Everybody thinks it would be cool to be a vampire. You live forever, you get to have super strength and possibly even hyptonize hot girls to do your bidding. Sure, there's that sunlight problem, crucifixes are a nuisance and that overwhelming thirst for blood.
Beats being a zombie though right?
From the jaded viewer inbox comes this indie vampire flick entitled Midnight Son. Here be your plot:
MIDNIGHT SON is the story of Jacob, a young man confined to a life of isolation, due to a rare skin disorder that prevents him from being exposed to sunlight. His world opens up when he meets Mary, a local bartender, and falls in love. Tragically, Jacob’s actions become increasingly bizarre as he struggles to cope with the effects of his worsening condition. Forced by the disease to drink human blood for sustenance, he must control his increasingly violent tendencies as local law enforcement narrow their focus on him as a suspect in a series of grisly murders.
The new chic movie thing to do is make realistic supernatural flicks and it looks like Midnight Son strives to make the bloodsucker night creature more believable than ever. With a few vampire flicks already making that claim, we'll have to judge to see if Midnight Son can hold it's own.
OMG. You so have to watch the trailer below of the new movie from action choreographer Panna Rittikrai. He is the man responsible for those insane action stunts, muy thai fights and crazy battles from Ong Bak to many other action stunts.
His stunt team is now world renown and with Tony Jaa off at a monastery (seriously, I'm not kidding), there are quite a few budding action stars that want to make a name for themselves. But they're all going to make an audition in Bangkok Knockout which looks fuckin awesome.
Watch it now.
You done?
Wait did I just see the following:
A dude jump over a burning car?
A burning dude smash through a wall?
A dude get by a car going 100 mph?
A couple of dudes getting run over by a car?
A guy get run over by a motorcycle?
A fight scene take place at the bottom of a moving truck?
Flying backwards kicks?
Evil American warlord?
A dude avoiding a car by spinning?
A flying knee kick to the throat?
A backward scissors kick?
Simultaneous leap frog kicks?
Flying bike kicks?
Bangkok Knockout comes out in Thailand on December 10, 2010.Magnolia Pictures has picked up the film for US distribution. No stateside release date announced yet.
OK what do you think? Are you freakin excited? Well I am. This looks awesome.
A Serbian Film (2010) Directed by Srdjan Spasojevic
"It's like a cartoon for grownups"
That's a quote from one of the characters in A Serbian Film, which by now if you're a fan of the film festival circuit, you know about the reputation this film has received.
Was it a movie critiquing the Serbian government's brainwashing of ordinary citizens into committing atrocities during the war? Or is it a vile, disgusting piece of crap pretending to be art?
Honestly, I don't know. As I watched I tried to see if there was satire as we watch the de-evolution of our main character Milos. But viewing fucked up scene after fucked up scene, I was kind of shocked into a jaded submission of WTF. Something is being said about the Serbian's ravaged past but all that kept echoing was "NEWBORN PORN!"
That is one of the many fucked up things that happens in A Serbian Film.
Critics have either praised or been disgusted by the film and I now know why. Having heard of this film through the festival grapevine (and that it was being banned from film fests) I can honestly say it's a downright despicable film from the beginning and especially towards the end.
In the vain of Palumbo's Murder Set Pieces, Buttgereit's Nekromantik, Oldboy, August Underground and Hostel, the movie shocks and shocks until you vomit and then shocks some more. I of course have made it a point to see all the most fucked up movies and to be honest, yeah it's sickening but not as sickening as I thought it would be.
Could a commentary on Serbia's government and the lives of its citizens NOT be done in such a vile manor? Sure, but nobody would go see it. Only the art cinephiles would see a subtitled film portraying the atrocities of a small country in Eastern Europe.
So Srdjan Spasojevic and writer Aleksandar Radivojevic decided to go the exploitation/horror sub genre to make a point. Exploitation is now the new chic, the "It" genre, the rebooted sub genre that used to be the stepchild of the horror genre.
And that's why I think it's effective. Can anybody truly "like" a movie like this? Of course not. But in it's perverted, fucked up way, it was effective in doing the 3 things it set out to do.
Shock the hell out of people
Say something important
Get people talking
Be honest, it does all 3 and it does it well. Boring Plot-O-Matic
Milos is a former porn star who is down on his luck financially. When he receives a call from his long-time movie actress partner, Layla, he welcomes her call. Apparently she's heard that a new film director wants to hire Milos to star in his "artistically-designed" porn film for a very generous price. He is easily lured form his semi-retirement by the lucrative offer, agreeing to meet the director in an isolated mansion.
As the filming progresses, Milo begins to suspect that the director's intentions may be darker than mere pornography. As the film begins to devolve into a horrifically violent production, Milos finds escape may not be an option Awesome Review-O-Matic
To tell you which scenes were most shocking is like telling you what part of the haunted house the scares are going to come from. If I just wrote down and described to you all the WTF moments, it wouldn't have the same impact as seeing it. So no spoilers here.
"My son is 15 years old and wanted to see this film at a friends house. He can watch most horror films OK and enjoys them but I'm a bit worried about this one. Is it really that bad?"
American Remake?
Hahahaha. Too funny. Umm no kids should not being watch a movie that has pornography, rape, bloody violence and Skinemax style sexual acts. Jeez.
But I digress. The movie is indeed an extreme film that will jolt Joe Moviegoer and make even the most jaded viewer cringe. (hahaha pun intended). I'm adding fuel to the fire. So how does this controversial film accomplish what it set out to do?
What the shock?
The first 40 or so minutes is set up. We follow Milos, a now retired porn star with a wife and little boy. We can see he yearns slightly for his past sexcapades but his ultimate driving force is for his family. The set up is not without it's weird scenes as we see Milos's 5 yr old son watch his father's work via VHS (yes VHS!).
It's not until Milos agrees to star in Vukmir's "art" porn that our "artist of fuck" starts to wonder what he's gotten himself into. Soon he's being followed by bodyguards doubling as camera operators. Spasojevic litters the next 30 or so minutes with hard to stomach scenes ranging from violent BJs, To Catch a Predator innuendo and the kicker of it all "newborn porn". I'm going to leave that last bit alone. It's enough to make me cringe all over again.
The film is no holds barred when it comes to sex. Bordering on porn, it's full frontal with all its nudity and its simulated sex scenes. There isn't any soft music with rose petals here dude. It's grimy, filthy, bloody violent sexual insanity. All of it contained in a feverish frenzy of nightmares and reality mixed in.
Slowly Milos is trapped on an endless loop of depravity where he loses himself. Discovering what's been done to him, he goes all vengeance served cold but it's far to late. When we get to the end, the climax is reprehensible and the twists are revealed and the ultimate WTF moment is shown to our now raped retinas.
The movie does a decent job of slowly burning the shock into our minds. The first scenes Milos has to "film" are tame in the beginning but become more fucked up as we go along. By the time we see the reveal of everything that has happened, you are tolerable enough to withstand the impact (well at least I was).
Yes the movie shocks and awes and punches you in the balls with a steel toed boot. I'll admit, it does everything as advertised. So say something important
If I really think about it hard enough, yeah there is a slight political message in the film. Milos, a common man is seduced into making an art house porn film (if there is such a thing which is an argument in itself). Slowly, he is turned into a raving sexual lunatic made to do the most deplorable acts by the director.
If the message by Srdjan Spasojevic and Aleksandar Radivojevic is to say that ordinary men were tricked by the Serbian government to kill and commit unspeakable atrocities during the Yugoslavian war and they have still not recovered, it's definitely within the context of the film.
Sex and violence are almost interchangeable within the world of film these days. If this movie had been about an ex military sniper who is lured back to kill again, we would not even give this type of movie a second guess. Say this sniper killed not just men but women and kids, we'd be aghast but not completely shocked. But A Serbian Film substitutes sex for violence and somehow it's more sickening. Sex and violence go hand in hand and the filmmakers know this. They're aware of how the old 70s American grindhouse movie would justify rape with revenge. Do they do this effectively? Like a punch in the face, yeah they do.
Porn is the cinematic equivalent of an action themed blood soaked war film. Is seeing rape depicted on scene far worse than seeing a man shot point blank in the head? Aren't these similar in fuckedupness? Both are acts of violence yet somehow one is worst than another?
Americans don't really know about what goes on outside our borders. I only recently understood the Yugoslavian war through a ESPN 30 for 30 documentary about Vlade Divac and Drazen Petrovic. If somehow the director and writer wanted to make a statement about their country's plight to me, the average American cinephile, they picked the genre with the most impact.
Hell, I can't resist a exploitation movie.
Damn, now I'm talking about this
So with my positive review, I've chosen the side which believes the movie has a point to prove. Can it be said that other shocking films have one? The fact that A Serbian Film can say something says a lot about this most messed up movie.
Sometimes, a food doesn't look all too good. It also smells and looks peculiar. But when you bite into it, it taste fuckin awesome.
I'm not saying I'm going to eat A Serbian Film all the time, but I'd say for the adventurous and probably jaded viewers out there, it's a good solid snack. There aren't many movies out there that take chances that want to shock the shit out of people. Most of the ones have come overseas which includes Martyrs, Inside and Them. These films go over the proverbial edge to make a point. They try to drop an ACME anvil over your head to make a statement.
I can say adamantly A Serbian Film clearly does that.
Nude-ipedia
Tons of full frontal nudity by hot women BBA trifecta (boobs, bush and ass) Full frontal male nudity
Gore-ipedia
Beheaded head splatter Head bashing Gun shot trauma Tons of carnage
WTF moment
Newborn pron?!??! The climactic ending
The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis
The film has made it's way through a bunch of film festivals. Supposedly in the UK, it's been cut by 3 minutes.
Should you see it?
Yeah why the fuck not? It's not everyday you see a movie which is a total mindfuck. I make it my mission to challenge myself by viewing movies that want to challenge the way I think about the world and also to challenge my psyche and my senses. Plain and simple, A Serbian Film does both. The Vitals
I never think a director or writer ever reads my reviews. The Jaded Viewer is a small corner of the interweb and I mean you'd think they'd be to busy to bother to read what a NYC horror blogger has to say about their film.
But when I reviewed Gary King's Dismal: Eat or be Eaten, I kinda made a few zingers at the movie's expense. Shockingly, I got an e-mail from writer and producer Bo Buckley and he appreciated that I reviewed the film even though it wasn't overly positive.
Added to this, I actually didn't know about director Gary King's other work too. His filmography reads like an art house menu of NYC based films. So when Mr. Buckley informed me that he had teamed up with Gary King again, and this time it was a kung fu zombie comedy, I didn't know what to think. The trailer looked pretty hilarious though but would this end up dismal like Dismal?
I'm glad to say it didn't.
Death of the Dead is a campy horror kung fu comedy, comparable to seeing a YouTube video of a dude getting kicked in the groin. Think Karate Kid meets Troma and throw in a little bit of Scary Movie and some Zucker Brothers. Mix in a blender and you got Death of the Dead.
I'll admit I LOL-ed throughout most of the movie as the gags, inside jokes, 4th wall breaking jokes had me on the floor. Sure it's an indie production but it doesn't look like it. The dialogue winked at the audience a few times, the CGI (which didn't work in Dismal) seemed right at home in this comedy and the acting by our lead Christina Rose who plays Wanda is spot on brilliant.
Sure some jokes fell flat and a few scenes were mostly filler but it's not like your watching Inception here. It's definitely a film that cliches itself to death (all intentional) and includes a scene with ball busting numchucks.
I mean what more can you ask for? Boring Plot-O-Matic It's Karate Kid meets 28 Days Later in this over-the-top horror / action / comedy from Strange Stuff Productions. Wanda is an uber nerd with the coordination of a seizure victim. Her karate trainer is an aging pervert with a penchant for ball gags and various sex toys. When a bus from a rival karate school accidentally runs over a couple scientists dumping a toxic chemical down the sewer, the entire class is turned into high flying, flesh eating baddies!
As they wreak havoc on the town turning others into zombie ninjas, Wanda and her instructor must save the planet with the help of a magic karate belt. That's right, I said MAGIC KARATE BELT. An epic feature full of brains, boobs and bad ass bitches, Death of the Dead is fun for the whole family!
Awesome Review-O-Matic
There have been a ton of horror parodies of late. Zombieland and Scary Movie come to mind. But in the indie world, these comedies are not often seen but they rival the best Hollywood has to offer.
Death of the Dead is chock full of sight gags, toilet humor and self aware jokes that it had me laughing at all this kung fu foolery. It's also smart enough to not be those movies where you parody the latest popular movie (sorry Twilight fans). What it does is take 2 genres, the karate action movie and the zombie movie and mixes in the cliches from both to make a comedy that cleverly mocks the mockery.
I'm not usually good at reviewing comedies so I'm turning this review into a jaded viewer cliche review with the old standby Q&A review! This is where I answer the questions I make up that I think you'd ask.
1.) Wanda is Daniel-son type uber nerd but she transforms into a kick ass, karate zombie killer. OK I can buy that, but she gets naked right?
Alas no nudity by our zombie killing vixen but in the first 3 minutes we get boobs and thats a plus in my book. The opening scene has stereotypical cheerleaders doing stereotypical cheerleading things like being bitchy, cat fighting and being lesbian.
2.) So the relationship between Wanda and her sensei is strictly platonic right? Does that mean I get to see boobs?
Jeez, what's your obsession with boobs dude? Wanda and Master Sensei develop a bizarro world Daniel-Miyagi relationship. The first half of the movie is a total Karate Kid parody complete with Wanda being made fun of and a final karate tournament match. DOTD skewers 80s montages, the old Cobra-Kai cliche and the evil sensei.
And then there's a cat fight in a kiddie pool filled with mud....or it could have been poo. My money is on poo.
3.) I'm not that literate when it comes to theoretical quantum physics. What do you mean by 4th wall?
The most hilarious moments are when the movie breaks the 4th wall. From visible boom operators to a very noticable stunt double, I can't help but laugh when this happens. It's a brilliant gag that hasn't been used very much. Think Wayans I'm Gonna Git you Sucka and Menace. Last time I saw this was in Black Dynamite.
DOTD somehow places these gags in just the right places and at the right time. Like if I told you right now I was writing this while eating a McRib. See what I mean?
4.) WTF man! Kung Fu Zombies?
So some toxic goo turns the evil Cobra-Kai team into zombies and they take over Cleveland, OH. I know what your thinking. Kung fu zombies is a brilliant adversary for our uber nerd turned slice happy Wanda. As the town is overrun, Master Sensei and his box of sex toys try to save the day.
5.) I heard that ILM did the special effects for this. Is that true?
I joked that the CGI in Dismal was bad at one point wrote "The CGI fire and explosion look so fake, it's like they put a lighter in front of the camera." The same effects return here. But somehow when you see a zombie split in half and it looks cheesy, you laugh and you know its part of the joke.
6.) Ummmm so this is a smart kung fu zombie horror comedy? Are you on drugs?
[Inhales via bong while simultaneously doing crystal meth]
What? Nope not on drugs. The thing about DOTD is its kinda smart with its in jokes. Bo Buckley inserts a few ha ha's while ridiculing the cliche of exposition and plot explaining. The characters are stereotypical but somehow feel unique and different with some anti-cliche personalities.
I don't know. I kinda dug Wanda's nerdo to hottie transformation as well as her gothy sidekick in tow. I even laughed at Master Sensei's stupidity. 7.) It can't all be good. Something must have sucked. What was the suckage?
Well there were a few jokes that didn't work. There is so many dick and fart jokes I can take. You'd think gross out humor and over the top props and sexual innuendo would be fun, but some jokes are done over and over again. The fight scenes were completely laughable but I didn't care because Wanda was slicing and dicing in a Wonder Woman outfit bought from an S&M store. Yum.
8.) So what's the deal here? Am I going to like this? Is their subtle satire in this comedy that will make me reevaluate the world?
Umm no. It's a fun little indie horror comedy that is a total time waster. I would say Death of the Dead is right up there with the best Troma movies (maybe even a bit better). Gary King makes the movie completely coherent and has good set up then punchline scenes. The writing has got lots of smarty jokes, the acting is top notch led by Christina Rose as Wanda.
Death of the Dead smartly recognizes what the audience knows, what it's making fun of and what the audience wants. There hasn't been a horror comedy about kung fu zombies that I know of. Let Death of the Dead be your first.
WTF moment
Wanda gets revenge on the "Sweep the leg Johnny!" character
The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis
I believe Death of the Dead is playing a few film fests before it gets released on DVD. Check out the official site for more info.
**Hello fellow Redditors, it seems you are all curious of this
haunted house that other haunted houses are afraid of. I'll be posting
my review of 2012 edition in the next few weeks. In the meantime, be
sure to ask your burning questions in this AMA which The Raven and Black Cat
has created. TRBC and myself have been to at least 4 Blackout haunts
including the infamous invite only Spring event. We're part of the
Survivors Club and we know what we're talking about. Also, head over to
the Jaded Viewer Facebook page and check me out on Twitter. Also check out TRBC on Twitter as well.**
But the one that everybody keeps asking me to spoil for them is this one. I promised to not spoil anything until after Halloween because it would have ruined the experience for anyone who decided to go.
Also out of respect for Josh Randall and Kris Thor, creators of this brilliant haunted house I wanted to keep the mystery going all the way to October 31st. But Halloween is over and I'm sure they are going to change up next year's version to something more crazier and I can finally divulge what happened. So I'll do this checklist style as it's easier for me to remember.
The entrance is non descript. Just a random building on 26th street b/w 6th and 7th Avenue. (see my pictures on my Facebook page)
You enter and you have to read the rules and sign a waiver
You (and another participant) are led by Josh into a section offed room surrounded by black curtains, here he gives you the surgical mask and asks one more time if you have epilepsy and agree to the rules
Next, you're led to another mini room where strobe lights are flickering like crazy. With the mask and the strobing, you start to get a serious headache (well I did anyway)
After waiting for a few minutes, Josh grabs you and opens up a curtain and tells you to follow string tied against a wall
You follow the string in complete darkness. Somebody tells you to get up against the wall and to put your hands on the wall (police style) where they start touching you on your neck, your head and your arms (you can't tell where it coming from as its completely pitch black dark)
You are then grabbed and led to a chair and told to sit. You sit in complete darkness and at this point my ear was touched and a balloon popped which startled the shit out of me.
You are them told to kneel and I for one was getting tired of kneeling and sat on the floor. A dimly lit tunnel opens up and you are told to crawl through the tunnel. A "dead body" looks to be in the tunnel and as you go past it, he grabs you and holds you tight. He's starts talking to you to "stay with him" before he lets you go.
You go down some stairs into the "basement" where you meet this hottie mental patient. She instructs you to look into a broken mirror and speaks incoherently. It's at this point the freakiness occurs. She puts masking tape on your earlobes and then reaches underneath her patient gown and licks up the blood she has found. She takes the remaining blood and wipes it on your mask. You then proceed to the next room.
In the next room, another asylum hottie instructs you to sit in a weird swiveling dental chair. Here, she started sniffing me and looking at me provocatively. She then removed my right shoe and sock and gave me air traffic controller noise cancelling headphones.
As I enter another room, I'm attacked by thugs who lift up my shirt and use a staple gun on my now exposed flesh. Now again in complete darkness you are told to kneel and your hands are tied behind your back. A mask is placed your head (probably a burlap sack of some sort). The man tells me to "BARK LIKE A DOG!" I concur and do my best Snoopy impersonation. He yells at me again to "BARK LOUDER!!!". I do. Now he tells me to scream. Then again. Then again and louder. I do as I am told (well its in the rules)
I am told to get up and I began to feel like somebody was squeezing me. I now have the surgical mask on, a hood over my head and my hands are tied behind my back. Now somebody is squeezing me and/or pressing me against a wall and it's getting kind of hard to breathe. This seemed to go on for like 10 minutes in my head (but it could have been 3 minutes). To me, this was the most frightening part of the whole thing. This is probably the point where the SAFETY word gets called. I thought about it and said FUCK NO. I gotta review this baddest of the bad haunted houses. And I endured. But I gotta tell you folks, this is the closest to being tortured I've ever felt.
After you are dehooded and the headphones are removed you go down a long room which is littered by condoms and has old TVs that are part surveillance camera and you are actually viewing yourself going down the hallway. I try to not step on any condoms with my exposed right foot. I mean shit....it looked kinda icky.
In the final room, you see a large black man having sex with a white woman on a mattress that's on the floor. (God I hope that was simulated Skinemax sex) The room is dimly lit red and has many shoes littered across the floor. I began to realize I would have to find my shoe from among the many shoes and socks.
The large NAKED black man (and I mean completely naked) instructs to me go to the corner which blocks the view of the bed. I hear some grunting and see a few glimpses of naked flesh as I peek at what's going on. I keep creeping to see what the fuck is happening when the large black dude tells me to get on the bed.
Now I'm on the bed and I look at the NAKED woman (who has some awesome boobs) and the black man starts playing with my exposed foot. As he plays some weird game with my foot, the woman starts to hug and grab me yelling "Get me outta here!" and "He's crazy!".
The black dude stops his foot massage and grabs my shoe and tells me to "Get out!"
I go up a flight of stairs and am told by the staff to put my shoe on.
You are then told to go to a bathroom and to wait there then unexpectedly are grabbed yet again and are thrown out into the exit.
You "look" like you've run out of the house but in reality you have been thrown out.
The End
Sure, it sounds like no big deal. Condoms, naked people, pretend vagina blood may sound cheesy but it was fuckin intense. Especially the mock torture. Hell some people might get off on this, but I am not one of those people.
I actually got to talk to Josh Randall after my experience and a few things changed from last years version. Flashlights are gone and the ending was the torture. The final room was added in as was a few of the performers acting looney.
I was curious as to whether or not females get the same treatment as their male counterparts when they go through this haunted house. Josh wrote me:
"The answer to your question is - no. the experience is pretty much exactly the same for both genders. Everyone has their own journey, sure, but that's mainly due to how differently everyone behaves. If someone's visibly upset and shaky the actors might go the extra mile to really effect them. On the other end of the stick is if someone is relatively neutral and unresponsive, the actors will most likely back off a bit and go the subtle and subversive route. Having said that, the "narrative" is always the same for both men and women."
I can describe to you what happened but to describe what I was feeling during it is a whole different thing. Because your going through it alone, there is nobody to hold on to, nobody to joke about it to and all that's left is your own thoughts and the frightening feeling of what would happen next. I can't convey to you what I was deeply scared at some points during the experience and at other times a little WTF-ed.
Well, that be your walkthrough and spoilers. Some of you may think this was goofy, cheesy or stupid, but it was fuckin crazy awesome. I've never experienced a full spectrum of fear then in this psychological horror experiment.
I asked you all who should be in the Action Hall of Fame and you left some great comments. I got some great feedback and a few others chimed in via the poll and comments.
Jackie Chan is your winner! As you can see in the poll below he garnered 51 out of 182 votes.
Coming in second was my man Jean Claude Van Damme followed by Jason Statham in 3rd. Jackie Chan is most deserving to be in the Hall with the likes of Schwarenegger, Willis and Stallone. His action resume is freakin stellar on both sides of the ocean.
I got some great comments on why Jackie Chan came in first. See below.
Alyssa wrote:
"Jackie Chan is the shit.. no one compares, and he is an amaizing person who made worldwide people entertained with his sick ass moves!"
JustinH wrote:
"jackie chan without a doubt, forget his american movies, what he has done for world cinema throughout the late 70's until now has been incredible. The amount of pain doing them death defying stunts and brilliant fight choreography are untouched. Also he's a director,producer,writer,stunt chor,fight chor,singer,editor, everything. he is the ultimate action hero."
Rabid Fox wrote:
"Begrudgingly, I must tip my hat to Jackie Chan. I enjoy so few of his movies, but there's no doubt that the guy's filmography is prolific. And the guy does so many of his own stunts, I have found the end credits to his movies where they show the mishaps of stunt work to be more enjoyable than the actual film."
Thanks to all who voted and I'll be coming up with a new poll soon!
Happy early Halloween! As everybody gets ready for Halloween on Sunday, if live in NYC (or are visiting) and you're in the mood to get your scare on this weekend, this is your guide for all the haunted houses in NYC.
I've reviewed 5 haunted houses and there were a couple I didn't get a chance to go to. But this is an all inclusive guide to give you options. Depending on your level of fear, you can pick from the list below. They all have their slight differences on getting you jumpy and frightened, but all, on some level will lead to a fun, good time.
Basic Premise: Located in Times Square, this is a tourist friendly haunted house that turns the famous wax museum into a terrifying haunted house attraction.
the jaded viewer says: "After Dark at Madame Tussauds pushes all the right buttons in scare-o-logy. An interactive blend of 4D William Castle Percepto accompanied by your standard walk through haunted house makes it doubley fun for all. Think Blair Witch meets Night at the Museum. It's a high quality production that echoes an attraction found at Universal Studios."
Basic Premise: NYC's #1 haunted house attraction. It's got the rooms and the performers to get you jumping out of your socks.
the jaded viewer says: "It's like a freaky world into the macabre and what makes Halloween such a horrificly fun holiday.Before you dress up in your costume, see the professionals dress up in theirs."
Basic Premise: "With its overlapping of Joseph Roth's novel, reality, and contemporary history, HOTEL SAVOY opens up a world between dream and reality in the history-laden and often unseen spaces of 1014 5th Avenue.
Visitors become guests in the empty hotel and encounter past employees: an elevator operator, a young maid, the hotel barber, the concierge, and a barmaid. These gatekeepers lead us into remote corners of the building, into unreal hotel rooms and real salons still haunted by spirits of past occupants.
Against the background of this surreal through-station for German exiles, visitors are faced with questions about their own heritage in these restless and unanchored times. Guests play the lead role in their brief stay at the Hotel Savoy."
Basic Premise: One of the most unique haunted houses the city has to offer. This year's version has participants breaking superstitions while dealing with the consequences in an insane asylum.
the jaded viewer says: "Nightmare: Superstitions is an interactive experience full of pure, unrelenting dementia. You will come away feeling like you have racked up a million years of bad luck, but had fun doing it."
Where: 623 Broadway at Houston (enter on Mercer Street)
Basic Premise: Performance art meets steampunk in this free roam haunted house where viewers see the inhabitants of a playhouse theater up close and personal.
the jaded viewer says: "Steampunk Haunted House is a walk through mesmerizing steampunk art with a ballet of neo-noir Agatha Christie surrealism. This is not your tweens or teens haunted house. It's up close and personal performance art set to breathtaking steampunk backdrops."
Where: 466 Grand Street, at the corner of Pitt Street, on Manhattan’s Lower East Side.
Basic Premise: Green House Solutions, by the government has been officially quarantined and no admittance is allowed. There has been a chemical spill containing a highly hazardous toxin which caused various diseases and mutations. Some of these mutations have caused paranormal behavior for its victims; so take precaution and do not come close into close contact with this building.
the jaded viewer says: Not Reviewed.
Where: Green Side Up Nursery at 5050 Hylan Blvd, Staten Island, NY'
*********************************************
If you have any questions or comments about these haunted houses, you can tweet me a message @jadedviewer or leave a comment on my Facebook page.
"I met him, fifteen years ago. I was told there was nothing left. No reason, no conscience, no understanding; even the most rudimentary sense of life or death, good or evil, right or wrong. I met this six-year-old child, with this blank, pale, emotionless face and, the blackest eyes... the *devil's* eyes. I spent eight years trying to reach him, and then another seven trying to keep him locked up because I realized what was living behind that boy's eyes was purely and simply... *evil*. "
-Dr. Loomis
The iconic opening theme of Halloween scared the crap out of me as a kid. Every time I listen to it, it gives me goosebumps. If you're a noob and the only version of Halloween you saw were those rubbish Rob Zombie versions, do yourself a favor and see the original and Part 2.
Those are guaranteed to scare the crap out of you.
So as we approach Halloween this week, why don't you check out the various incarnations of the famous theme song through the opening credits of the movie. (I did not include Part 3, 4 or 5 just because and why is H20 and Resurrection included? Its got the theme songs so there.)
Yikes. That theme song and Sandman still gives me chills. ::SHIVERS::
Wait! Another haunted house review? Really Mr. Jaded Viewer? Jeez, how many has it been?
Yes I know what you're thinking. I've gone to waaaay too many haunted houses. But hell it's October in NYC and the smell of fear and Halloween is in the air. And what better way to get your scare on but to go to a haunted house...and in my case how about 4 of them? To recap, I've been to Nightmare: Superstitions, Blood Manor, Vortex Theater's NYC Halloween Haunted House and Steampunk Haunted House. They don't call me the jaded viewer for nothing.
The fifth one which I think may be the last is After Dark at Madame Tussauds. For the uninitiated, Madame Tussaud's is a world famous wax museum of celebrities. Could a wax museum pull of a scary haunted house?
My overwhelming answer is a most definite yes.
After Dark at Madame Tussauds pushes all the right buttons in scare-o-logy. An interactive blend of 4D William Castle Percepto accompanied by your standard walk through haunted house makes it doubley fun for all. Think Blair Witch meets Night at the Museum. It's a high quality production that echoes an attraction found at Universal Studios.
Who knew a wax museum could give me a serious case of the heebee jeebees?
The Disclaimer.....
As a born and bred New Yorker, I try to avoid Times Square at all costs. It's a haven for tourists and as such is a perfect place for a haunted house attraction. The disclaimer is this is a touristy haunted house that will cater to that crowd. Expect long lines that are seas of humanity.
But it's well worth the wait if you endure. After Dark will only run for 8 nights (it started on October 21st and ran to 10/24. Scheduled times run from 10/28-10/31 from 9pm to 1am). With the limited run and the late start time will come high volumes of people.
I have to say, if you want to see wax figures close up, go during the day. Because at night, you won't want to stare at them as they tend to "come to life" to scare the bejesus out of you. And I gotta admit, it's one of the creepiest haunted houses I've ever been to.
The Percepto.....
After a short elevator ride, your adventure begins in a movie theater. Unfortunately on the day I went, their was a 15 minute delay due to technical difficulties as they could not get the movie to play. A few patrons got angry and I was even adamant that I needed to see the "movie" before I went to the haunted house portion. But after waiting it out, it was worth it.
You watch a quick maybe 5-10 minute short film about the supernatural events that surround the museum. Done in a Blair Witch, shaky cam style, two characters experience Madame Tussauds fictional "Scream" haunted house. As they walk through their house, you get to experience bit of Percepto ala William Castle. Your seat comes to life and events on the screen are felt by you.
I haven't experienced a 4D screening in so long that I forgotten how simple buzz seats and smoke make everything more fun. It's the gimmick that worked in 1959 and hasn't lost it's touch in 2010. These 4D theater experiences are common at your major theme parks such as Disney World or Universal Studios. It perfectly fits in on the found footage video you watch and gets you jacked for the haunted house that awaits you.
You'd think with our high level technological film advances such as Real D 3D and IMAX the common viewer wouldn't get a thrill out of Percepto, but you'd be wrong. I love these gimmicks and it was a nice touch to see it used effectively as part of After Dark.
The Walk Through.....
After finding out from the movie that the museum is haunted, you get to walk through it. I was pleasantly surprised how they transformed Madame Tussauds into a real, breathing haunted house. Even the snack shop seemed scary!
I never actually went to the museum during the day but going through it at night is disturbingly creepy. The brilliance of a haunted house in a wax museum is the potential out in the open "hiding" places the performers can come out of. With the wax figures so lifelike, you really couldn't tell a wax figure from an actor camouflaged to scare the hell out of you. With the added darkness, it's damn near impossible.
Were Mickey Mantle and Babe Ruth going to scream at me from behind? I wasn't exactly sure. As I passed through a Presidential exhibit, I was pretty sure Obama was made of wax but upon closer inspection of Nixon, I began to wig out. If one of these Presidents "came to life" it would totally be Nixon.
The random scares came O'plenty as incognito actors standing statuesque Ninja-ed some unsuspecting victims. The staff does a good job of separating the groups so only groups of 6 or so are exploring at the same time.
The one benefit of having a haunted house at a wax museum is the sheer openness of it all. The other houses are rooms that are tight on space. But that's the opposite at Madame Tussaud's. It's sheer museum quality has everybody spread out and there are plenty dark places for somebody to jump out of nowhere.
After Dark also forces you to go down narrow hallways and into rooms that have high quality production sets. Jungle scenes, blood splattered curtains and empty baby cribs were a nice touch of eerie. However, I was completely mesmerized by the wax figures that were designed to be part of the After Dark experience. I have to say lifelike wax figures of creepy kids (see pic to the right) in the dark are a more disconcerting than say a performer dressed as a bloody mental patient holding a bunny. The entire walk through takes about 20-30 minutes and all the rooms plus the museum are quite a thrill. After Dark uses every inch of its interior to get max scare value. Even the most alpha male dog will be scared to walk through a pitch black corridor first. Though going first doesn't mean you'll be a victim. The performers do a great job of mixing in the scaring by going after the tail end of the group.
Part of the joy of a haunted house is accessing the fear trigger. Halloween is perfect for this. It gets your adrenaline rushing and you laugh about it after you get jolted. The other joy is seeing tweens and teen girls scream but the topping on the cake is seeing a grown man stagger back in fear. Now that's just priceless.
The Jaded Viewer's Final Thoughts.....
After Dark at Madame Tussaud's created a haunted house out of their wax museum that is on par with the best a Six Flags or a Universal Studios production could be. It is 100% a tourist oriented haunted attraction but don't let that deter you if you're in the mood of gimmicky effects and a walk through the corridors of celebrity wax figures.
I can't help but get annoyed from giggling teen girls who jump from the slightest sound but when you're in Times Square, this is bound to happen. But after you endure the wait, the museum at night is bound to give you goosebumps.
Watch out for Richard Nixon.
The Vitals.....
Madame Tussauds New York is located at 234 West 42nd St, between 7th & 8th Ave
The last 4 showings run from October 28th-October 31st from 9pm to 1am.
From 9pm-11pm tickets cost $22, after 11pm they cost $20
After the tour, you can check out a few celebrity wax figures, play trivia and get food or souvenirs
But I realized there were other haunted houses in NYC that I missed. With that hanging over my head I couldn't NOT go...right? Dammit. I've already been to 3, hell let's make it 4.
I read about this Steampunk Haunted House in the NY Times and I knew I had to go. I mean it wasn't your traditional haunted house. Check out their description of the place below.
*****************************************
In this truly immersive experience, audience members are thrust into a beautiful and terrifying dreamscape of neo-Victorian elegance and phantasmagoric clockwork horrors. Once inside, audience members are separated, until one by one, they find themselves alone, lost somewhere within the three sprawling floors of Abrons’ majestic century-old playhouse. From there, they must choose where to go, exploring innumerable twisting hallways, looming balconies, and labyrinthine cellars. All the while, a whirlwind of mechanical apparitions, wraithlike sleepwalkers, and gear-powered beasts hurtle through corridors and lurk behind every corner and within every room. Created by Bessie Award-winning artists, the Steampunk Haunted House is an integration of contemporary installation and performance art, and is an accessible, fun, utterly breathtaking experience. Unlike traditional haunted houses that rely on gore or graphic violence to horrify their patrons, this event chills, delights, and terrifies its audience without having to show a single drop of blood.
Haunted house tour groups are admitted incrementally into a labyrinthine world that trades conventional devices of blood and gore for the more terrifying nuances of suspense and meticulously engineered surprise. The aesthetic of steampunk offers a fresh, romanticized view on technology and fashion by making it retro, set in an alternate, anachronistic Victorian-era that retains a pre-industrial elegance.
Like most attractions of its kind, this is roughly a twenty-minute experience.
*****************************************
I kinda knew what steampunk was. Its sorta a blender of 1800s Victorian style with modern day tech. Think an iPhone but with transparent gears and gadgets. But how would this be converted into a haunted house? I knew I wasn't going to get my traditional BOO! factor but being a haunted house you'd think the actors would utilize funky gadgets to scare you. I kept also thinking I'd see some kooky outfits like Sherlock Holmes style wear with a jetpack or a woman in a corset wearing a mechanical arm extension.
But none of my imaginative neo-tech was realized as I went to Abrons Art Center's Steampunk Haunted House attraction. So what was the reality check? Simple. Steampunk Haunted House is a walk through mesmerizing steampunk art with a ballet of neo-noir Agatha Christie surrealism. This is not your tweens or teens haunted house. It's a up close and personal performance art set to breathtaking steampunk backdrops.
So what's the experience like?
The Disclaimer.....
Serious warning to all you haunted house enthusiasts. This isn't your traditional catch em off guard and scare em haunted house. It's more of a open house to different scenes in different settings that have a steampunk flavor to it. If Vortex Theater's Haunted House was on the extreme scared shitless end of the haunted house spectrum, Steampunk is on the other end. More relaxed, more eerie and more subtle with their performances.
This is a haunted house for steampunk enthusiasts and also for people who are interested in seeing what steampunk is all about.
The Walk Through.....
The first steampunk gear your given is a vintage lantern flashlight gizmo. It helps guide your way through the theater. As they began, a performer silently guides you to hold on to rope as they lead you to a section of the theater. It's designed to give separation to all the participants so you'll encounter the performers in a wide variety of ways.
You are free to roam the playhouse as the action takes place all around you. Each part of the playhouse is filled with exquisite steampunk sets and the silent performers scene out an orchestrated piece of performance art for you to watch. The tour I went though was for the performers to get a taste of a real audience. It started out a bit clumsy but once it got going it became like a waking dream.
I didn't know what to make of what I was seeing as this was my first ever steampunk anything. Given no direction on what to do or where to go, I started wandering around. Later I was told you have 3 options on how to experience this haunted house.
Follow the "main" actress who is in distress in the opening scene
Stay in one room to see a scene play out
Wander aimlessly and encounter the performers in each room
I wandered, then stayed in one room and then followed the main actress (in that order).
I'll admit I kept shaking my head as I wasn't sure if I had to be aware of clues to a "story". Would I be given cues to "do something"? None of that happened and so I tried to immerse myself in everything I saw. I realized that this experience is 80% style and 20% substance. It's like a steampunk fashion show.There is no inherent story but more of a styilized ballet of steampunk retroness.
In one scene, a few actors dressed as school children tried hiding underneath a large colonial style bed. Other school children hid in a large wooden trunk. A "school teacher" soon caught the boys at play and ordered them to sit in a chair as she waved a large ruler at them. Another school boy was "captured" and put into a large tube like contraption that had a Frankenstein laboratory steampunk look to it.
If I read into this scene, it's taking the old brickhouse school world and using a steampunk edge to punish the crime. As much as I tried to decipher what I was seeing, I had to just let it go. Without any knowledge of steampunk culture, I was as clueless as a monkey at NASA. If these were scenes from steampunk novels or film, I can only imagine what else has been reimagined.
Another scene that brought in the eerie took place in the main seated theater as a man in a gas mask "scared" guests while "human spiders" crawled on the seats. This took place while a man on stage pulled a chain over and over again. This is David Lynch-ian live imagery come to life. The best way to describe it is as a noir painting come to life.
The Sets.....
Many of the sets we're very steampunky. There were not alot of tech blending but more of Victorian style rooms with a surrealistic twist. Armours with torn paper, a wall full of violins and a large bed that echoed haunted.
The one design that impressed me was the laboratory I mentioned earlier. This could have been a set straight out of Frankenstein with its futuristic glass tube enclosures and gizmos and gadgets.
My only gripe is I would have wanted more of what I've seen on the interwebs about steampunk and their crazy retro-tech. I've always wanted to see these "inventions" and somehow I felt gypped I didn't get to see more of it.
The Jaded Viewer's Final Thoughts.....
Steampunk Haunted House is not for everyone. But for the art crowd, it's a definite must see. If the movie The Others came to life, it would be Steampunk Haunted House. The performers do a solid job of acting in tight spaces and within the confines of the playhouse. At times, they interacted with me like I was a splinter in their dreamworld.
What you'll get is a taste of the steampunk world mixed in with fantastic elegant scenes and an odd feeling your walking through a nightmare that isn't your own. I can only say that I've never experienced anything like it and it's actually peaked my interest of this sci fi subculture.
This is the future of the past in 2010. Enjoy it while it's here.
The Vitals....
Steampunk Haunted House is located at the Abrons Arts Center which is located at 466 Grand Street, at the corner of Pitt Street, on Manhattan’s Lower East Side.
Days and Times are October 23, 29, 30 | 8-11:30 pm and October 24, 27, 28, 31 | 6-9:30 pm
Before bloggers, before Facebook and Twitter and before the Interwebs, real critics who we the public sort of respected reviewed movies. You know who Siskel and Ebert are. But when you go back into the YouTube time machine and watch clips of their shows, I turn back into a tween and actually want to know what they had to say about my favorite movies.
I think I've been conditioned to respect their opinions because well....they were the only famous movie critics of their time (other than newspaper and local TV news movie critics). I really wanted to know what Siskel and Ebert gave a thumbs up or thumbs down to and that actually affected whether or not I saw a movie (now I just check the Fresh meter on Rotten Tomatoes).
We all still sorta respect what Roger Ebert says via his Twitter but these 2 were so highly respected back in the day, looking back at it now, I can't believe they hated some of my favorite horror movies. They always seemed to put down horror films. So I dug up on YouTube what I consider their reviews of good horror movies.
You'll be surprised by what they gave a thumbs up to.
A Nightmare on Elm Street Part 3: Dream Warriors
Candyman
Halloween
Night of the Living Dead (1990)
Scream
Silent Night, Deadly Night
Wes Craven's New Nightmare
Thumbs up? Thumbs down? Do you still respect Ebert or other critics in this blogging day and age? Hell, do you even trust my reviews?
October is the usual time my non horror friends and family ask what horror movie should they go see. Paranormal Activity 2? Saw 3D? So it's fitting that Mike over @ All Things Horror posed this same question to the horror blogosphere. What horror movies do you put on for your non horror loving friends?
I of course picked the Lucio Fulci's Zombie and you can read why if you head over to All Things Horror. There you'll see the other opinions from some top notch horror bloggers. All have great recommendations and I agree with a majority of their selections.
If I had to add more to my list, I'd definitely add what's already been mentioned. The Descent, Halloween, The Evil Dead and The Shining. All are solid picks.
What I'd also add are a few mainstream selections from my Top 10 Horror Movie list from last year. Zombieland, Let the Right One In, Trick R Treat and Orphan. Non horror fans scoff at "classic horror movies" so you won't be able to convince them to watch something from the slasher 80s or the supernatural 70s. Subtitled? Fughedaboutitt.
I think the criteria has to be the following for non horror peeps:
90 minutes max
One star they recognize
If it has a zombie, vampire or werewolf it will probably be tolerated
Most non horror people always think they are seeing a "scary movie" which is different than a horror movie. It's your duty to recognize what they like and show them what's appropriate
If there are boobs and gore, it will usually fly but this might not be for everyone
Non horror fans usually think whispering children is scary
Horror comedies are always a solid choice. It's something familiar to them and something that's not. Like and Irish coffee.
If you are watching a scary movie make sure it's in the dark. Atmosphere is everything.
Your non horror fan will never be completely turned over to the dark side. So sometimes you just gotta give up.
Well that's my 2 cents. Be sure to head over to All Things Horror for some solid recs. Now get ready for the barrage of recommendations because Halloween is a few weeks away!
Everybody thinks it would be cool to be a vampire. You live forever, you get to have super strength and possibly even hyptonize hot girls to do your bidding. Sure, there's that sunlight problem, crucifixes are a nuisance and that overwhelming thirst for blood.
Posts
