Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Tyrese Gibson: A Jaded Viewer True Hollywood Story

I asked Insano Steve for a review of The Take. After a few weeks of prodding, he said he couldn't write a review that was potently funny or ridiculously entertaining. (I find this hard to believe as The Take seems ripe with some MST3K quips ready to be made). Instead he decided a Tyrese retrospective would be a better fit.

So here is Insano Steve's retrospective.

Tyrese Gibson: A Jaded Viewer True Hollywood Story

By Insano Steve

If somebody asked me "Who is your favorite actor?", I don't think I would have an answer.
But if somebody asked "Who is your favorite BLACK actor?", my answer would be easy, Tyrese.

Tyrese is famous for his Coke commercial where he starts spontaneously singing in the back of a bus. He's also a model and has a semi-successful R&B singing career.

But what I'm sure he is most proud of, is his acting career. Tyrese can be found starring and co-starring in such fine films as Baby Boy, 2 Fast 2 Furious, Four Brothers, Annapolis, Waist Deep, Transformers, and his latest film, The Take. Before I review The Take, let's answer some important questions about Tyrese and his films first:

1) Q: Is Tyrese a good actor?

A: Oh God no. He pretty much plays the same character in all his films.

2) Q: Is Tyrese a good black actor?

A: Hells yeah. I guess here's the distinction. Sure, I don't think Tyrese is an Oscar winning actor like Denzel Washington or Morgan Freeman or DMX, but Tyrese's movies are always great fun. When you see Tyrese on the screen, you know somebody is about to get shot. And that's how you should feel in any good black movie.

3) Q: Wait a minute, Tyrese is a model and sings really gay love songs, how come he plays thugs in all his movies?

A: That's kind of the beauty of it. Knowing his background, you pretty much know that his roles are not authentic and/or "keeping it real". Therefore when he shoots some poor bastard, it's just that much more funny. It's like watching Wayne Brady as a criminal in 'Crossover'.

4) Q: I heard Tyrese shoots a gun in every movie he's in, that can't be true right?

A: Yeah, that's pretty much right. That's his claim of distinction. These days, a good black movie is really hard to come by. Instead we have Tyler Perry bullshit or another Ice Cube family comedy.

Seriously, what the fuck?

Things were so much better when movies were just about crime and poverty. And the soundtrack badly outsold the movie. Well, there's still hope, because Tyrese is still out there shooting people.

5) Q: C'mon, no way, every movie?

A: Well, let's look at this on an itemized film by film basis via

Luke Cage (2009)

This movie hasn't been made but I'll just guess yes. Hopefully this movie won't make Tyrese a star and cause him to sellout to roles in non-black movies.

Those fucking robots ain't gonna shoot themselves

Legion (2009)

Post-apocalyptic movie. Bet on Tyrese finding the last remaining hand gun.

Death Race (2008)

He plays the role of 'Machine Gun Joe'. What do you think?

The Take (2007)

Several times, at close range, in John Leguizamo's head.

Transformers (2007)

Easily the biggest movie Tyrese has been in. You probably wouldn't notice he's in it though with all that transforming going on. He plays the black guy that keep's shooting people and robots.

Waist Deep (2006)

His 2nd greatest role. His character, O2, defies police, gangs, the Game, and logic to rob banks and flee to Mexico with hotness that is Meagan Good. Oh yeah, he's forced to rob banks cause the Game kidnapped his kid. He'd never rob banks otherwise. The legendary O-Dog from 'Menace to Society' in this. Oh yeah, he shoots people in this, many of whom die.

Annapolis (2006)

I never actually saw this. The trailer about a bunch a dudes in the Navy training camp just seemed a little gay. Harry Osbourne from the Spiderman movies stars in this. Tyrese plays his commanding officer, and pretty much hazes the shit out of him. Very likely, a gun is fired along the way.

Four Brothers (2005)

Here he plays one of the two black brothers. This movie is on TNT a lot but I always miss the ending. It's kinda stupid with Marky Mark and Andree 3000 and some other white guy playing his brothers. Alas, he does shoot people.

Also never seen. Only black actor in the movie, so it sounds promising.

2 Black 2 Furious! Lots of shooting and fancy driving in this. One of his less 'black' roles though.

Baby Boy (2001)

His greatest work. He plays Jody and he pretty much is a good for nothing thug with 2 baby mamas, no job, no car, and his mom's wants him out of the house. Marsellus Wallace teaches him some sense by throwing him through a glass coffee table. Cuba Gooding's brother in this movie and is awesome as the hopeless thug, Sweetpea. Snoop Dogg in this too, wearing the baggiest wife-beater ever put on film.

Without a doubt, the best black movie in the last 10 years. Tupac was supposed to star in this originally. Tyrese kills it in this movie (figuratively and otherwise). Movie caused me to Google chickenhead and hoodrat. Who knew there was such a subtle difference between them?

"Moesha" (2000) ... Troy

Seriously doubt he shot anybody on an episode of Moesha

Love Song (2000) (TV) ... Mad Rage/Skip

Huh, what is this?

"All That" (2000) .... Musical Guest

Hmmm, I wonder if he shot anybody as a Musical Guest

"The Parent 'Hood" (1998) .... Thug

His character is named Thug !?!?

"Martin" (1997) .... Dante

Shit, peoples was always getting shot on Martin

"Hangin' with Mr. Cooper" (1996) .... Darrell

Didn't see this episode, and Tyrese was only 15 at the time, but I'll assume 'Darrell' busts some shots off in Coop's class

6) Q: Dude, those movies all suck balls, why you like this guy?

A: Fuck you then. Make your own fucking list and I can trash that list.

7) Q: Yo, weren't you supposed to review 'The Take'?

A: Oh shit, yeah, that's right, ......

See Tyrese at his best in Waist Deep and Baby Boy.

Waist Deep Trailer

Baby Boy Trailer

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  1. Ha! Too funny! This has really changed my perspective on Tyrese and his career.

  2. Very disappointed to read this racist article as a black follower of this blog. Not that it matters but I will no longer be visiting this site. I know it's supposed to be a joke... I guess but pretty ignorant.

  3. I'm sorry this article offended you. It's meant to not be taken seriously in that of course we don't think Tyrese (or black people) shoot guns in every movie they are in (but Tyrese sure comes damn close).

    Not sure how this can be racist in the fact that we love Tyrese and support the movies he's in.

    I'll pass your note to Insano Steve. Maybe he'll write something making fun of Asians.