Wednesday, June 23, 2010

10 things that would lead to a jaded viewer apocalypse

If you carefully read my reviews or features or whatever, I've come up with an inside joke or a running gag about the site. If somehow I ever got a quote from one of my REVIEWS on a DVD cover, I would immediately end the site.

So far this has not happened as of yet. The probability of this happening I think is around 30%. Not too good because A.) most of my reviews have profanity and B.) I really doubt I have any good quotes a company or filmmaker could use.

I'd like to point out I've come close. My quote appears on the DVD cover of Incest Death Squad. But the loophole here is that the quote is from my review of THE TRAILER and not the review. I also had a quote of mine in the trailer for Dead Hooker in a Trunk. Alas, this is in a trailer so that doesn't count either.

I'm thinking if a filmmaker or marketing company paid attention or *gasp* likes my site, they wouldn't want it to end and would thus never put a quote of mine on a DVD cover, but c'mon now, that's just silly. They don't even know about the gag....hmm until now. Well that's sorta contradictory of me right? I want to see my name and site quoted but I don't want to end the site. That's why this works on both levels...hehehe.

So which is why I'm adding more to the list of things that would lead to the site going atomic. If any of this happens, the jaded viewer would go bye bye.

If you're worried, trust me these things are not likely but could happen (yeah a few of em are preposterous, but whatever, it's funny no?)

10.) An actual apocalypse (aka the end of the world)
9.) Marriage (however if the wife to be was pro jaded would keep the site alive!)
8.) A horror movie wins best picture at the Academy Awards
7.) I get a kiss from Sarah Michelle Gellar
6.) Both my arms get severed
5.) I win the lottery
4.) I reach 5,000 followers on Twitter
3.) I get to be a zombie in a Romero film
2.) I do a shot with Jean Claude Van Damme
1.) My quote appears on a DVD cover of a horror movie

Well now all of you are in on the joke. It's fun to share the gag. Now, only time will tell if any of these things ever happen. Until they do, the jaded viewer keeps on truckin.


  1. My list is shorter and more ridiculous.Keep writing,it's what you do best.


  2. for $8.75 and a 6 pack of beer i'd gladly end my blog....

  3. Alright J, so for number 6...what if both of your arms are cut off but the technology of speech to text is finally mastered and and released for public use? Is six still applicable then?

  4. If someone offered me a fuck'n career then, yeah, I'd stop. Ha!

  5. Geof - Hmmm I think we have a loophole!

    Beed - Everybody should put up a list! I may get the horror blogosphere to write about this.

    Stoner - If I could get wings with the money and would be tempting.

    David P - hahaha blogging for a living would be the shit.

  6. Hmm... these things could actually happen. Let's just hope they don't, though.

  7. "A horror movie wins best picture at the Academy Awards"

    Hehehe, I think an actual apocalypse would be more likely to happen.