Insano Steve’s One Sentence Reviews-O-Matic (Japanese Hipsters Edition)

It's this week's Insano Steve's one sentence review-o-matics. If you missed the previous editions, check out Perverted Militant Edition, Japanese Militant Edition, Slice and Dice Japanese Edition and Koreans are Wacky Edition. I tasked Insano Steve to review every movie in his DVD collection but instead he gave one sentence reviews (lazy bastard).

This week's edition: Japanese Hipsters Edition! This is probably the last of the IS Review-O- Matics. Enjoy.

• Suicide Club - there's lots of turnover in this club. i can't imagine how depressing the club meetings must be. can you guess how this movie ends? only in japan!
  
  
• Stacy - another average japanese zombie movie. in sailor moon outfits.
  
  
• Pulse - print screeno! otherwise, just a terrible movie.
  
  
• Tomie - girl kills boyfriend. dies. gets reincarnated. kills new boyfriend. dies. repeat cycle. wildly ambiguous ending!
  
  
• Party 7 - from the makers of funky forest. about a party with 7 people. all of them obnoxious. lots of screaming. lots of posing. a japanese 'jersey shore'.
  
  
• Stereo Future - another hipster japanese movie about samurais, oxygen bars, mute girls, and being hopelessly ambivalent. but i liked it anyway.
  
  
• Messengers - my favorite quirky japanese film. it's a movie about bike messengers. and the women who love them.
  
  
• Eko Eko Azarak series - 3 movies about a japanese teenage witch. a staggering lack of nudity.
  
  
• Blister - about japanese otakus/fan boys that fight to the death for a super rare action figure. not that bad. not that good either.
  

Categories: hipsters dying, insano steve, japanese, movie review of the day, steve's movie review of the day

Insano Steve’s One Sentence Reviews-O-Matic (Koreans are Wacky Edition)

It's this week's Insano Steve's one sentence review-o-matics. If you missed the previous editions, check out Perverted Militant Edition, Japanese Militant Edition and Slice and Dice Japanese Edition. I tasked Insano Steve to review every movie in his DVD collection but instead he gave one sentence reviews (lazy bastard).

This week's edition: Koreans are Wacky Edition! Enjoy.

• Memento Mori - The Korean lesbian atrocity. Nowhere near as good as I just made that sound.
  
  
• The Record - After making an impromptu snuff film, an exceptionally attractive Korean cast is killed off one by one. Chae Young Han!
  
  
• Attack the Gas Station - My personal favorite Korean movie. It's about a Korean gas station that is being held hostage. Features lots of wacky hijinks and assorted foolishness!
  

Categories: insano steve, korean horror, movie review of the day, steve's movie review of the day

Review of the Day: Hatchet

Hatchet

Hatchet (2006)
Directed by Adam Green

Old School American Horror. Motherfucker.

What makes a good, fun slasher movie? Below is a list of what we here at jadedviewer deem as full of chunky gooiness when it comes to the ingredients of a solid slasher-palooza.

Does Hatchet achieve everything on this list?

1.) A mysterious, insanely strong, ridiculed as a child, deformed, inbred redneck slasher.

Check.

2.) Gratuitous, over the top, super fleshy nudity (and seeing the boobies of a former Buffy the Vampire Slayer cast member)?

Check.

3.) Stereotypical teenage caricatures with a few old people who die gruesome and horrific over the top deaths?

Check.

4.) No Plot.

Check.

5.) Kills by our slasher that make you go "Fuck yeah!"

Check.

6.) Gore, lots of it. Like serious decapitation, dismemberment, impalement, hatchet frenzy steroid rages and blood shooting out at various penetration wounds, limbs a flailing and mindless splatter and mayhem

Check.

7.) Geeky leader who takes charge of the hapless group as they try to escape who befriends a hot girl who knows about the "legend" (there's always a legend no one believes)

Check.

8.) Funny yet ill timed dialogue but also various quips and one liners that are funny only the first time around (yet somehow funny again when you buy the DVD and only when you're stoned)

Check.

9.) Gratuitous cameos by actors who have portrayed horror legends (Candyman, Freddy Kreuger and Jason Voorhees) that make you flash a metal sign and do the Beavis and Butthead pseudo head nodding.

Check.

10.) Wildly ambigious ending that can be used to warrant a sequel?

Check.

Hatchet is 80 minutes of the most fun I've had in a theatre. I had to scour NYC to find the one theatre it was playing at. Some of the jokes were kinda lame but the characters were throwbacks: geeky leader, token black guy (who plays the token black guy to perfection), bimbos with the idiotic director, Floridian elderly touristy couple, hot looking local and the asian (or not so asian) tour captain.

And the throwbacks made me all nostalgiky. Our man, Hatchet head is by far the most solid slasher to come along in ages. He's not a mysterious, conjured up evil or a pissed off fisherman, nor is he two teenage horror buffs.

He's a deformed, inbred redneck with a big hatchet scar. His had put a hatchet in his fuckin head. That's a awesome slasher.

Hatchet is great fun. It won't change your life, but when has seeing gore and titties at the same time made you think of changing the way you live. Right?

Rating:

Tags:
movie review of the day, hatchet , american horror , horror movies, old school american horror ,Adam Green, gratuitous nudity, splatter, gore

Categories: Adam Green, american horror, gore, gratuitous nudity, hatchet, horror movies, movie review of the day, old school american horror, splatter