As I mentioned before, I'm reviewing all the After Dark Horrorfest 4 movies on UGO.com. I've made up a hub for all my reviews. Keep checking back as it will be updated once the reviews go live on UGO.com.
Here's a little excerpt from my review of Zombies of Mass Destruction.
"The zom com has been riding a high of late. Gone is your traditional slow moving scare em shoot em up zombie horror. It's been replaced by parodying self aware zombie comedies of late. So Zombies of Mass Destruction enters the fray into this subgenre. Is it as good as the Zombieland or Shaun of the Dead?
C'mon now. Of course not. But it's a damn fun ride."
As I mentioned before, I'm reviewing all the After Dark Horrorfest 4 movies on UGO.com. I've made up a hub for all my reviews. Keep checking back as it will be updated once the reviews go live on UGO.com.
Here's a little excerpt from my review of The Final.
"The best way to describe The Final is its Saw 90210. In a typical suburban high school, a group of self aware misfits and outcasted teens devise a plan (based on horror movies, oh how self aware!) to take revenge on the jocks, popular douchbags and mean girls. Inviting them to a costume party, the partygoers are drugged and when they wake up are cuffed and chained together. Suffice it say, our teen outcasts are gonna get medieval"
As I mentioned before, I'm reviewing all the After Dark Horrorfest 4 movies on UGO.com. I've made up a hub for all my reviews. Keep checking back as it will be updated once the reviews go live on UGO.com.
Here's a little excerpt from my review of Kill Theory.
"Kill Theory is not great but compared to the others, it's pretty solid. The premise is an intriguing one. The movie poses the question: What would you do to survive if given the choice to either kill your friends in order to live. The answer plays out as slightly cliched and is executed in the most extreme way possible. And somehow it came out five by five."
Last year I saw 7 of the 8 films c/o of UGO.com who asked me to review them all. Well this year they asked me to do it again and I squeamishly obliged. The last few movies I've seen via After Dark were mediocre at best. I even had a horrible time watching Perkins 14 at the theater. I gotta admit I enjoyed making fun of the films but that can only go so far. I really wanted to see some good films this year.
One can hope.
So this be the database for all my reviews for After Dark Horrorfest 4. I'll post a link for each movie review that heads over to UGO.com. Most of these reviews are short (350 words or less). It's not my usual style to use letter grades and not use serious amounts of profanity but they all have that quirky dialogue you're all use to if your a frequent visitor to the jaded viewer.
I'll post each review preview on the blog as well me thinks. Well that's enough yapping, click on a link below to review!
More boring than continental drift, comes Slaughter, a movie that makes it a point to expose you with boring gas for 90 or so straight minutes. I can usually take pointless horror films, because honestly I’ve seen worse. But Slaughter takes a while to heat up and at that point you don’t care.
The story revolves around a young woman who is looking to escape her abusive boyfriend by moving to a friend's farm near Atlanta. Her new friend is a slutty goldigger but as our final girl soon discovers something sinister with her friend’s family.
There a few twists and turns, something Ed Wood would be proud of. But by the end you want to be slaughtered yourself. Don’t kid yourself. You’ve seen this movie before. It was called High Tension (but without the twist). It was trying to mimic that Eli Roth feel but when your characters are blah and your plot is non existent, it all turns into a mess. And for a movie that calls itself Slaughter, you’d think there would be more scenes of that.
Gore-ipedia(if you want to be shocked don't read)
Crazy dental surgery Hanging Gunshot to the stomach Nude-ipedia (because you like boobies)
Women in tight t-shirts WTF moment No way was this based on a true story
The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis
I knew there was a reason this was #6 on my must watch After Dark Horrorfest movies of 2009. Because I knew it was sucked. Was the Butterfly Effect better than this? Jeezus, it might actually have been.
Today all the After Dark Horrorfest movies come out on DVD. It's a wide variety of horror subgenres ranging from cannibals, dopplegangers, witchcraft and time travel.
Honestly, most of these movies kinda suck.
So to spare you the "should I Netlfix or *gasp* even purchase" some of these movies, I will put all my reviews right in this post.
Perkins 14 is an example of fan created horror. Not really a first, but a rare occurence in this day and age.
The film was developed by Massify.com. Writers submitted story ideas, audition tapes were uploaded and the cast and winning story were chosen.
So their tagline that a film invented, written, cast, voted for, chosen and created by YOU, isn't that farfetched.
Now part of the After Dark Horrorfest 2009 lineup we'll see if something created by US is actually fuckin good.
Here be the plot chosen by YOU.
Plot o rama
Robert Perkins builds an army of 14 people brainwashed through cult-like methods to protect him from his parents' killers. When Perkins is imprisoned, the police unwittingly unleash his followers on a small town and they've only got one thing on their mind: "Kill for Mr. Perkins."
After Dark Horrorfest 2009 finally has a full lineup for the 8 movies to die for. I've seen a few of the past horrofest flicks in the theatre in 07 and 08. Some were damn good, some were fuckin horrible.
It's scheduled from January 9th to January 15th, 2009.
I've watched some of the trailers (when available and read the vague plot summaries) and below is my list of what I'm fuckin excited to see.
Plot:Robert Perkins builds an army of 14 people brainwashed through cult-like methods to protect him from his parents' killers. When Perkins is imprisoned, the police unwittingly unleash his followers on a small town and they've only got one thing on their mind: "Kill for Mr. Perkins."
The Jaded Viewer says: Internet hype here has been fuckin relentless. But Manson like shit hitting the fan could possibly turn this into something fun.
Plot:Inspired by the legends of a 19th-century cannibal and an extinct tiger, this brutal horror-thriller centers on four friends who find out that something—or someone—murderous lurks in the rain-slogged Australian bush. The Jaded Viewer says: Australia has been churning some bloody decent horror of late. Kills a plenty from the trailer. Could it be rednecks? Ancient spirits of evil? Killer koalas?
Plot:The residents of a small American town begin to die one-by-one apparently by suicide... The Jaded Viewer says: The Sarah Connor Chronicles cast sure makes a lot of horror movies. Looks like the Happening, but will it be without the lame ending? Because suicides are fuckin funny...err....I mean sad. My guess, the suicides are caused by killer koalas.
Plot:A young woman tries to find her injured boyfriend in a bizzare and dangerous hospital The Jaded Viewer says: I'm a big fan of Dr. Giggles. So if some doctors perform some unauthorized surgeries on some hipsters, who am I to argue? I also am a big fan of bonesaws.
Plot:On a busy street in London, Gina thinks she sees herself drive past in her own car. Stunned by this strange event, Gina follows the mystery woman up to her apartment. From here, events take an eerie turn for the worse until Gina's awareness slides from solid reality into a world that will haunt more than just her nightmares.
The Jaded Viewer says: It's probably all the episodes of Sarah Connor Chronicles I;ve watcged but Lena Headey is fuckin hot. And the trailer shows her in a bathtub naked. Umm, I have no idea what this movie is about but the potential of gratuitous nudity from Sarah Connor. Score!
Plot:A young woman thinks she is leaving her abusive life behind when she moves to Atlanta and ends up living at her family farm. She quickly learns that abuse comes in even crueler forms. The Jaded Viewer says: Please let it be Luther the Geek who abuses her at the farm.
Trailer: None
7.) Voices aka Du saram-yida aka Someone Behind You
Plot:Ga-in, a smart, pretty girl who is loved by everyone, witnesses the deaths of people around her. She is then singled out as the next in line to die from the curse that has one person in each generation die at the hands of two people close to them. Ga-in searched for the truth about the curse with Suk-min, a boy who always lingers around her, and her boyfriend Heon-joong, but attacks on her life by those dearest to her, like her best friend and her mother, never cease... The Jaded Viewer says: Thats a fucked up curse. How about if she watches the cursed videotape from the Ring? Or gets a missed call? Which curse would kill her first? Is their a curse hierarchy?
Plot:Sequel to the 2003 cult movie in which a person can change the past via remembering their forgotten memories due to blackouts. The Jaded Viewer says: I never saw the first one, so I am hell not gonna see this one.
As I mentioned before, I'm reviewing all the After Dark Horrorfest 4 movies on UGO.com. I've made up a hub for all my reviews. Keep checking back as it will be updated once the reviews go live on UGO.com.
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