Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Postal (Review)


Postal (2007)

Directed by Uwe Boll

Uwe Boll has been called a lot of stuff. People are determined to stop him.

The but in the context of the bizarro world of Boll films, I have to admit, Postal was actually fuckin tolerable.

Filled with such John Waters disgust and offensive material that puts South Park to shame, it's a parody of controversial insanity.

Who wants to make a good movie really when you could just show kids getting shot to death?

And we should all go to hell when we all laugh at that right?

Boring Plot-O-Matic

In the ironically named city of Paradise, a recently laid-off loser teams up with his cult-leading uncle to steal a peculiar bounty of riches from their local amusement park; somehow, the recently arrived Taliban have a similar focus, but a far more sinister intent.

Awesome Review-O-Matic

A real review would be giving Uwe Boll my precious time and internet blog space. Instead, I'll cut to the chase and list all the fucked up shit in the movie. I mean, that's really what you wanted to read about right?

Actually funny shit.....

1.) Opening fucked up 9/11 scene and "virgin controversy"
2.) Hot, scantily clad naked hotties
3.) Random "postal" shootout massacres
4.) Crotchy dolls
5.) Little Germany amusement park
6.) Multiple kids getting their asses shot
7.) The cops fucked up activities

Just vulgar, dumb or fucked up shit.....

1.) Dave Foley's dick
2.) Fat woman porn
3.) Verne Troyer being a fuckin dumb ass
4.) Taliban and Osama Bin Laden parodies
5.) Insane, really over the top shootouts
6.) Uwe Boll cameo
7.) The cops fucked up activities
8.) The entire movie

This movie was actually 100 minutes. Seriously, that's 1 hour and 40 minutes I had to endure of a Uwe Boll film. But, for the first time I wasn't trying to rip my eyeballs apart. Yeah its fuckin offensive and vulgar and outright ridiculous, but I'd rather be watching this than some actual attempt of Uwe trying to turn Grand Theft Auto into a movie.

We still have to stop you Uwe. You really must stop making movies.

Gore-ipedia (if you want to be shocked don't read)

Gunshot wounds (multiple)
Suicide Bomber splatter
A alot of gunshot trauma

Nude-ipedia (because you like boobies)

Very hot naked hippie cult hotties show off their boobies

WTF moment


The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

Stop making movies Uwe. We know your movies are funded by Nazi gold. So why don't you just remake Women of the SS or some shit. It can star Kristanna Loken because we really need to see her naked.

You've got the power to get her to be naked onscreen.

Get to work Uwe.


The Trailer

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  1. He must be stopped!!!

  2. You are the 2nd person I know that said this movie was tolerable. . . I don't know, I may just have to give in and watch it one day :-)

  3. I don't know, this movie scares me.