The Spiral Downward to Irrelevancy of Sarah Michelle Gellar

More than a Forgotten Horror Hottie, Sarah Michelle Gellar is iconic when it comes to kick ass girls. With Whedon is my Master's Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Gellar stamped her mark playing the slaytastic heroine.

So instead of posting a few pics and reading her resume, I wanted to examine...well what the happened to her career?

I'm not saying she was the best actress, but with Buffy her performances were all top notch. Spewing that Slayer speak, emoting with those eyes and lips and going all comedy in a few standout episodes, you'd think after the show ended she'd enter ScarJo or Megan Fox elite bombshell status.

But things haven't panned out for our former Slayer. Her career since the series ended has been filled with some rather odd acting choices. Her foray into horror seemed to be a good move since she played the lovely but totally gonna die Helen Shivers in I Know What You Did Last Summer. But after BtVS ended, it's been kinda downhill.

So let's see where her career jumped the shark shall we?

MID BtVS films

1.) Cruel Intentions (1999)

the jaded viewer says: Wowsers. She tries to seduce Ryan Philippe and instead makes all the guys take notice of her "assets". Good film, good vixen performance.

Career Prognosis: 9 (on a scale of 1 to 10 with 1 being Skinemax and 10 being an Oscar winner)

2.) Harvard Man (2001)

the jaded viewer says: Wowsers again. I never really watched the whole movie but she has a very awesome sex scene Mr. Skin would be proud of.

Career Prognosis: 8 (when a sex scene is your BEST scene, you're in trouble)

3.) Scooby Doo (2002)

the jaded viewer says: You just made a movie based on a cartoon. And the movie also starred your husband and a CGI animated talking dog. This is not a good move. You should have fired your agent.

Career Prognosis: 6 (How can we take you seriously when your dressed in purple?)

POST BtVS films

4.) Scooby Doo 2 (2004)

the jaded viewer says: You made a sequel to the cartoon CGI dog movie? Sigh.

Career Prognosis: 5.5 (Who is your agent? Bugs Bunny?)

5.) The Grudge (2006)

the jaded viewer says: Somebody had to star in all those J-horror American remakes. Not a bad performance, just a bad remake. Very boring and as scary as bumper cars at an amusement park. Wasn't Naomi Watts part open for The Ring?

Career Prognosis: 4 (You picked the worst of the j-horror remakes)

6.) Southland Tales (2006)

the jaded viewer says: OK I applaud the move here. Take a part in an ensemble cast in a quirky Richard Kelly movie. And yay! You played the stripper Krysta Now. Somehow this resulted in negative points as this movie sucked.

Career Prognosis: 3.5 (Good change of pace role, bad change of pace movie)

7.) The Return (2006)

the jaded viewer says: With her career falling rapidly, SMG decides to partake in psychological and supernatural horror films. These films are dull and boring and boring and dull. Did I also mention she's a brunette in these flicks? Booooooo.

Career Prognosis: 3 (I don't like brunette SMG)

8.) Possession (2009)

the jaded viewer says: Romantic love triangle turned supernatural thriller. I watched the trailer and I don't get it

Career Prognosis: 3 (Blonde SMG is back!)

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Fun Fact! SMG did some voices for Robot Chicken. Her geek cred ups by +2!

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9.) Veronika Decides to Die (2009)

the jaded viewer says: Supposedly a good drama movie. I haven't seen it but based upon IMDB users, let's say she gives a good performance.

Career Prognosis: 5 (+2 on the geek cred!)

10.) The Wonderful Maladys (2010)

the jaded viewer says: HBO pilot that was not picked up.

Career Prognosis: 4 (Maybe she could guest star on True Blood?)

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So what have we learned? She picked lousy Hollywood roles post Buffy. She picked lousy Hollywood horror movie roles post Buffy. She tried to take daring, uber indie roles post Buffy. But maybe SMG's personality has something to do with her selection in movies.

Via Wikipedia.

During her 2006 interview with Marie Claire, Gellar spoke about her thoughts on the movie industry for women. She spoke about her views on the roles of women in movies saying:

"You realize it's a very tough market for women. For me it's about getting roles where women get to do something active, not the girlfriend, not the wife. There are mainly two types of roles for us, women in-jeopardy films and romantic movies."

Hmm. That is true. Maybe SMG was looking for something different instead of the damsel in distress hence all the odd movie choices. In any case, it looks like she'll be out of the acting biz for a while as she and Freddy Prinze Jr. just had a baby girl named Charlotte.

Maybe it's not a spiral downward to irrelevancy for Sarah Michelle Gellar after all. Looks like it's a upward spin to relevancy for her and for her family.

Only time will tell. So Sarah, can you make a Buffy movie already?

Categories: buffy the vampire slayer, sarah michelle gellar, southland tales, the ring

The WTF List: The Box

Oh this is going to be an interesting WTF List. Why? Because as a Richard Kelly fan (I absolutely loved Donnie Darko and hated Southland Tales) I was totally pulled in so many different directions wit this flick.

It's 2 freakin hours and I had seen the episode called "Button, Button" on the new Twilight Zone. I posted up the trailerand the episode a while back. So I knew there was a kinda twisty twist in here. But its all the rest of the confusion that gets to you. It's the most understandable of all the Richard Kelly flicks yet the most illogical and the most confusing.

If you've seen it, you know what I mean. If you haven't, well this is just a list of random thoughts and mumbo jumbo after having seen it.

So let's get to the WTF list shall we? (spoilers obviously)

1.) It's 1976! Why? Because 1 million dollars is alot of money in 1976!
2.) Cameron Diaz can't do a Southern accent..its like a shrieking noise on the subway
3.) Frank Langella is missing half his face because well he looks more V like
4.) They get The Box and get the offer from Steward. Push the button and get (cue Dr. Evil voice) "1 million dollars" but somebody dies that you DON'T know...(ahem pay attention!).
5.) Push the button! Push the button! Push the button! Push the button! Push the button!
6.) Don't push the button! Don't push the button! Don't push the button! Don't push the button!
7.) Push the button! Push the button! Push the button! Push the button! Push the button!
8.) Don't push the button! Don't push the button! Don't push the button! Don't push the button!
9.) Well she pushed the button which of course had to happen or there wouldn't be a movie right? I mean what would happen if she didn't? Would we watch a flick where Cameron Diaz went to work, has to choose b/w 2 different guys and hilarity ensues (like all her chick flick movies)
10.) Well some waiter dude is acting all creepy, which prompted me to get a juice box
11.) Yay for philosophical quotes and Arthur C. Clarke references
12.) Yup. The Box has elements of Body Snatchers for no apparent reason
13.) Gratuitous running in a library
14.) My theory is proved true of what The Box really is for and whose behind it (about 45 or so minutes in)
15.) Pick #2! OMG why is this dude suspended with water? Thank you Richard Kelly for making shit up
16.) There is a guy dressed up as Santa ringing a bell
17.) Can you believe this 10 page short which resulted in this half hour long Twilight Zone episode made this movie 2 freakin hours long?
18.) I'm sure there's a message by Kelly in this movie, damn if I care at this point.
19.) Well now our couple has to make a choice...Hellen Keller or shoot Cameron Diaz. Hahahaha. I've been hoping they we're going to shoot Cameron Diaz since the beginning of the movie. Shoot away!
20.) Simultaneous button pushing equals crazy logic problems with this entire movie!

I decided to peruse the IMDB message boards after watching this and everybody was:

A.) Confused
B.) Didn't get it at all
C.) Hated the movie
D.) Loved the movie
E.) Bashed Kelly
F.) Praised Kelly

But the best part of reading these discussions is hearing about the logic problems of the ending.
It does have some of the best "well I didn't think of that" moments. If you haven't seen this flick, LOOK AWAY!

• If the lady at the end doesn't push the button, would that still result in Cameron Diaz dying?
• Also, the fact that aliens are behind this test to see if humanity is worth saving or becomes extinct, well this test is really a shitty way of determining that.
  

What did you guys think?

Categories: button button, cameron diaz, richard kelly, southland tales, The Box, the box trailer, twilight zone

Do not see Southland Tales!!!

I'm not going to even write a review of this. It would be a waste of time. A waste of my time writing it and waste of your time reading it.

And I'm actually a Richard Kelly fan.

I loved Donnie Darko. I mean I LOVED every minute of it. I read everything on donniedarko.com, kept checking updates on the progress of S.T. on Richard Kelly's Myspace page and even considered buying the 3 prequel graphic novels of Southland Tales.

Then came Cannes. And the bashing. And the uber-negative reviews.

And I still thought it would be good.

It wasn't. It sucked. 2 and a half hours wasted on post apocalyptic nonsense.
The Rock, Buffy, Stifler, Highlander, ex SNL regulars, the Critic, Justin freakin Timberlake, Mandy Moore, Dan Fielding and the hotness that is Bai Ling could't save this movie.

Kelly's next movie (The Box) is based on a Twilight Zone episode.

Is he the next M.Night Shyamalan?

I hope not.

So for now I beg you.....

DO NOT SEE SOUTHLAND TALES!!!!

You have been warned.

Categories: Donnie Darko, richard kelly, southland tales, The Box