Wednesday, November 05, 2008

Mondo Cannibale (Review)

Mondo Cannibale

Mondo Canniable aka Cannibal World aka Cannibal Holocaust: The Beginning (2003)

Directed by Vincent Dawn (aka Bruno Mattei)

Bruno Mattei has a resume of seemingly MST3K worthy movies. Most of them ripoffs of many big blockbuster hits: Terminator, Zombie, Jaws.

So its fitting he'd make a shot by shot remake of Cannibal Holocaust. And for all its Ed Wood qualities, I can't say this is total utter shit. It's sorta got a B-movie Hollywood popcorn feel to it.

It's definitely a midnight matinee movie I'd go see, with friends and totally make fun of. And so that's the way I'm looking at it.

Boring Plot-O-Matic

The network where the famous anchorwoman Grace Forsyte works, is collapsing and she would do everything to regain the favor of the audience, therefore she convinces her professional team to go to the Amazon jungle for a sensational scoop about the cannibals.

Awesome Review-O-Matic

Thank God for Chiller. Yes I could have possibly torrented or found this flick on eBay. But Chiller gave me easy access to buy these flicks as they should be bought. Bad DVD cover art, bootleg DVD-R disc with no labels and half the description on the back in Japanese!


What you're looking for in any cannibal movie is the following:

1.) Cannibals (duh!)
2.) Gratuitous nudity
3.) A scene of a pure, unadulterated, disgusting sicko atrocity
4.) Cannibal picnic munching
5.) White people disturbing an indiginous culture

Let's take a look at each piece of the puzzle more closely.


Looks like they got their cannibal extras from the Philippines (as this is where it was filmed) and if dressed up properly, anybody can pass as a cannibal. Fuck John McCain could be a passable cannibal.

A few "hi mom" moments from our pretend cannibals, some fucked up carnivore munching and for the most part you got a decent convincing tribe.

Gratuitous Nudity

Our intrepid white reporters give us some shiny boobies to look at. Perfectly tanned!

A scene of a pure, unadulterated, disgusting sicko atrocity

This movie had plenty. But I gotta go with the ripping of a pregnant woman's stomach and munching on her unborn fetus and intestines. Also, a beheading and some burned alive tribal women. And all filmed by our documentary filmmakers for their cable channel.

Seriously what channel is this on?

Cannibal picnic munching

Lots of it. Even some brain munching and some testicle eating. Because testicles are fuckin tasty.

White people disturbing an indigenous culture

You know very well whats going to happen to our documentary crew. For ratings, they decide to stage a "attack" from a neighboring tribe and start to fuck up the locals. Burning their village, women and children, shooting the shit out of people.

And ironically, they get what they deserved in the end. Eaten alive.

And you know why they lost? Because like zombies, there are a fuckin lot of cannibals. It's pure numbers really. You can shoot them, but your gonna run out of ammunition.

And they keep coming. And they're hungry and pissed. And testicles are yummy.


Every movie on this list: Top 5 Cannibal Movies of All Time

Gore-ipedia (if you want to be shocked don't read)

Cannibal eating
Burned beyond recognition
Intestine splurging
I kind listed everything in my review didn't I?

Nude-ipedia (because you like boobies)

See gratuitous nudity

WTF moment

There was gratuitous rape. Read that again. Gratuitous rape.

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

If you want to MST3k this, this is the perfect movie for you. If you want to see a cannibal movie, go see one of the Top 5 I listed above. Bruno Mattei made a Commandoes vs Cannibals movie which I think is probably more fun to watch than this piece of crap.

But hey, I'll take my cannibals anyway I can get em.


The Trailer

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