Film School 101: Analyzing a film student's vintage 90s short film

When you start working at a new job, you have no idea who your new coworkers are. They could be vigilante's at night for all you know or weekend serial killers. But the more I learned about my new coworker, the more things start being revealed. So one day during an early morning case of slacking he revealed he was an actor in a short film while in college. Having directed me to the YouTube link, I got to watch this entire short while eating a delicious salad. In what may have been the best lunch time viewing since I started this job, I witnessed a short film that had me on the fuckin floor.

Yes fellow jaded viewers, it's called "A Fall from Grace". And it's so horribly bad that it's fuckin awesome. It makes The Room look like Citizen Kane. It makes Birdemic look like The Birds. This short has elements of all that is perfect in this millennial age. It's vintage 90s (or it maybe circa early 2000s I actually have no idea so I'm gonna say late 90s), its made my college film students and it utilizes the now archaic Internet communication of the time (it's AOL Instant Messenger!).

Now you to can witness this masterpiece of cinema and get those warm nostalgia fuzzies of 90s filmmaking. I too participated in a few college produced horror shorts when I was at school and I have no idea what's happened to the footage. But my coworker has his live on YouTube, where I will help to make it go viral and establish it as the next found footage brilliance. Is this the next Tommy Wiseau Room-ish cult phenomenon?

You decide. Check out my analysis while you watch. Enjoy.

 


  

Here is a running log of my thoughts.

0:01: Cue 90s soundtrack

1:30: It's the establishing shot footage. Vintage Kevin Smith filmmaking!

1:55: It's random slo mo effects!

2:05: Note to self. Be careful of random guy asking to sit next to you in a room full of empty seats.

2:20: Dan and Ned are going to be BFFs 4 life......

2:28: Ummm that's some weird shit to say 5 seconds into meeting his new friend.

2:45: The dialogue here is absolutely brilliant. What kind of man are you? Huh Ned? Fuckin pussy Ned.

2:52: Screename!

2:59: Look at that face. Would you trust that guy?

3:43: Beware of screenames that start with "Cute". They be "spam bots".

3:45: Cue Green Day....

3:50: IM-ing was the Facebook of the 90s. I remember I would have warn wars with my friends back in the dot com days. Ring!

4:08: There is nothing that compares to the action scenes of somebody typing on screen and IM-ing somebody. Fuckin exciting!

4:28: That laptop had 128 MB of RAM and a a Pentium II processor. It's like it's from the future.

4:45: Random Kinkos product placement!

5:00: Best line of the short: "Don't fuck this up" God bless Dan and is overall douchebaginess.

5:22: Oh damn did somebody just fuck up? 

5:25: There is nothing wrong with one dude giving another dude a card. Remember this was the 90s.

6:28: 90s sped up date montage! You can smell the awkwardness!

6:45: You know what's fun for a first date? Sliding on ice and almost cracking your skull.

7:37: In the 90s, you didn't go eat when you went on a date.

7:47: A kiss on the cheek was like 3rd base in the 90s.

8:13: OH SHIT!!! MOTHERFUCKIN TWIST!

8:40: Ominous note footage equals you got played Ned.

9:15: Oh here we go again. Damn you Dan/Mike!

So what did you think? My coworker tells me he was in more shorts so the search continues to find them.

This is the funniest "it's so bad, it's good" shorts I've seen in a while. It must be enjoyed by all. 

Damn you Dan! Damn you!

Categories: 1980 cult classic, 1990s, cult classic, horror short, short, short film, the shortround, viral links

The Forgotten Cult Classics of Cannon Films

One of my favorite MST3K episodes was when they riffed on Alien from LA starring Kathy Ireland. I recently watched this episode on YouTube and it still freakin hilarious. So one thing led to another and I realized this movie was produced by Cannon Films, a now dedunct film company. So doing a bit of research I realized Cannon Films produced a lot of my favorite movies from the 80s and 90s. Such classics like Bloodsport, Masters of the Universe, Cyborg, The Barbarians, the American Ninja series, Cobra and Over the Top.

So what else did they produce? I'm glad you asked. There are quite a few laughers and rock em sock em awesomeness in their collection and I figured I'd pick a few to showcase. To get you ready, here's a seductive picture of Kathy Ireland in her Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue days.

Feeling good? OK let's check out some good schlock and goofiness from some awesome movies courtesy of Cannon Films. First up Alien from LA starring squeaky voice Kathy Ireland.





Oh those center of the world hijinks. Gotta love em. Up next, is Hollywood making a comedy out of nuclear war fear...it's America 3000!





What's a better segway from post apocalyptic 80s hair? Christina Lindberg of course. Here is Maid in Sweden. A young girl's story as she searches for the man of her dreams in Stockholm by sleeping with every man in Stockholm.





How do I top a naked Christina Lindberg? With Captain America of course. You knew this was coming. Fuck the Avengers movie. This has Red Skull!




And finally, the last trailer was the last movie ever produced by Cannon Films. It's Street Knight where Jeff Speakman (aka "The Perfect Weapon") battles Mexicans gangs, Black gangs, the Mafia, the police, convenience store clerks, horses and mechanics.





Got any other favorite Cannon Film classics? Do you remember these flicks? Nostalgia away!

Categories: 1980 cult classic, action cinema, bloodsport, christina lindberg, cult clasic, cult classic, post apocalyptic

This is the only reason they are remaking Deadly Friend in 3D

Have you seen Wes Craven's Deadly Friend? Probably not. And you're not alone. I've seen it but it's been a while since I remembered while it's memorable. Well of course! It's the infamous basketball death scene which sticks out like Shaquille O'Neal at a little people convention. I posted the basketball scene a while back and now with news that Deadly Friend will be remade in 3D (which I freakin Nostradmused that would happen), the basketball scene is the #1 reason why its going to be in 3D.

So I pose the question: Can one scene warrant a 3D Hollywood remake?

You be the judge. Watch it below.




I mean that scene is awesome right? Did Hollywood actually do what I think it did?

Did they see this one scene on YouTube and some exec was like: "Holy Eli Roth! That scene is fuckin the shit! Let's remake this movie immediately!!!!"

Umm, that's exactly what they did.

The only reason why Deadly Friend was remotely interesting was the uber hotness of Kristy Swanson and our 80s obsession with everything robotic. I mean we all know about Chopping Mall right?

Even the premise is completely ridiculous.

Paul is a new kid in town with a robot named "BB". He befriends Samantha and the three of them have a lot of good times together. That is, until Samantha's abusive father throws her down some stairs and kills her. In an effort to save her life, Paul implants BB's computer brain into Samantha's human brain

So what else could they steal from the original and make it burst from the screen? How about glass through the stomach? You want that shit in 3D don't you???




That not enough? How about one of the Sam killing her dad? (FF >> 3:55) See that shovel throw (its going to be awesome in 3D!!) , wrist snapping in 3D (soo cool!), strangulation comin right atcha!





And of course the ending is ripe for some 3D-ness.




This is movie has so many potential 3D moments, I can't believe they didn't think of doing this sooner (umm that was all sarcasm my horror minions)

I am 100% sure the basketball scene is why we're getting this entire movie in 3D. The movie is about killer robot!!! A Yellow killer robot!

It's not going to be too long until they remake Night of the Comet and Chopping Mall as well. It's scary when I'm too psychic for my own good.

Categories: 1980 cult classic, 1980s horror, 3d, 3d horror movies, 80s horror, deadly friend, robots, Top 5 80s Horror Movies Hollywood Might Actually Think Would Be Good Remakes

Rewind: Gymkata (Trailer and Pommel Horse Fight Scene)

Over at Lurple, I read a review of a film called Tiger Heart (a cheesy 80s nerd knows martial arts movie) and it got me thinking about the hilarity and absurdity that is Gymkata.

I haven't seen Gymkata in years. I actually don't even remember much about the plot, or the actors or the ending.

But I do remember THAT SCENE.

You know the one.

A bunch of baddies, a champion American gymnast turned government operative and....a pommel horse.

This is a 80s cult classic at its finest.

Check out the trailer.





And the infamous pommel horse fight scene.





You gotta love the dismount kicks. 10.0!!!! Gold Medal!!!






Tags:
gymkata, gymkata trailer , gymkata pommel horse fight scene , 80s cult classic, 80s martial arts movies,

Categories: 1980 cult classic, 80s action, gykmata pommel horse fight scene, gymkata, gymkata trailer, gymnastics