Thursday, September 26, 2013

The Paris Catacombs are AWESOME, the horror movie is SHIT

So I vaguely remember seeing this Catacombs movie on Showtime late at night a few years back. I never thought anything about it but I figured I'd watch because I had a crush on  Shannyn Sossamon and I mean it had fuckin PINK in it. Honestly, I couldn't tell you if it was scary or hell what ending was it. It was pretty shitty.

All I remember is that there should have been no way kids would be able to throw a rave in the fuckin Paris, France Catacombs. I mean this shit is holy and sacred.

How could this go un-fuckin-detected?

So here is your brief history lesson of the Paris Catacombs via a Lions Gate trailer.

Got all that?

Well on my recent Europalooza, I was able to go to the Catacombs and see first hand this marvel of history. It's true that Paris ran out out of places to bury their dead and it seems millions of bodies and bones ended up here. As I couldn't read French I'm not too familair with the history but look it's a Wikipedia article!

But I must say being in there is spooky as fuckin hell. I waited about an hour and a half to get in because you know decorated bones and being underneath Paris is a pure tourist attraction. Once in, you descend a circular staircase that seems to go on and on.

Once down, tight narrow passages are dimly lit and your are actually walking underneath the city streets of Paris. It's pretty tight and if you're claustrophobic you're gonna have a bad time.

Most of the first few passages are just filled with piles of rocks. Probably tunnels to dig into the actually cemataries. Then shit gets real.

Holy shit does it get real. No flash photography is allowed but it's a pure scene straight out of a horror movie. First up some odd looking stone castle. I like to think this was created by some bored Frenchman who liked hanging out in tunnels.

And then we get to the good stuff. Skulls, bones and more skulls arranged in the most gothic way possible. Seems like the living like playing with the dead in the 1700s.

Oh and its even crazier. Bones piled 6-8 feet high and in the middle are more skulls. God bless these poor souls. You weren't allowed to touch the bones as scary men with flashlights would yell at you in French if you did.

There were endless rooms with skulls and bones arranged in the most disturbing of ways. The fact that you were in a crypt should have made everybody feel uneasy. But alas, this tourist hub had a baby in a stroller, annoying Americans and everybody (including myself) gawking at the skulls and taking pictures with iPhones and cameras.


A part of me wanted to get my rave on.

And on second thought...I wouldn't want to be on Mollies while I was down here. And we conclude with this wall of skulls.

Overall on my one day in Paris, I visited some badass catacombs. My only other experience seeing catacombs was when Indiana Jones found the knight's tomb in Venice Italy in The Last Crusade. I don't know what I was thinking when I headed down there but I knew it would be a helluva sight.

Surely a horror movie could be made about being stuck underneath Paris, in dark Catacombs with unseen forces trying to kill you. But one does not need to make a movie such as this. Seeing real life places that may have been on a National Geographic channel is pretty awesome. I highly recommend it if you find yourself in Paris. Getting out was quite an ordeal in itself. Once you're done hanging out with the dead, you have to walk up another circular staircase that got me winded and dizzy. Truly this is where we Americans fail. Exercise is not our pastime.

You end up  on the other side of Paris and we were a bit lost when we got out. Though you'd think we'd have exited through the gift shop, though this time it was right across the street from us.

The Paris Catacombs are simply spooky as they are mesmerizing. No horror movie could ever get it right. Visit them if you ever get a chance. Just please don't watch the movie.

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  1. Haunted by Black Sea Vampiric Princess,beautiful Lavina Nymphaea Messalina Maria.This real life vampiric deposed aristocrat even has her own crypt in Pere la Chaise.

  2. Unusual since the former first legal hidden 1985 wife of Skid Row Sebastian Bach,never actually died.The reclusive vampiress suffers from narcolepsy awaking near her inscribed ornate casket holding a gold jewelled dagger.L avina has several very beautiful children including Jaega and Paris.Rumours of deceased heirs apparent too.Lavina had more than one Chateau bequiethed her.Rumours of cannabalism,vampirism,Satanism,she even had an aristocratic extremely beautiful mother Patricia Ann kira Mirela, who dated Mick Jagger she was from Royal bloodlines and went to court for vampirism in the mid seventies.

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