Monday, October 21, 2013

Blackout Haunted House: Elements 2013 (NYC Review)

Posted on 11:00 PM by the jaded viewer

[This is just a review of Blackout Elements. A spoiler filled walkthrough will follow after the show's run ends.]

Well if you're reading this fellow jaded viewers, you have probably read all the stuff  I've ever posted about Blackout. There is no doubt that this once upon a time, urban legend of a haunted house, the one where "they touch you" and "they water board you" is now a full fledged powerhouse now running in both NYC and LA and will be unleashed in Chicago in December. The formula is being copied by mega haunted houses all over the country and even Kickstarters are being created to fund what seems to be a poor copy cat. But to experience Blackout, the original waiver signing, full frontal nudity and torturific experience is one that has to be done in NYC, where filth and grime are synonymous with the people. Who are these brave souls who dare go to the haunted house the other haunted houses are afraid of?

What's odd is the people who decide to go. Blackout participants aren't just goths or metalheads, but normals from all over the city who flock to Blackout to experience what the fuss is all about. Abercrombie and Fitch sweater alpha's wait in the lobby with motherfuckin gangsta wannabes. Old grampas walk in with college freshmen. They all come because they're curious and want to try their luck at the most extreme haunted house in America.

I went twice this year. The first during opening night and then last week. In essence, I saw the same show but with notable differences. I also saw an evolution as well as it seems night after night and possibly patron after patron never had the same experience. Because this year, with it's elemental theme which I'll get to later, people get to choose what happens top them (though they can choose, they never know what will happen). It's a simple choice between letters but leads to the fact that if two people went back to back, they'd wouldn't see the same rooms or get the same experience.

So like previous years, everything in October is entirely new from last year. This is the first time Blackout has employed an overarching theme to their haunt. Previous years were completely changed but this was the first time both NYC and LA get the same basic haunt. Located at 164 Eleventh Ave, near Chelsea Piers in Manhattan, the location brought back memories for me of their off season haunt in 2011. I was very familiar with the space but it's been turned into a deviously constructed maze that  Jigsaw's deranged uncle might have created. The lobby is ominous and has that NYC smell of decay. Even the staff  you'll meet immediately will let you know they aren't here to take any of your shit.

What takes place behind the walls is a curious mix of old school Blackout brutality, psychological warfare, sexually charged feargasms and an ending that will have most people scared stiff. But your journey through is an obstacle course through the Captain Planet approved Elements. You'll encounter water, air, earth and fire in some form or the other. Each of these will happen in the company of  archetypes such as enforcers and delicates (it's the best way to describe these variety of characters). There will be moments of lull followed by all out assaults on your senses and sometimes lack thereof. Blackout has a reputation of silently stripping you of your sight, drowning your hearing and making you touch repulsion. This year, they'll earn it again but are more clever in how they do it.

Like previous haunts, Blackout test your limits in being touched . It's not a simple tap on the shoulder but a tad more aggression in the form of being bearhugged and having your face being used as a palette. You'll also  have to trudge through various obstacles, climb and crawl and kneel and experience all sorts of levels of uncomfortableness. It's 30 or so minutes of shock and awe and all sorts of general weirdness designed to indoctrinate you into the world of Blackout. The willing should go in wanting to play their part in the show, obey all the commands and descend into the madness of it all. You've paid to be part of this interactive horror movie, be that final guy or girl so play the fuck along. Milk the haunt for all its worth. Even though it felt a bit ridiculous that's what I did and it amplified my victim-hood.

Both times I went, I had the same overall basic experience. However, the October trip was a bit more cleaner in it's execution and amped up a level. The beta test in September has been tweaked with heavily and there were parts I loved like the original ending. It played with a theme which referenced the 2013 off season haunt and I do love those Blackout easter eggs. It's hard not to compare the two experiences but as a whole, now looking back I'm glad I did it twice as seeing the changes gives me a perspective I wouldn't have otherwise.

With your choice factoring in, going twice has its advantages in that choosing the opposite of what you had selected previously opens up rooms you had no idea existed. This level of interactivity is refreshing and different. It's a gimmick that will have you second guessing, fueling a what if scenario for days after. Going with friends may give you a glimpse into what you missed though the choice is really up to you. It's an odd sensation to try to be coherent while shit is hitting in the fan all around you.

What I did miss is what worked well in previous Blackout experiences, their namesake. You will encounter darkness in spurts, strobe lights and all sorts of icky. It's the elements that are taking center stage this year and you should be well aware that anything I've written before is mostly NOT going to happen.

I would also have liked a unifying story that would tie the haunt together in a way that would have transcended the other theme running through. If each successive scene in different rooms built up a level of crazy that led up to the final uber ending, I think the payoff was there. Horror movies are all about the buildup and I hope one day Blackout employs a centralized mythos during their haunt.

The actors give it their all and at times will tailor the experience to what you do and how you react. They may improv as they go along and add a few things that worked on others. The fact they can keep modifying the attraction is a clear indication that creators Josh Randall and Kristjan Thorgeirsson are smart enough to know fear is subjective and you have to adapt to your audience even if it means person by person.

There is only one haunted house that pushes you into another dimension of twilight zone like horror and it's Blackout. New, inventive and full of WTF moments. Elements is brilliantly awesome. It has a way of fucking with you like no other haunted house can. It has never positioned itself as a traditional haunted house. It's evolved into something without comparison even through it's being carbon copied by others. What you realize is that it teeters on the edge of extreme audience participation and that most people will wonder if the team behind this production are seriously mentally disturbed.

But shouldn't we all question if the people who pay for it are as well?


 The Vitals

Blackout Haunted House Reviews and Walkthroughs
Blackout Haunted House Invite Only, Off Season Winter/Spring Haunt Reviews and Walkthroughs
Leave any comments/questions on The Jaded Viewer Facebook Page or on Twitter  
    






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Friday, October 18, 2013

Blood Manor 2013 (Review)

Posted on 1:00 PM by the jaded viewer

You should be overly familiar of Blood Manor by now. I've reviewed this NYC Haunted House staple for 5 years straight. I first went in 2009, then 2010, 2011 and 2012. So it's been churning out the scares well before I went and it's still going strong. What you'll get from Blood Manor is what you get every year. Scared tweens, tweenagers and brave mom and dads who accompany their kids into an elaborate maze of solid sets, sarcastic and stealthy actors and zombie strippers.

This year is reminiscent of past years and it's without a doubt one of the haunted houses you will need to go to at least once if you're in New York City in October.

My past reviews say it all when you go to Blood Manor so I'll take the best quips from each year to let you know what's the what.

2009

"Blood Manor is so jampacked with horror goodies, it's like a carnival of wickedness. You really feel like they've made every effort to get you scared and the level of detail in every room is quite  magnificent. The team at Blood Manor is very aware of horror culture, referencing all your favorite slasher icons and adding a few of their own. Simply, it's the perfect dessert after eating a bucket full of candy goodness."

 2010

"Blood Manor is the James Cameron of haunted houses. Big production values, absolute detailed rooms and actors who really get into their roles. That's Blood Manor in a nutshell. You're not going to get story or themes here like other haunted houses. It's pure frightening eye candy and like a summer movie, you kinda know what to expect but it still scares the shit out of you."
2011

 "As one of the most famous haunted houses in NYC, Blood Manor has gotten its reputation as the ultimate BOO! haunted house and it's well earned. It's full of elaborate, breathtaking sets, actors full of mischief and high tech wizardry. Year after year, Jimmy Lorenzo, Jim Faro and Mike Rodriguez amplify the experience of Blood Manor by tweaking the scare-o-meter and hiring a next generation of actors (half of them are new this year) who can appear stealthy but also get in your face."

2012

"Blood Manor is a staple of NYC Haunted Houses. If you've never been, it's a must go. They are indeed the blockbuster of all the haunted houses in the city combining Tim Burton style rooms with a mix of Universal monsters horror and high tech wizardry. They seem to always be on the cutting edge of pushing the tech aspect of haunted houses and the actors come full prepared to torture you with invisible scares and smart ass remarks.....Also I did mention zombie strippers right?"


The Vitals

 Check out the trailer below.

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Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Legends of the Fog Haunted House (Review)

Posted on 1:00 PM by the jaded viewer

Joined by fellow Blackout Survivor "D" and "C" from The Raven and Blackcat, we ended our Maryland haunted house road trip with Legends of the Fog, a haunt in Aberdeen, MD. I'll be honest, I wasn't expecting much from this haunt but I had read up they had 3 attractions lined up with one of them being a haunted hayride which would have been my first. On that excitement alone, I went in hoping for the best and to my surprise I left feeling outright super happy.

Legends of the Fog is like finding a diamond in a pumpkin patch. The converted working farm gets turned into one of the most bang for your buck haunted houses I've been to. Family run, LOTF is run by all volunteers who year after year, bring back their haunt and add something new and exciring. In the midst of 6 feet tall corn stalks, a bonfire warms up the bustling crowd with carnival games and a "coffin ride" complete with a night vision cam for visitors to watch any brave soul who pays to be trapped in a coffin.

You don't get to pick which 3 attractions at Legends of the Fog. Surprisingly, you have to experience each consecutively. It's downright efficient as lines are managed to optimal efficiency. There is a Fast Pass lane for the impatient so that helps.

Sinister Circus

Up first is the Sinister Circus, a good outdoor tent like maze that has every side show attraction you can imagine. Various freaks and side show performers put on some good scares and a dreaded clown makes an appearance. It's not scary albeit a bit short but it's a precursor and an appetizer to what's to come.

Haunted Hayride

One of the best independently created haunted hayrides I've been to (having only been to one :-P), LOTF pours its best into making this hayride memorable complete with FOG!. I think it's up to par to a Disney World attraction in its simplicity and its set design. We went on a clear night, where even a New Yorker like myself could see actual stars. A tractor/truck? pulls a cart that could easily fit 20 or more people slowly drives through corn stalks as stealthy actors come out and hop on and put some jump scares. A chainsaw man  makes an appearance and got a bit close for comfort. The sets were quite elaborate for a mom and pop run haunt. Abandoned gas stations and barns with animatronic snakes were all quite well done. Each stop required the tractor to stop inside a barn as they closed both front and back. Then you get an insane petting zoo to a electric light show. Good times.

Kids love haunted hayrides and seeing tweenage kids get a bit scared shitless is hilarious. (A group of these Millenials taunted their friend Alex asking him..hmmm...how do say this and not use salty language....they said for him to NOT be a ummm....cat ;-P) The most super duper cleverest thing I saw during the hayride was little girls singing in unison as they carried severed heads asking patrons to play. I've seen kids be used in haunts but it was like I was in dream and immediately thought of the Nightmare on Elm Street jumping rope girls. Holy fuckin cow. Pretty creepy. I've always said if you got kids whispering, you're gonna get a gold star from me.

Carins Manor

We end with Carsins Manor, a supposed abandoned orphanage that houses some very disturbed kids. A wicked old man with bad breath greets us and off we go through abandoned rooms, disheveled beds and lots and lots of dolls. Are you scared of porcelain dolls? You will be. I was jump scared by a well placed tween who seemingly appeared out of nowhere. But the best scare happened to Survivor "D". Who could scare a Survivor?

How about a 5 year old kid, in horror makeup running up to him like a stinging Cobra. When you're not seeing something eye level, kids WILL scare the crap at you. I'm pretty sure its every parents worst nightmare. The manor was a solid conclusion to the trilogy of haunts at LOTF.

Final Thoughts

The Legends of the Fog attractions doesn't look like a warehouse of haunted house props. It works in its simplicity, sets you know were created by hard work and ingenuity. Animatronics and effects are used strategically and they pack a punch when they do. But it's the actors who seem to want the haunt to be the best it can be. Every little kid wants to scare other kids and here at Legends of the Fog, they get that chance. Families and unsuspecting teenagers are prime targets for this outdoor haunted house and you can't beat getting a chance to hayride in the moonlight.

Think of Legends of the Fog as a little brother to the haunts you all know. It's full of effective mazes, a hayride that is unpredictable and a orphanage from hell. You can't duplicate the overall scary of a farm in the dead of night. That's the awesome from Legends of the Fog because sooner or later they'll be doing things big brother only dreamed of.

The Vitals

Check out the trailer

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Thursday, October 10, 2013

Bennett's Curse Haunted House (Review)

Posted on 1:00 PM by the jaded viewer

When you're planning to go on a haunted house road trip, make sure you're with people who are on the same page as you or you're going to have a bad time. Thank the crazies I have friends who are as insane as I am. Joined by blogger "C' of The Raven and Black Cat and fellow Blackout Survivor "D" we trekked the 3 or so hours to just outside Baltimore, Maryland to hit up not 1 but 2 haunted houses on the same night.

First stop was Bennett's Curse in Jessup, MD. Just by looking at their website you can see the accolades galore of "Best Haunt" this and "Top Halloween Attractions" that. Its for those reasons it was first on our list. As this was my first road trip haunt (my out of state haunts included Goretorium in Vegas and Universal Horror Nights in LA) I expected to be in the middle of nowhere and boy is Bennett's Curse in the middle of nowhere, USA. The approach to the haunt is ominously X-Files-ish as a white gigantic hanger bellows in the distance.

Inside it's filled with a online quick pic and an ominous animatronic dragon. It's dark and our fast pass tickets scurry us into the fast lane. A creepy old guy gives instructions and off we go.

You want Vampires? We got us some Vampires

Bennett's Curse is basically every incarnation of haunted houses rolled into one though they are kind of try to mislead you early on with actors spewing speeches about a medieval war between vampires and demons. That's so you'll be mesmerized by the insane amounts of high tech monsters they have set up triggered by motion detectors (?) to scare you. The amount of props crammed into the haunt can be overwhelming and stratgically placed actors looking to jump scare you is adequate but few and far between.

You'll get some air cannons ready to give you a quick jolt and some Travel Channel approved 30 feet tall dragons, gargoyles and monsters all ready to swing into action. I'll admit these special effects were quize mesmerizing but easily got tiring at the same time. As "C" pointed out, these were bought at the haunted house warehouse on the dollar. A moving eye prop was very top notch as was a giant dragon mouth that knocked me a bit sideways. They seemed to spend top dollar on their Halloween monsters hence the continued commercial of being featured on The Travel Channel as you entered.

But as you progress, you will get different versions of haunted houses at Bennett's Curse. All are labeled with fancy gloom and doom nicknames like "House of the Vampyres" which were the prop laden animatronics maze I discussed earlier. "Zombie Kingdom 3D" which was  a 3-D colorful zombie maze complete with 3-D entrails emanating from the actors. "Sanctuary of Insanity" was an insane asylum complete with maniacs who will move the "jail bars" to keep you confused and lost.The haunt has no unifying theme but to get you spooked and hang out with every kind of boogeyman you can think of.

Flashlights: Scary Shit

However, one of the parts of Bennett's Curse was something that didn't have elaborate effects, crazy monsters set to Metal. It was a simple twist and turn maze that was in complete darkness. As you went through, various actors armed with flash lights would light up their gruesome faces at just the right moment to scare the bejesus out of you. There would be a flicker of light that would scare and indirectly help to guide your way out. Never have I walked slowly, arm outstretched hoping for that quick flashlight to get me through a maze. This was the best part of Bennett's Curse in it's utter simplicity and scare-o-meter.

The actors were mostly mute bystanders making sure to get in your face when appropriate. Some actors mocked my clumsiness as I bumped into my friends in the utter darkness. It's these brief exchanges of WTF did they just say that? that make the haunt a little more personal.

Final Thoughts

I've been to my fair share of high level haunted houses. Bennett's Curse is a smorgasboard of all your favorite monster haunts jampacked into one huge Halloween extravaganza. I'll say that all 3 haunted houses had some moments that had me jumping but not one of their 3 haunts had me going "Holy shit! That was fuckin awesome". You'll get your laughs, your screams and your share of WTFs if you go in not looking for anything more than your pre-packed monster goodies loot bag.

I think the road trip to Bennett's Curse was well worth the drive but I'm probably not going to be back in the future. Unless they have a giant hanger masked in darkness and nothing but actors with flashlights. But who would pay for that?

The Vitals
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Monday, September 30, 2013

Nightmare Killers 2 Haunted House (Review)

Posted on 1:00 PM by the jaded viewer

As you enter Killers 2: A Nightmare Haunted House, a man tells you about the horrors of unsolved murders and gruesome murders of NYC and around the country. It's pretty terrifying to know serial killers are out there, somewhere waiting, hunting. If this doesn't unnerve you a bit, maybe a walking Jeffrey Dahmer lookalike will. The notorious reputation gained from last year's haunted house Tim Haskell's sequel is actually more terrifying and spectacularly awesome than the previous version. The rooms move like clockwork, the performances are top notch and set up jump scares that will have you jumping out of your shoes and an ending that will make you rethink walking down an infamous street.

Nightmare Killers 2 is a perfect clash of documentary meets haunted house terror. You may not know who each of these infamous serial killers are, but they all will be imprinted in your mind once you leave. If there is one New York City haunted house you and some friends want to get your scare on, Killers 2 is it. It has all the elements of the traditional room scares, the sets that go from tight spaces to creepy uncomforableness and just the right amount of scares from being the first person in to the last person out.

Wikipedia the Killers

Like last year, I attended Killers 2 with the lovely "L" from Downtown Traveler. It seems we are both adept at being both jaded upon all haunted houses these days with the thing scaring us the most is not being able to know where to go next.  Upon entering the Clemente Soto Velez Cultural and Educational Center, you'll be greeted at the acid trip paintings of some of history's notorious serial killers with a some notes on their gruesome murders and crimes. I highly suggest you read these blurbs so you know who you'll be meeting once you go in. This year also has a Killers Act Stage where a variety of performers (ranging from some piano playing to spoken word when I was there) perform for the people waiting on lines. It's something to watch instead of playing Candy Crush on your phone.

Molested by Uncle John

In keeping with what worked, Nightmare brings back the option of being touched by the actors. If you choose to do so some double XX blood splatter will be marked on your forehead. I of course chose this option because who doesn't liked getting touched by depraved psychopaths? Patrons will go in groups of 6 or so and it actually is the perfect amount to get the most of each room. Groups work best as you can laugh at others being scared shitless.

I won't spoil the rooms but this years version seems to up the ante. Actors will get up close and personal, yell out instructions and retort with their own brand of devlish humor if you disobey. You'll get a variety of rooms, with set designs that you may remember and others that are intricately detailed with 70s and 80s nostalgia. And with these elaborate sets are the infamous killers, telling their wicked tales of murder and dementia. Last years version had the creme de la creme, this years we get some familiars and a few that you probably never heard of (I didn't). Harrison Graham and Aileen Wournos might have you Googling but Charles Manson and Richard Ramirez will have you going oh oh. A few fictional killers will make appearances as well and were quite a surprise.

Each room tells a tale and the actors do a great job of giving you some Wikipedia about these maniacs before the unsuspecting participants get BOOed! It's in your interest to immerse yourself in each room and get an idea of the story each rooms pulls off. If you partake earlier in the season, you'll have at least a minute and a half in each room and the haunt paces it nicely making sure you get to spend quality time with each killer. You'll be asked to perform some actions and marked foreheads will get extra attention. I was again molested by John Wayne Gacy (goddamit I hate clowns) as I made a new friend in his basement. Nightmare seems to moving over into that edge of getting under your skin with the touching and even my sarcasm directed to the actors didn't break their concentration. Uncle John promised me candy. I didn't get any.

Later on "L" got abducted by Richard Ramirez and I was called an "asshole" by a certain American Slasher. The actors truly make it work and even go into the surreal with Wuornos room being very. It would seem you can get 20-30 minutes out of the whole experience though I found myself trudging into each room head on and allowing myself to get up close and personal. 

WTF is for WHAT THE FUCKITY FUCK?

Nightmare had a few rooms that seemed anti climactic. An outside adventure that had Dexter last year was a bit more subdued. There was some cushioned narrow corridors and a swamp that had me mesmerized by the design but also as scared as watching Twilight. However, the ending of a certain Harrison Graham was completely bonkers and I had remnants my encounter with a certain "monster" all over my shirt. That to me should have been the ending but instead we get a post credits scene that made it anti climactic. But overall, that last encounter proved priceless to myself and it was something I would not forget.

With Halloween fast approaching, each room may not get your full attention as crowds and actors will speed read their lines and scare faster. I think if you go before Halloween or after, you'll get the full effect of what Nightmare Killers 2 has to offer.

Killers 2 is one of those haunted house sequels that actually outdoes its predecessor. The direction, the pace, the actors, the killers and the overall experience is one that seems fine tuned and in flow. New York City is a scary place in itself sometimes but even the hardcore jaded New Yorker needs to go to a place that creates a scare machine to test his limits.

Why not attempt to go through a maze of serial killers? If you pass that test, it's like getting a gold star and some candy.

Just don't get molested by Uncle John.

The Vitals
Check out the trailer

For a full schedule of performances visit www.hauntedhousenyc.com

Tickets for NIGHTMARE: KILLERS2 are $30 - $60 and available at www.hauntedhousenyc.com, or at the box office prior to each performance.   








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Thursday, September 26, 2013

The Paris Catacombs are AWESOME, the horror movie is SHIT

Posted on 10:20 PM by the jaded viewer

So I vaguely remember seeing this Catacombs movie on Showtime late at night a few years back. I never thought anything about it but I figured I'd watch because I had a crush on  Shannyn Sossamon and I mean it had fuckin PINK in it. Honestly, I couldn't tell you if it was scary or hell what ending was it. It was pretty shitty.

All I remember is that there should have been no way kids would be able to throw a rave in the fuckin Paris, France Catacombs. I mean this shit is holy and sacred.

How could this go un-fuckin-detected?

So here is your brief history lesson of the Paris Catacombs via a Lions Gate trailer.

 
 
Got all that?

Well on my recent Europalooza, I was able to go to the Catacombs and see first hand this marvel of history. It's true that Paris ran out out of places to bury their dead and it seems millions of bodies and bones ended up here. As I couldn't read French I'm not too familair with the history but look it's a Wikipedia article!

But I must say being in there is spooky as fuckin hell. I waited about an hour and a half to get in because you know decorated bones and being underneath Paris is a pure tourist attraction. Once in, you descend a circular staircase that seems to go on and on.

Once down, tight narrow passages are dimly lit and your are actually walking underneath the city streets of Paris. It's pretty tight and if you're claustrophobic you're gonna have a bad time.


Most of the first few passages are just filled with piles of rocks. Probably tunnels to dig into the actually cemataries. Then shit gets real.



Holy shit does it get real. No flash photography is allowed but it's a pure scene straight out of a horror movie. First up some odd looking stone castle. I like to think this was created by some bored Frenchman who liked hanging out in tunnels.


And then we get to the good stuff. Skulls, bones and more skulls arranged in the most gothic way possible. Seems like the living like playing with the dead in the 1700s.


Oh and its even crazier. Bones piled 6-8 feet high and in the middle are more skulls. God bless these poor souls. You weren't allowed to touch the bones as scary men with flashlights would yell at you in French if you did.



There were endless rooms with skulls and bones arranged in the most disturbing of ways. The fact that you were in a crypt should have made everybody feel uneasy. But alas, this tourist hub had a baby in a stroller, annoying Americans and everybody (including myself) gawking at the skulls and taking pictures with iPhones and cameras.

 

A part of me wanted to get my rave on.


And on second thought...I wouldn't want to be on Mollies while I was down here. And we conclude with this wall of skulls.


Overall on my one day in Paris, I visited some badass catacombs. My only other experience seeing catacombs was when Indiana Jones found the knight's tomb in Venice Italy in The Last Crusade. I don't know what I was thinking when I headed down there but I knew it would be a helluva sight.

Surely a horror movie could be made about being stuck underneath Paris, in dark Catacombs with unseen forces trying to kill you. But one does not need to make a movie such as this. Seeing real life places that may have been on a National Geographic channel is pretty awesome. I highly recommend it if you find yourself in Paris. Getting out was quite an ordeal in itself. Once you're done hanging out with the dead, you have to walk up another circular staircase that got me winded and dizzy. Truly this is where we Americans fail. Exercise is not our pastime.

You end up  on the other side of Paris and we were a bit lost when we got out. Though you'd think we'd have exited through the gift shop, though this time it was right across the street from us.

The Paris Catacombs are simply spooky as they are mesmerizing. No horror movie could ever get it right. Visit them if you ever get a chance. Just please don't watch the movie.





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Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Nightmare Killers 2: Contest Giveaway!

Posted on 10:01 PM by the jaded viewer

With October fast approaching, it's time we all got our spook on. And what's the best way to do that? A New York City haunted house. The Jaded Viewer and Nightmare Killers 2 have teamed up to do a little giveaway contest.

I have yet to enter the sequel to last year's haunted house but I will be going soon and will post a review soon. In the meantime, to get in the mood for the opening of this notorious NYC haunt on 9/27, The Jaded Viewer in conjunction with Nightmare is giving 1 (ONE) FREE TICKET to this year's haunt.

How do you enter? In either the comments of this post or on the Jaded Viewer Facebook page, write down the following:

1.) Who do you think is the most infamous serial killer in history?
2.) Your name
3.) Your e-mail address

I will then pick a name a name at random and the winner gets one free ticket to Nightmare Killers 2. That's it.

Contest ends October 6th. Good luck! 

**Please note there are Blackout days. The only blackout dates for winners are October 18th and 19th, 25th and 26th and 31st.**

Want more info on Nightmare Killers 2? Check out this awesome linkage!

For a full schedule of performances visit www.hauntedhousenyc.com
Tickets for NIGHTMARE: KILLERS2 are $30 - $60 and available at www.hauntedhousenyc.com, or at the box office prior to each performance.   

Facebook: www.facebook.com/NightmareNYC

Twitter: @NIGHTMARENYC
Visit Timothy Haskell’s blog at www.iscareyou.com   







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Saturday, September 07, 2013

Bring on the Elements! Blackout Haunted House Opening Night 9/7/13

Posted on 2:31 PM by the jaded viewer

It's a bit odd to go to a haunted house (or interactive horror theater in this case) in the first week of September but the day has come. Blackout Haunted House Opening Preview night is today and guess who's first on line?

Yup, clearly jaded viewers I got too excited about this.

It's been a little weird to get into the haunted house hype but while I visited Myrtle Beach, SC a few weeks back I did go to these year round haunted houses: Ripley's Haunted Adventures and Nightmare Haunted House (not to be confused with Nightmare NYC)

Mind you visiting a haunted house in the summer is a little off as it's barely occupied and the haunt usually gives 40%. But it was a thrill to haunt up in August.

So before I write my review of this years Blackout Elements, we'll be giving first impression thoughts (without spoilers or a walkthrough) tonight and tomorrow.

If you want to follow along tonight, follow me on Twitter and on Facebook. I will probably go the Twitter route as pics and possibly Vine videos might be posted.

Who knows what will happen tonight?

Tickets are now on sale for NYC and LA. Check out the trailer below.

 
 
Blackout Haunted House NYC 2013 Off Season Haunt Testimonials

Blackout Haunted House Reviews and Walkthroughs

Blackout Haunted House Invite Only, Off Season Spring Haunt Reviews and Walkthroughs

Leave any comments/questions on The Jaded Viewer Facebook Page or on Twitter 
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Wednesday, August 28, 2013

The Last of Us is actually one of the best HORROR MOVIES of 2013

Posted on 10:30 PM by the jaded viewer

When I put Naughty Dog's The Last of Us as one of the best MOVIES of 2013 on my Top 10 list, don't laugh at me OK? It really is a cinematic masterpiece when you separate the fact that it's a video game. The setting (post fungi apocalyptic America), the characters (Joel and Ellie are the video game version of Dad and Son from The Road) and the plot which is filled with twists and turns and just pure WTF.

It really is without a doubt one of the best stories to revolve around the survival horror genre.I've played the game and finished it and I was blown away by the emotional roller coaster it took me on. Video games in reality actually force you to put more of your emotions because YOU are actually playing that character.

In doing so, you actually start directing your action sequences to how you want, something a movie could never do. But we're not here to debate movies vs video games. What I will say is that when just the cinematic cut scenes are solid enough to warrant a YouTube full movie cut, it says a lot in that the cut scenes alone can make you care about the characters, intrigue you about the plot and have their fair share of scares.

With any horror movie, you need the BIG BAD> There are actually two enemies in The Last of Us. The last remnants of humanity who have turned into scavenging and stalker as well as The Fireflies, a group looking to stop the epidemic at all costs. Stalkers, Clickers  and Bloaters are dangerous as the infection evolves. The infected make zombies look like a walk in the park.

The performances (done via motion capture) are pretty superb starring Troy Baker as Joel and Ashley Johnson as Ellie. Motion capture is close to acting in a video game as acting in front of a green screen.

Of course this "movie" has only been experienced by only a few Playstation 3 gamers, so the level of exposure is limited than say a conventional movie. But the acclaim the game has gotten has been absurdly positive with making gamers "cry" and just having been gut punched into the stomach in some scenes.

The brutality of the kills by Joel and Ellie makes it pure survival horror and even if you die in the game, it wallops you with some serious game over carnage.

So here is a YouTube version "movie" with all the cutscenes. Sure it's 3 hours (I mean its scenes from a video game with over 10 hours of gameplay mind you) You may be able to get an idea of what it's about, the characters, the plot and some action. Some of the story and dialogue are told while you play so it can't capture that. But it is indeed a great cinematic masterpiece of 2013. A movie that could only been told in a game, rich in a landscape of nature reclaiming America and the morality humanity must hold on to in the most dire of circumstances.

The Last of Us is one of the best horror movies of 2013. And I'm not budging from that statement.



Have you played The Last of Us? Do you think it stacks up against even the best horror movies this year? Sound off and let me know!
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Monday, August 26, 2013

You're Next (Review)

Posted on 1:00 PM by the jaded viewer
You're Next

You're Next (2013)

Directed by Adam Wingard

I won't lie. I've been waiting to see this film for a while. The festival buzz was high and I've been a big fan of director of Adam Wingard for a while since his Home Sick, Pop Skull and his short film type days. After seeing VHS and VHS 2, I was a little worried Wingard's shorts were not up to par on what I knew he was capable of.

But with You're Next, Wingard steps up to the spotlight and shines brightly  like his other film making brethren. You're Next shakes up the home invasion genre with well timed quips, brutality & twisty goodness. It's what I've been waiting for in a horror film all year. A film that's refreshingly creative, viciously brutal and takes its audience for a helluva ride.

I don't know what to call the V/H/S horror troupe made up of Wingard, writer Simon Barret, filmmakers Ti West and Joe Swanberg. Most of You're Next is made of collaborators and actors who been in previous Wingard films. Should we call them Horror X?  Oddly this is an indie horror flick with Lion's Gate marketing. That's saying something.

You're Next does the opposite of what you think the generic home invasion movie will do. Though it introduces a goody two shoes family and a cadre of masked up bad guys it also will explain to us why this is all happening. It's because of this and not a "Because you were home" nonsensical answer that makes You're Next slickly executed and fun. Ill timed humor and some wicked kills also play a part in what is probably one of the best horror films of the year.

Boring Plot-O-Matic

When the Davison family comes under attack during their wedding anniversary getaway, the gang of mysterious killers soon learns that one of victims harbors a secret talent for fighting back. 

Awesome Review-O-Matic

I've watched a lot of home invasion movies. From Them (Ils), Funny Games, The Strangers, Martyrs, Inside to Kidnapped it's always been hit or miss with me. I like the nihilistic original Funny Games. I felt Haneke was saying something. I despised The Strangers and Kidnapped.

And I easily put them into two categories. One where the home invasion is deeply rooted in some sort of violent message. The other where brutality is not backed up by any iota of motive.

You're Next is in a 3rd mixing the two. So what were the ingredients to this masterpiece?
 
Instructions are below.

PREP TIME
15 Min (grab some popcorn and hold on tight)
COOK TIME
1 Hr 38Min
READY IN
30 Min (that's when the shit gets good)

INGREDIENTS

1 secluded house in a the middle of nowhere America
1 dysfunctional family dragging their SO's to a potential slaughter
3 demented, disturbed, twisted, fucked up killers in animal masks
1 Barbara Crampton
1 twist that makes you go WTF
1 other twist that makes you go WTF fuckity fuck...holy mother of fuck
30 gallons of blood and guts

Heaping, oozing, gloroficus blood soaked splatter spoonfuls of the following:

A few arrows in the head
1 sharp object through the head
1 sledgehammer to the the head
1 neck trauma
and more!
 
DIRECTIONS

Put all ingredients together. Stir continuously until house is soaked and dripping with blood. Throw in twizzler twisters. Bake at 350 degrees until movie makes you say "Oh shit, that's fucked up." Movie is done when you start cheering for the final girl.

Best served cold.

******************************************************************
What makes You're Next a winner is the fact that it plays within the stereotypes of the home invasion genre. Got the super wealthy family? Check. Got the pacifist brother (AJ Bowen)? The over achieving brother (Joe Swanberg)? The ditzy sister? All check. Even Ti West makes an appearance that will make your head hurt.

But the standout performance is Sharni Vinson's Erin, an Australian who will make her impact known by showing she's a GIRL that can FINALly show what's what. It's weird getting an explanation of why Erin is the perfect adversary for the invaders but it works so well. She plays her heroine chic so well, I thought they were going to tell me she was a Hack/Slash professional F.G.

Then there's the why. Because we usually don't get why the home invaders do what they do. And in the midst of this chaos, we see who really is eviler when the Big Bad is ultimately revealed. Twisty goodness is great and in extreme doses it works better.

A few cliches are thrown in and as I watched with this predominant millennial generation I could hear the gasps of somebody checking underneath the bed, leaving somebody alone in a room and the sighs once somebody went hysterical. The Generation Y horror fan has been conditioned with these cliches and I could hear the groans and grumbles once these were executed.

But that's when Wingard's brilliance comes in. He slyly executes his "scares" by strategically placing them in moments of lull. The one that comes to mind is when one family member makes a Million Dollar man like sprint that ends with a death Jigsaw would be proud of. It's superbly executed that it borders on laughable. Later, cat and mouse games are in full Stratego mode and they all have brutal mayhem payoffs that make you giggle like a school girl.

All the performances are stereotypically cliched and over the top that only the well versed horror fan might get the satire on display. Wingard seems to play with this dynamic making sure the people we are suppose to hate will die horrible horrible deaths. But it's the ones we have a rooting interest for are where the applause meter is lit up and we oblige happily.

You're Next is the perfect mix of black humor, wicked kills and perfectly timed WTFs. It's a horror film for the generation that expects the horror cliches, archetypes and vicious mayhem but throws in curve balls, LOLs and memorable craziness morsels for them to tweet out.

I've been waiting for You're Next for a long time.

The wait is finally over.

It lives up to the hype and for me it's cemented itself in my Top 10 Horror Movies of 2013.

Now go eat up this fuckin tasty dish.

Nude-ipedia

Some opening steam boobies

Gore-ipedia

See the spoonfuls above

WTF moment

The twizzler twists

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis


There is great horror coming from Horror X. If You're Next is your first taste, you won't be disappointed. It's got all the elements of Cabin in the Woods meets The Strangers. You're Next warrants repeat viewings, it warrants word of mouth praise and it warrants recognition that horror can always reinvent itself when talented filmmakers, writers and actors can collaborate and decide to create something new.

What's next?

 Rating:


Check out the trailer.


 
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Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Blackout Haunted House Returns.....with Elements

Posted on 10:44 PM by the jaded viewer

Straight after they announced they were joining forces with Blumhouse Productions to create a live interactive experience related to The Purge, Blackout Haunted House announced their fall/Halloween event with....



Blackout Elements.





Some of the trailer looks familiar to me, but Blackout usually saves their best for Halloween so who knows what to expect.


Preview tickets are now on sale at the official site. Check out the trailer below.

 
 
Blackout Haunted House NYC 2013 Off Season Haunt Testimonials

Blackout Haunted House Reviews and Walkthroughs

Blackout Haunted House Invite Only, Off Season Spring Haunt Reviews and Walkthroughs

Leave any comments/questions on The Jaded Viewer Facebook Page or on Twitter 
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Monday, June 24, 2013

V/H/S 2 (Review)

Posted on 2:00 PM by the jaded viewer
V/H/S 2

V/H/S 2 (aka S-V/H/S)

Directed by Simon Barrett (segment "Tape 49") Jason Eisener (segment "Slumber Party Alien Abduction") Gareth Evans (segment "Safe Haven") Gregg Hale (segment "A Ride in the Park") Eduardo Sánchez (segment "A Ride in the Park") Timo Tjahjanto (segment "Safe Haven") Adam Wingard (segment "Phase I Clinical Trials")

If you're a frequent reader of this blog, you'll know I gave the original V/H/S 3 spinkicks. Most of the shorts were good in my opinion and though a little muddled, they showed what the next generation of horror directors could do with a slick collaboration.

I went into seeing VHS 2 knowing it had critical acclaim and one can only wonder if that seeps into the unconscious when reviewing a film. I'll be the first to admit I tend to get influenced by the Rotten Tomatoes or Metacritic rating. But hell, I went against that when I praised VHS.

So now after seeing the sequel, I'm in a place I was before. It's a solid anthology that delivers a taste of the mild, the hardcore and the fantastic. What you get with this collaboration is a film that edges the original just based on originality, blood and guts and more amped up WTF. Found footage in VHS 2 is just the wraparound. The 1st person forced perspective is the next evolutionary step and here we see it utilized well and not so well.

Clearly we get a mixed bag but the pure ingenuity in some of these shorts must be graded on a curve. Kudos to Bloody Disgusting Brad Miska for producing and delivering a reemergence of the anthology.

Boring Plot-O-Matic

Searching for a missing student, two private investigators break into his house and find collection of VHS tapes. Viewing the horrific contents of each cassette, they realize there may be dark motives behind the student's disappearance. 

Awesome Review-O-Matic


Well here be some mini reviews of each segment and a letter grade for each. Shorts are listed in the order as they appear in the film (though I think I'm forgetting the order now)

Tape 49/frame narrative (Simon Barett)
The private eyes segment starts with boobs in your face but is usually the weakest of the inter spliced shorts. Clearly better than the first wrap around in the original, it's your standard VHS tape spookiness with some clear The Ring influences to get your jump scares.

Grade: C

Phase I Clinical Trials (Adam Wingard)

Again my excitement stemmed from getting my Wingard fix in VHS 2. A man with an eye transplant starts seeing ghosts though believes it to be glitches in the software of his untested implant. The forced perspective of "eyeview" provides glimpses of faraway ghosts, one being a creepy man and a little girl. Later joined by a an ear-psychic hot girl, they soon realize technology is NSA-ing into another dimension. Nothing new on this front. Just some old fashioned Paranormal Activity spooks and scares.

Grade: C

A Ride in the Park (Gregg Hale/Eduardo Sanchez)

Sanchez and Hale are your found footage pioneers (via The Blair Witch Project) and it's awesome to see them back in the sub genre they started. With this short, one can only wonder how in the world have we not seen this originality...well ever. A biker with a camera attached to his helmet unfortunately wanders into the zombie woods and tries to escape. But our hero becomes our anti-hero hero zombie hero.Got that? Infected, we see the wonders and hilarity that ensue when we get the zombie's point of view.


On the oh shit that's awesome scale, this is zombie vs shark type awesomeness. Brilliantly written and directed by the founding fathers, we see the chaos unfold at a kid's party and the utter sadness of being a zombie. Ridiculously LOL moments throughout that make you wonder why nobody has ever done this before.

Grade: A


Safe Haven (Gareth Evans/Timo Tjahjanto)

If you've never seen the The Raid: Redemption, go watch it now. I'll wait. You one? Wasn't that awesome? OMG too awesome. With Safe Haven, I had to figure out how in the world Gareth Evans would do something horror-y. Clearly, were back in Indonesia/Thailand? for some very fucked up reason. And as short unfolds telling us of a Branch Davidian like cult, you start to realize this is going to end well. The news crew all equipped with hidden cameras on their clothing interview a manic cult leader and visit the compound where it seems they are in final preparations for something big. When the chaos begins, all hell breaks loose.
Evans dresses up the suicide cult with all the brainwashed angst we love and the frenetic pace and movement of a fight scene that's actually a "I gotta run away from these fucked up cult members".

It's pure brilliance than turns in WTF that turns into OMG. Who knew this would be one of the stellar shorts in VHS 2?
 
Grade: A

Slumber Party Alien Abduction (Jason Eisener)

I'm hoping all of you have seen Hobo with a Shotgun by now. Eisener's fake trailer turned full length movie is what indie horror is all about. With Slumber Party Alien Abduction, you have all the elements of taking the ordinary wacky pre teens and older sister dynamic and getting our Fire in the Sky on. It borders on the absurd but it's what Eisener clearly is great at. The greys start to attack our tweenage boys, the teenage older sister and her boyfriend until were left with a boy and his dog.It's a bit too weird for my tastes and seem out of place for a horror film.

Not great and one of the oddest choices to end VHS 2.

Grade: C

*********************************************************************

VHS 2 is like an appetizer sampling of the who's who in the next crop of the Internet generation's horror alumni. You may not like all the shorts but the one's you do, hopefully will enable you to see watch the director or writer's other films. Wingard is coming out with You're Next which I'm excited to see. VHS 2 is definitely better than it's predecessor focusing more laughs than scares. The monsters are out and about in VHS 2 and that's definitely a good thing. With few shorts, the movie gives more time for each segment to set up.

A Ride in the Park and Safe Haven are standouts and should be seen by any self serving horror fan.

With VHS 2, the found footage/POV film is alive and well and the pioneers and the colonists are still making sure it stays that way.

Nude-ipedia

Yes and it's awesomely gratuitous (well look at that. I copied what I wrote in my last VHS review)

Gore-ipedia

Lots of it. You're momma would be proud. (ditto!)

WTF moment

The ending for Safe Haven.

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

VHS is now out on VOD and in theaters on 7/12. Head over to the official site via Magnet Releasing and Facebook page.


Rating:
 

Check out the trailer.

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Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Black Devil Doll: The TV Series.....Hell Yeah Motherf*cker!

Posted on 9:59 PM by the jaded viewer
I've been waiting for a while for the Lewis "brothers" to give me their next motherfuckin lowest common denominator flick. I thought it was gonna be Bottom Feeder. But it looks like that shit ain't gonna happen. So what's the next best thing?

Black Devil Doll....the TV series.

Oh hell yeah.

You all probably know how I feel about this flick. I reviewed Black Devil Doll and gave it 4 spinkicks. The DVD is fuckin hilarious. And did I mention the book? There's letters and words in that shit.

So how do I feel about a TV series based on the movie that got turned into a book that was released on DVD?

Let's get this puppet some white women!

Head over to the IndieGogo site and give these jive ass filmmakers some of your weed and beer money to get this thing done.




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Tuesday, May 21, 2013

The Shortround: Nacho Cerda's Aftermath (The F'ed Up Collection)

Posted on 1:00 PM by the jaded viewer
There was a time when shocking horror movies were cloaked with an avante garde artsy feel. Clearly it could be taken as a mish mash of shock and awe. Either you were disgusted and repulsed or could find the inner meaning and theme of this short by Nacho Cerda.

All in all, it was a must see for it's content that few dared to take on. The early 90s indie horror scene went beyond depravity, it was a measure of undiluted filmmaking with creating something raw. Can a viewer from 2013 know that a short like this was one of the Holy Grails of underground horror?

Probably not.

These days, it's easily accessible, point and click. But can it still strike emotion? Disgust? Pure horror?

That's for you to decide. Go ahead and watch Nacho Cerda's infamous short. Are you jaded or are you shocked?

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