Bennett's Curse Haunted House (Review)

When you're planning to go on a haunted house road trip, make sure you're with people who are on the same page as you or you're going to have a bad time. Thank the crazies I have friends who are as insane as I am. Joined by blogger "C' of The Raven and Black Cat and fellow Blackout Survivor "D" we trekked the 3 or so hours to just outside Baltimore, Maryland to hit up not 1 but 2 haunted houses on the same night.

First stop was Bennett's Curse in Jessup, MD. Just by looking at their website you can see the accolades galore of "Best Haunt" this and "Top Halloween Attractions" that. Its for those reasons it was first on our list. As this was my first road trip haunt (my out of state haunts included Goretorium in Vegas and Universal Horror Nights in LA) I expected to be in the middle of nowhere and boy is Bennett's Curse in the middle of nowhere, USA. The approach to the haunt is ominously X-Files-ish as a white gigantic hanger bellows in the distance.

Inside it's filled with a online quick pic and an ominous animatronic dragon. It's dark and our fast pass tickets scurry us into the fast lane. A creepy old guy gives instructions and off we go.

You want Vampires? We got us some Vampires

Bennett's Curse is basically every incarnation of haunted houses rolled into one though they are kind of try to mislead you early on with actors spewing speeches about a medieval war between vampires and demons. That's so you'll be mesmerized by the insane amounts of high tech monsters they have set up triggered by motion detectors (?) to scare you. The amount of props crammed into the haunt can be overwhelming and stratgically placed actors looking to jump scare you is adequate but few and far between.

You'll get some air cannons ready to give you a quick jolt and some Travel Channel approved 30 feet tall dragons, gargoyles and monsters all ready to swing into action. I'll admit these special effects were quize mesmerizing but easily got tiring at the same time. As "C" pointed out, these were bought at the haunted house warehouse on the dollar. A moving eye prop was very top notch as was a giant dragon mouth that knocked me a bit sideways. They seemed to spend top dollar on their Halloween monsters hence the continued commercial of being featured on The Travel Channel as you entered.

But as you progress, you will get different versions of haunted houses at Bennett's Curse. All are labeled with fancy gloom and doom nicknames like "House of the Vampyres" which were the prop laden animatronics maze I discussed earlier. "Zombie Kingdom 3D" which was  a 3-D colorful zombie maze complete with 3-D entrails emanating from the actors. "Sanctuary of Insanity" was an insane asylum complete with maniacs who will move the "jail bars" to keep you confused and lost.The haunt has no unifying theme but to get you spooked and hang out with every kind of boogeyman you can think of.

Flashlights: Scary Shit

However, one of the parts of Bennett's Curse was something that didn't have elaborate effects, crazy monsters set to Metal. It was a simple twist and turn maze that was in complete darkness. As you went through, various actors armed with flash lights would light up their gruesome faces at just the right moment to scare the bejesus out of you. There would be a flicker of light that would scare and indirectly help to guide your way out. Never have I walked slowly, arm outstretched hoping for that quick flashlight to get me through a maze. This was the best part of Bennett's Curse in it's utter simplicity and scare-o-meter.

The actors were mostly mute bystanders making sure to get in your face when appropriate. Some actors mocked my clumsiness as I bumped into my friends in the utter darkness. It's these brief exchanges of WTF did they just say that? that make the haunt a little more personal.

Final Thoughts

I've been to my fair share of high level haunted houses. Bennett's Curse is a smorgasboard of all your favorite monster haunts jampacked into one huge Halloween extravaganza. I'll say that all 3 haunted houses had some moments that had me jumping but not one of their 3 haunts had me going "Holy shit! That was fuckin awesome". You'll get your laughs, your screams and your share of WTFs if you go in not looking for anything more than your pre-packed monster goodies loot bag.

I think the road trip to Bennett's Curse was well worth the drive but I'm probably not going to be back in the future. Unless they have a giant hanger masked in darkness and nothing but actors with flashlights. But who would pay for that?

The Vitals

• Official Site
• Like on Facebook
• Follow in Twitter
• Bennett’s Curse at Blobs Park
  8024 Max Blobs Park Rd
  Jessup, MD 20794 
• Tickets: $30 General Admission, $45 Speed Pass
  
• More pictures at The Jaded Viewer Facebook page

Check out the trailer

Categories: demons, halloween, happy halloween, haunted house, maniac, maryland, night of the demon, vampires

Evil Dead 2013 (Review)

Evil Dead (2013)

Evil Dead (2013)

Directed by Fede Alvarez 

Groovy.

Hollywood keeps churning out the remake machine. And we all keep eating it. Sometimes when you haven't eaten that cake you haven't had in a while, it tastes different, has more flavors and it's actually still damn yummy.

Welcome to the Sam Raimi and Bruce Campbell approved Evil Dead sequel? remake? re imagining?

If you hold tried and true to the principles of what made Raimi's cabin in the woods film all so awesome, you won't fuck it up. Even when you add some Diablo Cody and some director you've never heard of, it will still work if you go with the old school makeup and gore effects and slip in a run down Oldsmobile. What you come up with is what I tweeted after seeing the flick:

There is an audience that has seen Raimi's #EvilDead and an audience that has NOT seen the original. This version works amazingly both.

Evil Dead goes for a straight take, book of the dead unleashed blood soaked horror film. Gone are the wacky hi jinks of ED2 and Army. What we have received in this installment is what noobs and hardcore veterans haven't seen in years, a demon menace wreaking havoc horror film. I have always been a fan of these films and like the cannibal movie of yesteryear, sometimes I want to see my first horror loves from so long ago.

When your nostalgia meter gets jacked to maximum and you see a few kids getting killed by all manners of weaponry, it's a fun time for all.

Boring Plot-O-Matic

 Five friends head to a remote cabin, where the discovery of a Book of the Dead leads them to unwittingly summon up demons living in the nearby woods. The evil presence possesses them until only one is left to fight for survival. 

Awesome Review-O-Matic

Might as well review this like I did Cabin in the Woods. With my slasher Q&A. In this case, I'll slightly modify it to be more demon-y focused.

1.) Does the movie have..... a mysterious, insanely strong, ridiculed as a child, deformed, inbred redneck slasher?

It has a Deadite that goes all Urban Dictionary while being all possessively demonic and fucked up. There's tinge of wicked humor (let's call it Cody-isms) but more so awkward evil going all crazy.

2.) Gratuitous, over the top, super fleshy nudity?

Can you believe it? Nada. Sigh.

3.) Stereotypical teenage caricatures with a few old people who die gruesome and horrific over the top deaths?
 

We got our Ash-ish final girl Mia, David the older bro who borders on final guy, the nerdy tinkerer who unleashes the evil, the black tough girl and the ditzy blonde girlfriend. And yup they die waaaay over the top deaths. Our hipster has balls of fuckin steel but we'll get to that in a moment.

4.) No Plot?

It's the same old plot so pretty much no plot.

5.) Kills by our slasher that make you go "Fuck yeah!"

Our resident deadite does go all kill happy in a variety of ways. Needle trauma, brain smashing trauma, nail gun trauma, shotgun trauma, hammer time trauma.

6.) Gore, lots of it. Like serious decapitation, dismemberment, impalement, hatchet frenzy steroid rages and blood shooting out at various penetration wounds, limbs a flailing and mindless splatter and mayhem? 

We get a version of happy molesting tree, some evil hand infection and some Ash-ing it up montage moments. Blood mayhem goes old school and I deeply appreciated it. You could tell the makeup and buckets of blood being used gave it that old timey horror glaze that we all love.


7.) Geeky leader who takes charge of the hapless group as they try to escape who befriends the hot girl who knows about the "legend" (there's always a legend no one believes)

Our nerdy hippy who unleashed the evil dead sure can take a beating. He was stabbed, nail gunned, crowbared and beaten senseless and he kept breathing. Kudos to you dude.You must have been on meth or something.

8.) Funny yet ill timed dialogue but also various quips and one liners that are funny only the first time around (yet somehow funny again when you buy the DVD and only when you're stoned)

If you laughed it was probably a Cody-ism. Thank the old gods there wasn't a hamburger phone.

9.) Gratuitous cameos of horror legends (a famous man of the box, classic Universal monsters, Kubrick tweens) that make you flash a metal sign and do the Beavis and Butthead pseudo head nodding.
 
You saw the Oldsmobile Delta 88 and the end credits scene. A few of the Raimi trademarks also show up.

10.) Wildly ambiguous ending that can be used to warrant a sequel?

Somebody will find the goddamn Necronimicon. They always do.

************************************************************

I'm not going to say Evil Dead is a perfect film, but it does its job well. It's 90 minutes of furious hellish fun that takes the cabin in the woods formula and gets all creative. I mean ever since Whedon's masterpiece, I've been scarred by the cliched woods film. But Alvarez seems to genuinely care about the source material, does his fair share of homaging and actually creates his own version that shines. Is it a sequel? a remake? a chapter?

Who the hell knows. We should be glad we got this installment of the franchise and be happy.

Groovy indeed.

Rating:
 

Check out the trailer. 

Categories: bruce campbell, deadite, demons, evil dead, horror remakes, sam raimi

Insidious (Review)

Insidious

Insidious (2011)
Directed by James Wan

Well I'm pretty late with a review for this. Part of the reason why I didn't watch this initially in theaters or on DVD was the overhype. It's on a bunch of best of lists and it's currently fresh on Rotten Tomatoes so I figure I'd give it a chance.

In any case, if you still want a review here you go. I'm going to make this quick as I know most of you have already seen it. Insidious is definitely a mixed bag for me but it definitely is slightly above average. With Insidious, James Wan amps up the traditional haunted house, flips it inside out, inserts twizzler twists and creates a genuine mythos based on extrasensory perception.

These are all awesome things and 3/4 of Insidious had me intrigued. It's when we are pushed into the boundaries of the ethereal plain and LITERALLY see the sight beyond sight called "The Further" does it all turn into a piling heap of doo doo. There are qualities of Insidious that call out "Poltergeist me!" and will always be in the back of the horror hound's mind. We see ghost/demon infiltration and we think Poltergeist...it's kinda not hard to. For all it's cheesiness, Poltergeist did it first (or mainstreamy first) and that sets the bar fuckin high.

I won't go into the plot too much. You know it. Family moves into a nice suburban home, child goes into unknown coma, weird scary jump scares start happening and a medium is brought in with her Mulder and Scully ghost hunter crew in tow. Secrets are revealed and dream worlds are seen. Cue scary ghosts and light bulbs shattering.

Performances are all OK, but the part I liked the most was the slight explanation of the phenomenon. It kind of made sense in an odd way. There hasn't been a mainstream feature film about astral projection and that should make Time Life Books proud. The old lady medium adds a flair as do the ghost busters with their PKE Meters and science gizmos. Even the initial mythos of The Further was pretty original and creative. The seance is one of the best scenes in the entire movie. I was hooked and I had this hovering around 3 and 1/2 spins, then.....

It's when you finally see the apparitions does it all look cheesy. Ghosts in bridesmaid dresses, ghosts in suits, ghosts with red war paint. The dreamworld is just our world with more tint. Why is that? Wan clearly could have figured out a way to make something unique. Even the fights between our hero father were a bit contrived.

For all that WTF, Insidious did ooze of originality and a millennial throwback to that traditional ghost story. Having seen The Innkeepers before seeing Insidious, I have a different perspective on how the generic ghost/haunted house movie can be warped into something fun and awesome. Sometimes, NOT seeing things makes the best believing. Insidious hovers like an apparition bent on wreaking havoc but in this case, only knocks a lamp over and unhinges a few picture frames.

Clearly that wasn't enough to scare me at all.

Rating:
1/2

Check out the trailer.

Categories: 2011 horror movies, american horror, demons, dream ending, ghost stories, ghosts, insidious, saw

Paranormal Activity 2 (Review)

Paranormal Activity 2

Paranormal Activity 2 (2010)

Directed by Tod Williams

I gave the original Paranormal Activity 3 spinkicks on the basis that it reinvented the POV shaky cam found footage horror genre. Not since Blair Witch had a movie techno supersized the typical supernatural film into cult like status.

It brought in surveillance footage blended with shaky cam and a running timer that actually fast forwarded to the good parts. Yes folks, these little things were clever in the original.

But then it got a sequel and it went all down hill.

Paranormal Activity 2 is clearly inferior to its big brother. The quick review is it uses new and old characters, the same techniques, the same story and the same scares to deliver the goods. But oddly this sequel which is actually a prequel then sequel jumped the shark once it was announced it was going to be made.

It's not that it repackages everything, it's that the characters who drove the first film (Micah and Katie) somehow were more cooler than this family (in this case Katie's sister Kristi, her husband Daniel, their daughter Ali and the newborn Hunter). Sure Michah was an asshole but we bought into it. Coupled with the fact Part 2 loses its glamor and originality just by existing, I can only declare this movie a yawn.

Boring Plot-O-Matic

After experiencing what they think are a series of "break-ins", a family sets up security cameras around their home, only to realize that the events unfolding before them are more sinister than they seem.

Awesome Review-O-Matic

Since I've seen PA1, I've watched a handful of found footage flicks. Evil Things (full review here), Rec and 2 flicks that made my Top 10 List of 2010: The Last Exorcism and Rec 2. Rec 2 is clearly the winner in the sequel department has it was all super sized for full effect.

For Paranormal Activity 2, we clearly have a Book of Shadows effect here. How do you top a one of a kind flick like PA? Rec 2 did the impossible and stayed true but so did PA. So we'll go all formula review here.

Let's get to the breakdown by seeing how Paranormal Activity 2 worked the BWP formula to perfection.

• The camera "person" films everything
• His friends who become part of the video
• Something sinister starts to scare them
• The film ends with "the final shot" that gets the audience shocked

The camera "person" films everything

Sometimes the logic of why everybody films everything is illogical. In PA2, it's gratuitously overused. It works in PA1 because Micah wants to document the weird paranormal shit. But a newborn doesn't warrant this much filming. Dad, mom and daughter take turns filming everything in this hell week before the events of PA1. I thought they'd get the damn nanny to start filming them as well.

Hell, why not put cameras on tripods and have 2-3 takes?

Sure the multiple surveillance cameras are a nice touch but they totally fucked up the one thing that made Paranormal Activity had going with it. THE RUNNING TIMER!!!

The running timer (which fast forwards during the night and somehow gets us to the good part) does not come in until 1 HOUR INTO THE MOVIE?!?!? The beauty of the timer was it built up serious oodles of suspense. You knew when it stopped, some fucked up shit was gonna happen. Here it's not used at all and your left with boring attempts at humor, some Katie and Micah cameos and some family bickering. Sigh and yawn.

His friends who become part of the video

Not much to say here. Like I said Micah and Katie make a cameo which enable us the viewer to start seeing a prequel unfold. Good to see our yuppie San Diego couple in pseudo extra footage.

Our Misifits loving daughter Ali soon becomes a YouTube cam girl as we go on. She starts Fox Muldering herself and night camming her way all over the creepy house. Seriously, this house is fuckin huge. 4 bedrooms, big ass TV, large ass pool. What does dad do? Run a mega corporation or run drugs from Mexico?

Something sinister starts to scare them

The eerie comes in all forms and follows the same formula. We get low rated scares to progressively yowser scares. So what do we get to see? Baby toys move, dogs barking, pots and pans trying to escape a hanging, flame wars, mysterious shadows, doors closing babies running amok, cabinets wanna party, dogs battling demons and dragged out house stunts.

I actually predicted a few of these scares. That's how boring it got.

I know you lose the luster in a sequel which is why you CAN'T do more of the same. You have to add something completely different than will outright shock and awe the shit out of the viewer. Rec 2 totally did this. PA2 which seemed especially Hollywood-ized feeds you the same generic pizza you've had before. Sonnavabitch.

The film ends with "the final shot" that gets the audience shocked

There be a bit of a mythos slightly explained and a bit of a twist as our prequel goes into sequel mode. It's clear that Tod Williams seemed to have watched Rec a few times and we get full frontal night vision when our big sis gets all demonized. The only difference is we have a toddler clogging up camera time.

Yeah we get a few more WTF but their mild WTFs. I mean if you wanted to give yourself a PA marathon, the best case scenario is to watch PA2 then stop it when we see Katie pull up in the driveway and meets Micah. Then pop in Part 1 and when that's over resume Part 2 again. They clearly blended this all together. They should just make one mega Paranormal Activity that intercuts both movies (ahem ahem I'm talking to you INTERNET!)

The big final shot was clearly anti climactic. If we were to look back at the original ending of Paranormal Activity this other ending wouldn't really exist but remember folks, Spielberg always wins in the end.

I was a little worried we'd see little Hunter get a vicious pair of teeth and start babbling violently into the camera. Don't worry, that doesn't happen...well not until we get Paranormal Activity 3.

What more can I say? I didn't like PA2 as much as the first one. Yes it was the characters, the recycled scares and the lack of cliches (eg. running timer) they used in the first one. And then again with the Ouija board? C'mon now. Hell they could have killed the daughter's boyfriend.

It's a sequel that had problems from the get go and it doesn't really go.

If you've never seen any of these flicks, go with the original. Why? The jokes were a bit better.

Gore-ipedia/Nude-ipedia

Negative Zero

WTF moment

The sequel in the sequel which is a prequel then a sequel

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

You'd think I'd have seen this just in case it was good enough to be on my Top 10 list. Hell it doesn't even make my Top 20.

Paranormal Activity 2 is out on Blu-Ray, VOD and DVD.

Rating:
1/2

Check out the trailer.

Categories: cinema verite, demons, found footage, paranormal activity, paranormal activity 2, paranormal activity original ending, paranormal activity review, paranormal activity trailer, pov horror

The Shortround: Night of the Punks (Review)

It's funny that after I dropped my post about Fear of a Punk Planet, I got dropped a line from Dan Riesser, director for a short that combines punk rock and horror called Night of the Punks.

It's fun when both my loves get combined.

Night of the Punks is a 19 minute short that is in the vain of Return of the Living Dead and Night of the Demons. Here be the plot:

Small town punk rockers THE BRAIN DEADS have their first out of town gig. But there are a few problems: The venue is deserted, the promoter is a creep, their bass player has gone missing, and the only kids in the audience appear to be bloodthirsty monsters from hell. It's gonna take a lot more than a few power chords and teenage angst to survive this night.

NIGHT OF THE PUNKS is a horror-comedy short film in the vein of fun 80's classics like "The Return of the Living Dead" and "Night of the Demons." The trailer is styled after classic Grindhouse style trailers of the 70's and 80's.

So did this short rock out?

the jaded viewer says: I'll admit the punk rock in this rock and roll short is actually catchy and I was rockin out. The band is a little stereotypically "band-ish" concerned about gigs and merchandise. But that's all forgiven in the B-movie horror show as the film plays out. Seems like the band is playing to a nonexistent crowd and the motivation to play their first out of town gig was misleading.

Now our band is on the run battling some rock and roll demons. Aside from ROTLD and NOTD, it kinda of reminded me of a Misfits music video. You get your standard music jokes and your standard horror jokes. Like everybody makes fun of the bassist and the hot "merch girl". As we turn to the horror, the band unleashes ultra violence with tons of straight forward, non CGI gore with lots of oozing and gushing which is always a plus in my book.

A lot of stuff is crammed into Night of the Punks and the jokes, gore and romance come a mile a minute. Overall, it's an entertaining romp filled with 80s style rock and roll horror nostalgia. The performances are silly and over the top and the ending keeps that same tone.

If you get a chance to catch this short, its well worth your time. Now let me put on some Misfits and let punk rock keyboard cat play me out.

Check out the trailer below.

NIGHT OF THE PUNKS (2010) - Grindhouse Trailer from Irrational Films on Vimeo.

Check out the official site!

Categories: demons, horror short, night of the demon, punk rock, short, short film, the shortround

The WTF List: Jennifer's Body

Well everybody has done regular reviews, screencap reviews, quotey quotable reviews of Jennifer's Body. But nobody has done a trademarked jaded viewer WTF List of this movie.

Honest to blog, thank the cheesy fries for me.

So here is The WTF List: Jennifer's Body Edition. Beware, I'm going all Buffy comparison in this list.

1.) OK, let's get it outta the way. She may look whorey, but Megan Fox is fuckin hot
2.) This movie is like an episode of Buffy. I mean they could be in Sunnydale and it totally feels the same way. Needy is Willow, Chip is Oz and Jennifer is a Cordelia/Buffy hybrid.
3.) Looking beyond her character, Amanda Seyfried is waaay hot too. Just had to get that outta the way
4.) Low Shoulder ain't no Dingoes Ate my Baby

5.) OK I chuckled during that "It's true. It's on Wikipedia" line
6.) OMG that's fuckin Screeching Weasel. Damn you Diablo Cody!!!!
7.) Victim #1 was a jock douchebag (yay), Victim #2 is a Hot Topic addict (double yay)
8.) How many people from Juno are in this?
9.) It's like Teeth but without the mutant hoohaa
10.) Gratuitous use of an homage to Evil Dead via a t-shirt
11.) Hot lesbian scene is super stimulating on a intellectual basis....ok I'll be right back.
12.) Back......wait not done yet. Now I'm back.
13.) The female natural cycle to sexual innuendo ratio is like 2:1.
14.) Really? Satanic rituals and succubi. You gotta love 3rd grade level horror.
15.) The big final fight scene was all tampons and eating disorder talk. Funny one liners should have lead to chick on chick violence.
16.) OK the chick on chick violence was horribly boring
17.) That ending was on Season 3, Episode 12...aspect of the demon. OMG, did Diablo Cody just watch all of Buffy to write this shit?
18.) Gratuitous use of Lance Henrickson....why I ask you why?
19.) The waterfall thing is kinda cool
20.) OK, now lets talk about the dialogue. Sure I know its too overly clever but the Diablo Cody speak is exactly the same as Whedon-logue. So I'm not going to say that the movie is bad because of this.

I like how the dialogue is populated with pop culture references, Internet lingo and cleverly cleverisms. Because I mean look how I write for blog's sake. I'm a true Whedon disciple and every since, I've started blogging and talking this way. I think it might be a severe disorder that I will have a press conference about one day.

In any case, final thoughts on Buffy's Body. The movie is heightened Diablo Cody for the prepackaged, T-Mobile Sidekick text happy MTV crowd. I liked it in that mindless horror mainstreaminess sorta way. We got cock teased with Megan Fox partial nudity, thought we'd get some decent monsters slaying and it promoted the soundtrack as best it could. Here's the simple calculus.

Cleverlogue + Megan Fox + demonology + tongue on tongue happy = Yay!

It's a horror comedy with LOLs and OMGs and FTWs. Sit back, relax and eat some green M&M's. You get 2 spinkicks Jennifer's Body.

You happy?

Rating:

Categories: 2009 horror movies, demons, diablo cody, gratuitous nudity, jennifer's body, megan fox, nudity, the wtf list

They Wait (Review)

They Wait

They Wait (2007)

Directed by Ernie Barbarash

After watching the opening scene of They Wait and after the intro credits started to roll, up came the foreboding credit of:

Executive Producer

Uwe Boll

I should have just shut off the movie right then and there. But I knew what I was getting into. I knew a film based on Chinese mythos and ghost stories would be your typical The Ring-like dash and scare.

But dammit, it had the hotness that is Jaime King. And the there's this clip I saw where she gets into the shower and gets spooked. So I spent the next 80 minutes hoping that this would turn into a very good American remake ala The Ring.

And I kept waiting. And waiting. And freakin waiting.

I'm still fuckin waiting.

Boring Plot-O-Matic

A young mother and her six-year-old son come face to face with the mysteries of two murders and a great crime against the Chinese community into which they have recently arrived from Shanghai.

Awesome Review-O-Matic

Before I review, let me answer all your most important and pertinent questions about this flick.

1.) Are you telling me that in They Wait, Jaime King is married to a Chinese dude?

A: Fuck yeah. Kudos to the filmmakers for making all Asian guys think they have a chance to score with Jaime King.

2.) So you're telling me when some Chinese dude and Jaime King have an offspring, it looks like a 100% Chinese kid?

A: Yes. Not even a hint of any Caucasian genes is in this kid. Look at the pic below. Is that kid even look like he's from a mixed marriage?????

3.) OK, I just want to watch this movie because I heard there is a Jaime King shower scene. Does she get naked?

A: Well naked is a relative term. It looks like she is naked, but you don't see shit. It's like the Jessica Alba scene in The Eye. Fuckin big tease. Check out the scene here.

4.) So just tell me already, this is like the Ring right?

A: Yup. Hot blonde with son tries to stop a ancient spirits of evil from killing her family. She needs to uncover the deep dark secret the family has covered up so that the spirits can rest. Yada yada yada.

5.) Are you sure the hot blonde isn't Sarah Michelle Gellar?

A: Hold on let me check the DVD box again.......nope. It's Jaime King.

6.) I read other reviews and they said there were scary moments and big chills. Is that true?

A: Those people are fuckin idiots. This wouldn't scare an ass out of a hole.

7.) Is this film Canadian?

A: Yeah. Hey. Hosers.

8.) Is there any gore or splatter that would make this film even worth putting on my Netflix queue?

A: Let's see. A tree bleeds. Meat cleaver in the head. Some bones and skulls. Nothing that I can think of.

9.) Will there ever be a good Asian movie that can be remade for Western audiences?

A: Not really. You might as well rent or buy the originals. Read the english subtitles. It's not going to kill you. These movies were made for their core audience for that particular country. They are on the most basic levels movies about the fear of the supernatural in all of us. Wow that sounded like a real review.

10.) So what exactly are they waiting for?

A: I think for the movie to end.

To sum it up, Jaime King basically emotes alot and tries to rid her 100% Chinese son from these demons. A few CGI scares and some flashbacky ending later, you really can't believe this was a DVD movie and not some episode of Fear Itself or a segement of Masters of Horror.

Influences

The Ring
The Grudge
Every other J-horror movie
Every other Thai-horror movie
Every other Chinese-horror movie

Gore-ipedia (if you want to be shocked don't read)

A hatchet through the head (didn't I write that already?)

Nude-ipedia (because you like boobies)

So close to seeing some Jaime King boobies. But trust me, in a few years we'll be seeing her do Skinemax soon enough.

WTF moment

Why didn't I just turn this off in the beginning?

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

I really should have shut off the flick after seeing the gratuitous Jaime King shower scene. But I was so intrigued by the premise that she was married to this Chinese dude and had a kid that was 100% Chinese I kept watching. I thought they'd explain it. Like it was a kid from the husband's 1st marriage or that he was adopted. I wanted a fuckin explanation for this.

So I kept waiting. And waiting.

Trust me, you don't want to wait this fuckin long.

Rating:
The Trailer:





Tags:
they wait, they wait review , jaime king , jaime king naked, gratuitous nudity, chinese demons, j-horror, multiracial couple, top horror movie 2008,they wait horror, ,chinese horror,

Categories: canadian horror, chinese ghosts, demons, ghost stories, j-horror, jaime king, jaime king naked, jaime king shower scene, multiracial couple, they wait, they wait review, white girl with asian guy