Tuesday, December 14, 2010

A Short Transcript of my Interview with Jason Voorhees

Well we here at the jaded viewer got a world exclusive! I got to interview Mr. Jason Voorhees of Crystal Lake. In the brief transcript of the interview below, you'll get insight into the man, the icon and the legend of Jason. Here he lets loose on a variety of topics ranging from his favorite kill to his secret crushes of his favorite final girls.

It's got some juicy gossips for you TMZ-ish horror fans. Check out the interview below!

The Jaded Viewer: Thanks Mr. Voorhees for taking some time out of your busy schedule to talk to us. We only saw you a year ago and you looked a little sluggish with your latest performance. Some critics hammered you on your diminishing killing abilities. What do you have to say to these naysayers?

Jason Voorhees:

TJV: Interesting. You do have a point there. I never thought about that. So fans of your work want to know what your best kill was. Got any favorites?

JV: [heavy breathing]

TJV: Wow, fascinating. That wasn't on many top 10 lists that I know of. OK let's switch gears and talk about who was your greatest foe. Which final girl gave you the most trouble?


TJV: Now that's a shocker! Did the other counselors know about you two?


TJV: Yeah I totally agree. Most girls have a difficult time getting over the "killing thing". You'd think that be part of the package. So are you two still friends?


TJV: Ummm with the machete huh? Breakups can be bad. We know all about your mom. It's been well documented. But I wanna know about your dad. Can you tell our viewers who your dad was and what was he like?

JV: [deep heavy breathing]

TJV: That's unbelievable. Do you think that contributed to who you are today?


TJV: Wow. I mean that's something nobody knows about you at all. I'm sure people now know who the real Jason Voorhees is because of that little fact. Anything else you want our viewers to know?


TJV: Will do Mr. Voorhees. Thanks again for taking the time to talk to us today. Good luck in your future killings and I hope you continued success.



What do you think about these shocking revelations by Jason Voorhees? Does it change your perception of the iconic slasher? Do you think he'll survive this public ordeal? How will his fellow slashers react to this news? Chime in and let your voice be known!

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  1. That is some funny stuff right there. It is interesting you mentioned his dad. I never stopped to think about who his father was. That might actually be something interesting to bring up in a future movie.

  2. Thanks dude. I aim to please with the funnies.