Friday, December 18, 2009

The WTF List: The Box

Oh this is going to be an interesting WTF List. Why? Because as a Richard Kelly fan (I absolutely loved Donnie Darko and hated Southland Tales) I was totally pulled in so many different directions wit this flick.

It's 2 freakin hours and I had seen the episode called "Button, Button" on the new Twilight Zone. I posted up the trailerand the episode a while back. So I knew there was a kinda twisty twist in here. But its all the rest of the confusion that gets to you. It's the most understandable of all the Richard Kelly flicks yet the most illogical and the most confusing.

If you've seen it, you know what I mean. If you haven't, well this is just a list of random thoughts and mumbo jumbo after having seen it.

So let's get to the WTF list shall we? (spoilers obviously)

1.) It's 1976! Why? Because 1 million dollars is alot of money in 1976!
2.) Cameron Diaz can't do a Southern accent..its like a shrieking noise on the subway
3.) Frank Langella is missing half his face because well he looks more V like
4.) They get The Box and get the offer from Steward. Push the button and get (cue Dr. Evil voice) "1 million dollars" but somebody dies that you DON'T know...(ahem pay attention!).
5.) Push the button! Push the button! Push the button! Push the button! Push the button!
6.) Don't push the button! Don't push the button! Don't push the button! Don't push the button!
7.) Push the button! Push the button! Push the button! Push the button! Push the button!
8.) Don't push the button! Don't push the button! Don't push the button! Don't push the button!
9.) Well she pushed the button which of course had to happen or there wouldn't be a movie right? I mean what would happen if she didn't? Would we watch a flick where Cameron Diaz went to work, has to choose b/w 2 different guys and hilarity ensues (like all her chick flick movies)
10.) Well some waiter dude is acting all creepy, which prompted me to get a juice box
11.) Yay for philosophical quotes and Arthur C. Clarke references
12.) Yup. The Box has elements of Body Snatchers for no apparent reason
13.) Gratuitous running in a library
14.) My theory is proved true of what The Box really is for and whose behind it (about 45 or so minutes in)
15.) Pick #2! OMG why is this dude suspended with water? Thank you Richard Kelly for making shit up
16.) There is a guy dressed up as Santa ringing a bell
17.) Can you believe this 10 page short which resulted in this half hour long Twilight Zone episode made this movie 2 freakin hours long?
18.) I'm sure there's a message by Kelly in this movie, damn if I care at this point.
19.) Well now our couple has to make a choice...Hellen Keller or shoot Cameron Diaz. Hahahaha. I've been hoping they we're going to shoot Cameron Diaz since the beginning of the movie. Shoot away!
20.) Simultaneous button pushing equals crazy logic problems with this entire movie!

I decided to peruse the IMDB message boards after watching this and everybody was:

A.) Confused
B.) Didn't get it at all
C.) Hated the movie
D.) Loved the movie
E.) Bashed Kelly
F.) Praised Kelly

But the best part of reading these discussions is hearing about the logic problems of the ending.
It does have some of the best "well I didn't think of that" moments. If you haven't seen this flick, LOOK AWAY!
  • If the lady at the end doesn't push the button, would that still result in Cameron Diaz dying?
  • Also, the fact that aliens are behind this test to see if humanity is worth saving or becomes extinct, well this test is really a shitty way of determining that.
What did you guys think?


  1. Listen JV, heres the thing. I couldnt be paid enough money, ever, in the entire universe, to watch this film. Ever. It looked like the single most uninteresting thing I have ever seen. I would have pushed the button down Cameron Diaz' god damned throat after seeing that trailer >=D

  2. Well, your review was about a million times more entertaining than "The Box". Now, you really have to wonder if you are possibly causing someone to watch that piece of shit. Your review is sort of like the button.

  3. the box sucked ass

  4. I really love Diaz but emmm.. Diaz and horror movie? dont think so