Legends of the Fog Haunted House (Review)

Joined by fellow Blackout Survivor "D" and "C" from The Raven and Blackcat, we ended our Maryland haunted house road trip with Legends of the Fog, a haunt in Aberdeen, MD. I'll be honest, I wasn't expecting much from this haunt but I had read up they had 3 attractions lined up with one of them being a haunted hayride which would have been my first. On that excitement alone, I went in hoping for the best and to my surprise I left feeling outright super happy.

Legends of the Fog is like finding a diamond in a pumpkin patch. The converted working farm gets turned into one of the most bang for your buck haunted houses I've been to. Family run, LOTF is run by all volunteers who year after year, bring back their haunt and add something new and exciring. In the midst of 6 feet tall corn stalks, a bonfire warms up the bustling crowd with carnival games and a "coffin ride" complete with a night vision cam for visitors to watch any brave soul who pays to be trapped in a coffin.

You don't get to pick which 3 attractions at Legends of the Fog. Surprisingly, you have to experience each consecutively. It's downright efficient as lines are managed to optimal efficiency. There is a Fast Pass lane for the impatient so that helps.

Sinister Circus

Up first is the Sinister Circus, a good outdoor tent like maze that has every side show attraction you can imagine. Various freaks and side show performers put on some good scares and a dreaded clown makes an appearance. It's not scary albeit a bit short but it's a precursor and an appetizer to what's to come.

Haunted Hayride

One of the best independently created haunted hayrides I've been to (having only been to one :-P), LOTF pours its best into making this hayride memorable complete with FOG!. I think it's up to par to a Disney World attraction in its simplicity and its set design. We went on a clear night, where even a New Yorker like myself could see actual stars. A tractor/truck? pulls a cart that could easily fit 20 or more people slowly drives through corn stalks as stealthy actors come out and hop on and put some jump scares. A chainsaw man  makes an appearance and got a bit close for comfort. The sets were quite elaborate for a mom and pop run haunt. Abandoned gas stations and barns with animatronic snakes were all quite well done. Each stop required the tractor to stop inside a barn as they closed both front and back. Then you get an insane petting zoo to a electric light show. Good times.

Kids love haunted hayrides and seeing tweenage kids get a bit scared shitless is hilarious. (A group of these Millenials taunted their friend Alex asking him..hmmm...how do say this and not use salty language....they said for him to NOT be a ummm....cat ;-P) The most super duper cleverest thing I saw during the hayride was little girls singing in unison as they carried severed heads asking patrons to play. I've seen kids be used in haunts but it was like I was in dream and immediately thought of the Nightmare on Elm Street jumping rope girls. Holy fuckin cow. Pretty creepy. I've always said if you got kids whispering, you're gonna get a gold star from me.

Carins Manor

We end with Carsins Manor, a supposed abandoned orphanage that houses some very disturbed kids. A wicked old man with bad breath greets us and off we go through abandoned rooms, disheveled beds and lots and lots of dolls. Are you scared of porcelain dolls? You will be. I was jump scared by a well placed tween who seemingly appeared out of nowhere. But the best scare happened to Survivor "D". Who could scare a Survivor?

How about a 5 year old kid, in horror makeup running up to him like a stinging Cobra. When you're not seeing something eye level, kids WILL scare the crap at you. I'm pretty sure its every parents worst nightmare. The manor was a solid conclusion to the trilogy of haunts at LOTF.

Final Thoughts

The Legends of the Fog attractions doesn't look like a warehouse of haunted house props. It works in its simplicity, sets you know were created by hard work and ingenuity. Animatronics and effects are used strategically and they pack a punch when they do. But it's the actors who seem to want the haunt to be the best it can be. Every little kid wants to scare other kids and here at Legends of the Fog, they get that chance. Families and unsuspecting teenagers are prime targets for this outdoor haunted house and you can't beat getting a chance to hayride in the moonlight.

Think of Legends of the Fog as a little brother to the haunts you all know. It's full of effective mazes, a hayride that is unpredictable and a orphanage from hell. You can't duplicate the overall scary of a farm in the dead of night. That's the awesome from Legends of the Fog because sooner or later they'll be doing things big brother only dreamed of.

The Vitals

• Official Site
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• Legends of the Fog
  500 Carsins Run Road
  Aberdeen, MD 21001
• Tickets: $25 General Admission, $35 Speed Pass
  
• More pictures at The Jaded Viewer Facebook page

Check out the trailer

Categories: circus, freakshow, haunted hayride, haunted house, maryland, orphan, the children

Horror Movie Alternate Endings You May Have Missed

The alternate ending. It's sometimes comes out actually better than the original ending. Most of the time, it's actually a piece of shit. I'm a proponent of downer endings, one where our hero or heroine doesn't survive because it just sometimes feels more real than your standard packaged survival ending.

But Hollywood and supposed "test audiences" never like downer endings. They hate when the killer lives or wins. They love open endedness-ish stuff and they also like when everybody lives happily ever after. They LOVE fuckin happy endings! :-)

I'm pretty sure you've seen these alternate endings before but if you haven't, their all pretty interesting to watch. 5 of em are complete downers. I especially liked Orphan and Paranormal Activity's alternate endings.

How do you feel about alternate endings? What are your favorite ones and what are ones you hated? Do you have a few that I can add to the list below? Share your thoughts.

Spoil yourself below. Obvious spoilers below.

28 Days Later





Army of Darkness





Blade





Freddy vs Jason





Orphan






Paranormal Activity

Categories: 28 days later, alternate endings, alternate reality, alternative endings, horror movies, orphan, paranormal activity, paranormal activity original ending, wesley snipes

Orphan (Review)

Orphan

Orphan (2009)

Directed Jaume Collet-Serra

"If I find out that you're lying, I'll cut your hairless little prick off before you even figure out what it's for. Do you understand me?"

-Esther

They don't call me the jaded viewer for nothing.

I am totally being honest here. I called the twist in the Orphan once they introduced her character which was 30 or so minutes in (once I saw her paintings). I've seen alot of these type of movies and I'm good at picking up on the hints and clues. I knew going in there was a big reveal at the end. So through a level of Sherlock Holmes-ing, I kinda figured it out.

But that doesn't take away how good the movie is. Oh its not the twist or the scares or the suspense or tension of the movie which were all candy cane sweet, but its Isabelle Fuhrman's performance which is by far one of the best performances by a kid I've seen in a horror movie in quite a long time.

Kids in Hollywood movies always play...well kids. But in Orphan, Fuhrman plays a well mannered fashionista with a twisted mentality and WITH a Russian accent. And she pulls it off effortlessly. How does a little American kid actor pull this off? I'm speechless. Seriously, her performance is Oscar worthy. Truly remarkable.

I've been tardy when it comes to seeing mainstream American horror because I've just given up hope on the Hollywood system taking chances on creative scripts, pushing the boundaries and making Rated R flicks. So yeah, it took me this long to watch this. But now that I have maybe there is still hope. Maybe.

Boring Plot-O-Matic

A husband and wife who recently lost their baby adopt a 9-year-old girl who is not nearly as innocent as she claims to be.

Awesome Review-O-Matic

The opening scene of a bloody baby should have been a clue this was no ordinary kids horror movie. Like the Sixth Sense, clues are all over the place for you to figure out the twist (the professional paintings, piano playing, her speech and dress). But if your a jabroni, you might be oblivious from these things. But instead of rehashing the story which is summed up above let's just go over the hit points on what was good and what was bad on a scale of 1 to 10.

+10

Like I said before, Isabelle Fuhrman's performance is top notch, high level stuff. So convincing in her acting I am still clapping. The 9 year old Esther is given so much life by Fuhrman you begin to think she isn't even acting. She speaks with a tad of a Russian accent making it so believable. And to top it all off, everybody knows sign language! Fuhrman goes from lovable, gothy kid to master manipulater and deceiver and her performance during the course of the 2 hours is outstanding. She turns good, then bad, then good in so many scenes and always pseudo winking to the audience. We know she's bad and we can't do anything about it. So perfect.

+5

The performances of Vera Farmiga as Kate, our mommy are good as well as Peter Saarsgard as John the oblivious father. Max (Aryana Engineer) is quite a cutie pie as a deaf sister and brother Daniel (Jimmy Bennett) are solid as well as they play the "we know Esther's evil but we can't do anything about it" fodder.

+8

The level of evilness displayed by Esther grows throughout the movie. From a pigeon, to a playground "accident", each built up some level of WTF as we went along. As Esther covers up her deadly deeds, the rest of the movie is the adults trying to figure out what's the what. Once Esther takes her vengeance to adultland, all hell breaks loose. Each kill scene becomes so vicious, it was a no holds barred hardcore-ness I haven't seen in a Hollywood production in quite a long time. Hammers, knives, arson and a quick game of Russian roulette take this to a new level of awesomeness.

I really couldn't believe I was seeing this on screen. No cutaway scenes. They showed it all. Kudos to Jaume Collet-Serra for showing us everything full frontal.

+6

So what's wrong with Esther? Well then there's the reveal. Even though I called a variation of it, I kinda knew what the what was. It really is a twist I've never seen before in movie. The explanation is perfect for a movie like this and it works. Some may find it dumb or kinda stupid but its based on something. And if you can give me a reveal that doesn't make me slap my forehead in disgust and go WTF?!?! then you've kinda accomplished your job. Let's say her transformation was handled very slick and cleverly. That ending gave me the wiggins.

-3

My gripes for the movie are just how perfect each of the character's problems or circumstances were set up. Mommy was an alcoholic, daddy pulled a Tiger Woods. It was easy for Esther to manipulate and set them up. Max being deaf was the most blatant of all as she was handicapped to do anything about Esther's evil. Also, logic problems erupt in the form of the orphanage records and the institute. Seemed a little off.

I sometimes hate movies where only one person knows the truth and all others think he/she is crazy even though all the evidence points to the contrary. For once I'd like to have seen Fox Mulder go to Scully "See there are UFOs! Just Believe!" It's right in front of you.

But that's how the characters and these type of movies work and you just have to deal.

All in all, Orphan plays its genre to a tee. Like The Children or The Omen, it follows the conventions and pits our hero (or heroine) against our killer kid. The beauty of these killer kid movies is the taboo of hurting a child. This is what I wrote for The Children review.

"The overall moral theme that gets grappled is one that encompasses all these killer kid films. Would you be able to kill a kid or *gasp* your own child to save your own or another child’s life? Many of the characters struggle with this and the paternal and maternal instinct are so ingrained, their logic becomes illogical and more emotion. Many might not be able to view such a film where kids wink with such evilness, especially parents."

The Orphan plays this theme out perfectly and is definitely one of the best horror movies of 2009.

Gore-ipedia

Smashed pigeon
Broken ankle
Multiple stabbings
Hammer to the cerebreal
Various splatter and gore

Nude-ipedia

Nada

WTF moment

The reveal of course

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

This will get a solid 3 spinkicks and will be in high consideration as one of my 10 Best Horror Movies of 2009. When you look back on 2009 in horror, Orphan will be on many top 10 lists for sure. And now you know why. Definitely see this flick or get a hammer in the head.

Rating:
Check out the trailer below.

Categories: 2009 horror dvd, 2009 horror movies, 2009 horror trailers, orphan