Monday, February 25, 2013

Nightmares Haunted Attraction: Dark Valentine (Review)

Coming off the high from my previous off season haunted house experience, it didn't take long for me to get my fix ASAP. The Raven and the Black Cat offered me the opportunity to check out a haunted attraction that wasn't on my radar but definitely made me a follower for years to come. Welcome to Nightmare Dark Valentine.

So with "Special K" and TRATBC in tow, we mini roadtripped out to Passaic, NJ to check out their off season Valentine's Day haunt and it definitely didn't disappoint.

It's not often I trek across the river, but I'm willing to get my haunt on anytime and any place. The place being Brighton Asylum, a location in itself that's spooky as hell. The thing that separates about haunts in Jersey seems to be the massive space they get to occupy compared to their NYC counterparts. Nightmares Dark Valentine, which has previously offered Halloween and Christmas variants seems to take full advantage of this location.

Entering through a massive warehouse, I saw a clear Valentine's Day theme going. Balloons, hearts and a miner.Wait a miner? Say what?  It seems the Dark Valentine theme here was inspired by the movie My Bloody Valentine 3D. On display were photo ops with "The Miner" (part of a contest on their Facebook page) as well as wardrobe attire from the movie Warm Bodies. It's always good to have a haunt align themselves with the horror flicks that are currently out.

As Special K and RATBC enter the haunt, it's a pitch darkness within a maze of darkened corridors that gets you a bit uneasy. In one dark hallway, I bumped into a figure I think may have been an actual human being OR a mannequin. I still don't know. You start to put your hand in front of you to figure out what direction to go to. It seems the total blackout effect is a lost art in haunted houses and here, they've brought in back and it works damn well.

Each of the rooms has it's own personality. Some of the rooms have hanging electrical wire, others with corpses and others with who knows what. The "jump scares" where actors seem to BOO! you out of nowhere were very well designed appearing via window slots and from the corner of a dark room.

And they don't just shout a quick scare and let you go. No no no. Some of our "miner" slashers decided to follow us across rooms. I had a very curious miner complete with a jumpsuit and gas mask follow me around as I pushed hanging dead corpses at him. It's kind of fun to see how they'll react.

Another room that stood out was a bench that gave you a different angle on seeing some dead bodies. It was quite inventive and I haven't been thrilled like that in a long time at a traditional haunted house. A few more rooms had some pesky silent but deadly children as well as a woman looking for blood donations.

All in all, the ending was not as jump-tastic as I would hoped but the most surprising thing I encountered was that Special K, The Raven and the Black Cat and I went through the entire 40 minute or so haunt all my ourselves. We never ran into the group in front of us and the group behind us never snuck up and crowded us. It was timed well and flowed brilliantly.

Nightmare Dark Valentine was the rare haunted house that takes a theme and embraces it. They paced the groups so that everybody was able to have their alone time with the haunt, the pitch black corridors added a level of terror I haven't seen in a long time and the creativity was new and exciting.

If this is the effort they put in an off season haunt, I can't wait to check out what they do during Halloween. Hopefully they won't wait that long and we'll see a few off season events to bridge the gap.

The Vitals...

Friday, February 15, 2013

Blackout Haunted House 2013 Off Season NYC Winter Haunt (Review)

"You know what's fun? Watching a great horror movie. You know what's more fun? Being in one courtesy of Blackout Haunted House."

-tweet from The Jaded Viewer after experiencing the off season haunt.

I immediately tweeted that out after experiencing my 6th Blackout haunt. I don't know what you want to call me at this point. A Blackout hardcore enthusiast? A haunted house veteran? A deranged and certifiable lunatic?

Probably all of the above I guess.

But I'm drawn to taking my horror-fandom to the next level. I love horror movies and this here blog is a tribute to the genre. But rarely does one get a chance to experience the genre in a new way. How does one cosplay as a horror final boy/girl? Horror conventions? Fuck that.

I want the real deal. Where can you act out being a protagonist in your own horror movie? I'm not a professional actor. I was once in a zombie short film in college. But sometimes you want to play the hero. You sometimes ask yourself what you would do in the same situation you see cliched horror film characters in.

And Blackout Haunted House lets me do just that.

You may have gone to their October/Hallowen haunt in NYC or in Los Angeles. But LA, I'm sorry you received a "best hits" compilation. Stuff I did in 2010 and 2011. NYC got the cutting edge experiment which in itself was awesomely fun. But let me tell you fellow jaded viewers, the 2013 off season winter haunt in NYC was clearly the pinnacle of this production. Everything hit on all cylinders, like a well oiled machine. From the opening scene to the wild ending, all were pieces to a puzzle that don't actually make sense until days later (and with the help of some fellow Survivors). It's a clear evolutionary jump of what they have been doing. The Blackout madness has spread nationally and is now far from it's NYC underground whispers. It's blown up big time, a mushroom cloud of pure, undiluted interactive terror.

And here's where I disappoint you all. I'm not giving a walkthrough of this haunt. Well not yet hopefully. What makes Blackout unique is the DUH! Not knowing what will happen. And the team at Blackout has made it clear of what's to come via a post on their Facebook page.

hey NYC - thank you to all the people who came out for this week's first off-season adventure. we had an amazing time with each and every one of you and appreciate your support. of course we won't confirm anything, but it's possible other people may get the chance to experience this specific show so please keep the details to yourself and off this page. feel free to share your thoughts, feelings, reviews, etc - but please, no spoilers.

So it might be coming to a city near you. And why would I want to spoil what only  80 or so brave people have enjoyed so far. And possibly what you can enjoy in the near future. But I will tell you my thoughts on this interactive theater performance. First the rules and factoids.

You did have to go through this alone.
It was somewhere in NYC's East Village.
It lasted about 45 minutes.
You did have to sign a waiver.
There was a safety word. It was "SAFETY".
It was open to the public for the first time this year.

What happened over those 45 minutes is the most brilliant piece of storytelling, WTF-ness and pure exhilarating and thrilling  moments I've had in my life. The moment it begins, it's fuckin on. Instructions are given and it's all reflex. You're a loyal soldier of Blackout. The first 10 minutes are eerie and actually only make sense after you actually complete this game to the end. What the 2013 haunt gives is pure cinematic visuals, sets that resemble a "hot" Hollywood set and acting that pushes the boundaries of extreme theater.

The beauty of it is you, and you alone are the lone audience for this masterpiece. And you alone are the star. And you dictate the reactions of what's to come and what can be said. It's interactive theater taken beyond your wildest imaginations. You get a personalized experience all your own. Horror and theater fans alike will come away with a unique experience all to themselves. Your dialogue is etched in stone. Your memories become permanent markers of clearly something that has never been done before. It is surreal theater for the demented and the delusional. And it's fuckin fun.

Many elements of the past Blackout experience are present. But new ones are thrown in. I got a sense of a lull before the storm, becoming panic stricken moving from place to place and darkness became the dread that keeps on giving everytime I go to a Blackout haunt. What Blackout does so effectively is amplify your senses into overdrive. Sight is not just one sense they play with, they also go with sound, smell and touch. You start to realize your comfort zone is realizing you won't have one and dealing with it.

Blackout has been all about the fear and they challenge you to overcome a variety of general fears we all have. Like going through a psychologist's list of ailments, they chose a few that many probably secretly have but dare not tell anybody. You'll need to overcome these fears quickly in order to move on. Sure you can call SAFETY, but that's not in my fuckin vocabulary. It's quite a sense of accomplishment when you can be victimized mentally and physically but get through it unscathed. I will say there are some levels of abuse or what you can call pseudo torture. But more so it's clearly all in your head. The mind makes it real.

In terms of the performances, I will say they were slow burn and meticulously fantastic. To be able to spend quality time with these charaters for longer than 2 minutes (compared to the October haunts) is why the off season is worth every penny. Each character you are introduced to is unique and central to what is going on. They talk to you and you can respond when prompted. They are there to push the agenda, the story and to make you realize you are there because you want to be there.

Which brings us to the story. I've mentioned this before,  Blackout is like being a final girl/guy in your own horror movie. And in this off season haunt, you will become one and follow a linear story with the twist being you're part of it. What you will slowly realize is Blackout is part of the story too and they will make you pay wickedly for the time you spend there.

Blackout Haunted House 2013 Off Season NYC Winter haunt is without a doubt the apex of the Blackout experience. There were many moments of uncomfortableness and humiliation that many people will run away from to avoid. What do I do? I pay a ticket to experience it. I have longed to be part of theater, a wannabe actor in my mind who believed I could be the ultimate survivor.

But I'm probably just a crazed loon who should be in a mental hospital, locked up in the dark with a surgical mask on. The doctors saying all you need to say is "safety" and we'll let you out. And what do I do, I start shaking my head.

"No, I will never ever say it....never...never....ever."

****************************************************************
Blackout Haunted House NYC 2013 Off Season Haunt Testimonials
Blackout Haunted House Reviews and Walkthroughs
Blackout Haunted House Invite Only, Off Season Spring Haunt Reviews and Walkthroughs
Leave any comments/questions on The Jaded Viewer Facebook Page or on Twitter

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Blackout Haunted House Testimonials Part 4: Off Season NYC Winter Haunt (2013)


Here is Part 4 of the Blackout Survivors testimonials. In this edition, Special K (who wrote a wallkthrough of the 2012 October Haunt) gives us her thoughts about partaking for a second time into their off season haunt. Theater can make quite an impact, and Special K discusses her trials and tribulations in the testimonial below.

Oh what we do for a free t-shirt.

This is the last Survivor review. I'll be posting my own review of Blackout Haunted House's NYC Off Season Winter Haunt at the end of this week.

(I believe it's necessary you get different perspectives of the others who attended well. Collected below and in the upcoming days are reviews and testimonials of some of the brave "Survivors" who dared to go where only a few decided to tread. You'll hear from men and women who decided to attain glorious bragging rights to the horror interactive theater production that is Blackout. Some are hardcore veterans while others are semi new. But all are bizarrely addicted to the adrenaline rush of being the protagonist of their own horror movie.)

****************************************************************

When off season tickets opened up to Blackout's nearly 10,000 strong fan base this year, I was slightly worried.  I should have known better.  In hindsight it was a brilliant move; we, the fans, had to rely on each other like never before in order to reserve an appointment.  And without divulging our secrets I will say this: the morning tickets went on sale, the game had already started. And it wouldn't be over until Blackout decided it should be, and well, (spoiler): it never is...  
 
With less than I week to prepare, my anxiety kicked into overdrive.  I had struggled with Spring 2012 and was left questioning my decision to enter into that world again.  What if something similar - or worse - was in store?  I had to act fast and I had to do it on blind trust.  But this addiction has no remedy -- of course I returned.  And I'm so glad I gave them another chance -- they blew it out of the water.  
 
I've been sworn to secrecy on specifics, but I will say this: from the moment I stepped inside I knew this chapter was different. When the experience began, I was lulled into meditative bliss by the sights and sounds around me.  Going forward, this show hit all my deepest emotional triggers: embarrassment, eroticism, humor, fear, tenderness and nostalgia.  
 
There was a moment that at one time in my life would have sent me into a petrified panic.  I didn't enjoy it, but the fact that I allowed it to unfold was huge.  These people have already seen me naked, at my most vulnerable, and there's nothing worse. Sometimes you don't really know what you're capable of until you no longer have a choice.  The fact that I got past this without too much struggle was intensely liberating.  

Another moment touched so close to home it made me second guess whether this was still a show or a real life memory - and nearly made me cry.
 
The entire experience was cinematic and story driven.  One of the magical things about Blackout is their ability to transport each participant into another world.  You lose yourself in there - anything that troubles you on the outside no longer exists. Perhaps more powerful, things that should trouble you on the inside, no longer do.  It's pure survival.  An opportunity to be completely absorbed in the moment like this is healing and trans formative.   The pressure is on, it's all about you -  but these actors are so talented, you forget all of that.  
 
This is no longer a haunted house.  It has evolved into theatre in its most raw, vital form.  Prior to Blackout, I enjoyed going to shows but there was always a disconnect.  I couldn't relate characteristics of myself to an actor who was confident and comfortable in the spotlight.
 
By redefining what it means to be an audience member, Blackout has made a believer out of this horror chick turned theater fan. In here, those lines blur.  The actors are with you.  And sometimes they're even more than that. In here, you almost feel like you're one of them.  And they're one of you.
  
"I find myself in the middle of an eye, watching myself in its blank stare."
 
This year, after the adrenaline wore off (spoiler: it took days) I was left with a haunting sense of peace.  This show was brilliantly, beautifully horrific and tugged at my heartstrings with it's poignant, existential intimacy.  It meant a lot to me, Blackout. I can't wait to see where the story takes us next.

-Special K

Were you one of the lucky Survivors? Want to share your thoughts to the world. Facebook or tweet me your review (no spoilers please).

****************************************************************

Blackout Haunted House NYC 2013 Off Season Haunt Testimonials

Blackout Haunted House Reviews and Walkthroughs
Blackout Haunted House Invite Only, Off Season Spring Haunt Reviews and Walkthroughs
Leave any comments/questions on The Jaded Viewer Facebook Page or on Twitter

Monday, February 11, 2013

Blackout Haunted House Testimonials Part 3: Off Season NYC Winter Haunt (2013)


For Part 3, I have treat for you. Survivor "Wrapped in Plastic" discusses HER thoughts about the infamous off season Winter experience. Men and Women alike attended this haunt and it left a crater sized mind fuck in our heads.

Seriously, the shit we did for this goddamn free t-shirt was insane.

Before I post my own review of Blackout Haunted House's NYC Off Season Winter Haunt, I believe it's necessary you get different perspectives of the others who attended well. Collected below and in the upcoming days are reviews and testimonials of some of the brave "Survivors" who dared to go where only a few decided to tread. You'll hear from men and women who decided to attain glorious bragging rights to the horror interactive theater production that is Blackout. Some are hardcore veterans while others are semi new. But all are bizarrely addicted to the adrenaline rush of being the protagonist of their own horror movie.

Check back at midnight over the next few weeks as you hear from the brave souls who survived.

****************************************************************

For the first time in four events, I left Blackout laughing. Granted, it was a wild-eyed, shell-shocked, half-hysterical kind of laughter, but the experience left me giddy. Over the span of 45 (sometimes too-long, sometimes too-short) minutes, I had faced up to my greatest fears, performed in acts that left me tearful and delighted, and left trembling and transcendent from the heady rush of adrenaline that Blackout produces so well.

More so than in the past, a clearly defined narrative dictates the overall structure of this show. This is the first time I've felt Blackout move definitively past the realm of walk-through haunted house and into being an act of immersive psychological theater. There's no doubt that this is a play, but a play unlike any you've ever seen before, made that much more effective by your involvement as the ostensible protagonist of the story. The caliber of performances and aesthetics of the set design are on par with any traditional staged play I've seen and certain themes echo throughout that remind you that this is still theatre, only evolved. 


The rooms are almost elegant in their simplicity. Even those that you immediately recognize as places of horror are carefully arranged so as to frame you and the actors in such a way that you can't forget that You Are Here and that you are a part of this and that really, you only have yourself to blame for it. The actors move as wolves around you, the sacrificial lamb cut off from your flock, always with a reservation of energy and an underlying threat of violence liable to explode at any moment. And it will. And it does.

These images, yellowed flashbulb snaps of me and them and us together and even rooms of no one at all, are still as vivid to me as though they'd just occurred - mental Polaroids that cut through the rush of adrenaline that is at times deafening. In the past the constant movement through the scenes tended to make everything that happens to you a blur in recollection, but the stayed hand you see exercising careful control over each moment creates an experience that will lingers vivid long after the emotion settles out.

Subtlety is a key word. By comparison, Blackout's Halloween events are a 30-minute long roller-coaster ride in which you're jerked from one startling encounter to the next. This time, however, the limited number of scenes and increased length of performance this time gives ample room to settle into the moment.
 

Considering I'd spent the previous several days in an increasingly panicked build-up to the event, being left with my own thoughts is a devious way to let my imagination get the best of me. The mind fills in the blanks that are left, and when you're already familiar with the experiences that Blackout can deliver, those blanks aren't going to be filled with warm fuzzies. At one point I became so wrapped up in my own paranoid delusions that I started to physically tremble, shaking uncontrollably under the weight of my own anticipation. The scene in question involved no one but myself.

But don't let any of this reserve lull you into a sense of security - it's only the deafening, dreadful quiet that comes between cracks of thunder. This is the most confrontational Blackout that I've experienced. Certainly Spring 2012 was challenging (who's comfortable getting naked in front of strangers? me, apparently) but the psychological games that this performance plays go far deeper. As a pervasive theme that amplified in Halloween 2012, Blackout continues to toe a very fine line between sexuality and violence. They push their own boundaries to create scenarios that all at once repulse and arouse, horrify and titillate. The scenes are visceral blows, senses assaulted by a barrage of smells, sights, touches, and sounds that shake you out of your day-to-day mind and pull you deep into the experience. Your body responds without your mind being able to catch up as each sense is overwhelmed in turn.

And if you think you're unafraid of anything, give it time. Blackout will find what disturbs you, and there's nothing quite like when they find what sets off those reptile-brain reactions and you forget all rationality. You will know that they know when they've found it, and that's almost as scary as actually experiencing it. It's through this give-and-take that personally, I've realized that maybe my greatest fear (when forced to either face it or quit outright) maybe isn't my greatest fear anymore, and though I couldn't call that experience pleasant, it's a bit of a revelation to realize how much Blackout has shaped my reactions to things that frighten me. Old fears seem less scary when you've survived them, but new ones emerge to take their place when you experience them for the first time.

When I fled from the location, I ran into another Survivor who came to meet me. She asked me what thought and the first thing I shouted, laughing, was "It was beautiful." Blackout has outdone themselves. Their voice has been evolving since this all began, and this time, I feel like they've nailed it. The lingering tones of faith and fanaticism, sex and violence, beauty and filth have never been as clear as they were this time around, from the looking-glass opening until the final shocking end. They've raised the bar not only for their eager audience but for themselves as well. I'm proud beyond description to witness this evolution and to be a part of Blackout. And after being so changed by these experiences, I'm even more proud that Blackout has become a part of me.

-Wrapped in Plastic

Were you one of the lucky Survivors? Want to share your thoughts to the world. Facebook or tweet me your review (no spoilers please).

****************************************************************

Blackout Haunted House NYC 2013 Off Season Haunt Testimonials

Blackout Haunted House Reviews and Walkthroughs
Blackout Haunted House Invite Only, Off Season Spring Haunt Reviews and Walkthroughs
Leave any comments/questions on The Jaded Viewer Facebook Page or on Twitter

Friday, February 08, 2013

Blackout Haunted House Testimonials Part 2: Off Season NYC Winter Haunt (2013)


And the testimonials continue....

More Survivors explaining why they endured for 45 minutes for that damn free t-shirt.

Before I post my own review of Blackout Haunted House's NYC Off Season Winter Haunt, I believe it's necessary you get different perspectives of the others who attended well. Collected below and in the upcoming days are reviews and testimonials of some of the brave "Survivors" who dared to go where only a few decided to tread. You'll hear from men and women who decided to attain glorious bragging rights to the horror interactive theater production that is Blackout. Some are hardcore veterans while others are semi new. But all are bizarrely addicted to the adrenaline rush of being the protagonist of their own horror movie.

Check back at midnight over the next few weeks as you hear from the brave souls who survived.

****************************************************************

"America. Our entertainment is generic. Boring. Mass produced. Safe. TV, movies, food, fashion, even mainstream PG13 horror - it all has to fit inside the boundaries of the lowest common denominators. Blackout actively seeks out your boundaries so it can explode through them and snuggle up close to all of the fears, secrets and desires you'd rather not share with anyone. Blackout is not generic. Blackout is very much not safe. Blackout Haunted House - the name is a little misleading. There are no clowns with chainsaws. There are no vampires or zombies. The "house" isn't the thing that's haunted. Once Blackout is through with you, you're the thing that's haunted."



-D-Vice


"This is the first off season that I've had the pleasure of experiencing. Having gone through Halloween 2012 twice I had a small grasp on how Blackout operated. Also armed with the reviews of the Jaded Viewer I felt I had enough working knowledge to take on an off-season show. I'll follow up that statement with this: That's not something you prepare for.... this is the kind of shit that you see someone for after surviving it.

The show starts and it's calm, almost hypnotic as I'm transported to the world of Blackout. It's a strange feeling to know that you've bought a ticket to a show....only to realize that it's about you. They take their time to set the mood, and really immerse you in this experience. Everything else around you melts away and you're left in their world....they're in control now.

Blackout as a whole is a mentally and physically challenging experience that aims to push you to your furthest limits, then wave as they go flying by. It's an incredible shock to the senses, as they toy with many aspects of our normal lives, make you take a step back and see how devoted you are to an ideology, or the significance you place in it. They force you into situations where your choices dictate your outcome, determining if you'll continue on.

After that night, I was left with more questions than an episode of 'Lost'. It left me bewildered, a little confused, a little neglected. On the ride home I used the time to reflect, not only on what I had just been through, but myself as well. The show, of course is a dramatization of real life events that could feasibly happen to anyone.....on the unluckiest day of their life. It's still rooted in “real life” though and it kept me up for a quite a while. What would I actually do in those situations? How would I react? Would I shut down, or fight back? It gave me a new found respect for the characters and stories I love so much in my favorite movies. To be given just a taste of what “the last survivor” is going through in the final scenes, or being thrown into the climax of a movie.....it brings things into perspective as I sit here tonight armchair quarterbacking the horror movie playing in the background.

As dumbfounded as I was wandering NYC after that show, I was proud. I rose to the challenge and took on Winter Blackout. I made it through- I survived."

– Scarecrow


Were you one of the lucky Survivors? Want to share your thoughts to the world. Facebook or tweet me your review (no spoilers please).


****************************************************************

Blackout Haunted House NYC 2013 Off Season Haunt Testimonials

Blackout Haunted House Reviews and Walkthroughs
Blackout Haunted House Invite Only, Off Season Spring Haunt Reviews and Walkthroughs
Leave any comments/questions on The Jaded Viewer Facebook Page or on Twitter




Bookmark and Share

Thursday, February 07, 2013

Blackout Haunted House Testimonials Part 1: Off Season NYC Winter Haunt (2013)


Oh what we do for a free t-shirt.

Before I post my own review of Blackout Haunted House's NYC Off Season Winter Haunt, I believe it's necessary you get different perspectives of the others who attended well. Collected below and in the upcoming days are reviews and testimonials of some of the brave "Survivors" who dared to go where only a few decided to tread. You'll hear from men and women who decided to attain glorious bragging rights to the horror interactive theater production that is Blackout. Some are hardcore veterans while others are semi new. But all are bizarrely addicted to the adrenaline rush of being the protagonist of their own horror movie.

Check back at midnight over the next few weeks as you hear from the brave souls who survived.

****************************************************************

"Being a Blackout veteran, calling "safety" is not an option. However, at last night's event, my limits were pushed beyond comprehension and I almost cracked. The ending felt like some twisted grand finale to a master plan that the creators orchestrated over the course of years and for a few brief moments I felt fooled by my trust for them and ultimately surrendered to my fate. All I could think about during those horrific final moments was that I had signed my name on the dotted line and had sealed my own fate. The last 5 minutes were a whirlwind which left me disheveled, disoriented, and jolted to the core. Then the next thing I knew, I was outside. I was safe...but I was not sound."  


-WeeJee

"Blackout 2013 Off Season = Unparalleled suspense & anticipation; Mentally & physically challenging; Artistic & shocking. In other words, brilliant! Congrats again to the creative, cast & crew of Blackout, love your obedient servant..."


-Bailey Squared


"SECRET: the other night, I cheated on Blackout...with Blackout. And dreams do come true. So, it's taken me two days and a night of voyeurism to come to terms with what went down that rainy Tuesday night...the fog has lifted, and i'm still saying to myself, "what the hell just happened?" I fell in love with Blackout during Halloween 2009, and I never thought I'd relive that deep, dark feeling of doing it for the first time again. But what differentiates this latest off-season from any other Blackout event is that it culminates in a way that can never and will never be duplicated in any circumstance. Sure, you can replicate many of the sick and twisted scenes Blackout has become known for in the comfort of your own home. But THIS...this will go down in history as The Night I Will Never Forget, and I have Blackout to thank for it."


-Queen B for Bitch


**************************************************************** 

Blackout Haunted House NYC 2013 Off Season Haunt Testimonials

Blackout Haunted House Reviews and Walkthroughs
Blackout Haunted House Invite Only, Off Season Spring Haunt Reviews and Walkthrough


Leave any comments/questions on The Jaded Viewer Facebook Page or on Twitter




Bookmark and Share

Monday, January 28, 2013

Blackout Haunted House Off Season Winter Haunt Begins This Week


If you blinked, you may have missed it. That's because Blackout Haunted House pulled a twisty twizzler and has decided to have their off season Spring haunt in the dead of a damn cold NYC winter. Here's what they sent over in an e-mail on Thursday.

we figured you couldn't wait for spring,
so the 2013 nyc off-season events will begin very soon.
unlike years past, this year's off-season will be open to anyone and everyone,
although a very limited number of tickets will be released.
this year's off-season will begin somewhere in the East Village.
the experience will take approximately 45 minutes per person and you must come alone.
you will receive the address the night before you begin.
we recommend you act fast and get your tickets as quickly as possible.
we'll send more information soon with a link to purchase tickets.
get ready because once it begins it will happen very fast.

do you want in this year? are you ready?

On Friday, at 4pm as I refreshed my e-mail, the Blackout Facebook page like a mad man with ADD, they sent over the link for tickets. There are only a few spots open so if you're in NYC, you can attend the off season haunt. Mind you, it's a bit pricey. At $135 but you do get the following:
  • One admission to the January NYC event 
  •  A Blackout t-shirt
  •  A special pre-sale ticket offer for the Halloween
Per the Blackout Facebook page, it starts somewhere in the East Village in NYC. The exact address is given at midnight the day before you go. About 90 slots were up for grabs, now only a few remain. Well you've read all my reviews and walkthroughs. Dare to go to a 45 minute extreme theater interactive performance you won't forget?

Hell I've survived 2 Spring haunts and 3 Halloween ones and I still get fuckin nervous before I go. Expect a review and possible walkthrough after the run.

Let the games begin!

Blackout Haunted House Reviews and Walkthroughs
Blackout Haunted House Invite Only, Off Season Spring Haunt Reviews and Walkthroughs
You can go also leave any comments/questions on The Jaded Viewer Facebook Page or on Twitter.

Monday, January 21, 2013

Top 10 Horror Movies of 2012


Well here it is...as always in the middle of January my Top Horror Movies of 2012! Sorry for taking so long to get this posted but I had to catch up on some of the movies I missed this year (yet again) I usually look at other bloggers and horror site's lists and watch the movies that I missed.

This year, there is no #11-20 list. I just didn't see that many movies this year. It was one of those years I just lacked on the horror movie watching as well as the blogging. My apologies for the low number of posts this year. I know many people use what I post here to see movies I recommend and what they missed. I promise I'll try to be better this year.

My list has few movies that have appeared on others but I do put a spin on the order. I had a different take on what was considered "the best" this  year and my picks are totally abnormal from everybody else. I'm just quirky that way.

First some fun facts and sidenotes!
  • Though some of these movies came out in 2011, I label any movie that got  wide releases or DVD releases in 2012 as coming out in 2012.

  • It's a mix of indie horror and theatrical releases but mostly indies.

  • I missed seeing some theatrical and indie horror movies but you have to rank what you saw so that's what I'm doing.

  • The top 10 films broken down by country: USA = 5, UK=2, Canada=1, Australia=1, Spain=1, 

  • The 10 films broken down by spinkick rating: 4 spinkicks=3, 3 and 1/2 spinkicks= 3, 3 spinkicks=4
  • There are a record 4 spinkick movies on this list!

  • A movie that had 4 spinkicks doesn't necessarily mean it was better.

  • To read the entire review of the film click on the title.

So what did 2012 offer us in the world of horror?

  • This list is dominated by independent horror films (again)

  • In a twist, there are no movies from the Pacific
  • Sequels and remakes dominated Hollywood yet again...and I'm fuckin bored of it.

  • Everybody has Cabin in the Woods on their lists.

  • The number one movie on my list is from the USA for the second straight year!!! (can you believe it???)

I take it some of picks will lead to WTF faces and "you're fuckin crazy". Isn't that the fun of these year end Top 10s? Let's get to the list! Here are some honorable mentions.

The Walking Dead (Season 3): Loved the first half of S3.
The Dead: Great African zombie film.
I missed a lot of great mainstream and indie horror films this year. I hope to get caught up soon.

OK now on to the list!


10.) V/H/S (3 spinkicks)

VHS somehow pulls off what amounts to a mega punch in the stomach. 5 segments, each directed by a film veteran are wrapped around a plot of a group of kids looking for a mysterious VHS tape in a seemingly creepy house. Though not all the shorts are great, each one is solid and creative enough to put you on the edge of your seat. The shaky cam will get you reaching for the Dramamine and the acting is highly questionable. Think Troma stiffboardines.
But aside from it's drawbacks (another being which short would anchor the ending) it delivers on a promise of being a "back to the roots" kind of underground horror. Splashes of monsters, home invasion, Paranormal Activity phenomenon are just a few of the things you'll see. But the overall theme seemed to be douchebags getting their comeuppance. We all like seeing drunk, horny, misogynistic miscreant fuck ups getting slaughtered by the obvious vixen in the bottle and VHS delivers just that.

VHS is a feel good throwback to an 80s style grindhouse. Gore and nudity, the staples of any horror breakfast are plentiful and wrapped around in stories that will make every horror fan smirk and applause with delight.




9.) [Rec] 3 Genesis (3 spinkicks)

Rec 3 is clearly the lull before the storm. I'm hoping  Jaume Balaguero will go all out crazy with Rec Apocalypse to end this series on a good note. Most horror fans, bloggers and critics are caught in the middle with Rec 3 as it pulls into a totally different direction than the first 2. But you have to admit, from the traditional filmmaking and the POV mixed in and a wedding day that you won't soon forget it really does pack some line dancing hilarity and oozes kegs of blood.

I think the fun in Rec 3 is mixing those two together and somehow the series feels Rec-ish but has something new to offer. At 120 minutes, it's not like we had scenes of drawn out nothingness. Everything in Rec 3 is paced with some scares and funions, the acting is delightful and the gore and splatter are plentiful.

What's not to like? Thank goodness they didn't start dancing Gangnam Style. I would have just shut the movie off right then and there.






8.) Maniac (Remake 2012) (3 spinkicks)

 Maniac is a far departure of the normal horror movies in the indie circuit. It's a brutal and relentless 90 minute first person point of view of a slasher doing slasher things. With it's POV gimmick, it clearly forces you to LOOK directly at the horrific kills without a cutaway. It's this forced perspective that during the course of the movie makes you in every way live the life of Frank, our intrepid killer. The horror he creates is far from playing a Call of Duty game. It's realistically sickening and oddly sympathetic as Elijah Wood's performance transcends the Joe Spinnell one in an American Psycho sorta way.

Once you get over the fact it's a remake that follows the originals story, the POV hitch, and that it takes place in Los Angeles (say what?) it is a unique piece of horror cinema. I was shocked by how it made me care about this misogynistic motherfucker, his past and his longing for companionship. From it's shocking opening  to it's WTF ending, you can't ignore Maniac's rawness of bring a serial killer movie into a whole new level.





7.) Kill List (3 spinkicks)

On the surface, Kill List looks to be your standard five and dime crime thriller. Underworld goons doing their trade eliminating threats for $$. But as I thought about the film after watching it, you start seeing the layers underneath Kill List that enable you to see a movie that has more than meets the eye.

Kill List is a film that slowly burns you into a look into the life of a retired hit man and scopes out a world where his past, his present and his future all collide into an orgy of madness. It's an interesting journey seeing a drama, gore soaked slaughter and a Wicker Man-ish horror flick all blended into one. Sure there is a twist at the end and numerous unanswered questions which make you go WTF but it stills hit you harder than a hail of bullets.

What you'll get from Kill List is a character study of a soldier turned assassin who elects to try to live as a normal but it seems PTSD and pure conditioning to kill are not as easy to shut down when you get home. There is pure hell to pay for the sins of your past and it seems mysterious forces want have molded our hit man's world into their own.

Kill List is a solid flick that may seem like Pulp Fiction without the glitz and glamour. And for that it gets high marks for showing me a touch of all the genres I love from the UK.





6.) Excision (3 spinkicks)

In Excision, Richard Bates debut film based on his short, a coming of age story on a volcano of WTF. Delusional and dreamlike, Excision is suburban America macabre, weirdness with a smile and a bloody mouth. It feels American Mary-ish but less grown up. Which isn't really a bad thing. I would say it would be this years The Woman, where we see the suburban darkness in a Tim Burton like universe.


Excision is that little film that questions our American values and whether or not we can find happiness in who we are and whether or not we can do it while were a little bit crazy.

Underneath the prototypical family is a world we don't necessarily see. Everybody is a bit crazy, has dreams that would make the most alpha male cringe but we hide those feelings and those thoughts deep into the trenches of our brain.

Some people let it all out and show the world who they really are. So who's really normal huh?






5.)  I Am A Ghost (4 spinkicks)

 Mendoza's I Am a Ghost is a slow burn ghost story that channels all the suspense of Kubrick film and releases it's madness Ti West style. You have to admire a film that throwsback to a cinematic style of vintaginess and still delivers. Add the fact the entire movie is centrally focused on one character, Emily (Anna Ishida) and in one setting, an old Victorian house and it's a bit risky endeavor. But that's why indie horror is a frontier. You'll never know if it will work if you don't try right?

I Am a Ghost plays with the viewer, forcing a WTF in every brief but cryptic scene until it slowly lets you in on the secrets that plague our dear Emily. Like a non linear jigsaw puzzle, all the pieces begin to make sense as the picture progresses (the eggs!!!) and once you see the entirety of the film, it's quite a sight to behold. It's full of chilling moments, superb acting and a twizzer twist on the ghost genre.

Mendoza's story could easily draw comparisons to The Sixth Sense, The Others and The Innkeepers but that would be a disservice. What this film does is create a sense of dread, hopelessness and mystery and reveals a young woman's disturbing secret has not been eliminated in death. It's a journey through a photographic album of a life that was full of hardship and pain, where our instinctive nature to see a happy ending won't be answered. The very nature of the ghost story is that it is suppose to scare you. But here we are in a comforting role though the scares do come in a frenetic ending.






4.)  John Dies at the End (3 spinkicks)

John Dies at the End is all that is great with indie horror cinema. It's full of wacky and memorable characters and every scene oozes more WTF from the last. It is Bill and Ted but for horror fans. The premise is so kooky, it's like you're seeing a mental patients wet dream. What JDATE does is really smack you with 80s horror ingenuity, spew out comedic literature a mile a minute while making sure you have no idea what's going to happen next.

It's really a fun horror comedy that is this year's Tucker and Dale. Dave and John (our main protagonists) are a dynamic duo who tackle apocalyptic evil in a most hilarious way possible. I had a feeling John Dies would be on my Top 10 list of 2012.

Once I finished seeing it, I knew exactly where to put it. 

It's one of the best movies of 2012 as it hits all the right notes on how effective indie horror can be when you can take the source material and be faithful to the essence of why it's a cult classic. Yes John Dies will be the strangest horror movie you will see this year. But it's the drug you need to take.






3.) The Loved Ones (4 spinkicks)

The Loved Ones is the perfect combination of sour and sweet. One moment your seeing all  hell break bloody loose and the next you're watching the nostalgia of prom night. It's the two perspectives on a special night, one that is awkwardly normal and the other straight out of a bizarro horror world. Our protagonist Brent gets the latter and it's been a while since I openly rooted for our final guy to get his revenge served cold.

This is the movie horror fans will call a cult classic and the ones horror fans will recommend to their causal movie fan friends. Prom has always had hijinky and quirky moments. That pesky virginity has to be lost. But you also grow up on that special night. In horror terms, you survive and that's all that counts.


Whatever you may think, The Loved Ones cements what I love about horror movies. Sometimes watching over an hour of hardcore horror is way too much. Intersperse it with scenes of juvenile American Pie jokes and it lessens the eye strain. The way the Loved Ones completes its plot and story arc make it feel like you watched a damn good stand alone episode of Carrie but Australian.

We'll get our prom gone all fucked up this year when Carrie goes all telekinetic, but if you want your fix now, I highly recommend you watch The Loved Ones as soon as you can. It's as good as getting a hole in your head.






2.) American Mary (4 spinkicks)

American Mary is without a doubt one of the best movies of 2012. It is a dissection into the world of body modification that takes a wrong, dreadful turn for the worst. Full of long lasting scenes of female empowerment taken to the limits, it is by far the most powerful, stylized and slickest look into one woman's journey from hopeful optimism to a revenge served cold despotism. The Soska Sisters have created a horror film that is light years ahead of their previous effort. With American Mary, they give us a Joss Whedon like character study into Mary (Katharine Isabelle), who we will see grow up and find her place in the world after experiencing severe trauma.

Never have I seen a movie that delves into this subculture, treats it respectfully and slices in a perfect horror movie inside. I guarantee American Mary will etch it's way into cult status. It's perfect blend of sly black humor, absurd and eerie characters and torturous scenes of pain and agony that equal a milkshake of cult awesomeness.

Horror movies have just grown up in a big way thanks to American Mary.



And the #1 Horror Movie of 2012 is...........






1.) The Cabin in the Woods (4 spinkicks)

The Cabin in the Woods is the best horror movie of 2012. To go even further, it probably is the best horror comedy of the last 10 years. My fellow jaded viewers, CITW is better than Scream (sorry Wes) and all its bastard children. Tucker and Dale vs Evil hinted towards a meta aware horror comedy but CITW goes lights years beyond that. Simply and concisely summarized, Cabin is a meta self aware revolutionary horror comedy that takes those structured horror cliches, be it the stereotypical characters, the irrational choices, the set direction and the mythos and goes all man behind the curtain on it.

Joss and Drew go all Wizard of Oz-ing on the horror genre and it's so brilliant, so awesome and so fucking clever you will leave the theater in a state of pure happy happy joy joy bliss and understand why #CabinintheWoodsisEPIC was trending on Twitter. It's a horror reference machine, sending you cameos, trends and cliches a mile a minute and it asks you to get it. Do you get it? Do you understand the parody of what you're seeing? You don't? Then go ask somebody. Go watch the Universal classics, the slasher franchises, the Kubrick masterpiece. Then you'll understand why Cabin is going to spawn it's own genre and some bastard children of it's own.

The Cabin in the Woods will be remembered as a game changer in the world of horror. It's a horror movie within the making of a horror movie. The Whedon elements are pure mythological magic, where he introduces something new to an audience that has long forgotten or chosen to forget why we all love the horror genre.

Goddard and Whedon break down into the slasher formula and ask the questions we've all asked before, during and after the movie. We've always questioned character motivations, absurd coincidences, elaborate backstory and heroic save the day moments but never has it been put in a movie so brilliantly and with such style and and LOL zingers.

A new generation of millennials has now been introduced us to the topsy turvy world of Hellmouth 101.

****************************************************
OK, I know you fellow jaded viewers have your opinions and your own lists. So go ahead and let me know what your top 10 is and what other flicks I may have excluded. Chime in and let me know what you think.

This list of the Top 20 Horror Movies of 2012 also is an opportunity to see the movies you may have missed that made many of the best of 2012 within the horror community. We all missed a few flicks here and there. I hope you all give all of these movies a chance and then come back and let me know what's the what.

The Jaded Viewer Related Linkage

Friday, January 18, 2013

The Loved Ones (Review)

The Loved Ones

The Loved Ones (2012)

Directed by Sean Byrne

A standard horror movie runs about 90 minutes. When it runs 80 minutes you start to think "Well, it seems there were some budget concerns". But you can do a lot in 80 minutes and The Loved Ones does just that.

Released in 2009 in Australia, one can only wonder why this movie didn't get at least a theatrical release. Is it because Hollywood plans a remake? God knows they wouldn't have the balls to make it. Sean Byrne's debut film is filled with WTF moment after WTF moment, it's relentless and will make gorehounds ejaculate with glee (that's glee you perv). What it also does is pack some black humor into the mix, as the torture porn is packed with LOL bizarre moments. A "B" story also gives us some high school comedy like moments that eases our tension throughout the film.

The Loved Ones is the perfect combination of sour and sweet. One moment your seeing all  hell break bloody loose and the next you're watching the nostalgia of prom night. It's the two perspectives on a special night, one that is awkwardly normal and the other straight out of a bizarro horror world. Our protagonist Brent gets the latter and it's been a while since I openly rooted for our final guy to get his revenge served cold.

This is the movie horror fans will call a cult classic and the ones horror fans will recommend to their causal movie fan friends. Prom has always had hijinky and quirky moments. That pesky virginity has to be lost. But you also grow up on that special night. In horror terms, you survive and that's all that counts.

Boring Plot-O-Matic

When Brent turns down his classmate Lola's invitation to the prom, she concocts a wildly violent plan for revenge. 

Awesome Review-O-Matic

Poor Brent. He gets a case of those sad as his father dies in a car crash as Brent who was driving avoids a figure on the road. Months later, he has an overly concerned mom and a pretty hot girlfriend Holly. He also has a horndog best friend, likes Metallica and smokes weed.

Lola has not none of that. Just a crazy fucked up dad and some finger licking good chicken.

And so begins one of the best movies of 2012. Soon Lola's obsession for Brent has her having her own personal prom with Brent, her insane dad and zombiefied mom and something in the basement. It's not going to be good times for Brent as he's going to have to endure a Hostel torture endurance challenge that would make even Eli Roth squeal. In a parallel story, Brent's BFF Jaime goes to prom with Mia (a goth chick chopped full of attitude). It's this story that gives us breathers in between Brent's unfortunate events. As his girlfriend and the sheriff search for our missing final guy, it all leads to a punch in the stomach ending.

What The Loved Ones does so effectively is not take it self so seriously. It's a horror movie no doubt but the mood is a mix of 80s John Hughes high school melo-comedy if it were on bath salts. The movie is very tight. There are no scenes that seem unnecessary. Nobody goes and talks in wild tangent monologues. We get serious bang for our buck and the ride is so demented, so fucked up and so hilariously awesome you want to say why can't all horror movies be this good.

Describing The Loved Ones, you'd easily say it's about a demented wannabe prom queen who tortures her obsession. But in a way, it's got suspense thriller written all over it. In a way, it's  kidnapping plot through and through where everybody is trying to figure out where the hell did Brent go? You want him to escape (and he does have his chances) and you want him to defend himself and somehow not get as badly damaged (but he totally gets badly fuckin damaged).

The performances are pretty dead on. Xavier Samuel plays a quiet, reserved but resilient Brent. At times he goes silent, showing the pain through serious squeamish inducing interrogation scenes. The father played by John Brumpton goes outback killer daddy. Skilled with experience on making people scream. But it's Robin McLeavy as Lola aka Princess who's decked out in a pink prom dress that steals the show. She plays the sadistic serial killer perfectly, blending in kid like happys with some black humor. Clearly insane, McLeavy does a fantastic job in bringing up fucked up bitch to a whole new level.

The Loved Ones does go into arduous scenes of Hostel territory. The slice and dice torture of Brent is masterfully executed. Armed with knives and a power drill, Lola executes her fucked up torture on a soundtrack of not being pretty enough. It's the little things that give you a glimpse of how Lola's world is like Leatherface family on steroids. Her mom has been zombified, she keeps a scrapbook of her best boy toys now dead and loves milk and chicken. It's well crafted to make you hate her so that by the end, you may want to clap at her demise.

Within here are skilled WTF moments, the craziest being what the fuck is in the basement. Also, just skilled playful scenes of a boy stuck in a tree. It's the balance of black LOL humor and horrific massacre of bodily harm that works. Because when we're not seeing Brent fucked up, we follow his BFF Jaime and his prom date Mia. It's this 80s comedy throwback of stoner boy with goth-tard chick doing teenager hi jinks that balances both story lines as we watch, then connects them at the end.

So you may ask who are the loved ones? Well it seems love comes in all form from what Byrne point of view. A father to a daughter, a mom/dad to a son, a girl to a boy, a crazy sicko girl to a boy. A boy to his dog. Clearly we must decide which relationship strikes a chord the most to us and realize love can be good or it can become the evilest thing you've ever seen. 

Whatever you may think, The Loved Ones cements what I love about horror movies. Sometimes watching over an hour of hardcore horror is way too much. Intersperse it with scenes of juvenile American Pie jokes and it lessens the eye strain. The way the Loved Ones completes its plot and story arc make it feel like you watched a damn good stand alone episode of Carrie but Australian.

We'll get our prom gone all fucked up this year when Carrie goes all telekinetic, but if you want your fix now, I highly recommend you watch The Loved Ones as soon as you can. It's as good as getting a hole in your head.

Nude-ipedia

Some steamy car sex boobs

Gore-ipedia

Lots of moments Kathryn Bigelow would be proud of

WTF moment


Finding out what was in the basement

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

The Loved Ones is out on DVD. Check out the official site. I really do recommend this film. It's a perfect horror film that should not have been relegated to straight to DVD status when it hit American shores last year.

Rating:


Check out the trailer.