Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Chocolate (Review)


Chocolate (2008)

Directed by Prachya Pinkaew

Prachya Pinkaew, the director of awesome-rific films Ong Bak and Tom Yum Goong , is the reigning king of action cinema.

And Chocolate again shows why guns and shootouts are fuckin overrated.

It's been a while since a full out martial arts flick totally blew me away.

JeeJa Yanin is breathtaking as Zen, an autistic girl who accumulates her martial arts skills by watching who else...Tony Jaa. Her muay thai skills are unfuckinbelievable and as always, there are no stunt doubles and all the action stunts you see are as is. The outtakes are at the end.

Fuck the plot and any character development. It's totally irrelelevant. What you came here to see is non stop muay thai choreography at its finest. This is vintage Jackie Chan (ala Police Story) with stunts, jumps, flips and the backround as weaponry.

Boring Plot-O-Matic (thanks IMDB)

An autistic woman with powerful martial art skills looks to settle her ailing mother's debts by seeking out the ruthless gangs that owe her family money.

Awesome Review-O-Matic

OK. The plot above is why all these elaborate fight scenes develop. Zen and her cousin need money to help her mom buy badly needed medicine. They first use Zen's autistic skills via a ball toss exhibition. But they know they need more cash so they seek out the local gang owned businesses that owe her mom money. This soon ticks off the crime overlord and soon he's on their tail.

Zen also loves chocolate M&M's (hence the title), loves her Teddy Bear and has a fear of flies. This all comes into play during whats to play out.

But really that was all irrelevant.

For this review, for all intended purposes, is to grade each of the fight scenes on a number grade from 1 to 10 with 1 being shitty to 10 being fuckin awesome.

So let's get started.

1.) Hoodrats fight scene

Some teenage hoodrats test Zen's catching skills with a knife. She then uses an arsenal of mimicked Tony Jaa moves to go all Ong Bak on them. This was 18 minutes in and you get a good taste of whats to come. Like some chicken wings as an appetizer. You know it's going to get better.

Rating - 6.0

2.) Ice Factory fight scene

After a anime moment of clarity and 33 minutes in, we get the ice factory fight scene. Wow. Totally awesome. Zen shows off her mega lightning kicks and disposes of henchman without a sweat. Blocks of ice can't stop our little Zen.

Rating - 7.5

3.) Warehouse fight scene

38 minutes in, Zen is in full effect. She's using the warehouse as a weapon of mass destruction. Slipping in through tight spots and using lockers, chairs and cardboard boxes as a playground of weaponry, it's a beautiful thing to watch.

Spinkicks, swipe kicks, flying backward spin kicks, flying splits and a few comedy kicks to boot. And the climax is a slide under a glass table that only Zen could pull off. FUCK YEAH!!! Poor henchman. Why do they keep trying?

Rating - 8.0

4.) Meat Factory/Butchery fight scene

Does Zen have a weakness? Well remember that fear of flies? Well Houston, we have a problem. But thanks to her cousin whose there with a electronic fly swatter, problem solved.

45 minutes in, we are going to see meat cleavers and knives and a spinkick-palooza. Never has a butchery ever been so critical to some ass kicking. A few sporadic funny ha ha's during the fight scene with some elbows to the head make this one of the most entertaining fight scenes ever. The stunt team is so critical to the action. They are the one's getting hit and they are getting hit really fuckin hard. Kudos to them.

Rating - 8.0

5.) Rooftop restaurant fight scene (with Mini boss #1!)

Let's just list some fragmented action highlights. Elbows through the head. Knees to the face. Some acrobatic kicks to the face. A fight scene that takes place with Zen crouched down under some pipes. All this climaxes to a knee to the head that is without a doubt the best I've ever seen.

Rating - 9.0

6.) Restaurant dojo fight scene

No holds barred as we get an onslaught of henchman for Zen to kick the shit out off. This is muay thai action at its finest. All the kicks and elbows and punches are perfectly timed. The flips and jumps all choreographed without any flaws. 360 spinkicks to the back of of the head. Just beautiful. A knee to the face in awesome-rific slo mo. Oh yeah.

And we're not even done!!!

Because the next scene is probably the most politically incorrect thing you'll ever see in an action movie. BUT WHO FUCKIN CARES!!! IT'S FUCKIN AWESOME!!!!


Zen has to face off against the crime lord's biggest weapon yet. An autistic mini boss #2!!!!

This dude in glasses and an Adidas track suit has some autism too and he's as spazzy as can be. Plus he's got this breakdancing muay thai style she's never seen. Zen gets her ass kicked but she uses her snapshot focused brain to mimic her enemy. Soon she's spazzing and kicking mini boss #2 unconcious. The finishing move is just totally unbelievable. Bless all stunt wire work!!!

You have see this to believe it.


But it's not over yet. We get a samurai sword-palooza and soon Zen has snapshot her dad's moves to eliminate this threat.

Which then leads too...........

Rating - 9.5

7.) Side of the building fight scene

This is single handidly the best fight scene on the side of a building EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Zen has to chase final boss through a parade of fire escapes, neon signs and the side of a train platform. It perfectly plays out. Because you know henchmen are gonna fall down some 2 stories...badly.

A great way to end the film. The final fight scene is everything you wanted it to be. Such killer stunts and action sequences, I can't believe they accomplished all of this in less than 90 minutes.

Rating - 10.0


Are you kidding me? Prachya Pinkaew and his stunt team are their own influence on other films.

Gore-ipedia (if you want to be shocked don't read)

This ain't horror son.


Dude, this ain't horror.

WTF moment

The spoiler scene listed above. I lost my shit when I saw it. So awesome.

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

This may be the first movie I may give 5 spinkicks too. But I'll give it 4 plus an extra spinkick for being so awesome. Non existent plot and motive plus the fact that the last 30 minutes were all action makes this one of the best films of 2008. Chocolate hit on all cylinders of what it was suppose to be. A non stop action sequence from start to finish.

Now top that Tony Jaa.

plus one more for being awesome

Check out the trailer below (with English subs!)

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  1. AWESOME!!!

    I am a Tony Jaa fan ~ I Loved Ong Bak: Thai Warrior!!

    Chocolate sounds Fantastic!!
    Thanks for the Review - I had no idea this movie even existed!!

    Going right now to add it to the top of my Netflix Queue! :-)

  2. Glad I could help bring more people some kung fu joy. Ong Bak 2 is coming out soon but looks kinda shitty. See Tony Jaa's other films (but NOT Spirited Warrior)

  3. Do not see The Bodyguard either!

    It states "Starring Tony Jaa", but I kid you not, he is literally in the movie for only 30seconds - if that!!

    I already saw Spirited Warrior - Ha! :-)

  4. Chocolate is definitely highly recommended to anyone who likes martial arts and stunts. :)

    The director said something about finding the star JeeJa from the Thai movie Born to Fight- and if you haven't seen that, I suggest you check it out. You can skip the story, but the stunts and outtakes are mind-boggling.

    It'll be interesting to see how Ong Bak 2 turns out without Prachya Pinkaew.

  5. jervaise brooke hamster11/18/2013 7:35 PM

    I want to bugger Jeeja Janin (as the bird was in 2002 when the bird was 18, not as the bird is now obviously).

  6. Ah Zen , she watches Kung Fu and Karate movies , you hear but see the Big Boss Bruce Lee cat sound as Zen watch a movie . Okay I lost you , each fight scene are reflections of the movies Zen watches for training . Yes the fight choreography is Thai Boxing at its core , but the fun spirit is obvious . Ice factory Bruce Lee , furniture factory Jackie Chan , meat plant Tony Jaa , Sonny Chiba and a few more . The dude wearing the black Adidas track suit , has skip the spelling starts with a t , a syndrome of muscle quick jerking spasm and uncontrolled verbal outburst . Like curse words , utter out loud . Zen is of guard and this gets the better of her until , she does the true meaning of the karate learns her opponents stuff then counters back , including his t......... syndrome .