Halloween Horror Nights at Universal Studios (Review)

via The Jaded Viewer

Sometimes a change of scenery is nice to break the monotony of work. And sometimes the playgrounds are just cooler on the other side. I visited Los Angeles last week and had to choose between some various cool haunted houses. Haunted Play: Delusion, Blumhouse of Horrors, Knotts Scary Farm, Queen Mary Dark Harbor. Delusion was sold out and the others had something that would be cool. But I settled on going to Universal Studios Halloween Horror Nights.

The main attraction was going to The Walking Dead mazes. With the Walking Dead premiere that weekend, I was in the mood to see zombies and T-Dog. So after convincing both my cousins ("J" and "A") to go with me, it was on like Donkey Kong.

Opening night at Horror Nights was a mad house. Unbelievable packed with long fuckin lines. With a flight back home the next day, I knew we'd have to strategically plan our way around Universal. This proves fruitless without a map and Universal at night is a hard place to find out where everything is. As you enter it's a madhouse of actors in their biker zombie makeup with chainsaws looking to give you a quick scare. Harley Quinn lookalikes dance seductively in cages and the glow of neon darkness echoes throughout the park. I've been to the park before, during the daytime and it's pretty scary at night.

via The Jaded Viewer

Walking Dead Terror Tram is TRAMATIZING

We hit the Walking Dead Terror Tram first. Because I want my Walking Dead fix early. We get into a tram and though clearly, you think tram rides will have some grabbing zombies coming at you but that was a red herring. As you're dropped off, zombies are all around dragging their worthless legs and body parts. I stand in front of one and heckle him. What can I say? The asshole fan in me likes mocking the zombie actors.

Soon the gaggle of horror fans are herded into corridors where zombie doctors are eating unwilling patients. Passing through a motel complex, decayed bodies and zombies are all lurk around. Universal has put out the stops when it comes to the props, sets and design of this outdoor attraction. It really is impressive seeing what a big studio can do to hype up one of the greatest cable TV shows ever. We now have to walk up some hills past a suicidal policeman and zombies locked up in cages who soon broke free from their prisons. The zombies are quick and attentive to the stragglers as well as the runners.

Past the Psycho house, the journey ends past a neighborhood in a post apocalyptic shambles. A downed airplane, a house cut in two, debris all over the place. It's really pretty spectacular to see. And within this mess are zombies all around ready to jump out of the decay.

via The Jaded Viewer

Will the real Leatherface please stand up?

We hit up the Texas Chainsaw Massacre haunted house next. Each of these HH's are self contained and are a maze of thrills and chills. Unfortunately because the lines are long, everybody is forced to walk at quick pace throughout the maze. It's a little odd seeing 30 Leatherfaces scaring you in each room but the house did have a few moments. More so from my cousin "J" scaring me shitless as I admired the sets. Nothing special here but lots of chainsaw wielding maniacs who after the umpteenth time gets kinda tired.

Break Time: More than Meets the Eye

We thought we had time to hit the other blockbuster attractions that we're open. Jurassic Park, Simpsons Ride and Mummy Rides were all open for the masses. We hit up Transformers 3D because we were kinda near it. Misled by a so called empty line, it was a bit of a wait for your standard Optimus vs Megatron 3D slugfest.

Silent Hill is all triangles and women with big cleavage

Next up was Silent Hill which was a game I played like once and had no idea what scares would be in store. Seems like it was full of triangle masks and masked women with great cleavage. Some rooms had that empty classroom feel others had large hammers ready to pounce.

I can't say the scares were awesome but more so video game thrills with some video game boobs.

La Llorona is Spanish for "Holy Shit!"

Actually that's not what it translates to.It actually means The Weeping Woman. La Llorona is an actual legend in Mexico and the US Southwest that I hadn't really heard about. I didn't know what to expect but with the line being more than hour long, my cousins and I started to realize this would be our last ride. But boy was it good to my surprise. La Llorona has some chilling sets and perfectly timed scares. From a room with an old church to some narrow corridors with some paintings that come to life. The tale itself is of a woman named Maria who drowns her children to be with a man. Rejected in the afterlife, she haunts the lake to save her dead children for eternity.

via The Jaded Viewer

The animatronics, well timed BOOs! and overall creepiness of the legend (just seeing dead children in a faux lake is fuckin creepy). The ending was mind blowing that will make you see talking with your mouthful in a whole new way.

*****************************************

I missed a few attractions, the most notable being Walking Dead Dead Alive which recreates a maze from the first 2 seasons. The line was over 2 hours and I had a flight to catch in the morning.  I also missed Alice Cooper 3D, which if its from Alice Cooper must have been wicked.

Overall my first Universal Studios Halloween Horror Nights was pretty solid. For the admission price, you can experience 4-5 horror themed mazes that are mega awesome to average. Plus you get to go on all the big blockbuster rides Universal is known for.

Universal has been always known for their monsters and they do a great job putting the big spectacle. You've got sarcastic clowns and wandering actors looking to scare the unsuspected. The drawbacks are long lines you'll have to endure to get to these mazes and rides. The Front of the Line and VIP passes are tempting and if you're willing to pay, are probably worth it.

The prices seemed jacked up ($3.75 for a bottle of fuckin water?) and sugary snacks are tempting but overpriced. A board lets you know how long the lines are for each attraction but seriously...95 minute wait time? Damn. The park would need to close at 6am for you to go to all the rides.

All in all, I had a great time and its worth a visit if you're in LA or Orlando. The Walking Dead is given life in whole new way and once I watched the season premiere, all I wanted to do is be back there fucking with zombies and hanging out with T-Dog.

Unfortunately T-Dog didn't get any attraction time. Poor T-Dog.

The Vitals

• The official site
• Like on Facebook
• Follow on Twitter
• Both Universal Studios Hollywood and Orlando
• The park is open now until 10/31
• Tickets range from $56 to $66 You can purchase tickets on the official site.
  
• For more photos of Universal Horror Nights , check out the jaded viewer Facebook page.

Check out the trailer.

Categories: halloween, happy halloween, haunted house, los angeles, texas chainsaw massacre, the walking dead, universal studios, walking dead

Director Eric England defends "cliched" Madison County trailer

I usually only post a trailer of an upcoming horror movie if I really like the flick or I think it's inventive, creative or unique. We can watch these trailers anywhere, so there really is no need to post it up on the jaded viewer.

But I did get a press release for an upcoming slasher film called Madison County and I checked out the trailer. So what's this about?

Madison County is about a group of college students that travel to a remote, mountain town called Madison County to interview the author of a tell-all book on the accounts of the grisly murders that happened in the town over two decades ago.

Upon their arrival, the author is no where to be found and the townspeople state that they've "not seen him in years." They also deny that Damien Ewell, the notorious murderer, ever existed and that the murders never happened. As the kids start to dig around to get their own answers, they come to find that the stories, and Damien, maybe more real than the townspeople are letting on.

Now check out the trailer.



Let's break this down like Donkey Kong.

• Naked blonde girl running on a dirt road
  
• Redneck Cannibal Town, USA
• Dumb urban college students
• Private Property? Fuck that!
• Deserted house with wind chimes!
  
• Slasher with pig mask and big fuckin ax
• Local townie that warns dumb Ambercrombie and Fitch dumb white kids to leave
  
• Quickly edited running around montage
  
• Slasher swing and a miss
• Hostages with no hope of surviving
• A random oozing of blood
• A name to our slasher that sounds really familiar
• Face molestation
• Title Card!
• "Inspired by True Events" declaration
• Last "scare" shot

Yeah I just listed many of the cliches and slasher formulas we've seen before.

So why am I talking about a cliched upcoming slasher flick? Because it's a cliched slasher flick. The director of Madison County Eric England recently wrote an interesting article defending his movie and trailer in his blog which you can find here.

He wrote: "I didn't pitch this film as "the most original slasher film ever made" when I tried to get it made. In fact, slasher films themselves have been done to death. But that's exactly why I wanted to make Madison County. I LOVE Slasher films. Love them. And I want to see them live on."

He goes on to say that he loved Adam Green's Hatchet and that most movies are retelling of the same stories over and over again. Well this got me thinking. Can I really bash Madison County's trailer because I think it has those overused slasher cliches when I wrote a review of Hatchet and Hatchet 2 praising the slasher cliches in Adam Green's films?

Ah ha you're saying right now. Would I be a hypocrite for doing such a thing? Am I contradicting myself for asking indie horror filmmakers to make creative and new films but praising films that follow the same old formula? For instance, I liked Laid to Rest for being a cliched sorta new slasher film and Slither for being an homage monster slug movie. If I like those Hollywood is going to keep remaking those flicks. I'm just contributing to the Hollywood machine aren't I?

Regular loyal jaded viewers know I support indie horror and will try to hold judgement on a movie before I see it. But when I watch a trailer that seems generic, I kinda start forming an opinion in my head. After seeing so many horror movies, especially slasher flicks you know what's coming. You know all the tricks, the stereotypical characters, the BOO! shots. The one thing that Hatchet had going for it was the kill scenes were pure blood drenched gore-tastic moments that made your jaw drop....literally.

So I make a call out to Mr. Eric England.

I want to know what's different about Madison County from the other slasher films we've all seen? Explain to me why I should see college kids get sliced and diced in Redneck Country, USA by a slasher in a pig's mask?

Every new slasher is a little different, has a unique backstory and can kill in new and inventive way. I'm hoping Damien has a little creativity in him. Hell he has some farm supplies he can arm himself with. Let me know what's going to separate Madison County apart from the rest. That's all I ask.

As for my fellow jaded viewers, my question is this. Are we all being hypocritical when we praise a slasher flick filled with the same old cliches but demand Hollywood stop making remakes?

What do you all think?

Categories: 2011 horror movies, 80s slasher horror, hatchet, hatchet 2, madison county, slasher films, slashers, texas chainsaw massacre

the jaded viewer heads to Texas to meet his long lost cannibal family!

The Jaded Viewer will be on hiatus starting today and all of next week as I go on vacation. Where you might ask? That big blob of a state called Texas. I'll be visiting my long last family who have a chainsaw fetish. Uncle Leatherface is always fun to hang out with. He loves scaring oversexed teens and killing the disabled. I'll be road tripping across this great state, downing beers, eating cow and watching baseball.

As always, I'll be mindlessly tweeting my thoughts on anything that seems remotely curious. If you live in Texas, say hi. I'll be the goofy looking tourist guy who will be staring at over sized cowboy hats.

You can follow me on Twitter @ jadedviewer to read about all the fun.

• While I'm gone, I implore you to keep the FIRST EVER Horror Blogosphere "Choose Your Own Adventure: The Detention Dungeon" going. Read my original story, pick your choice and head over to horror blog to continue the story. Then you can write a continuation of the choice you want! Trust me, it'll be awesome.
  

See you when I get back!

Categories: horror blog, horror blogging, jadedviewer, jadedviewer.com, texas chainsaw massacre, the jaded viewer

The Wild Man of the Navidad (Review and Mysterious Comments?!?)

The Wild Man of the Navidad

The Wild Man of the Navidad (2008)

Directed by Duane Graves/Justin Meeks

[this was a review I wrote for UGO.com]

Buy if:

-...you love old, 70s grindhouse faux documentaries like The Legend of Boggy Creek and the Last Broadcast

-...you like Texas style, beer and moonshine guzzling rednecks getting slaughtered by an unseen "monster" in the Texas backwoods

-...you dig those Nimoy hosted "In Search Of" Time Life book shows and paranormal Unsolved Mysteries episodes

Pass if:

-...you're not a fan of blurry monster shots and cheesy gore effects complete with blood splatter on walls and sliced intenstine carnage

-...you hated the Texas Chainsaw Massacre and despise shots of decaying animals and sunsets

-...you're not a fan of bad acting and dialogue that makes you go to sleep

Read the rest of the review here.

Here is where it gets weird. After the review was published yesterday, a user by the name of "bisforbest" posted a comment. He defended the filmmakers for bring back the old grindhouse feel but questioned why I brought up the budget of this film (it was shot on a shoestring).

I love replying back to anybody responding to any of my reviews. I commented back just explaining in more detail what worked well and what didn't. I also said the budget would have helped in better talent, FX effects, etc. Well nothing weird about that so far.

But thanks to Evil Adam who is an editor at UGO.com, did some Encyclopedia Brown-ing (via some Google detective work) discovered that this user *gasp* may or may not be the director of this film, a one Mr. Duane Graves. You can check out the rest of the comments here.

Hmmmm. Well this is getting way too fuckin odd.

Would this director actually cloak himself and pretend to be a "fan of his own movie"? Really? This is some classic cloak and dagger shit which I think is truly unneccesary.

Well you might be asking for some proof? Well Evil Adam discovered that a particular e-mail address is being used by this poster and this e-mail addy can be found all over the web for posts in response to the works of Meeks and Graves (the co-directors of the film).

Coincidence? Hmmm. You decide.

Let me just say that I didn't hate the film (though I gave it a C grade). It's really a great homage to the old flicks of old grindhouse horror docu-style Bigfoot like movies. But due to the acting (locals were used), subpar gore/splatter effects and too many scenes of moonshine drinking, it turned out a little cheesy.

My review echoed the tone of many others from Fangoria, Bloody Disgusting and Dread Central for sure.

If the director is masquerading as a "fan of the Wild Man of the Navidad", that's some sly internet hype scheme he's working. But seriously, no need to do that. The movie has gotten good to great press from the horrorsphere. Just comment on the reviews and thank them for the coverage and press.

That's all I'm looking for.

**UPDATE**

-Johnny over at Freddy in Space posted his 2 cents about this whole thing. Go ahead and check it out.

-I've been doing some IMDB and Facebook investigating. More to come.

-And if somehow I'm 100% wrong about this. I apologize. Evil Adam though, he's not going to apologize. He'd wait until 2012 and the apocalypse before he would say he was wrong. So tough luck.

Categories: 2009 grindhouse movies, 70s grindhouse movies, exploitation film, faux documentary, grindhouse, texas chainsaw massacre, the wild man of the navidad, the wild man of the navidad review

Death Stop Holocaust (Trailer)

The exploitation train keeps rolling.

So after remakes of biker movies (see Hell Ride), rape and revenge movies (see Run Bitch Run) and killer black devil doll movies (See Black Devil Doll) we get our grindhouse remake of Texas Chainsaw Massacre/Hills Have Eyes like flick called Death Stop Holocaust.

Everybody wants to get that 70s Times Square vibe going with vintage posters and grimy, static-y, cigarette burn trailers.

Even the most Internet-hyped horror flick Perkins 14 has gotten into the act.






Check out the official site.

Tags:
Death Stop Holocaust , run bitch run , Death Stop Holocaust trailer , blaxploitation, exploitation films, ms 45, exploitation film, gratuitous nudity, top movies of 2009, rape revenge movies, horror blog,2009 horror trailers, 2009 horror films, grindhouse, interracial sex, slasher films, exploitation remaker, naked women

Categories: 70s grindhouse movies, death stop holocaust, death stop holocaust trailer, exploitation, exploitation film, grindhouse, horror remakes, texas chainsaw massacre, times square