Monday, November 19, 2012

Blackout Haunted House 2012 (Walkthrough and Spoilers)

It's now a bicoastal phenomenon.

When I first started writing these walkthroughs in 2010 and 2011, they were more so therapy for me to get what I had just experienced into some sort of coherent thought pattern. Also, I wanted to share this fringe theater experiment with the rest of the interwebs. I was excited to share what I had done and hoped others would try their luck at the baddest haunted house on the planet.

So let me first tell you what I know about Blackout Haunted House: Los Angeles Edition. I didn't get to go but a flurry of bloggers, critics, writers and reporters have splurged on what happened. Basically, Blackout LA was a "greatest hits" version of the last 2 years. You got eerie TVs, total darkness touching, suffocation, condoms and shoes, staple guns, rapists and naked chained victim girl. Sound familiar? That' because these are all elements from what NYC and myself experienced the last 2 October haunts. Cracked.com gives an overview of the LA experience if you want to read further.

But this year's NYC edition as I wrote in my review:  

"Blackout continues to remove you out of your normal world, scars you with  imagery you will have dreams and nightmares about for days to come and if you survive it, welcomes you in becoming part of the scariest and challenging horror events you will ever go through. Because of Blackout, I will never see a haunted house the same way again."

Tons of people have experienced themselves what they've only read about on this blog and others. But clearly from the e-mails, tweets, Facebook messages I've received, it seems my experience is the one people want to hear about. And I'm here to oblige. But this year, we're adding a bit of a twist. My fellow Survivor Special K has written about her experience, from a female perspective and having gone through twice. I'll be posting that soon and and possibly other Survivor perspectives as well.

Blackout Haunted House c/o of Blackout Facebook Page
I'm doing this because even though the people who went to Blackout all experienced about 70% or so the same horror formula, 30% was different throughout the run and each person wound up with some rather disturbing yet cool differences. Now you get to read about all the little nuances Blackout employed to get you go WTF when discussing with other Survivors.

I went in early October having convinced the Downtown Traveler that this was the baddest haunted house in NYC. When you get to scare the noobs, you totally do it. I also came to realize that if I asked if they read up on Blackout, they'd say they read a walkthrough on The Jaded Viewer which put a smile to my face. I sometimes would let them know who I was, but more so I listened as they would describe what I wrote. Pretty fuckin funny. Mind you, what I wrote below is as best as I can remember. Memories start to fade and months later, I'm still confused by events, dialogue and the order it all occured. But I'll have a few versions for you all to read so that should make up for it.

Now let's get to what all the fuss was all about shall we?

  • We start off where we began. Back to the semi abandoned storefront from 2010. The door is covered up (see photo above) and as you enter the space a mist of foggy gloom hovers in the air. Back near the door, two woman educate you on the Blackout experience, give you your ticket and your waiver to sign. After completing all that, you're given a number  which you stick on to the front of your shirt or whatever you're wearing. I was #17 and then you wait.

  • And wait. And wait. It's a waiting like no other. As you wait with other patrons who are all behind a rope in the middle of the room I see Josh (one of the masterminds of Blackout) directing the action and picking the next victims. A few feet from the rope is a lone door with an X taped in front of it. As you watch each person go through they stand on the X, their back to the door. And suddenly WHOOSH! The door opens they're grabbed into the darkness with the door loudly closing behind them. Now that's one helluva way to scare the shit out of the people in the waiting room.

  • Josh heads in my direction and though I had heard him go through the spiel with other firs timers ("Do you have epilepsy?" and "What is the SAFETY word?") He goes to me and says, you know the drill right? Of course I do. I'm a fuckin veteran.

  • I'm soon guided to the X and stand patiently with my back to the door. It's then I see goodbye to the crowd, a hand comes across my chest and I'm grabbed into the darkness.

    Blackout Haunted House c/o of Blackout Facebook Page

  • A voice calls from the darkness and puts a thin surgical mask over my mouth wrapping the string  around my ears. Then goggles are put on which partially blinds my view with a hazy cloud. I'm then told to put my hands on the wall, police brutality style. It's a physical pat down, one the NYPD would be proud of. Bear hugged I'm led into a room where I would have a soundtrack to my terror.

  • In the next room, my hands are placed face down on a table and roped across left to right and strapped down. I can barely see through my foggy goggles but I can feel somebody spreading my fingers across the table. Headphones are put on and now I can clearly here a crazy staticky metal tune that one Survivor pointed out was from Funny Games. Clearly Blackout has employed Jigsaw with a minimum wage job and once my hand is in place I hear the dreaded smash of a hammer on the table. SMASH! It starts on the far edge of the table and slowly inches towards my fingers. BANG! It's getting damn close and I'm getting a bit freaked out the actor might decide today is the day he'll accidentally take out his anger of his girlfriend dumping him or some shit. CRASH! It's now as close as can be and before I can brace for impact.  Then smoke emanates across my back. What seems to be a fire extinguisher has now engulfed my back and part of the room. It's an odd smell, an odd sensation  to feel it work across my back. The equipment is removed (headphones and goggles) and I'm screamed at to leave and into the next room.

  •  I'm led into a corner of a room where in far point in the room is what I now refer to as weird gay naked dancer. Though initially I thought I'd get my first feargasm I start to notice that who I thought was a she, is actually a he. He's naked from the waist down and I can see his bait and tackle and it's giving me Silence of the Lamb flashbacks. This isn't good at all. Handed a music box I hold to my left ear, it chimes melodic bells playing a tune while WGND asks me "Let's Dance". I oblige as what the hell right? Might as well play the part of "Victim #17". We start dancing and it's really awkward but somehow in a David Lynch way, it's a surreal creepy experience. He breathes heavy into my ear and my bat sense is tingling this is the lull before the storm. It seems this is designed to get those alpha male/gothtards uncomfortable and I'm sure SAFETIES are called due to a mild case of homophobia. But I push...because somebody grabs me and pushes me into the next room.

  • Down some stairs and now on to the next room is a scene that echoes all what I love about Blackout.
    I immediately hear music playing from a record player, the spin skipping every so often. The room is lit for maximum mesmerization. Broken records and by records I mean vinyl records (remember those kids?) litters the room and in the far corner is a girl, partially naked wearing what seems to be a hospital gown, ripped to shreds. I'm sure you're asking if I saw her lady parts and yes I did and it's quite yummy in a fucked up sort of way. Because my experience has always let me know nothing is what it seems here. She looks at me, in a plotting and conniving way then turns her back to me, hops on a step in the room. My back is against a wall in the other end of the room and I start to watch the show. She slowly starts to reach down to her vajayjay, between her legs and pulls out (oh god it's going to be tampon-mania again I think) but it's much worse. It's a fully loaded, PornHub approved condom and she's quite pleased with herself that she gave birth to this piece of latex. She slowly moves towards me, I look deep into her eyes as she dips her fingers into the used Trojan. My face is making an "O" face and it's not for the letter it usually stands for. She then proceeds to pull the condom and drink the yummerific white liquid inside....holy mother of Jenna! Thoughts of porn scenarios enter my head (not that I watch that filthy stuff ;-P) and that concludes our show. That free clip courtesy of the folks at Blackout Haunted House.

  • Now off to the next room and a beige plastic bag is thrown over my head. Here's your perspective. Surgical mask over your mouth and bag over your head. Breathing now becomes a premium. Now the first true twist I've seen in a while is thrown into my face as I'm led into the "Whiteout room". I call it the Whiteout room because it's very bright, like tons of illumination is making this room glow and making my bag feel like I'm in the inner part of a light bulb. I stand in what seems to be a shit load of time, my breathing now is taken in small bursts as the bag contracts with every breath. I'm shoved into a wall and smacked in the head. I see the silhouette of something through my bag and immediately I feel tongue smashing into my mouth through the bag. I start to squirm, turning my head to left and then to the right but this shape (a guy? a girl? a werewolf?) wants to get to 3rd fuckin base with me. I'm yelled at if "I like it" and my mouth would like to say something but it's constantly full of tongue. I feel kibbles and nibbles and bites oh my. I unwillingly made out with a stranger who I will never see their face. With that makeout session over, the bag finally removed I'm led out into a hallway to see what else they'd like to do with me.

  • via The Jaded Viewer Facebook Page
  • I see a girl in a blue dress, partially torn so that her breasts can breathe. But breathing and touching are going to be something that one does not want to do at this moment. My new feargasm friend is squatting over a bucket. She tells me to kneel and I comply and then she grabs my head and pushes it near the edge of the bucket. "It's coming!" she yells and so it is. I start to realize as she makes those #2 noises we all know so well that the bucket is full of shit. I thought when girls take a shit, bluebirds fly and it smells like lemon pie. Clearly I was mistaken. Because she's done her business into the bucket and I get to see it. Suddenly, she grabs my right wrist right into the bucket and I start feeling the contents. It's putrid, smelly when it hits my nostrils. I can feel it's squishiness, the texture like wood chips and oatmeal. God I hope it was only oatmeal. She then guides my now bacteria-ed hand onto her chest and I am forced to smear it all over her boobies. In any other fuckin context would this seem like a dream scenario, but no my friends. This is a nightmare. This shit shouldn't be taken lightly.

  • Now back to my feet I'm guided by a Blackout employee and given some sort of squishy toy. I soon realize it's a rag or sponge so I can clean off the vile feces from my hand. I proceed to do so but clearly it's not done it's job and I use my shirt instead. With this brief breather done, bizarro Neverland continues.

  • My memory of the order may be questioned here but here is what I can remember. Also what follows differs from person to person. I'm shoved into a wall where my head is strapped to the wall with some sort of rope. My head is turned to the left my face smacked against the grimy wall. Obscenities are yelled at me, my name is used and more taunting. I'm given a some sort of foam log and told to hold it and if I drop it the dude will bash my skull in. The rope is tightened and I can feel the strain on my head and neck but there is no god damn way I'm dropping this log. It's not an intense pain, it's more of a workout pain, lifting that last weight before a session ends. Oh yeah. I don't really work out. Soon the restraints are removed but I still don't drop the log from behind my back but soon it's taken from me. I passed motherfuckers! What's my reward?

  • Well the reward is a stream of flash bulbs, camera lights and flickering from a group of trigger happy photographers. It's a blinding wave of flashing and I'm sure this is the Instagram from Hell. I later realize this is Blackout's version of those pictures from Splash Mountain at Disney World. They're going to post my "Oh Shit" face for everyone to see.

  • As the flashing subsides, I have two angry dudes guide me into the middle of a room. One of them yells at me to "Kneel Down!". I proceed to do so on the hard concrete floor. Another yells at me to "Stand Up!" I obey. They circle around me like vultures. "Did I say to stand up? Kneel down motherfucker!" I concur. The other guy yells "I don't think I told you to kneel, fuckin stand up!" I do as I'm told. This goes on for what seems to be quite a while and my knees are getting semi fucked up. As this finally concludes, I'm shoved into a small room. I would then be here for a while.

  • Shoved into this closet or as I like to think of it, the closet underneath the stairs I can hear the gate close as they pull it down. I'm not claustrophobic so tight spaces don't bother me. I start to look around and see some tiny spaces I think I can crawl into but I'm not entirely sure if that's something I'm suppose to do. So I stand here, in the dark in this damp tiny space. Soon I hear the metal gate open and another person is thrown into the closet. This happens again and there are 3 of us trapped in the closet (hahahaha, I made a lame joke) Quiet for the first 2 minutes, my new closet-mates think I'm part of the show but I inform them I'm in here not of my own free will. Soon they are removed one by one until I'm alone again. I'm not sure what the point of that was. I can clearly see Blackout experimenting by having you interact with your fellow Survivors but it was quite weird. I guess claustrophobia and bottled in with others is suppose invoke that walls closing in feeling. It kinda didn't have that affect on me unfortunately.

  • Now finally led out of my closet home, I see a girl on her knees and am told to do the same. I am now facing her, kneeling down and told to scream. I do. As always my first scream isn't good enough and am told to scream louder. I yell like my dick got cut off. It works. Now I'm told to ask my fellow patron for forgiveness. I yell out "Please forgive me!" I don't hear her response, just a scream.

  • I'm then given a pair of pliers from a Blackout staff member and led into a bathroom. The room is covered with blood splatter and I see a girl who's completely naked in the corner. Her body is bloody, like she just had come from Dexter-ing a few victims, but she appears frightened like she was just a victim herself. As she comes closer, I can see her mouth is dripping blood and some of her teeth are partially missing. She looks at me and says "Did you do this?" I say no, shaking my head. She stares at the pliers I was holding. "Liar!" she yells and grabs the pliers from my hand. She then takes the pliers and soon there near my mouth and this is the pinnacle of my feargasm. I'm about exchange bodily fluids with a naked, bloodied hot girl but not the way I imagined. She then says get out of here and pushes me out the door and out into the lobby I go ending my Blackout experience.

I'm pretty sure I messed up the order and probably forgot a few things. It was almost 2 months ago but my fellow Survivors have helped me remember what I may have missed. My experience took place in early October as Blackout was probably experimenting with what worked and what didn't. What you'll read in Special K's Walkthrough may be a bit different but some stuff stays the same. Some of it got more intense as the month went on from what I read on Blackout's Facebook page and what I've been told. There were a few twists and turns and somethings were a bit more wicked as you'll find out.

Overall this is the Blackout experience LA wasn't ready for. It's the type of stuff people from all over the country road trip to, who visit from Canada and from across the pond. Goths, metal heads, punk rockers, alpha jocks, nerds and geeks all come to NYC to try their luck in Blackout NYC. They've heard the stories, mostly from me and this blog and want to see if I've been exaggerating all this time. Trust me I'm not.

To the readers who've only read about Blackout through this blog and via various reviews, I wish you could join in on the fun. Some of you might be saying I'd never do anything like that. OK, nobody is putting a fuckin gun to your head. You read this walk through in the safety of your home. But over 5000 people in LA and NYC went to Blackout this year (which I think is some sort of record). All of these survivors have now a pretty awesome story to tell.

Sure there are people who hated it. Fear is all relative. I'm not claustrophobic, but the person next me might be. Some heterosexual male might be feel too weirded out and call SAFETY once he starts to see some dude's cock. I also heard somebody SAFETIED 5 minutes in. Jeezus. So anything that might scare you, might not have the affect on somebody else. If this were a horror movie, you get your standard amounts of quick scares, blood and guts and lots and lots of disgusting shit (literally).

Whatever your fear may be, Blackout will eventually find it.

But if you need more, here is some trivia for you to salivate on. The creators of Blackout have informed me that some filming was done for one of The Travel Channel's programs on haunted houses! It should air sometime next year. Two of my close Survivor friends had cameras mounted on them as they experienced the haunt. So for the first time, you'll see on TV what you've only read about.

How about them razor bladed apples?

So now I open it all up. Did you go to Blackout Haunted House in Los Angeles or NYC this year? Leave a comment below, on The Jaded Viewer Facebook page or tweet me your thoughts. You may have loved it or hated it but let the conversation begin. I think a lot of people want to know if they'd like to take the plunge into the baddest haunted house in the country.

Check out all my walkthroughs and reviews of Blackout Haunted House including the invite only off season Spring haunt!

Blackout Haunted House Reviews and Walkthroughs
Blackout Haunted House Invite Only, Off Season Spring Haunt Reviews and Walkthroughs
If you have any questions or comments let me know. I was thinking of doing a Reddit AMA in addition to my standard walk through.If you think that's a good idea, let me know.

You can go also leave any comments/questions on The Jaded Viewer Facebook Page or on Twitter.






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10 comments:

  1. My experience was quite different, especially the middle section. The most fucked-up part happened about three quarters of the way through, when I started to get a bit desensitized and hoped for something extreme to get my heart racing again. My wish came true when I was told to sit on a chair in the middle of a dark, empty room. After sitting there for what seemed like two or three minutes, a guy approached from behind and whispered, "Hold your breath as long as you possibly can, then tap my right hand." My initial thought was, "What the fuck?" But before I could process it he covered my mouth with both hands from behind and started squeezing as hard as he could, crushing my head against his chest and leaving me with a bloody lip and two cuts on my face - from his fingernails, I think. So I did as I was told and held my breath until I was close to passing out. Then I tapped his right hand and ... THE MOTHERFUCKER DIDN'T LET GO!!! He just kept squeezing, and my legs started to buck and kick just like a person being strangled in a movie. I grabbed his hands and started pulling them off and finally he let go, about 10 seconds after I tapped. This was totally unexpected and perfectly timed. I was a Blackout noob prior to October 26 but I love dememnted shit, so I was starting to get a tiny bit bored right when wonderful piece of terror occured.

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  2. Do you write these down after you do them then wait to post, or do you just do it from memory months later?

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  3. My experience was also quite different than yours. I was also forced to sit in a chair where my mouth was covered and was told to tap the guy's leg when I could not longer hold my breath...he doesn't let go until you go crazy and start flailing around and hitting him. I also had a rope tied around my neck as a man questioned me about some very inappropriate things. If he didn't like my answer, the rope got tighter and tighter. This was the only moment I contemplated calling safety because it was truly painful and I could not breathe. And instead of having to wipe to poop on the lady, I was forced to wipe it on my face...But, Blackout was awesome and I can't wait to go again!

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  4. I did the LA version a little over 2 weeks ago and was not disappointed at all. It was intense, unnerving, and very dreamlike all the way through. Having only gone through theme park haunts in the past this was definitely unlike anything I have ever experienced and I can't wait to do it again next year or in the off-season. However, reading through this walkthrough, the LA version definitely seems easier to get through without calling safety...

    Highlight for me was the waiting in the line in the lobby with the white noise blaring to the beginning interrogation into the opening darkness. I am not sure how long they keep you in the dark but it felt like an eternity, to the point where I thought they forgot about me. I started to take a step to see if I was just supposed to find my way through the darkness but before even taking a full step a voice whispered softly but forcefully in my ear "don't fucking move." I definitely obeyed. After another couple minutes I was forcefully grabbed and told to sprint through the darkness and into the next scene.

    From here all the way until the end it was exhilarating, disturbing, and creepy. I lost a shoe, lost my glasses (thankfully they were recovered), reached in a toilet filled with vomit, got stapled in the chest, had to crawl around with a bag over my head, got masturbated on my both a man and woman, and rescued (well, sorta) a girl who was chained up before being thrown out of the house and into the lobby.

    Side note, I think this is part of the point and to add to the physical and mental deprivation but did anyone feel almost dumb going through certain parts of this? I fumbled around with the surgical mask at the beginning and was called a "fucking idiot" and when one actor told me to put my hands behind my back for some reason I put them behind my head and was again called "fucking stupid" It's funny how when your senses are all on edge during this production its hard to follow even simple instructions.

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  5. "whatever your fear may be, Blackout will eventually find it." yes, they will... and i thought i was so sneaky, hiding my fears... i feel like it's all over for me now. there were things they did this year - the camera scene (loved the way you described it), passing the surveillance area in plain site, the waiting by the door, the inquisition stuff - all made me very uncomfortable.

    well i loved reading this and love the way your experiences have evolved over three years to reflect the way Blackout has evolved from an obscure small production to a bicoastal, celeb-studded phenomenon with a fanbase almost as tight as the show itself. as always, well done! as you pointed out, half the fun is reliving it through someone else's perspective so thanks for helping me do that... i laughed at lot at your descriptions.

    and to the comment ahead of mine - ohh YES - they love to make me feel dumb. you're not the only one. in blackout's world, i am stupid, pathetic, boring, AND a bitch... lol. my biggest problem is freezing up when they require me to come up with some comment or answer in the midst of all this disorienting mind-assualt.

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  6. I just found out about Blackout this year, and went in early November, directly post Hurricane Sandy, so there were definitely some tweaks made from your earlier experience. I was supposed to go with two of my buddies from work, but one had to cancel at the very last minute so just two brave souls made the trip.

    -No bait and tackle for the dancing guy, he was tucked in complete Jame Gumb style, which made an even closer Silence of the Lambs flashback.
    -The record player girl, after draining the condom, threw the plastic bag on my face and led me into the whiteout room, and then spit the contents onto my (bag covered) face and shrieked "remember me?" After which someone else kindly licked and chewed my face clean.
    -I was thrown into the tiny closet, not with anyone else, but after a minute or so of facing the door, someone came from behind me and pushed me out of the closet. I didn't get to interact with any other of the participants at that point, but I did get sat in a chair and suffocated. It was a damn good twist when the guy did not let go after I tapped out.
    -Right after getting choked, there was another room, dimly lit, where somebody was yelling at me to tell him my must fucked up sexual fantasies and going after me with the hand stapler when he didn't like any of my answers.
    -My finest moment was after the bloody naked toothless girl pushed me into the lobby. I realized I still had my buddy's ticket who had to cancel last minute. I threw on my brand new Blackout t-shirt, slapped that extra ticket on the counter, and immediately went through again. The quiz at the beginning not only included questions about asthma or epilepsy, but the last was "What is your name?" which got passed on to the actors. It was such a thrill to have everyone address me by name, and then proceed to basically beat the shit out of me. They were a lot, a lot more hands and physical the second time around. It was awesome.

    The whole experience was such a mindfuck, oddball, unique moment in my life. I absolutely cannot wait to go again, or cravenly beg to somehow get an invitation for one of the spring experiences. I love telling this story to everyone I know and seeing their reactions as to what Blackout is like.

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  9. I have a question for you. If you're allergic to certain things like certain dyes or chemicals, are you still allowed in? Is there anywhere to view the waiver to see what chemicals they use?

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  10. I love that you gave Downtown Traveler a shout in your walkthrough! Now that I have been through the 2013 show I am finally motivating to write my 2012 walkthrough. I think it took me a year to recover from the experience!!! I went because of you and your description of Blackout as the scariest haunted house, and you were right. It takes the ultimate prize :)

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