For a blog with Frank Dux as it's logo and him spinkicking the shit out Chung Li as it's rating system, sometimes my focus wanes into horror movies then from the icon on my site. But I've kept tabs on the Muscles from Brussels, letting you know about Dragon Eyes and his other projects. I've seen Expendables 2 and Assassination Games.
But JCVD has been on a role since EX2. And I'm here to lay out the trailer frenzy he's been on. Below you'll find all the latest trailers for all his upcoming movies and my thoughts on them.
Universal Soldier: Day of Reckoning (2012)
The Jaded Viewer says: It isn't a JCVD film unless you have Scott Adkins in it. Adkins joins JCVD's Luc Deverauxas JCVD continues his villainy roles. I have no idea why JCVD's face is all painted white. Maybe he's going to star in Japanese kabuki theater. Also Dolph has died at least 20 times already.
6 Bullets (2012)
The Jaded Viewer says: Well somebody had to knock off and copy the Taken formula and make a straight to DVD film. Why not Jean Claude? Van Damme has been killing Albanians and Romanians for like the last decade. This looks pretty awesome, I saw spinkicks, gun play and JCVD firing a bazooka. All he needs is one classic line and I'm sold.
U.F.O. (2013)
The Jaded Viewer says: Well this bit of sci fi action seems to be designed to give Bianca Bree (aka Bianca Van Varenberg) JCVD's daughter a lead in her own film. She's got the looks (amazingly she's kinda hot) and her cameos in the other Van Damme flicks were OK. It's good dear old dad is there to wield a shotgun to give us Van Damme die hards a reason to go see this British flick. It also stars Pierce Bronan's son!
Welcome to the Jungle (2013)
The Jaded Viewer says: No trailer as of yet but check out these hilarious clips of Van Damme in this comedy. Bianca is also in this as well so if we get to see her in a bikini, I'm going to get Dim Mak-ed. Jean Claude plays Storm Rothchild, an unhinged team building coach. It's like the movie Severance but with a funny crazy wacky Van Damme. It also stars Kristen Schaal and the asian guy in the latest Wendys commercial.
So who's psyched for these films? Only me? 2013 is going to be the year of the Van Damme!
Well this video below is absolutely post worthy. Bravo TheVanDammeFan2009. This made me want to watch Bloodsport all over again. This Van Damme fan has made many such video game Van Damme mash ups but this has gotta be the best.
It's all about the Van Damme. Insano Steve and I saw The Expendables 2 first day it came out and clearly I was here for the Van Damme show. I openly rooted for Jean Claude. When he first came on screen, I applauded and howled my ass off. Oh man did he try to act. Some monologue about respect, uranium and fighting like a man.
The other jabronis gave a big cheer to that punk Texas Ranger. I was spinkicking my way to happiness when Jean Villain made his appearance on the screen. The Expendables 2 is more of the same old murder death kills by our gang of happy go lucky mercenaries but what part 1 lacked in a bad guy is made up into pure unadulterated awesomeness with Van Damme.
Onto the WTF List (pretty much Jean Claude edition)
1.) They kill all of Mongolia
2.) Cue Arnold cameo
3.) Cue Bruce cameo
4.) Holy shit, JCVD's got his own Bulgarian gang!
5.) Have you noticed all action movies now are filmed in Bulgaria? Bulgaria, where life is cheap, sets can be built by slave labor and the extras playing soldiers actually died while filming
6.) Scott Adkins is now forever is JCVD's action BFF
7.) OMG...yeah you saw JCVD spinkick a knife into Chris Hemsworth!!! Fuck yeah!
8.) Van Damme's acting is like hearing two squirrels fuck. It's horrible, makes no sense and he clearly he has no idea what he's actually saying. But it's funny as fuck.
9.) Dolph is actually playing himself...just an FYI
10.) I mean Jean Villain just wants to be a rich as fuck motherfucker. At least he's only using men for the slave labor
11.) This is an actual line: "I have people who are willing to pay ten billion dollars for that plutonium in the mine. Three days." (really 10 billion dollars for plutonium? Couldn't you trick some Libyans by giving them pinball machine parts?)
12.) I'll admit, the Chuck Norris joke was funny.
13.) The Arnold/Bruce ambiguously alpha male duo was solid
14.) Stallone vs Van Damme: I counted 2 spinkicks from JCVD. Where was the Dim Mak? Make him say "matte" JCVD!
14a.) Every Stallone fight scene resembles the final scene from Demolition Man
15.) Van Damme kinda dies like a pussy
16.) Something guns, something punching, something pa pa pa power!
17.) The Couture ear jokes were corny
18.) Hot asian chick should have been played by Jamie Chung. Every hot asian chick should be played by Jamie Chung
19.) At least Statham got to throw some knives
20.) Next super team: Jackie Chan, Scott Speedman and Michael Dudikoff
The logo of this blog will always be loved here at the jaded viewer. And as such, I've always kept you up to date on what's been going on with our favorite Belgian action star. From his last movie, Assassination Games (see review here) to his reality show, I'm always keeping tabs on the Muscles from Brussels. So having discovered the trailer for his latest movie (nope not The Expendables 2) I figured you all needed to know what's the what with JCVD.
Here is the trailer for Dragon Eyes which also stars world class martial artist Cung Lee. Seems JCVD is making Cung Lee do all the work as he plays mentor Tiano. Here be the plot:
In St. Jude, drug dealers and corrupt cops have destroyed an urban neighborhood. But newcomer, Hong, has the fighting skills and moral vision to save this town from itself.
As we all wait for The Expendables 2 (oddly JCVD plays "Jean Vilain") Really? How original! He's got a few other films lined up. "Welcome to the Jungle" is a comedy starring his two kids (yup they're back) and he sports one hell of a porno-ey mustache.
Jean Claude says Hi from Puerto Rico.
And his final film is completely out of left field. We got into sci fi territory and he will be in a movie called U.F.O. Here be the plot.
Five young people realise one fine morning they are robbed of functioning mobile phones, radio and electricity. While they try to escape this situation on foot, they happen to see a huge flying saucer. Soon the civilisation as we know it starts to break down and the five friends find themselves in the middle of an anarchic turmoil.
You gotta admit, he's really hitting all the different genres and it all might turn out to be awesome. If I get to see a spinkick, that'll make my day.
With the hype that Jean Claude Van Damme has received with being cast as a villain in The Expendables 2, one wondered why it took so long for JCVD to make the decision to join the all star cast. Was it because he didn't want to do action porn? Was he so adamant that the movie be "character action" as he always points out? Did he NOT want to play the villain?
Well I don't think the villain is the problem. Because after watching Assassination Games (formerly Weapon) there is a bit of grey in his character of Vincent. Van Damme plays an elite assassin who seems to be a cold blooded, ruthless uncaring SOB. But with any other JCVD flick, his character evolves and picks the good guy side. This side is includes ultimate good guy played by Scott Adkins as Flint and without a doubt adds the SUPER POW! to JCVD's POW. Now starring in his 3rd Van Damme flick, he kicks ass and is rightly in The Expendables 2 as well.
Assassination Games is a solid Van Damme flick that blends in a bit of The Professional with that Stallone/Banderas clunker Assassins. Think of Van Damme as Leon teamed up with Adkins playing the stereotypical Statham character. It's an awesome team up, one where the world's best assassins face off then in typical movie form team up to kill the Big Bad.
Van Damme is respectively solid and the action scenes are executed with precision. Without carrying the entire movie on his shoulders, Van Damme seems to play well with others adding a buddy cop like feel to the flick. Sure the bad guy, subplots and shoot em ups could have been better but Assassination Games plays out like a stealthy Max Payne FPS that makes me proud to be a Van Damme fan. Boring Plot-O-Matic
Brazil (Jean-Claude Van Damme) is a contract killer, willing to take any job if the price is right. Flint (Scott Adkins) left the assassin game when a ruthless drug dealer’s brutal attack left his wife in a coma. When a contract is put out on the same coldblooded drug dealer, both Brazil and Flint want him dead – one for the money, the other for revenge. With crooked Interpol agents and vicious members of the criminal underworld hot on their trail, these two assassins reluctantly join forces to quickly take out their target before they themselves are terminated. Awesome Review-O-Matic
After watching a bit of Van Damme's reality show, I saw a few scenes of this film being shot. What you'll notice first is that with every Van Damme flick, he still strives to make the best quality action movie in the business. Bulgaria is the setting of choice and Van Damme's kids get juicy parts. Kris Van Varenberg shows up playing a corrupt Interpol agent while Bianca Van Varenberg plays a comatose wife of Flint.
AG establishes itself with a stealthy opening as Van Damme performs a hit. Juxtaposed is Flint, a now retired assassin who cares for his wife who brutally attacked by what I believe is an evil weapons dealer Polo. Soon Polo has a price on his head and both JCVD and Adkins get in each other's way. There's a subplot involving Flint's former partner and Van Damme meets a hooker who tries to break the stone cold Vincent. None of this is oddly necessary, but it wasn't boring either.
Vincent is a prototypical assassin as we find out. An apartment that's not as it seems, he plays the violin, gets paid only in diamonds and has a pet turtle. We don't get a clear idea why Vincent is like this but I liked the mystery. Director Ernie Barbarash could have put in flashbacks, thank the action gods he didn't. Flint does get a flashback. Seems Polo gangraped his wife and put her in a coma?!? (hmm I have no idea how that could have happeped). Now he wants bloody revenge and Polo's bollocks.
The action scenes are actually super gory. Lots of sliced throats and ears. Gun shots galore are littered throughout AG. Sliced up bodies, gun shot riddled corpses and Adkins provides the spinkicks and out of nowhere punches. Also littered are lots of conversations with double talk, schemes and backstabbing. As we headed to the final confrontation, I was expecting a level of shit just hit the fan but what I got was more straightforward, budget constrained vengeance.
Sure it's another lone hitman movie, the generic action flicks that Jason Statham and his Transporter/Crank/The Mechanic/Killer Elite fold of movies we all love. But this one has Van Damme and it has Adkins and somehow it held my interest for the entire duration. Sure the bad guy and his goons were just assassination fodder, the killing of innocents for motivation and the quick witted banter between the 2 stars was a bit funny. But I like to think of this as a webisode of The Expendables 2. It's just a taste of what TWO FUCKIN HUGE ACTION STARS together can get done.
Like I said, some sliced throats, ear decaps and gunshots galore
WTF moment High tech wizardry helps kick ass
The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis
Assassination Games is now out on DVD, on Video in Demand and is also on iTunes. The DVD includes Deleted Scenes and commentary with Van Damme and Adkins. Scott Adkins fans are like early JCVD fans. Sometimes you HAVE to watch everything he's in because it's just fuckin mandatory. Van Damme fans, you won't be disappointed. Assassination Games is better than his previous action efforts.
"You know I would love an American studio to trust me to make a comedy, I would be so good"
That's a quote from Jean Claude Van Damme from his reality show "Behind Closed Doors". I'm not sure how I missed this as I knew he was making a reality show but figured I'd never see it as it'd be on some Bulgarian cable channel. It's actually on ITV (UK) Thank the Google gods, it's on YouTube.
So I've only watched the first episode and here's is what we get.
We meet JCVD's family (minus the wife) Mom, Dad and his kids Kris and Bianca (a semi cutey)
We see scenes from "Weapon" his new movie (this is probably the only footage we'll ever see from this flick)
JCVD starts crying for no reason about how "we have to save this place [the world I guess is what he's talking about or it could be a Dennys]"
The Eagle Path was JCVD's "environmental film" and it's still and probably never will ever be released
He has his shirt off like 90% of the episode
His son is totally riding his dad's coat tails
JCVD gets a cameo in some Russian comedy directed by an American?!? He thinks he's playing Napoleon but instead he's playing a 19th century Van Damme...wait say what?
He then starts partying at a fashion show in Kiev. At this point there is a 99.9% chance he's going to OD on whores, booze and coke. Probably in that order. Damn this is getting good.
Note to self: Kiev has some damn hot looking hotties
The cutaway breaks are hilarious (JCVD spinkicks, JCVD pets a puppy, JCVD giggles...seriously I'm not making this up)
Bianca and Kris take a puppy to a vet (the puppy is suffering from a case of worms and his peeing and crapping everywhere) QUALITY TV here folks.
Scott Adkins plays out a scene with JCVD (probability of a JCVD spinkick: 1.2%)
"I have an addictive personality...we will go to hell together" Yes this is a quote. I don't no what he's trying to say either.
JCVD waits for his new puppy to make "poo poo". Like I said jaded viewers, QUALITY FUCKIN TV here.
JCVD heads back home to Brussels and we have an extended scene of Van Damme waiting for his luggage in the baggage carousel. It's a tense scene. Will the baggage show up? Is it lost? Is it damaged? Did it fall out of the plane mid flight? Holy shit! We don't know!
JCVD cleans up dog piss
OMG!!!! Jean Claude has a DOG SANCTUARY!!!!!! Van Damme is my fuckin hero.
Oh I forgot to mention JCVD wears various colored "JCVD" hats
He plays with his dogs on the beach while snorting some coke
OK I made that last bit up. Holy Dim Mak. I'm gonna watch the other episodes as soon as I can. Have I peaked your interest? Go watch it for yourself.
From time to time, I like to check in on the man who makes up the jaded viewer's rating system. Sure he turned down The Expendables but JCVD who last appeared in the aptly titled JCVD and Universal Soldier: Regeneration is still making movies....in Europe.
But after checking IMDB, its nice to see JCVD is making a new movie with Scott Adkins called Weapon (they actually fought one on one in The Shepherd: Border Patrol). Adkins is an action talent with serious awesome fight skills (think Van Damme circa Bloodsport).
So what's this about?
Rival assassins Jean Claude Van Damme & Scott Adkins — each of whom are masters of their respective weapons — form an uneasy alliance in their mission to take down a DEA-backed drug cartel.
Ahhhhhhhhh. Damn those DEA backed drug cartels! I wonder what JCVD's master weapon is. Ninja stars? Katana? Whip? AK47? Breadsticks?
I mean how hard is it to get distribution when he already has a built in audience? Could it be his fanbase has diminished? Are Van Damme fans watching MMA fights instead? Could it be that Insano Steve and I the only Van Damme fans left in the world?
Hello? Anybody else a Van Damme fan? Hello? Bueller?
[this review brought to you by Insano Steve, who has sleepless nights and reoccurring nightmares that Jean Claude Van Damme's bump on his head is out to attack him]
As you can probably tell from our rating system, Jean Claude Van Damme is the jadedviewer.com's favorite actor. Hard to believe that he's been around for over 22 years! That's a long time for an actor with so little acting ability. While most people probably gave up on JCVD in the late 1990s, he's been pumping out mediocre straight-to-video movies for over a decade. Let's take a look at his most recent movie ......
Boring Plot-O-Matic
When terrorists threaten nuclear catastrophe, the world's only hope is to reactivate decommissioned Universal Soldier Luc Deveraux...
Awesome Review-O-Matic
Universal Soldier: Regeneration is part 3 of the Universal Soldier series. Seeing how part 1 was a JCVD classic, and part 2 was his last legitimate theatrical release, my hopes were modestly high for part 3 here. Does it deliver? Well, my first impression, was not too good. As the opening credits rolled, I noticed that once again, all the actors seem to have Eastern European names. Sure looked like another of his "filmed in Bulgaria" crap-fests. And the video quality was camcorder quality. I know I watched a downloaded copy, but this shit was pretty bad.
As for the plot, a bunch of Russian terrorists kidnap the Russian Prime Minister's children. Deciding to up the ante, the terrorists then occupy the former Chernobyl nuclear power plant and threaten to detonate one of the old nuclear reactors. They do all of this to free their jailed comrades. You would think the kidnap of the children would be enough to get the job done. Nope. Apparently, in Russia, if you don't threaten to irradiate the population, the government doesn't take you seriously. But wait, that's not all. The terrorists also recruit a traitorous American scientist who brings along his next generation cyborg Universal Soldier (this model resembling a MMA fighter).
The American army finds out about this new UniSol, and decides to 'regenerate' a couple of 1st generation and send them in to fight the terrorists. These UniSols are quickly dispatched by the MMA soldier. The de-frosted UniSols are played by real puny looking actors to make MMA soldier look extra bad ass.
In the meantime, our hero, JCVD, is in a de-tox program to help former Universal Soldiers reacclimate back into society (sorta like Michael Vick's dogs). He's doing well, albeit he looks really old. His fighting skills have deteriorated and his grasp of the English language is marginal (not a real stretch for JCVD). However, left with no other recourse to deal with the new MMA UniSol, America decides they have to use JCVD. Once again, JCVD is forced to fight! Why was this America's problem anyway? I really don't know. It's always best not to ask too many questions of a JCVD plot.
Later, for some reason that I forget, the terrorists decide to defrost another old UniSol. This one played by our favorite Russian bad guy, Dolph Lundgren. Poor Dolph looks super-old in this movie. Even older than Van Damme. He's probably in the movie for 10 minutes despite being on the DVD cover. He spouts a few lines indicating he is now self-aware, and then proceeds to fight JCVD to the death. Technically, Dolph was playing a clone of the Dolph he played in part 1, who JCVD killed. You get that? How would you feel if somebody killed your clone? Really makes you think. Meanwhile, the Russian Prime Minister chooses his children over the welfare of his country and gives in to the terrorists' demands. Way to go Russia! Nice government you have over there. The terrorists get their comrades freed, but decide "Fuck it, let's blow up the nuclear reactor anyway!". The terrorists proceed to set the detonator (with an impractically long countdown time) and leave the MMA fighter to ensure the explosion.
Will JCVD reach the bomb in time?
Will he do his patented spin kick?
Will his stunt double perform a spin kick?
What about the Prime Minister's kids? Who's gonna save those little fucker?
OK, I won't spoil it for you, ....
Gore-ipedia
Well this isn't a horror movie so not much gore. More like a bunch of MMA type moves and holds. They're decent, if you're into that sorta thing. Van Damme does kill Dolph by throwing a pipe through his forehead, then firing a shotgun through the hole. Good work Van Damme!
Nude-ipedia
T&A: Total sausage fest. I can't imagine a movie having less nudity than this. I'm not sure there was even a female in the movie.
WTF moment?!?
In all of the fights JCVD had, it was pretty apparent that he was using a stunt double. And when JCVD was fighting Dolph, it looked like they were using 2 stunt doubles! Poor JCVD. Kinda sad. Kinda funny. I guess it wasn't hard to find a stuntman who looks like JCVD (the back of his head anyway).
WTF moment 2!?!
While JCVD is in killing machine de-tox, he has a relapse in a cafe, and practically kills an elderly man minding his own business. JCVD just snaps while drinking a coffee, and beats the shit out of the old guy. Then leaves the cafe like nothing happened. Totally random. Totally awesome. As WTF as it gets.
The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis
By any objective measure, Universal Soldier Regeneration is another below average action flick. Subjectively though, as bad it was on many levels, I enjoyed it. It's certainly better than most of his recent 'character action' movies. Due to the plot, Van Damme, does little acting (which is his weakness), And due to his advanced age (dude's pushing 50), his stunt double does most of the fighting. So in an ironic way, it's the best of both worlds. He can neither act nor fight. Yet somehow, he's still out there kicking ass!
So, as long as JCVD is gonna make movies where he (or some guy who resembles him) is spin kicking bad guys, you can be sure that I'll be watching. Oh, who am I kidding? JCVD could probably start doing gay porn, and I'd probably watch.
I wouldn't be the jaded viewer if I didn't inform (ahem force) you to know what was the latest movie of our beloved hero Jean Claude Van Damme. I told you about Karate, I told you about The Eagle Path and now we unleash the trailer for Universal Soldier 3: Regeneration!
Dolph Lundgren and UFC champ Andrei "The Pit Bull" Arlovski are tag team UniSoldiers against the one and only JCVD. Are you psyched? Are you mega psyched? Are you super mega psyched? We here at the jaded viewer are super duper mega psyched times infinity!!!
This comes out in theaters on..oops sorry my bad. The DVD comes out on January 5th 2010. Sigh.
Here be the plot (in case you forgot or sorta cared)
A crazed Chechen nationalist, BASAYEV, seizes control of Chernobyl, site of the infamous nuclear meltdown, and threatens to unleash a radioactive cloud unless his nationalist blackmail demands are met.
LUC DEVERsEAUX (Jean-Claude Van Damme) joins a U.S. team of revived UniSoldiers secretly held in deep storage. Their mission: retake Chernobyl and disable explosives that will unleash the radioactive clouds. Luc is surprised when he finds one of the reactivated UniSoldiers is a clone of his old Sergeant, ANDREW SCOTT (Dolph Lundgren). But the cloned Andrew has no recollection of Luc.
As the team furiously battles its way into the Chernobyl plant, they are caught off guard. Using a mind-control chip, Baseyev turns Andrew against his own comrades. Now surrounded, wounded, and out-numbered, Luc must battle Andrew, and save the world.
OK enough of the chatter. Here's the trailer!! Woohoo!!!
Thanks to Twitch,JoBlo and a few other sites for the heads up.
If that wasn't enough Van Damme for you, check out some awesome related linkage.
Well after the slight success of my Top 10 Villains from Arnold Schwarzenegger Movies, I figured I should topple the filmography of our beloved jaded viewer hero Jean Claude Van Damme. This list was little harder to compile from Arnold's because, well JCVD baddies are not as memorable as Ahnuld's.
Also there is the fact that I am biased for theatrical JCVD films compared to straight to DVD JCVD. But I pushed onward and came up with the list below. Each of these uber villains are defeated in a climactic battle of spinkicks, punches and HGH fueled mega battles which makes all these super evil doers much more memorable.
On to the list!
Top 10 Villains from Jean Claude Van Damme Movies
10.) Bison
From: Street Fighter
Van Damme played Guile as we know and it's hard to take him seriously playing the Joe with his UN centric accent.
But the late Raul Julia, complete in the video game Bison costume is pretty hilarious as the meglomaniacal Bison. He spews out awful dialogue and gets his ass whupped by the scissor spinkicks of Guile.
Remember this is the movie where the hot Aussie singer Kylie Minogue plays Cammy!
JCVD has made alot of movies where he plays an evil or asshole version of himself. So you have to rank Garrotte, a serial killer with Ray Ban sunglasses, long hair and a leather coat as the greatest "twin" JCVD has played as a villain. Garrotte kills women and kids and sets them on fire. Damn.
Replicant was the first of many STV Van Damme flicks and it's an actual good film.
The final battle scene as the replicant battles his original evil self is awesome.
Ahh the evil politician. The senator goes to great lengths to manipulate the space/time continuum so he can become President of the US. Sen. McComb bribes and kills and manipulates everybody in the Time Enforcement Commission but when he threatens Sloane, that's when Max Walker draws the line.
His death is by far one of the best in any JCVD films as Walker tells the Senator:
Should Emil Fouchon be ranked higher? Maybe. He's more eviler than many of the others on this list as he kills homeless war veterans for sport. He even looks cooler with doves flying and in double gun wielding slo mo action scenes.
He's a downright, evil douchebag but thanks to Chance, he doesn't stand a -...I was about to make a bad pun. Sorry.
Ahh yes. The old WTF spot on this list. I threw a curveball with this one right?
Well in JCVD he recites a solid 7 min speech about his utter self destruction from women, drugs and his character. This results in his outcast from the Hollywood system and the rise of straight to DVD, filmed in Bulgaria Van Damme.
And you can't deny the fact that he, himself was his biggest enemy in JCVD. Not the bank robbers or the media or the cops.
Well it's a co #4 on this one. Cynthia is the evil bitch behind the illegal human fighting tournaments and Atilla is the ringer they bring in to take down Lionheart.
We're an equal opportunity villain lister here at the jaded viewer, so Cynthia's evil multi millionaire human cock fighting investment can't be ignored.
Because Leo couldn't "choke a bitch", he had to go all spinkicky on Atila on a tennis court.
You knew Dolph was gonna be on this list. And as Andrew Scott aka GR13, he's one of the most sympathetic characters as shit, he's fuckin dead and got reanimated.
But then he goes all postal and and seeks retribution.
Soldiers who go all rampagy get ranked high here and as he's a professional soldier with high tech weaponry, he's more bad ass than anybody on this list.
Tong Po goes for the movie juggular as he paralyzes Kurt Sloane's brother Eric. Don't mess with fuckin family. Of course this leads to an awesome 80s training montage and a final epic, to the death fight scene. A couple of spinkicks later, Tong Po is knocked the fuck out.
But why is Tong Po ranked so high? Because he actually KILLED Kurt and Eric Sloane at the beginning of Kickboxer 2!!!!
(well off screen of course).
That fact alone jumps him to #2 as he technically won.
Chong Li was the obvious choice for the #1 Van Damme villain. He threatens Dux, comatoses Ray Jackson, kills one of the fighter and *gasp* dishonors the Kokoruki elders and their traditions. And he fuckin cheats.
The resume speaks for himself.
And the final fight is an epic Van Damme action sequence for the ages. You just can't top it.
Chong Li is cocky, egotistical and brutal. What more do you want? And I think he played a North Korean.
Hey the brick didn't hit back but Dux made you say uncle. So there.
This list has some good evil villains from Van Damme movies too but the rankings are way off in my opinion. But it includes a couple of characters I have left off.
If your a loyal follower of the jaded viewer, you know we are devoted Jean Claude Van Damme fans. So we HAVE to give you obligatory JCVD news feeds.
Thanks to Insano Steve for sending over a link and plot summary to JCVD's new movie, Karate. This flick for a while was entitled "The Pit Bull". First, lets discuss the poster. He's shirtless, behind a gate and it's got the tagline: "Can the master of the ancient arts conquer the caged fighters of Las Vegas?"
Looks like Van Damme wants to kick the shit out of some MMA fighters. It's the Kumite meets the the UFC. A lot of people are saying it's very Kickboxer-ish, which would be a good thing as it shows JCVD is getting back to his roots.
After JCVD, I didn't know what we'd get from the Muscles from Brussels. Thank the Kokoruki clan, he's going back to where it all started.
Here be the plot from the official site. It will come out sometime in 2010.
A legendary karate world champion (Van Damme), known as The Piston because of the speed of his legs, is famous and wealthy and has the martial arts world as his feet. But his ego takes control and his world begins to crumble around him. He loses his family and his life goes into a downward spiral. Before long, this one time champion is living like a bum on the streets of Los Angeles.
Then, the Piston meets KK, an internet fight promoter. KK has a dream... to find a fighter good enough to win the prestigious freestyle mega fighting championship in Las Vegas. The Piston returns to his karate roots in Japan to find the fighting edge he needs to become a champion again. He comes back to Las Vegas for his make it or break it fight, for the fight of his life in the cage against the undefeated young champion from New York The Bulldozer.
This classic, gritty, riches-to-rags-to-riches story has a heartfelt, nail-biting, edge-of-your-seat finale. It is one of the greatest fight movies of all time, appealing to a wide-ranging, new-generation audience and especially to the millions of karate and martial arts fans around the world who are hungry for a new martial arts epic in the tradition of Bloodsport
JCVD's next movie of course is Universal Soldier 3: The Next Generation. US3 reunites JCVD and Dolph Lundgren. Here be the plot....(thanks to Shockya.com)
A crazed Chechen nationalist, BASAYEV, seizes control of Chernobyl, site of the infamous nuclear meltdown, and threatens to unleash a radioactive cloud unless his nationalist blackmail demands are met.
LUC DEVERsEAUX (Jean-Claude Van Damme) joins a U.S. team of revived UniSoldiers secretly held in deep storage. Their mission: retake Chernobyl and disable explosives that will unleash the radioactive clouds. Luc is surprised when he finds one of the reactivated UniSoldiers is a clone of his old Sergeant, ANDREW SCOTT (Dolph Lundgren). But the cloned Andrew has no recollection of Luc.
As the team furiously battles its way into the Chernobyl plant, they are caught off guard. Using a mind-control chip, Baseyev turns Andrew against his own comrades. Now surrounded, wounded, and out-numbered, Luc must battle Andrew, and save the world.
Are you getting psyched? Super psyched? Mega psyched?
With The Eagle Path soon to be released, JCVD now out on DVD is 2009 the year of the Van Damme?
A new extended trailer has been released for The Eagle Path, the new character action movie from the muscles from Brussels, Jean Claude Van Damme.
We still have no fuckin idea when this is going to get released but I love how the new trailer sums up the plot to obliterate people so that he can rescue a women (who I think is a hooker).
He then recruits a bunch of his buddies to help him.
Hmm, maybe this is why Jean Claude turned down The Expendables. Maybe this movie is like Stallone's. But whereas The Expendables is testosterone, roided up action porn, JCVD's looks to be the Skinemax equivelant.
If you forgot the plot, see below.
A military veteran and former mercenary, Frenchy (Van Damme) works as a taxi driver, hiding somewhere in East Asia, haunted by his past. After his driving shifts he often frequents the Eagle's Nest, a seedy bar that houses a caged eagle. In the midst of the chaotic Asian traffic Frenchy picks up a beautiful female passenger who will change him forever.
Driven by dark memories of his childhood, he becomes determined to improve her life and, without her approval, he embarks on a journey which proves to be more dangerous and complicated then he expected. After encountering a series of harrowing obstacles he calls in favors from his special ops friends who immediately join him. His military team engages in the biggest fight of their lives. War is hell, but nothing they've done could have prepared them for this.
It’s an adrenaline-fueled, full-on, maximum firepower thriller, filled with the intense psychological conflict that Van Damme fans love the world over.
Check out the new, longer full extended trailer below.
It's always a big event here at the jaded viewer when a new Jean Claude Van Damme movie looms over the horizon. JCVD is back in The Eagle Path, a movie he wrote, edited and directed.
I mean look at that fuckin poster! He's holding a damn hand cannon.
And the freakin tagline is: Haunted By The Past, His Vengeance Knows No Limits.
OH FUCKIN YEAH HIS VENGEANCE KNOWS NO FUCKIN LIMITS!!!!
He's Jean Claude Van Damme!
Trailer looks pretty "character action" oriented. Just the way JCVD likes it. Lots of car chases, double fisting Woo-ish gun battles and a freakin eagle.
What's not to like?
Check out the plot.
A military veteran and former mercenary, Frenchy (Van Damme) works as a taxi driver, hiding somewhere in East Asia, haunted by his past. After his driving shifts he often frequents the Eagle's Nest, a seedy bar that houses a caged eagle. In the midst of the chaotic Asian traffic Frenchy picks up a beautiful female passenger who will change him forever.
Driven by dark memories of his childhood, he becomes determined to improve her life and, without her approval, he embarks on a journey which proves to be more dangerous and complicated then he expected. After encountering a series of harrowing obstacles he calls in favors from his special ops friends who immediately join him. His military team engages in the biggest fight of their lives. War is hell, but nothing they've done could have prepared them for this.
It’s an adrenaline-fueled, full-on, maximum firepower thriller, filled with the intense psychological conflict that Van Damme fans love the world over.
The Eagle Path will be premiering at Cannes and TIFF this summer.
Check out the trailer below. Thanks to Twitch for the heads up.
Besides the #1 pick in my Top 10 Horror Movies of 2008 (which will come on Friday), only 3 movies were granted 5 spinkicks this year.
The 5 spinkicks movies of 2008, all 3 are non horror related. They made me feel so giddy with excitement that I was happy happy joy joy after experiencing these flicks. These were the movies you wanted to see again right after watching them. These were the movies that made you go "Fuck Yeah! That was soooo awesome!"
5 spinkick movies are rare, but every once in a while, you know 10 minutes in that you're seeing something special, leaving even the most jaded viewer jaw dropped.
Click on the titles for my reviews of these films (except Rambo).
Rocky Balboa was good, but Rambo was Stallone's ultimate blast off comeback. So bloody, gutty and splatter-ific, this is the Rambo we only heard about in those 'Nam Special Ops stories.
The cruelty of the enemy, the mercenaries for hire, the Julie Benz gratuitous cleavage.
But its Stallone as John fuckin Rambo that made this transcend normal action and into stratosphere action. All he wants to do is bag some snakes and live monk peacefully but they always fuckin drag him back in to kick ass.
And he's a bitter old soldier. From arm decaps to the gratuitous over the top gore of a 50 cal, he obiliterated the enemy in the best action scenes of the year.
Rambo was the best action movie of 2008 and Stallone just keeps reminding us he is still on top of the uber action movie.
JCVD is by far JCVD's best movie since Bloodsport. How can Van Damme fuck up playing a variation of himself?
From the paraodic opening scene in a Bulgarian straight to DVD movie to the Van Damme kick demonstration, JCVD satires Van Damme, plays to his strengths and leaves us questioning what this meglomaniacal man has been thinking since he left the Hollywood system.
In one final climactic scene, we the fans get what we wanted as we see Van Damme kicks ass in front of the crowd. He then proceeds to high five fellow officers and taps his chest in a moment of total self ego.
Prachya Pinkaew, the director of awesome-rific films Ong Bak and Tom Yum Goong, is the reigning king of action cinema.
And Chocolate again shows why guns and shootouts are fuckin overrated.
It's been a while since a full out martial arts flick totally blew me away.
JeeJa Yanin is breathtaking as Zen, an autistic girl who accumulates her martial arts skills by watching who else...Tony Jaa. Her muay thai skills are unfuckinbelievable and as always, there are no stunt doubles and all the action stunts you see are as is.
Fuck the plot and any character development. It's totally irrelelevant. What you came here to see is non stop muay thai choreography at its finest.
Non existent plot and motive plus the fact that the last 30 minutes were all action makes this one of the best films of 2008. Chocolate hit on all cylinders of what it was suppose to be. A non stop action sequence from start to finish.
Now top that Tony Jaa.
Check out my review for descriptions of all the action scenes of the movie.
Oh how do I begin my review of JCVD. Oh screw it. I loved this film from beginning to end. And I'm not just saying that because we here at the jaded viewer are big fuckin JCVD fans.
To get a full appreciation of JCVD one has to know the panorama that is Van Damme's career. Insano Steve and I are mother fuckin experts when it comes to this as we've seen every one of his movies.
Let me say that again so you all can understand the rarity of such a thing.
WE'VE SEEN EVERY JEAN CLAUDE VAN DAMME MOVIE EVER MADE.
This includes the JCVD golden era (Bloodsport, Kickboxer, Lionheart, Universal Soldier etc), the JCVD Silver era (Hard Target, Time Cop, Sudden Death) and the JCVD Bronze era (The Quest, Maximum Risk, US: The Return). Of course, there is the JCVD Bargain Bin era (his straight to DVD made in Bulgaria, character action flicks which include Replicant, In Hell, Second in Command, etc.)
So experts would be us. I mean we even established a JCVD spinkick rating system.
So believe me when I say that we can safely put JCVD into the pantheon that is the golden era. It's got a docu feel filled with more or less some truthiness. If you could make a pseudo memoir into a movie, this would be it. Add the fact it's freakin funny as hell and has some genuine emotion from Van Damme, you've got Van Damme's first character driven flick he's ever made.
And I gotta admit, Van Damme plays himself perfectly.
Boring Plot-O-Matic
Between his tax problems and his legal battle with his wife for the custody of his daughter, these are hard times for the action movie star. In JCVD, Jean-Claude Van Damme returns to the country of his birth but finds himself in the middle of a robbery gone awry.
Awesome Review-O-Matic
From the opening scene of a one take action scene taking place in a nameless war zone, I was getting my spinkick on. JCVD was kicking the crap out of baddies, shooting them out of the sky and saving the damsel in distress.
Ahh the action hero of all action heroes as we all see him via the cinema. But as we plopped along, we delved into a biopic mode and saw how are former action hero as to cope with the custody of his daughter and make a living as a Bulgarian action star.
The film is told in four non-linear sections showing different persepctives. We see the public’s POV of the events, Van Damme’s POV, and before and after the robbery.
Each little tidbit gives us a glimpse into JCVD, how he's perceived and how he perecives himself. It's Van Damme's acting (I'm serious!) that can't be ignored. In some sporadic moments, Van Damme's english accent is dominant, but the natural French speaking JCVD portrays himself effortlessly (hey why don't you try acting as a hyper meta variation of yourself, I think it's fuckin hard).
Each of the section's has highlights that create a complex man, one that even E's A True Hollywood story couldn't do justice.
Public POV
Van Damme's many fans are present as taxi cab drivers, video store clerks, cops and bank robbers are in awe of the man. One improvised scene has JCVD chatting up a taxi cab woman as fan meets superstar. Done so well, so simple, you appreciate a scene where only a few words tell an emotional landscape.
Another scene has a "big" fan have JCVD show off his trademark high leg kick. Every JCVD fan gets it. We get his "stretching" abilities, his kick ass persona, his Hollywood "He brought John Woo to America".
Wink Wink.
In one final climactic scene, we get what we wanted as we see Van Damme kicks ass in front of the crowd. He then proceeds to high five fellow officers and taps his chest in a moment of total self ego. Totally fuckin awesome. So classic. So Van Damme.
Before the Robbery
As JCVD fights for the custody of his daughter, we see via flashbacks as a lawyer bashes JCVD on the flicks he has made (see the trailer). Totally funny, dead on and inside joke heavy. We also peek in on convos JC has with his agent.
The best lines stem from JC's "Bulgaria producer funded flicks" (so true) and his character action motivated films. He soon finds out he has lost a part to his nemesis Steven Seagal (because Seagal was willing to cut off his dumbass pony tail) . Seagal still makes movies? Really? Oh how the mighty have fallen. The true JCVD fans know EXACTLY what he's talking about which make it an atomic bomb of full on hilarity.
Van Damme’s POV
As the robbery progresses, JCVD is thought to be the mastermind behind the robbery. In truth, 3 bumbling robbers are keeping everybody hostage and using Van Damme to make their demands. It's Van Damme's authenticity of helping the hostages and saving his own ass that make JC's performance so mesmerizing.
The truly standout scene is initiated where we see him have a out of body floating-ish monologue about his past drug addictions, his family and wives and the price of Hollywood stardom.
It was like a spinkick of acting. A Dim Mak right into the stomach. Van Damme screaming "Uncle". Totally fuckin mesmerizing.
After the Robbery
The ending is seemingly a parody of real life stars in goofy improbable situations. But it ends nicely. Touching and emotional. Totally NOT LIKE a regular JCVD flick.
Like driving on a hill, we get some highs and lows. Awesome-rific moments of pure funnyness, some real nitty gritty suspense and action, wads of gut wrenching, crying Van Damme emotions and a character variation of this man called Jean Claude Van Damme.
You couldn't write a better character. Because you can't make this stuff up because most of it is true.
Awesome flick. One of the top 5 movie of 2008 easily.
Influences
Watch all of JCVDs library of flicks
Gore-ipedia (if you want to be shocked don't read) Hahahahahaha. This isn't gore you're looking for. Move along.
Nude-ipedia (because you like boobies)
Nada. WTF moment
It's this scene I mentioned before.
[We get what we wanted as we see Van Damme kicks ass in front of the crowd. He then proceeds to high five fellow officers and taps his chest in a moment of total self ego. Totally fuckin awesome. So classic. So Van Damme.]
The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis
You knew I was going to give this 4 spinkicks didn't you? One of the best movies of 2008. For the true JCVD fan, this has to be seen. For the art house, indie movie crowd, it's perfect.
JCVD was suppose to be on hand for a Q and A after the movie but alas he had to care for his sick dog or was it reshoots for Full Love, I'm not sure anymore.
Insano Steve says that Van Damme is not allowed in the country anymore. We also realized we hadn't seen a Van Damme movie in the theatre since 1999.
I was glad to see JCVD back in the theatres. It was about fuckin time.
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