Laid to Rest (2009)
Directed by Robert Hall
Welcome to Chromeskull's world.
Our new slasher on the block Chromeskull will be remembered for his style, his knife and his damn sicko looking mask.
Laid to Rest is the best techno slasher movie of the 21st century. If Hatchet was old school American horror, Laid to Rest is new school American horror.
What Robert Hall has created here is purely an homage to all the slashers films that have come before. It's also a pure millenium based slasher film that is so sly and witty and full of top notch splatter and gore we all need to give him a standing O.
Laid to Rest should be seen if you call yourself a horror fan. It's easily one of the best horror movies of 2009.
A terrifying story of a young girl who wakes up in a casket with a traumatic head injury and no memory of her identity. She quickly realizes she was abducted by a Deranged Serial Murderer and in an isolated rural town she must survive the night and outsmart the technologically inclined killer who is hellbent on finishing what he started.
As always, we here at the jaded viewer go through our "what makes a good slasher movie" list.
Does Laid to Rest achieve everything on this list?
1.) Is there a mysterious, insanely strong, ridiculed as a child, deformed, inbred redneck slasher?
Don't know if he was ridiculed as a child, is inbred or a redneck. But he is mysterious and he is fucking strong. Chromeskull is like a Patrick Bateman carbon copy. Clean black suit, a haliburton case full of of your standard slasher supplies, an advanced shoulder strapped HD cam and a damn scary, intimidating mask made out of chrome. Oh and he's got a wicked knife.
2.) Gratuitous, over the top, super fleshy nudity (with Grade A boobage)?
Sorta check. Some boobage but without the full or partial frontal nudity
3.) Stereotypical teenage caricatures who die gruesome and horrific over the top deaths?
Sorta check. Sorta? What do I mean? Here are a list of our characters.
1.) A big breasted final girl (who has no name and is referred to as THE GIRL)
2.) A rough and kick ass local
3.) A nerdy momma's boy geek
4.) 2 stereotypical teenagers (one is Thomas Dekker from Sarah Connor Chronicles!)
5.) A bunch of victim fodder (includes Lena Heady from Sarah Connor Chronicles!)
4.) No Plot?
5.) Kills by our slasher that make you go "Fuck yeah!"
Check. So many I was going fuck yeah this is fuckin awesome.
6.) Gore, lots of it. Like serious decapitation, dismemberment, impalement, frenzy steroid rages and blood shooting out at various penetration wounds, limbs a flailing and mindless splatter and mayhem
Check. Laid to Rest has the most creative kills I've seen in quite a while. The special effects and makeup department did a fuckin awesome job.
Here is your Gore-ipedia. These may sound vague and cliched but when seen they are brilliantly executed to perfection.
1.) Metal pole to the stomach
2.) Knife to the head
3.) Knife to the jaw and slashed up face trauma
4.) Knife slashing stomach intenstine spewage
5.) Shotgun to the head
6.) Head explosion thru car product
7.) Slashed throat (x2!)
8.) Face melting trauma
These were such great kills, all done wickedly by Chromeskull. His technique, just utterly flawless.
7.) Geeky leader who takes charge of the hapless group as they try to escape who befriends a hot girl who knows about the "legend" (there's always a legend no one believes)
Check. Geeky leader doesn't take charge but finds out about the legend via the interweb.
8.) Funny yet ill timed dialogue but also various quips and one liners that are funny only the first time around (yet somehow funny again when you buy the DVD and only when you're stoned)
9.) Final girl goes all final girly?
10.) Wildly ambigious ending that can be used to warrant a sequel?
Sorta check. Ending seems to warrant an actual ending. But who knows.
Chromeskull removes his mask (you'll see)
The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis
Laid to Rest was directed by Robert Hall who is a legend in the special effects world with his company Almost Human. He worked on Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles hence why Lena Heady and Thomas Dekker make extensive cameos in this film. He even knows Jonathan Schaech who almost makes a cameo. Bobbie Sue Luther who plays The Girl is Hall's wife.
Why is Laid to Rest one of the best horror movies this year?
Hall avoids all the stupid shit that's invaded horror of late. It's not a fuckin remake. It's not torture porn. It's not something supernatural. We never find out why Chromeskull kills (because no motivation is better) Chromeskull doesn't talk. Chromeskull techs up and texts and cams his terror and he has a fuckin awesome-rific mask.
That's not to say this little slasher film doesn't fall victim to what slasher films are known for. Bad acting, BIG, HUGE plot holes, and total lack of logic.
But fuck logic.
When Chromeskull is taking care of business, you'll be throwing that logic out the window.
Check out the Red Band HD trailer.
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