moreover, the “civilized” ex-husband versus the uncivilized cannibals act eerily similar when their lives are on the line. That’s the connection you should have made but the movie fails at this and all we’re left with is kid on kid violence for the sake of shock value."

With The Woman however, that connection is clearly made and the shock value is amped up to give you a fuckin punch in the nuts. What you get is a film that clearly satires the -ism it puts front and center and spews a vicious gore appetite, the squeamish may just walk out of the theater (which is what happened in Sundance).

Lucky McKee and Jack Ketchum with The Woman challenge your perceptions of civility by sending you scene after scene of what misogyny and sexism looks like on gamma radiated steroids. It's disgustingly violent and atrociously hard to watch but in this disturbed suburban nightmare, father demands he knows best and some may actually may agree. I was truly mesmerized by this tale of satire-sploitation. It's a film with exploitation characteristics but has so much to say as well.

The Woman will clearly be a "love it" or "hate it" film. It's a satire of the cookie cutter American family and the values they teach to their children. Even in this odd set up of a feral woman being "civilized", there is black humor and a few chuckles. The movie attacks traditional gender roles and the woman in The Woman maybe not be who we think she is. I have to say, it's a masterpiece of Americana horror satire, a film you have to respect because it hints at a truth that we all want to deny is real.

Boring Plot-O-Matic

Family man and lawyer Christoper Cleek (Sean Bridgers) must do what he can to protect his family when he comes into contact with a feral woman (Pollyana McIntosh) living in the woods near his isolated country home. Through a series of harrowing encounters Cleek and his family quickly discover there is more to this woman than anyone would suspect and that sometimes the devil wears a handsome face.

Awesome Review-O-Matic

Let's get the nuthshell plot out of the way. We meet the Cleek family, Chris (Sean Bridgers) our alpha male, hunter and lawyer father, his wife Belle (Angela Bettis) who plays the obedient house mom, their daughter Peggy whose having teen issues that could be featured on MTV, their son Brian, a clone of his father and wee Darlin (their youngest).

Meeting this functional family in suburbia, one can only believe their is more to them than meets the eye. Chris is a motherfuckin patriarch of patriarchs. He is a throwback of man and he has "civilized" his family to know their roles. Discipline is handed out in physical abuse, where a Rick Flair "Woooooo!" would be said after every slap. When Chris discovers a feral woman (Pollyanna McIntosh) in the woods, his instincts (sexual) and other wise get raised and he decides to bring her home to the family for her rehabilitation. Like a sick dog, the family does has dear old dad tells them to.

Soon the dysfunction is hitting everybody in the family. Dad's being too comfortable with our savage in the cellar, son is becoming like dad and the the boiling point of mom is breaking. Secrets are revealed and the final 30 minutes are off the charts on the WTF scale. The Woman is a play on how those red states might believe is what America should be, spewing the same hate on the airwaves and brainwashing their children to do the same.

The performances are top notch with McIntosh delivering a seething anger through incomprehensible dialogue and emotional vengeance stamped to her face. She is beautiful but deadly and shows a flair aiken to Jenny Spain in Dead Girl. Bridgers is stellar as the misogynistic father who unleashes fury to get his respect. Bettis has a memorable scene when she unleashes her vent up frustration and anger. Great overall performances by the cast all around.

The Woman has a feminist agenda for sure. It dabbles on the identity of gender roles, maternal instinct and how compliance is just as deadly when nobody questions authority. It's easy to ask why nobody questions their father's judgement. But one should ask how savages can act civilized while we in the modern world do not. We cover our savagery with colorful dialogue, double entendres and we give B.S. reasons for our abuse.

The Woman shows America's contradiction in a bloody gory horror movie. When you remove the blood and gore, what you get is an examination of how mentally savage we might be. That's almost as sickening as seeing our Woman slaughter her captors.

Gore-ipedia

Ripped Necks
Bloodied corpse
Random neck trauma
Slice and diced
Oozing orifices

Nude-ipedia

The lovely Pollyanna McIntosh gets naked (full frontal) multiple times

WTF moment

The family's secret
The last 15 min

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

The Woman is headed towards my Top 10 Horror Movies of 2011 for sure. I was a little scared this wouldn't live up to the hype I gave it. It is the definitive Lucky McKee movie, the one that hovers above 76% on Rotten Tomatoes and deservedly so. No horror movie this year has made wince, cringe, nauseate and think all the same time. See The Woman.

Rating:
1/2

Check out the trailer.

Categories: 2011 horror movies, cannibal films, cannibals, indie horror, jack ketchum, lucky mckee, the woman

Wrong Turn 3 (Review)

Wrong Turn 3: Left for Dead

Wrong Turn 3: Left for Dead (2009)

Directed by Declan O'Brien

In the first few minutes of Wrong Turn 3, we get full grade A boobies, pot smoking and ocular trauma. You gotta give a film its props for following all the cliches of a cannibal redneck horror film in its initial opening scene.

But that's where it slowly tumbles downhill. But that's not to say the tumble isn't fun. The thing about Wrong Turn 3 is your enjoying yourself while all the characters start dropping one by one. At the bottom of the hill however is a pile of corpses and you can't believe you actually witnessed this stinking pile of crap.

The funny part is I like the Wrong Turn series. Eliza Dushku and my favorite forgotten horror hottie Lindy Booth are in the original. Plus I ranked Wrong Turn 2 #7 on my Top Horror Movies of 2007. So in all likelyhood I'm gonna have to grade this film on a fucked up curve.

So horror minions, it's a review where I answer the burning questions you probably want to know before you see this or if you've already witnessed this semi atrocity, you want to hear the obvious questions answered in the most ridiculous way possible.

Boring Plot-O-Matic

A group of people find themselves trapped in the backwoods of West Virginia, fighting for their lives against a group of vicious and horribly disfigured inbred cannibals.

(that sounds so familiar..doesn't it?)

Awesome Review-O-Matic

OK, let's play Who Wants to see a redneck cannibal movie?!?

1.) So have we seen this before?

Yuppers. And I reviwed plenty of these flicks. See Dismal: Eat or be Eaten, The Cottage, Dying Breed, Gnaw and Offspring.

2.) Is Three Fingers back in this one?

Yah dude. And in this one he's like mega indestructable. I mean this hillybilly can survive gunshots to the chest, hooks to the brain and sharp poles in the stomach. WTF?!? Are their druids involved? Is his heart made out of black ooze? Does he control dream demons?

3.) I heard the plot is about of convicts and correction officers that have to survive against Three Fingers...so is there nudity in this?

Aside from the opening scene and some dead victim boobage, that sums up your Nude-ipedia.

4.) The token black guy totally dies tokenly...right?

Dude. Was there any doubt?

5.) I heard from another review that there are some Saw like kills in this flick. I love Saw so I'm going to put this on top of my Netflix que right after I search for porn. Is this true?

Correct-o-mundo. Here be your Gore-ipedia. I'm not sure how its possible for a redneck, cannibal inbred motherfucker to design Jigsaw like traps. I mean he's got a slice and dice trap, a sickle boobie trap, some wooden spikes trap and a barbwire type thingy. Who the fuck is this guy? Does he go to engineering school for trap making for the hideously deformed?

6.) So after watching the trailer, there seems to be some awesome splatter and gore. I like splatter and gore because I'm mentally unstable. Does that mean I'll like WT3?

Well Mr. Unstable, I thought some of the gore scenes were pretty solid. Ocular trauma, pole in the mouth, pole in the mouth exiting out of the anus, road barbwire trauma. But the movie includes the WORST FUCKIN CGI I have seen...well since Dismal: Eat or be Eaten. Did these movies go the the 99 cents store of CGI? It's almost laughable...well because it is laughable.

7.) I heard from my friend's mother's uncle's half brother's priest's cousin once removed roommate that there is a scene of Convict vs Redneck ultimate battle? Really?

Yeah it almost as bad as watching the Yankees vs Phillies in the World Series.

8.) The NAACP told me this film is racist and sexist. I'd like to know. Is it?

Well you got a Mexican convict, a white skinhead and a convict that probably should be on to Catch a Predator...oh yeah all the white people all survive...so yeah its racist and sexist. Plus the portrayal of inbred, cannibal redneck Americans from West Virgina isn't true at all. They only say that only a few West Virginians are inbred, cannibal rednecks. Let's clear up the facts. West Virginia accounts for all 100% inbred, cannibal rednecks in America. So the point is you should never EVER go to West Virginia...or you will die.

9.) Final girl goes all final girly?

C'mon now...you know the answer to your own question.

10.) Wildly ambiguous ending that can be used to warrant a sequel?

Wow. The film throws a happy ending than explodes a WTF moment ending right after. I've never seen such balls to initiate a wildly ambiguous ending to warrant a sequel.

If you have any other questions, go and ahead and comment and I'll answer them in the most sarcastic and preposterous way possible.

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

So I'm going to give this 2 spinkicks. Remember, I'm grading on a curve. It's only 90 minutes and somehow spawned logic questions of..."How did Three Fingers survive a hook to the head, getting burned alive and then somehow getting ahead of the speeding getaway car?".

Yes horror minions, it's so dumb and stupid you probably will loose a few brain cells watching Wrong Turn 3. It's like moonshine on celluloid. But that doesn't stop us from taking a swig of this foul tasting concoction.

Rating:

Check out the trailer.

Tags:
wrong turn 3, incest death squad review , wrong turn 3 left for dead , horror movie 2009, redneck cannibal movies, horror blog, gratuitous nudity

Categories: cannibal films, cannibals, rednecks, wrong turn, wrong turn 2, wrong turn 3, wrong turn 3 review

Gnaw (Review)

Gnaw

Gnaw (2008)

Directed by Gregory Mandry

You've all seen the posters for Joss Whedon's upcoming Cabin in the Woods right? The taglines take a shot at all the slasher convention "rules" of well cabin in the woods horror films.

These rules were obviously made famous in the Friday the 13th flicks but they've infiltrated many other flicks as well. Cabin Fever, Hills Have Eyes, etc.

Well before you see Whedon's flick, you should watch a movie like Gnaw to know what they are probably going to parody. In the posters for Cabin in the Woods the taglines are....

If an old man warns you not to go there..

Make fun of him.

If you hear a strange sound outside...

Have sex.

If something is chasing you...

Split up.

All the characters in Gnaw follow these rules to a tee. Just a generic horror movie for the generic horror generation. I really thought the UK would be a little better than this. I mean cannibal families in the UK country? Sorry, I just don't buy it. You're too damn civilized for that premise. What else, what else?

Oh yeah, did I mention that the killer family grinds up their victims and makes them into pies?

It's not as cool as it sounds.

Boring Plot-O-Matic

In this dark, tongue in cheek, British Horror, six friends take a holiday in the heart of the English countryside which turns into a culinary nightmare when they discover that their hosts are a sadistic family of cannibals, set on turning their guests into their next meal!

It's nice to have your friends for dinner.

Awesome Review-O-Matic

It's the speed review. I'm here to answer all your pertinent questions about Gnaw.

1.) How many dumb kids go into the woods?
Six.

2.) How many have sex?
Two.

3.) Do they eat the human meat pies?
Yes.

4.) Is it gross?
Not really. They discover a hair in one, a gold tooth in another and a ring in some soup.

5.) Is the caretaker landlady in on it?
You betcha.

6.) Is the final girl preggers?
Yup which makes sure she'll survive all the way to the end.

7.) I heard the slasher dude is known as the Slaughterman, so is he bad ass?
Think a younger Vinnie Jones meets David Beckham with a pitchfork.

8.) Is his mask a raccoon tail with eyeholes?
Yup. Wow strike fear into your victims with roadkill on your face.

9.) Any awesome scenes of kill carnage (aka Gore-ipedia)?
Err.Umm. Ehhh. Girl gets stabbed in the stomach. Some tongue trauma and some grind chipper foot. Nothing to write Fangoria about.

10.) Boobies (Nude-ipedia)?
Yeah, real and not spectacular.

11.) For a movie about cannibals, do they even eat their victims?
Nope. WTF?!?

12.) Is there a scene where one of them says "We can lose him in the woods."
Here be your WTF moment.
OMG, yeah. When has a victim fodder ever thought they could outrun a killer in the woods? I mean honestly.

13.) The ending sucks right?
Fuck yeah it does.

And there you have it. I was expecting a little more effort from a indie UK horror production. I'm gonna have to call out the UK and say leave it up to the revolutionists across the pond when it comes to cannibal, redneck horror. We kinda do it better and it's a little more believable.

Gnaw's tagline is "It's nice to have your friends for dinner". It should be "Been there done that, don't watch this movie"

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

Umm. That's it. The end. Go home now. Review is over. Good night.

Rating:

Check out the trailer.

jaded viewer related linkage:
The Cottage (Review)
Dismal Eat or Be Eaten (Review)


Tags:
gnaw, gnaw review , gnaw trailer , uk horror, cannibal horror, horror blog

Categories: 2009 grindhouse movies, 2009 horror dvd, 2009 horror movies, cannibal films, gnaw, gnaw review, rednecks, UK horror

Jack Ketchum's Offspring (Review)

Jack Ketchum's Offspring

Jack Ketchum's Offspring (2009)

Directed by Andrew van den Houten

[this is a review I wrote for UGO.com's Movie Blog]

I have never read a Jack Ketchum novel so I came into watching Offspring with a unique perspective. The only other Jack Ketchum movie I’ve seen was The Girl Next Door which I ranked #4 on my Top 10 Horror Movies of 2007. So I may not be a big fan, but I do appreciate his vision.

With research, Offspring is a sequel to Ketchum’s novel Off-Season. But horror fans need not read that book as this movie takes place 11 years later. The story revolves around the citizens of Dead River, Maine being invaded by Eartheaters, pseudo American cannibals who are bent on slaughtering the innocent civilians of this quiet town. They are a clan like no other. These cannibals are all “stolen” children and have a wide variety of looks. A blonde cannibal in Mad Max gear, grown up cannibals in Native American stripper leather and to top it all off we have little kiddie cannibals, all unique in their personalities. When the first horrific murders occur, the local police bring back former Sheriff George Peters (Art Hindle) to investigate.

The main townies are introduced and they are no pushover teenagers. David and Amy, a married couple who live with their infant daughter are soon visited by Amy’s friend Claire and her son Luke. Later, Claire’s crazy, psycho husband Stephen threatens to visit and we see his true persona as a misogynistic yuppie when he picks up a hitchhiker.

But all this is set up so that when the scenes of complete slaughter and destruction occur, your empathy gene turns on. The meat and potatoes of Offspring and where Ketchum’s critical acclaim comes from are the scenes of unrelenting violence by the cannibals. Gorehounds will rejoice as we get a wide variety of splatterific moments. Ocular trauma, ripped necks, sliced up stomachs and oozing intestines, infanticide, 3rd degree burnage and a decapitation to the head that was uber stellar.

But top notch gore alone can only go so far to make a movie. The fight scenes are badly executed, the dialogue a little cheesy and the costumes look like they were bought at a less than a dollar store. The characters, probably given more backstory in the book are more like nameless victim fodder. Their deaths lack any viewer attachments and even a horrible rape and bite sequence made me care less.

What the book and Ketchum tried to hint at is that these cannibals are like locusts and it’s in their nature to kill. Moreover, the “civilized” ex-husband versus the uncivilized cannibals act eerily similar when their lives are on the line. That’s the connection you should have made but the movie fails at this and all we’re left with is kid on kid violence for the sake of shock value. I appreciate a hatchet to the chest as much as the next gorehound, but it doesn’t make for an entirely awesome flick. Like the cannibals, you’ll get an arm and a leg to nibble on, but don’t expect to get full from Offspring.


DVD Features:

• Commentary with Writer Jack Ketchum, Director Andrew van den Houten, and Producer/Cinematographer William M. Miller
• Progeny: The Birth of Offspring documentary
• BailoutPrintable Script
• Webisodes
• Photo Gallery
  

Grade: C

You'll like it if....

• You’re a hardcore Jack Ketchum fan
• You love cannibals running amok
• You’re a gorehound and love splatterpunk
  

You won't like it if....

• You bad costumes and cheesy dialogue get on your nerves
• You think Wrong Turn was awful
• You are squeamish when it comes to blood and ocular trauma

Categories: 2009 exploitation movies, 2009 grindhouse movies, 2009 horror dvd, cannibal films, jack ketchum, offspring, offspring review

Meat Grinder (Trailer)

Haven't had your fill of human food cannibal films? Was The Untold Story, Three Extreme's "Dumpling" and others not enough?

Well Thailand, which I thought only made Muy Thai films has got something new in store for you.

Check out the trailer for Meat Grinders. It's delicious.





Also head over to Twitch for a full extended trailer.

Categories: cannibal films, cannibals, meat grinders, meat grinders trailer, thai horror movies, thai movies, the untold story

Top 10 Ruggero Deodato Films of All Time

If your noob, your first time hearing the name Ruggero Deodato was from Eli Roth's mouth as he featured a cameo of Deodato as a cannibal doctor in Hostel.

If your a jaded viewer like myself, Deodato is in the pantheon of the kick ass directors, legendary and mythic. Deodato's filmography is so filled with awesomeness that it's a testament to the man whose resume includes the best cannibal movie of ALL FUCKIN TIME.

So let's count down the best of the best. Yeah I know, some of these flicks are horrible wrecks of a movie (knockoff slashers, pseudo erotica, cheesy exploding action flicks), but it's a list of his decent to best. Keep a fuckin open mind will you?

Here is the top 10 Ruggero Deodato movies of all time.


10.) Concorde Affaire '79 (1979)

Why it kicks ass: Plane crashes, sharks and concorde jets. What more do you need?

The Trailer:








9.) Phantom of Death (1988)

Why it kicks ass: Weird thriller starring Michael York and Donald Pleasance where York discovers a rare disease that makes him go insane. Kills a plenty and who knows, maybe even Deodato was commenting on social issues and shit.

The Trailer:





8.) Body Count (1987)

Why it kicks ass: Deodato tries to cash in on Friday the 13th mania in this slasher knockoff.

The Trailer:





7.) Dial Help (1988)

Why it kicks ass: A psychic finds herself tapping into the "energy" of a deceased phone operator. Pseudo erotic thriller/horror that has that oh so cheesy 80s problem: a ridiculous plot with cheap scares. MST3K worthy in so many ways. Good times.

The Trailer:





6.) Cut and Run (1985)

Why it kicks ass: It's Michael Berryman (see Hills Have Eyes) !!! Last part of the legendary Deodato cannibal trilogy.

The Trailer:






5.) The Barbarians (1987)

Why it kicks ass: Conan inspired sword and sorcery! Kutchek and Gore are played by the bad boys of bodybuilding the Paul brothers. Feel the power!!!


The Trailer:





4.) Raiders of Atlantis (1983)

Why it kicks ass: This is the best post apocalyptic punk, biker, Mad Max-ish movie about scientists and Vietnam vets who have to fight the descendants of Atlantis. I mean look at that trailer. It has all the action cliches of every 80s movies ever made.

The Trailer:





3.) Ultimo Mondo Cannibale (1977)

Why it kicks ass: One of the best cannibal movies ever made.


The Trailer:






2.) House on the Edge of the Park (1980)

Why it kicks ass: Cashing in on the Wes Craven's Last House on the Left success, this pseudo sequel stars Michael Hess as a sadistic rapist killer. A classic in its own right, this and Last House are part of the hall of fame of rape and revenge films.


The Trailer:






1.) Cannibal Holocaust (1980)

Why it kicks ass: The Masterpiece. Nuff said.

Trailer:





Well I hope that was educational for you. All the trailers are full of LOLs and Ha Ha's that never get old. This list took a while to compile, so let me know what you think by leaving a comment.

Now, we just have to wait for Deodato's long awaited sequel to Cannibal Holocaust, vanilla titled Cannibals to come out and we can probably add one more to the list.

I can't wait.



Tags:
cannibal movies, cannibal holocaust , ruggero deodato , top cannibal movies, ,ultimo mondo cannibale, raiders of atlantis,

Categories: cannibal films, cannibal holocaust, cannibals, House on the Edge of the Park, raiders of atlantis, ruggero deodato, the barbarians, top 10 ruggero deodato films of all time, ultimo mondo canibale

Isle of the Damned (Review)

Isle of the Damned

Isle of the Damned (2008)

Directed by Mark Colegrove

Sometimes the legends get parodied into oblivion.

Think about it. George A. Romero, the living legend maestro of zombie films made a half ass zombie pseudo diary flick while in comparison zombie horror comedies are scoring hit after hit.

The same can be said about the cannibal genre. Before his death, Italian Ed Wood, Bruno Mattei was generating badly made homage after homage to the king Ruggero Deodato and his infamous Cannibal Holocaust films.

And the parody was sometimes as entertaining as the cannibal film it was making fun of.

So we didn't wait too long until we Americans made our own. And I gotta admit, I let out a few LOL's while I watched Isle of the Damned, Dire Wit's new film parody of cannibal movies.

Isle of the Damned is a funny flick, going 10.0 on the parody Richter scale and is so knowledgable of its source material that it mocks the mockery of the cannibal flick by making fun of the best scenes the subgenre has to offer.

It's a sketch comedy come to life, where the viewer becomes the viewee and makes some ha ha's for the little community. It would probably have worked way better if it was 3 minutes and viewed on YouTube (probably could have garnered a jillion views by now).

Because I have to say 80 minutes is a bit much for an entire mock of a genre most people haven't watched.

But the low budget production values are actually impressive. And the jokes are like the presents Jokey Smurf had Brainy Smurf open.
KABOOM!!!

It does get kinda repetitive, but for some unknown reason I couldn't stop laughing.

Boring Plot-O-Matic

In Antonello Giallo's follow up to the notorious Pleasures of the Damned, private investigator Jack Steele is hired by a mysterious treasure hunter to help find the lost treasure of Marco Polo. Along for the trip is Jack's adopted son, Billy.

Their search brings them to an island off the coast of Argentina... and into the clutches of a primitive cannibal tribe, the Yamma Yamma. Alexis Kinkaid, a mysterious recluse who has made his home on the island amongst the cannibals, may hold the key to unlocking the island's secret... if they don't end up in the belly of a savage first!

Isle of the Damned, originally released in Italy in 1980, brought Giallo under fire yet again by the Italian government, who were outraged by the shocking and real scenes of primitive tribal rituals and cannibalism portrayed in the film. The film has been long out of print, but is presented here in a digitally remastered form.

Awesome Review-O-Matic

The mocks Isle of the Damned savagely scalp at in this parody are the best the top cannibal movies.

Here's a few they rip apart.

1.) The Deodato folklore is parodied as we "uncover" Antonello Giallo's long lost cannibal film which he was prosecuted by the Italian government for.

2.) The castration scene from Cannibal Ferox

3.) Jack Steele's fake mustached, Magnum PI glasses is a whole mock of all 70's final dudes

4.) Ridiculous scenes of wildlife (rhino, crocs, spiders, rabbits, snakes, etc.) plus a few yuckies of pseudo animal abuse and torture (ala Cannibal Holocaust)

5.) Alexis Kincaid, the Dr. Moreau like anthropologist who states the declaration "We are the savages, not the cannibals" motto (ala Jungle Holocaust)

6.) Cain the silent "Last Dragon", Bruce Lee parody

7.) Brain eating (like in Cannibal Ferox)

8.) The bad dubbing and staticky look of the film are as 70s grindhouse homages

9.) The infamous pole torture (from Cannibal Holocaust)

10.) An actual piranha scene (this was a scene that Deodato never completed in Holocaust)

The characters are bit extremy with our main dude Jack Steele, his ward Billy, Cain our kung fooey former Japanese assassin and the main baddy Harold who will do anything to find the gold of Marco Polo.

Kincaid gives the civilized vs savage speech and the dialogue is cleverly ridiculous.

Some unheterosexual moment parodies are a little goofy, breaking the non stop tone of the flick and a mute on mute relationship seemed just fuckin dumb.

A gratuitous sodomy ritual made up for some of the jokes that didn't work.

Aside from that, it's the ridiculousness of the cannibal movie itself that sometimes doesn't even need to be made fun of. White guys pretending to be cannibals is funny to a point.

But all in all, Isle of the Damned actually was gut wretchingly well done for a $20k dollar budget. It's full of edited swipes, clock fades and bad static.

It's these little things that made this YouTube millenial turd smell all flowery.

A lot of pretend moviemakers are YouTubing their own movies, but the guys and girls and Dire Wit made something pretty entertaining.

Because I'm really getting sick of seeing bad trailers of popular movies that these kids are making these days.

I'll be definitely checking in on what these guys are up to in the future. But please don't make a zombie parody. We've had waaaay to much of that of late.

Seriously guys, don't do zombies. Please.

Gore-ipedia (if you want to be shocked don't read)

Castration
Face peeling
Intestinal munching
Brain eating
Hand decaps
Leg decaps
Wooden spike trauma
Piranha bloody water torture
Cannibal slaughter
Feces eating
Knife assing

Nude-ipedia (because you like boobies)

Some white "cannibal" boobies

WTF moment

Sodomy ritual for cowards

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

It's a B or even C movie. The 21st century is still alive with dudes with a camera who make flicks and then go to a Chiller convention and hock it to the masses.

Fuck, I've gone to the same Chiller convention and bought these flicks. And I know it's because these guys love making movies for people like me.

Indie parodies are a rare subgenre, but kudos to the people who make em and make em good.

Just don't make that zombie parody. Seriously, don't.

Check out the official site here and the MySpace page.

Rating:

1/2

The Trailer





Tags:
cannibal movies, cannibal holocaust , cannibal ferox , Mondo Cannibale, , isle of the damned, , isle of the damned review, , ultimo mondo cannibale, bruno mattei,

Categories: cannibal films, cannibal holocaust, cannibal scalping, cannibals, dire wit films, isle of the damned, isle of the damned review, isle of the damned trailer, Mondo Cannibale

Mondo Cannibale (Review)

Mondo Cannibale

Mondo Canniable aka Cannibal World aka Cannibal Holocaust: The Beginning (2003)

Directed by Vincent Dawn (aka Bruno Mattei)

Bruno Mattei has a resume of seemingly MST3K worthy movies. Most of them ripoffs of many big blockbuster hits: Terminator, Zombie, Jaws.

So its fitting he'd make a shot by shot remake of Cannibal Holocaust. And for all its Ed Wood qualities, I can't say this is total utter shit. It's sorta got a B-movie Hollywood popcorn feel to it.

It's definitely a midnight matinee movie I'd go see, with friends and totally make fun of. And so that's the way I'm looking at it.

Boring Plot-O-Matic

The network where the famous anchorwoman Grace Forsyte works, is collapsing and she would do everything to regain the favor of the audience, therefore she convinces her professional team to go to the Amazon jungle for a sensational scoop about the cannibals.

Awesome Review-O-Matic

Thank God for Chiller. Yes I could have possibly torrented or found this flick on eBay. But Chiller gave me easy access to buy these flicks as they should be bought. Bad DVD cover art, bootleg DVD-R disc with no labels and half the description on the back in Japanese!

Woohoo.

What you're looking for in any cannibal movie is the following:

1.) Cannibals (duh!)
2.) Gratuitous nudity
3.) A scene of a pure, unadulterated, disgusting sicko atrocity
4.) Cannibal picnic munching
5.) White people disturbing an indiginous culture

Let's take a look at each piece of the puzzle more closely.

Cannibals

Looks like they got their cannibal extras from the Philippines (as this is where it was filmed) and if dressed up properly, anybody can pass as a cannibal. Fuck John McCain could be a passable cannibal.

A few "hi mom" moments from our pretend cannibals, some fucked up carnivore munching and for the most part you got a decent convincing tribe.

Gratuitous Nudity

Our intrepid white reporters give us some shiny boobies to look at. Perfectly tanned!

A scene of a pure, unadulterated, disgusting sicko atrocity

This movie had plenty. But I gotta go with the ripping of a pregnant woman's stomach and munching on her unborn fetus and intestines. Also, a beheading and some burned alive tribal women. And all filmed by our documentary filmmakers for their cable channel.

Seriously what channel is this on?

Cannibal picnic munching

Lots of it. Even some brain munching and some testicle eating. Because testicles are fuckin tasty.

White people disturbing an indigenous culture

You know very well whats going to happen to our documentary crew. For ratings, they decide to stage a "attack" from a neighboring tribe and start to fuck up the locals. Burning their village, women and children, shooting the shit out of people.

And ironically, they get what they deserved in the end. Eaten alive.

And you know why they lost? Because like zombies, there are a fuckin lot of cannibals. It's pure numbers really. You can shoot them, but your gonna run out of ammunition.

And they keep coming. And they're hungry and pissed. And testicles are yummy.

Influences

Every movie on this list: Top 5 Cannibal Movies of All Time

Gore-ipedia (if you want to be shocked don't read)

Cannibal eating
Beheading
Burned beyond recognition
Intestine splurging
Decaps
Rape
I kind listed everything in my review didn't I?

Nude-ipedia (because you like boobies)

See gratuitous nudity

WTF moment

There was gratuitous rape. Read that again. Gratuitous rape.

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

If you want to MST3k this, this is the perfect movie for you. If you want to see a cannibal movie, go see one of the Top 5 I listed above. Bruno Mattei made a Commandoes vs Cannibals movie which I think is probably more fun to watch than this piece of crap.

But hey, I'll take my cannibals anyway I can get em.

Rating:

The Trailer





Tags:
cannibal movies, cannibal holocaust , cannibal ferox , Mondo Cannibale, , Dr Butcher MD, , Mondo Cannibale Review, , ultimo mondo cannibale, bruno mattei,

Categories: bruno mattei, cannibal films, cannibal holocaust, cannibal scalping, Cannibal World, cannibals, Mondo Cannibal review, Mondo Cannibale, top 5 cannibal movies

NEW! Cannibals Movie Poster Unveiled!

Bloody Disgusting has unveiled the new poster for Ruggero Deodato's new cannibal movie called obviously Cannibals.

Check it out here.

Categories: cannibal films, cannibal holocaust, cannibals, ruggero deodato

Top 5 Cannibal Movies Of All Time

With the talk of a Cannibal Holocaust remake, we here at the jadedviewer decided to throw a quick list together of the Top 5 Cannibal movies of all time. For the uninitiated, the cannibal genre was big sub genre of exploitation films in the 70s.

White people go to the jungle to exploit the natives for their own selfish means (either dollars or fame). Cannibals run amok and start to eat the reporters.

Gore, REAL animal mutitaltion, flesh eating and many disembowelments later, you begin to realize you shouldn't book your next vacation in South America.

Spearheaded (pun intended) by directors like Ruggero Deodato, Umberto Lenzi and Joe D'Amato, the late 70s and early 80s were abuzz with these grindhouse flicks.

Cannibal films are a staple of the underground flicks every horror fan needed to see.

So if you're a newbie and what to expand your exploitation film knowledge see all the movies listed below.

5.) Mangiati vivi! (aka Emerald Jungle aka Eaten Alive!) (1980)

Director: Umberto Lenzi



4.) Cannibal Ferox (aka Make Them Die Slowly) (1981)

Director: Umberto Lenzi



3.) Zombi Holocaust (aka Dr. Butcher M.D.) (1980)

Director: Marino Girolami



2.) Ultimo mondo Canibale (aka Jungle Holocaust aka Last Cannibal World) (1977)

Director: Ruggero Deodato



1.) Cannibal Holocast (1980)

Director: Ruggero Deodato








Tags:
cannibal movies, cannibal holocaust , cannibal ferox , emerald jungle, , Dr Butcher MD, , jungle holocaust, , ultimo mondo cannibale,
zombi holocaust,

Categories: cannibal ferox, cannibal films, cannibal holocaust, dr butcher md, emerald jungle, jungle holocaust, ruggero deodato, ultimo mondo canibale, umberto lenzi, zombi holocaust