EXCLUSIVE: FEARnet has a new reality show The Fear Club and I'm in it!!!

I've been giddy for a week now as I've wanted to share with you my big news. As you all know FEARnet is about to premiere Holliston, their new scripted original series starring Adam Green and Joe Lynch. But what you don't know is they are about to announce a new show called The Fear Club and I've been cast as one of the contestants in the pilot episode!

It's unfuckinbelievable! I'm crazy excited. I'm going to have to brush up on my horror trivia and knowledge in the next few weeks. I think I'll be able to handle everything they throw at me but foremost I wanna represent the horror blogosphere! Fuck yeah. I don't want to be one of those retarded reality contestants that's dumb as shit. I wanna show they picked someone who knows what's the what. Horror blogosphere.....represent!

Here's the press release so you know what the deal is. It should be released in the next few days.

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Cable's premiere horror destination, FEARnet television breaks into the reality TV genre with “The Fear Club”. 3 lucky horror fans every week will have the opportunity to test their knowledge, skills and love of horror movies in a competition that will push them to their limits.

“The Fear Club,” FEARnet’s first original reality show will visit famous horror movie landmarks and real haunted locations where contestants will have to perform stunts, answer trivia and face their worst fears. Executive Producer George Hitchens describes it as “The Amazing Race” meets "Fear Factor”. "We're going to put these diehard horror fans in situations they've never been in before" says Hitchens.

The series will feature 3 horror fans plucked from across America and sent to famous horror movie landmarks as well as real life locations known for their paranormal activity. After a series of tasks, trivia questions and a final stunt, the last survivor will win a cash reward and be featured as a FEARnet blogger on FEARnet.com.

Stay tuned for more announcements to come. For more information, head to FEARnet.com.

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I've been told that one of the contestants is from Los Angeles and works as a special effects designer. The other is from Austin and is a college student. My bio is I am a freelance writer for various movie and TV websites.

I was sent an e-mail from FEARnet as it looks like they were scoping out horror bloggers specifically. I had to fill out a questionnaire and film myself in a 15 minute video describing why I'd make a good contestant. After a phone interview, I went to a casting call in NYC, answered a few questions, did some role playing and met the producers and staff. A few days ago I got a call that I was cast.

Crazy right? I don't know what to expect but I'm going to be sure to let you know how it all plays out. I'll be tweeting and updating the jaded viewer Facebook page when they fly me out to wherever I'll be going. I've got a big contract I gotta read up and sign their waiver forms. I think I really should read the fine print just to make sure they don't bury me alive or some shit.

I'm not a fan of claustrophobia. Make sure to watch when it premieres!

















***The Fine Print***

Did you read that entire post? You did? Wow that's awesome. Isn't this going to be awesome? Are you going to watch? No? Fuck you. But you should know one thing. April Fool's!!!! Hahahahaha. ! Did I fool you? C'mon you should have known what today is. Thanks for playing!

Categories: fearnet, jadedviewer.com, reality tv satire, the jaded viewer, tv shows

The Linsanity Of The Walking Dead

So I've gotten caught up with Linsanity, the rise of the New York Knicks Jeremy Lin from obscure "Rudy" to superstar savior. An Asian American playing NBA ball at the highest level is rare to say the least so it's pretty awesome to see him breakout and truly be a top notch baller.

But you know what else is rare?

Asians Americans on TV. Yup, look at any TV show and Asian Americans barely register. Sure they only make up 5% of the population but the representation is almost non existent unless they know kung fu. Stereotypes aside, I loved the fact Glenn's first appearance on The Walking Dead was not one of victim but savior. He saved Rick in Atlanta and showed he was a resourceful and was courageous kid in an apocalypse. I had high hopes that Glenn would grow to be a main character that was impactful in some way.

But slowly the stereotypes creeped in. He wasn't invited to the big missions, seemed to hang out with Dale alot, was used as bait, used as comic relief and was shy and awkward with the farmer's daughter. If he was written this way in the comic I do not know but as I watch The Walking Dead, I really hoped that we just underestimated him. That Glenn as a minor bench warmer was only temporary. I was hoping Glennsanity was just around the corner.

I mean there are some signs right?

He scored and saved the hot girl (got some!), killed a few walkers in spectacular fashion and discovered the barn. I think he could play an intricate part in the story. He's got the skills, the know how and the zombie IQ to kick ass and lead this team to victory (hmm I'm getting my Lin and Glenn's confused I think)

Glenn could actually make our Walking Dead outcasts better. He's unselfish (he went on the pharmacy run, the bait thing, searched for Sophia, etc.) As we get sick of the soap opera storylines, Glenn could probably add some much added pizazz and fun to the show. How much more Rick (he's like the Amare Stoudamire of the group), Shane (Yup, he's Melo) and Lori (D'Antoni) can we take?

I've already compared the Walking Dead to Lost but the others resemble other Knicks. Daryl is Shumpert, Andrea is Chandler, Dale is Jarred Jeffries. Well I could go on. Glenn is the kid every Walking Dead fanatic/nerd/geek roots for. He's the young kid who seems to be overlooked, never gets the chance to voice his opinion in major decisions but somehow scored the hottie. He's the guy we relate to. He cares more about the team (err I mean rag tag group of survivors) that he'd be willing to sacrifice having grunt relations with Maggie.

He's the underdog that has the potential to be awesome, to make the show better than it is now. This needs to happen. We deserve it.

We need Glennsanity.

Categories: fast moving zombies, glennsanity, jeremy lin, linsanity, the walking dead, tv shows, walking dead, white girl with asian guy

ABC's The River (TV Review)

I was able check out ABC's new show The River a little early. You've probably seen the commercials and the marquee branding that it comes from Paranormal Activity director Oren Peli. Having watched the pilot, I gotta admit it's probably the best pilot I've ever seen since Lost.

It really grabs you from the opening scene and you get seriously mesmerized by it all. Sometimes in pilots, they think they need to establish characters so you all know who is who. The River touches on a few character developments but doesn't get bogged down in the details. It knows it'll get into that in later episodes.

What The River does well is jump right into the shit you wanna see. So what's that exactly?

A Steve Irwin (but American) like TV explorer and wildlife guru and his family were stars of a hit weekly TV show where they discovered new species and got into the adventures (you know Swiss Family Robinson style I guess). Years later, dear old dad seems to have gone missing and his wife, his son and a new TV crew go searching for the long lost star explorer. They're joined by a hot blonde (there is always a hottie and who also lost her dad in the last expedition), a few TV producers and camera guys and a South American guide with his daughter and it's bon voyage into the Amazon.

Filmed with that Paranormal Activity style of shaky cam footage (via the cameramen), surveillance shots, old archived footage and traditional TV style, it all works on all those different levels. Soon these rag tag group locates a beacon that is suppose to be from Dr. Emmet Cole, our intrepid adventurer and they locate and search an abandoned boat of the long lost crew. But then shit starts hitting the fan.

Magical unseen forces are wreaking havoc, weird footage of dad doing Amazonian things and a glimpsed at story from the natives is told. A few scenes had me going WTF. But it's the pure awesomeness of Peli and his sight beyond sight that makes The River standout. We get a mythos in the pilot, a few blurry attacks and a good ole WTF death scene. Awesome.

Sure it's basically Paranormal Activity meets Lost. The characters all seem to echo a bit of shadiness and our "Jack" character is now called Lincoln Cole. But all in all, something seems not right and the mystery really does hook you. The dragonflies are all quirky and the mysterious entity that "seeks blood" isn't just shutting doors or flickering lights but outright attacking the castaways.

The River looks promising and I'm going to definitely check out series. There is already so much good horror TV shows probably on your plate but I'm banking on the natives and the river to slaughter and cannibalize this millennial version of the SS Minnow.

Good times.

The River premieres on February 7th 2012 (Tuesday) on ABC.

Categories: cinema verite, paranormal activity, pov horror, reality tv satire, the river, tv shows

Ferocious Planet (Review)

Ferocious Planet

Ferocious Planet (TV 2011)

Directed by Billy O'Brien

[this review is from The Jaded Viewer 2 DVD Giveaway Winner Kim K. She suffered through these awful flicks like a real soldier and for that I'm giving her a honorary jaded viewer gold star of awesomeness]

I was warned - these movies won’t be making any "best of" lists. Watching them was a test of will. I have a short attention span. I'm rating them not by spinkicks, but by how many failed attempts it took me to actually sit down with the movie long enough to watch until the end.

"Ferocious Planet"

Alien movies, even when done well, are not typically the subgenre I reach for first. Plus, I tend toward thinking that any film with the word ‘Ferocious’ in the title is bound to be lame. But you can't judge a film by it's cover right?

Okay... maybe you can.

This movie begins with two scientists giving a demonstration to a group of politicians, military and fellow scientists on their groundbreaking technology whose purpose quickly becomes unimportant as once activated, the entire lab rips out of our dimension and into one inhabited only by dinosaur-like aliens. The scientists spend the remainder of the movie trying to fix their machine so that the group can make it back home. The politicians & military men prance around the jungle exploring, in hopes of securing fame and fortune. You can probably guess which group was (marginally) more successful.

There were funny moments, though most of them were likely unintentional. This movie had a feel of Jurassic Park-meets-Predator tweaked for a scifi original. The CGI was cartoonish, but in the context of this movie, it works well enough. The concept was ridiculous from the get-go, so I say run with that. The movie doesn’t seem to take itself too seriously either, which I respect, so if you’re going to watch, make it a drinking game:

• Drink every time someone gets killed
  
  -Twice if it’s not the person you expect
  -Three times if killed in almost identical manner to the previous character
  
  
• Drink for every cut-to-commercial edit
  
  
• Drink whenever someone says “that’s impossible,” “we’ve hit a snag,” or “we have a problem”
  
  
• Drink for every time gunshots don’t work.
  
  -Twice when characters use them anyway.
  
  
• Drink anytime someone mentions self preservation
  
  
• Drink for breathless running through the forest.
  

There is one kind of funny, ironic twist in the final five minutes that I appreciated, but not enough to make watching the entire movie worthwhile.

I give this film: 4 failed attempts.

No nudity in either flick and minimal gore, I’m afraid.

And there you go. Now may I request you send me a copy of “Martyrs” or “The Woman” as consolation for playing? ;)

[Totally, Kim. My Top 10 Horror Movies of 2011 List is at your disposal. You can pick any film you want :-) ]

Check out the trailer.

Categories: 2011 horror movies, alternate reality, dinosaurs, ferocious planet, sci-fi, scifi channel, syfy movie, time travel, tv shows

The Walking Dead is Lost but with Zombies

Yeah I said it. The Walking Dead is Lost but with Zombies. Hmm, looks like you haven't been thinking the way I've been thinking. As a huge Lost fan, one can only think about the similarities between the two shows. It's pretty fuckin amazing how a zombie apocalypse and a crash landing on a mysterious island can be similar. Are you shaking your head? Well let's examine the characters of The Walking Dead and who they closely resemble on Lost.

THE OBVIOUS

1.) Rick is Jack

the jaded viewer says: Our cowboy messiah is our de facto leader of a rag tag group of survivors. He's thrust into this position and now has to make the tough decisions with a friend questioning his authority. He "woke up" into this hell on Earth and he has made already a few questionable decisions. Remind you of anyone?

2.) Shane is Locke

the jaded viewer says: Pretty obvious similarity here. Shane is now our chief antagonist who is willing to bend his morals in order to survive. He has fully understood the world he now lives in and has adapted. Locke started recruiting a group of his own and Shane has Andrea on his side. Locke never slept with Kate but you get my point.

3.) Lori is Kate

the jaded viewer says: The Walking Whore as she is now known is totally your Kate. She's hot, she's behind the scenes, she's kinda messed around and she has a BIG FUCKIN SECRET. Actually 2 in fact. She's trying to play both sides (making nice with Shane because of what he did for Carl...well sorta) but remains loyal to Rick.

Kinda Close

4.) Daryl is Sawyer

the jaded viewer says: Rednecks unite! Daryl, our resident bad ass hick has shown us uber toughness and a shielded tender side. He's hated by everybody but somehow has slowly become endeared by Carol. Sawyer too started off as the most hated man on the island but eventually became the lovable awesome guy with a sense of humor.

5.) Andrea is Sayid

the jaded viewer says: We're slowly seeing Andrea evolve into a sharpshooter and her tag team with Shane closely draws parallels with Locke and Sayid. They both have a similar agenda and clearly are on the outside of the group looking in.

6.) Glenn is Hurley

the jaded viewer says: This is an easy one. Your comic relief character is a bit socially awkward, scores with the hot girl but somehow is the most reliable survivor. Glenn is the guy who can get things and Hurley is the guy who can eat things. See?

Kind of a stretch...but!

7.) Dale is Claire

the jaded viewer says: Dale is our reliable old fuddy duddy. The confidante, the keeper of the pulse of the group. He kept Andrea alive and got T-Dog medical attention. He's the mechanic. Hmm not sure how Claire is like Dale. But I get the feeling Dale like Claire has a big secret that may change the group dynamic.

8.) Karl is Walt

the jaded viewer says: They're both kids. I'm hoping they're both "special" and have magical powers.

9.) T-Dog is Michael

the jaded viewer says: You're probably saying "C'mon, why you gotta be racist for?" Is it because they're both black? Well I'm not sure which Lost character T-Dog resembles as of yet. He did mention to Dale they thought they were "weak" part of the group. Michael had always thought that to....kinda. This comparison is more of a prediction. We'll see as we go along.

10.) Carol/Sophia are Jin/Sun

the jaded viewer says: Sometimes you just gotta take the mediocre characters and lump them up together. Did Jin disappear from Sun for a long period of time? You betcha. Where the fuck is Sophia? She must have walked to fuckin Washington DC by now.

11.) Hershel/Maggie/Carol/etc are The Others

the jaded viewer says: Hershel just pulled a Ben Linus didn't he??? Who knows what else is on that farm.

12.) Zombies are The Island

the jaded viewer says: This is also pretty obvious but the zombie wasteland is The Island with all it's dangers, craziness, quirkiness and unknowns. What else will they encounter as they travel along the zombie states of America. We've already gotten flashbacks of the nuclear holocaust of Atlanta. Will we get flash forwards?

*********************************************

It's not definitive yet but I would bet a dollar we may get some parallel storylines and a few more twists and turns that might be Lost like. I've been digging The Walking Dead and I hope they keep it fresh and dig deep into the characters as that is the ultimate driving force of any good show.

As long as we don't see all the characters in a church in the series finale, I think we're good.

C'mon Glenn. Get your freak on.

Categories: fast moving zombies, tv shows, walking dead, zombie tv show, zombies

Fear of a Punk Planet (The Pilot Episode!)

I love perusing YouTube to find music and shows I use to watch when I was a kid. Well, score one for YouTube again. I dug up this classic Internet TV show called Fear of a Punk Planet. How did I find this hidden gem? Well, I love punk rock and NOFX is one of my favorite bands. Also, I was a fan of Jenny Kwan (who was on that old NBC show California Dreams (don't judge me!). Here she plays a punk rocker who leads a group of punk rock kids to help their scene anyway they can.

Holy fuckin cow this is some classic shit. Originally appeared on DEN.net, it was produced and written by Joe Escalante, one of the founding members of The Vandals as well as Kyle Glass (of Tenacious D fame).

It only had 3 episodes and features awesome bands like NOFX, Sick of It All and The Ataris. Now you can relive the late 90s with some punk rock awesomeness. I kind of thought of this show as the anti-MTV of its time. Punk rock was becoming more mainstream during the late 90s (Green Day, Offspring, etc) but some bands especially NOFX and hardcore vets like Sick of It All didn't sell out (well so to speak)

It seems cheesy now but I'll admit punk rock was at a crossroads during the 90s. Many bands "sold out" with the grunge/punk revival. Watching Fear of a Punk Planet is nostalgia for us who lived during that time. Check out the pilot episode below!








Here is a link to an episode featuring Sick of It All! There are other episodes featuring The Bouncing Souls and others.

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Thoughts? Comments? Does this offend you as a punk rocker? Hahaha let's hear it.

Categories: nofx, punk rock, tv shows

Jennifer Love Hewitt's BOOBS star in "The Client List"

So I was at my local mall last weekend and while on a search for a new belt (I'm not kidding) I noticed my mall seems to have advertising all over the place. It looked like a Times Square movie billboard. I counted 15 posters for Step It Up 3D (which is to be expectted), 11 posters for Despicable Me and 6 or so posters for a Lifetime Movie of the Week. Yes folks, a Lifetime movie. And this was no ordinary movie...no no. This one stars Jennifer Love Hewitt. Or more precisely, Jennifer Love Hewitt's boobs.

I wasn't shocked to see a movie ad for Lifetime movie. Tons of moms watch this channel including mine. So it's easy to figure they were advertising to these mothers. But the picture of JLH got my attention looking all seductivey and once I got home I had to find out what this was all about.

It's called The Client List (official site here) Here's the poster I saw.

A mother will do anything for her family! And it's "Inspired by a True Story"! Holy fuckin cow. I am so watching this today!

So what's the whole story? Here ya go.

Inspired by a true story, this Lifetime Original Movie is the story of Samantha Horton (Jennifer Love Hewitt), a former Texas homecoming queen and physical therapist. When both she and her husband, Rex (Teddy Sears), are laid off from their jobs, Samantha accepts an offer to work at a massage studio in a nearby town, not realizing that the other staff members are actually prostitutes who service a clientele of wealthy and powerful businessmen.

Eventually realizing what goes on behind closed doors, but desperate to provide for her family, Samantha goes along for the ride. But when the police raid the business and Samantha is arrested, she ends up as a key witness in the case — putting high-profile johns in handcuffs and bringing a small Texas town to its knees.

It also stars Cybill Shepperd and that hot black girl from that movie I forget! Oh man, it gets so much better. Even the preview pictures are awesome.

I'm doing this for my family! Not for the thrills or money!

I'm just a regular mom with regular size boobs. Don't call me a MILF!

My daughter baked these cookies. You have to eat one before you see my cookie.

I'm the luckiest sonnavabitch ever. Why am I crying like a sissy?

OK that's enough of the photos. Now it gets waaaaay better. Now check out the videos. Holy cow man, I think Love's boobs need to win an Oscar for their performance. Somebody call the mammary police because these should be locked up.

First up, the trailer!





This is the best performance by JLH boobs in a drama. If this doesn't make you see this, I don't know what will.





And finally, I want to visit this town as this is some excellent massaging going on.




Well I'm definitely watching this badly disguised Skinemax film for sure. Whose with me? Do I need to give you another visual? Jeez.

Categories: gratuitous nudity, hookers, jennifer love hewitt, lifetime, nudity, tv shows

5 More TV Shows You May Have Forgotten

After bringing you all a list of 5 supernatural TV shows you may have forgotten, I've come up with more TV shows that I used to watch back in the day. Some are from years back, others are from the 90s. Mind you, back in the 90s, cable wasn't the way it is now and only a few channels were standard back in the day.

Much of the exotic TV came in the form of syndicated shows and basically Fox putting anything on broadcast TV.

In any case, these are some shows I decided to follow because either they had a hot actress, involved some sci fi element and had kung fu. Ahhhh thank you You Tube for letting me time travel back to these awesome days of the toob.

5.) The Adventures of Brisco County Jr.

Network: Fox/Syndicated (1994)

the jaded viewer says: The thing about Bruce Campbell is that after seeing Evil Dead, you became a fan of anything he was in. Bruce is in a TV show? I'm so gonna watch it. It's a western with sci-fi elements and its oddly bonkers. I know Brisco fans became Jack of all Trade fans. C'mon admit it.





4.) Black Sash

Network: The WB (2003)

the jaded viewer says: My main man Russel Wong's second show that 's on this list (I watched any show that had Asians in it because American TV doesn't have Asians in it). I think they axed this show mid 2nd episode. Show was about some wrongly imprisoned Chinese martial artist who opens up a school in San Francisco. His students included Ray J, Missy Peregrym, Sarah Carter and Mako. Stereotypes galore in this one (because we all know every Chinese man, woman and child knows kung fu)





3.) Cleopatra 2525

Network: Syndicated (2000-2001)

the jaded viewer says: OK ok, as part of Universal TV's Action Pack series, I didn't watch Cleopatra 2525 for the acting, story or special effects. I watched it for the very revealing outfits, especially the ones worn by our ditzy blonde lead Cleo (played by the hot Jennifer Sky). It's so silly sci-fi about armed flying machines versus kick ass girls you'd really don't mind the cheesiness when Gina Torres and Victoria Pratt are blasting bad guys and machines in tight leather.



2.) Time Trax

Network: Syndicated (1993)

the jaded viewer says: I'll admit, I'm a time travel junkie. If it be Quantum Leap or a BTTF cartoon, I'm watching it. So a little show about a cop from the future traveling to the past to catch bad guys is MUST SEE TV for me. He had an AI disguised as a credit card!




1.) Vanishing Son

Network: Syndicated (1994)

the jaded viewer says: Another TV show that was part of Universal TV's Action Pack series and starring Russell Wong. Seriously, it had an Asian male as the lead and getting "action" from all sorts of yummy ladies. Basically Vanishing Son started off as 4 made to TV movies about 2 brothers who come from war ravaged China to start anew (thank goodness they didn't end up in Arizona). But racist bad guys are everywhere so Jian-Wa has to kick ass to protect the innocent.
Yes, this is the TV movies that had Rebecca Gayheart in them playing Jian-Wa's girlfriend. This show made it possible for Asian guys to date white women.



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Do you remember any of these shows? Want to reminisce with me about the good ole days of odd TV shows? Share your thoughts.

Categories: bruce campbell, cleopatra 2525, martial arts, time travel, time trax, tv shows, vanishing son

The WTF List: Lost and the Series Finale

As somebody who has watched Lost since it debuted, you always feel sad when a series you've been following for 6 years ends. So after watching the series finale, I thought I'd recap the finale with a WTF list but instead I'll do a list of what I liked about the show.

Sure I know some of you are NOT Lost fans so feel free to come back tomorrow and back to your regularly scheduled program. For you Losties, let's look back on some jaded leftover thoughts on Lost and why its one of the best TV shows ever.

Sure the finale doesn't seem Sopranos or The Wire-ish in its "ahhhhhh I get it" sorta ending but its as fitting as they come. Just more mythos to the bitter end, more "I'm not getting it" but pure resolution to the characters, which was always the most important aspect of the show.

Lost....The WTF List! (Spoilers obvious if you plan on watching the show)

1.) GENERIC DHARMA INITIATIVE LOST SERIES FINALE POST
2.) My running Tuesday Twitter support of Number of Miles Straume sarcastic remarks. I'll miss keeping track.
3.) I'll miss my daily Kate in a tight shirt emotional baggage scenes
4.) Mr. Clucks introduced its version of the Double Down....it's called the Quadruple Up. Thanks Hugo.
5.) I'm looking forward to watch Josh Holloway play a rogue, womanizer in a future film.
6.) Sun and Jin are the last Asians we will ever see on American television. If you see Asians on American TV, its like freakin Bigfoot.
7.) Where's my DriveShaft E retrospective?
8.) Benjamin Linus should have a whole site devoted to himself (somebody make this)
9.) Thank you Walt for being some sort of Deus Ex Machina that didn't Machina
10.) I'm thinking Sayid should stay out of Arizona
11.) John Locke is a metaphor and an allegory and a euphemism and a .....
12.) If we can get Betty White on SNL, we very well can get Expose made into a real TV show
13.) What happens when Emile De Ravine actually has a baby...its going to be sooo weird looking at her right?
14.) Love the pane glass window with the donkey wheel and images from different religions (from the finale)
15.) Can we get a Desmond and Penny sitcom going?
16.) Thank goodness Vincent made it to the very end...now about Hurley's bird....
17.) What's in an Apollo chocolate bar?
18.) Is it me or the next time you see a plane crash in a TV or movie your first instinct is to make a Lost reference.
19.) Jack, never stop believing (sorry I got mixed up with my series finales)
20.) It's a solid ending to a magnificent show

I liked the finale. Sure, there's a part of you that wanted some explanations but then again the main focus of the show is the characters. The theories abound on exactly WTF happened but lets just be happy we got to know these fictional characters for 6 years.

Thanks Darlton for that awesomeness.

"I don't believe in many things, but I do believe in duct tape."

-Miles Straume

Categories: lost, tv shows