With Eli Roth about to give us The Green Inferno, a cannibal film! in the near future, I thought we should look at the filmographies of the Splat Pack, who according to Wikipedia: "The group has been credited with bringing back ultra-violent movies, as well as moving away from PG-13 rated movies and into the R-rated spectrum, all while operating with low budgets"
The names of the members are arbitrary at best. Aja, Bousman, Marshall, McLean, Roth, Rodriguez, Wan, Whannell and Zombie. But they have given us some solid motherfuckin flicks. Here are my 5 essential best movies from some of the Splat Pack directors. Chime in if you agree or disagree.
5.) Rob Zombie - The Devil's Rejects
The Jaded Viewer says: This is pure Zombie mayhem at its best. Hillbilly rednecks slaughtering in open America. Sheri Moon, Haig and Moseley are terrifying and it clicks. Lots of cringe worthy moments with that Freebird ending just pure awesomness.
The Jaded Viewer says: I didn't like Haute Tension. Too gimmicky and twisty. Piranha 3D is pure fun. Gore, boobs, gore, cheesy special effects, Riley Steele boobs, mutilated penis. It's a monster film that takes that camp horror back to the basics.
3.) Robert Rodriguez - Grindhouse Planet Terror
The Jaded Viewer says: With R.R, you can go with the vamps or the angry Mexican but Planet Terror is the most explosive gore-riah film filled with one legged Cherry and zombied up super soldiers. I can deny the fact it's the one I can watch again over and over again in the Grindhouse double.
2.) Eli Roth - Hostel
The Jaded Viewer says: Hostel came out in 2005. Man has it really been 7 years? Love it or hate it, it's the pinnacle film of the Splat Pack and the one that got the gorehounds spazzing again. Pure magnificent torturous fun, Bratislava is now destination #1 for foreigners looking to get their death on. You can't deny Hostel's impact on all the films that have come after.
1.) Neil Marshall - The Descent
The Jaded Viewer says: The Descent is the best film any of the filmmakers from the Splat Pack and Neil Marshall's Dog Soldiers is awesome, it's The Descent that will stand out as good old solid awesome horror.
Why Juno why????
Any other filmmakers that should gain Splat Pack status? Want to add your own list? Comment away! It's the damn internet right too!
When you make a sequel to a movie I declared as the best horror movie of 2006, I can only sigh repeatedly as I know it won't live up to expectations. So as I watched Descent 2, I knew I'd be scratching my head, WTF-ing and getting irritated by all the shot by shot suspenseful scenes being mimicked by the sequel.
And yup I did all those things.
What I didn't realize is how they'd strip the aura of the original frame by frame. And this is where I take this review. The Descent 2 is not terrible nor is it breaking into the sequel Hall of Fame. It's an average flick that almost could be called a remake of the original. The new crew took Neil Marshall's original, bloodied it up with some severe neck and head trauma and put in a few slick kills.
But how it contradicts the original and has absurd plot points can't be ignored. So what you end up with is half a Descent. And you have me breaking this down with serious WTF-ness. The following review HAS LOTS AND LOTS OF SPOILERS. If you haven't seen the original or Part 2, it be best you stop reading....well NOW. Boring Plot-O-Matic
Distraught, confused, and half-wild with fear, Sarah Carter emerges alone from the Appalachian cave system where she encountered unspeakable terrors. Unable to plausibly explain to the authorities what happened - or why she's covered in her friends' blood - Sarah is forced back to the subterranean depths to help locate her five missing companions.
As the rescue party drives deeper into uncharted caverns, nightmarish visions of the recent past begin to haunt Sarah and she starts to realize the full horror and futility of the mission. Subjected to the suspicion and mistrust of the group and confronted once more by the inbred, feral and savagely ruthless Crawlers, Sarah must draw on all her inner reserves of strength and courage in a desperate final struggle for deliverance and redemption
Awesome Review-O-Matic
Hey jaded viewers. Well I'm glad I can write a spoiler filled review. Now I don't have to leave out anything that would have ruined the film. OK so I'm gonna break this down with "coolness of the original" DESTROYED by the sequel. I'm also going to add what I liked in Part 2. That's fair right? 1.) The original casts are all women spelunkers
The original says: Do you know how cool this concept is? It broke down the tradition of male domination. in a horror film. To see women all cast was refreshing and they were not too bad to look at either.
The sequel says: Well lets put in some guys to kill. But in the end the women will rule the caves. Part 2 has alpha male testosterone going all wonky and the women have to show what's what. The cast is diverse this time, Brits, an African American woman and your run of the mill Americans. Ugh. Damn men seem to fuck up everything don't they with their bravado and their guns and their ill timed sexual advances. Thank goodness the women all prevail in the end.
2.) Claustrophobia and complete darkness makes everything suspenseful
The original says: Spelunking is taken to the extreme as tight spaces, cave ins and complete darkness get you scared shitless. Add in night vision via a camera and you don't know what to expect.
The sequel says: Yup those things all worked so we're going to do it all over again. More tight spaces, more cave ins and more night vision. They even revisit the same places as the original. Quick glimpses of the crawlers, more crawling holes and making daring escapes and more caverns with water that have to be navigated. I did like the gratuitous jumping on the hanging dead body from Part 1. That was kinda cool.
The thing is we've seen it all before. Sure a sequel is suppose to rehash the original but like seeing a movie with a twist ending, watching the same movie again doesn't have the same effect. The originals magic of cave exploring is a one time thing. It loses its eeriness and suspense the 2nd time around. This results in a semi-FAIL from the sequel.
3.) The Crawlers aren't intimidating anymore
The original says: Seeing the crawlers for the first time was a smash into your noggin. Creatures who lived in caves, lacked eyesight and only could sense you via sound. Plus they were wicked blood thirsty carnivores.
The sequel says: Gone are the chase scenes where our creepy crawlies stalk our lovelies. Now we got pure set ups where our crew gets taken out one by one. They're still hungry but was it me or did the Crawlers get lots of screen time in this one? Golden rule says less screen time for our evil the better the movie. Seeing them repeatedly and in a pack ups the YIKES! factor but it loses their mythic out of nowhere quality. Plus just a few hacks into the head by some rock climbing equipment or a rock smashing easily kills em.
Hell I think I could take on a pack of em by myself.
4.) What's the deal with Sarah?
The original says: The original had 3 endings. So in the US ending, Sarah was the lone survivor. The UK ending has Sarah dying. So this sequel obviously goes by the US ending. But lets get to Sarah and why we all liked her. Sarah's daughter is referenced as is her tension with Juno because Juno had an affair with her husband. Both are key points to her character and why what she does in the movie is so justified. She cares for her friends and her pick axing Juno makes it more "Yeah bitch Don't mess with me!" fitting.
The sequel says: First, the premise that they force Sarah who is utterly traumatized by the whole experience to go back into the caves to find her friends is utterly preposterous. Also, to take a crew deep into a cave system that's unexplored is just plain stupid. I knew creepy old timer 49-er guy was shady to begin with. Seriously, the logic here is severely bastardized. I can't tell you how completely speechless I was as I watched this.
As for Sarah, all her issues are completely ignored. There's a vague reference to her daughter, she explains how Juno "died" and the key chain makes a reappearance. She's now a pro with the caves and crawlers. She barely speaks but shows the same "save a life" attitude as she guides our potential lone survivor to safety.
I'll admit, the fact that the puddled water we see in the original that was filled with blood is now replaced with crawler feces gave me a LOL.
And then the WTF Moment happens....
5.) Holy hamburger phone! Juno is alive!!!
The original says: Last we saw Juno she got pick ax-ed by Sarah and was left for dead as the crawlers approached. She got what she deserved for abandoning her friends and cheating with Sarah's husband.
The sequel says: We all knew she would return in the sequel as she was one of the best characters in the original. I knew she survived once Natalie Mendoza was cast. But this seriously fucks up the original in a mega way. The girl we wanted to die is alive and she's now freakin an expert crawler assassin.
She has a brief catfight with Sarah which is to be expected. But that isn't really developed. They should have introduced Juno earlier to create Sarah vs Juno uneasiness. Bad sequel. In the end, Juno has a change of heart as she saves Sarah as she's about to be pulled down the abyss handcuffed to stupid sheriff guy.
They actually redeem Juno! Well how about that. Her death is actually something you could see coming a mile away (hmm maybe she's still alive) and we're now suppose to feel empathy for her. This is quite comparable to Darth Vader. Vader is mega evil #1 and in the last 3 minutes of Jedi, we're suppose to care he did the right thing? Fuck that.
6.) Arterial Spraying is magically delicious
The original says: A few choice scenes of gore and splatter. Nothing I'm writing Bloody Disgusting about.
The sequel says: Amped up Gore-ipedia in this one. Ripped necks with gushing blood, Feces cesspool bath, picks to the heads, rats in dead bodies, a sliced off hand via rock pick and others. Wow, way to amp up the splatter guys.
7.) That ending sucked
The original says: Depending on the ending you watched, you either got a happy generic one, a sad one or a WTF one.
The sequel says: Sarah and Juno: friends til the end I guess. That was illogical don't you think? Also, creepy old coal miner guy fucking up the black woman for the crawlers. That made no fuckin sense.
The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis
It's a mix bag for me for The Descent 2. I'm giving it 2 spinkicks. It's not horribly bad and it's not awesomely good. It's the same ole crawler poop mixed in with awesome kills, nothing more and nothing less. I loved seeing my girl Juno again but this was a pseudo remake if there ever was one.
As the #1 movie on my Top 10 Horror Movies of 2006, The Descent proved to be the most scary, unpredictable, claustrophobic monster movie of 2006. Without question, I was Dark Angel syndromed by Juno (played by the hotness of Natalie Mendoza). Would she be back in the sequel??
Well you can find out from the trailer below.
The sequel plot is also below.
Plot o rama Picking up from where the last movie left off (THAT BE THE US VERSION), Sarah escapes the cave and seeks refuge at a local gas station, where she collapses and is rushed to a local hospital.Not being able to speak because of the horrific events that have mentally scarred her, a search and rescue team take Sarah back to where the horrible events happened to find any possible answers and survivors. However, whilst down in the cave...things don't go to plan as the group fight for their lives against the crawlers and find an unexpected survivor from the last film.
Everybody please welcome Mr. Neil "Big Budget Blockbuster" Marshall.
What happens when you give the director of The Descent 30 million to make a flick?
He doesn't remake his cave dwelling masterpiece or direct a remake of an American horror classic.
What he does is simple. He makes a movie about a B-movie post apocalyptic virus stricken futuristic world ripe with homages to everything from The Road Warriors, Mad Max and Escape from New York. Plus he throws in some medieval pics in for show.
And that's why Doomsday is jolly good fun.
Fuck the naysayers with their incoherent plot, ripoffs and been there, done that. Even the best films are homages to classics (ahem Pulp Fiction, Grindhouse, etc.).
Doomsday blends these things bloody nicely and Marshall's preposterous gore and quick editing make this a soon to be cult classic.
Boring Plot-O-Matic
A virus called the Reaper virus has infected all of Scotland. The UK quarantines all of Scotland leaving the inhabitants to die a most excrutiating death. As the UK goes all tolitarian, the reaper virus shows up again and a rag tag army bats have to go back to Glasgow where survivors have been found with a possible cure.
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. I'm up. Sorry I dozed off.
Awesome Review-O-Matic
Rhona Mitra (who plays Eden St. Clair) is hot in her black tank top and sporting some kick ass kung fu and a heavy duty gun. She's the major who has to infiltrate No Man's Land and find the cure. You know the drill, her team shoots a billion rounds and kills a lot of the renegade cannibal insane warriors.
But remember, it's never the good guys that make a film fun it's the baddies and boy Doomsday has a shitload. Sol is the leader of the Mad Max bunch who feast on human flesh, sport mohawks and wield clubs with spikes. Sol entertains his troops with a show number and a BBQ like no other. Everybody is tattooed and totally fucked up. But like Dr. Evil's henchman, they get their ass kicked.....royally.
After St. Clair and her team kill 500 punk rock rejects, they follow fellow survivors to find the ever elusive Dr. Kane who may or may not have the cure.
This is where I was like....."WTF!??!?"
Dr. Kane has built a world that closely resembles Medieval Times. Complete with a castle, archers, knights and wenches. I'm not fuckin kidding.
This sets up a scene where the "Executioner" knight gladiators St Clair in a pit style death match. St. Clair seems to have gone through serious Navy Seal training and bloodifies to victory.
The remaining Waterworld rejects catch up to our survivors and an unbelievable chase scene ensues with a BMW and some punk rock armored up cars.
At this point, the viewer should just sit back and watch the carnage. Ending is blah blah yay good for her and 20 minutes later you've fully digest what you've seen. You're definitely not going to be talking about this say like Memento but fuck, it's entertaining.
What more can I say? Doomsday didn't bore me. It's a little too long. I mean 2 hours? But it's got plenty of insane action scenes and tons of over the top gore and splatter.
The acting is palatable and the world Neil Marshall has intermixed is quite new. He knew how to put all the ingredients together and though it's like eating leftovers the day after, it's still pretty fuckin tasty.
Influences
The Road Warriors Mad Max Escape from New York (and LA) Waterworld Every post apocalyptic movie where man becomes a cannibal and goes crazy
Gore-ipedia (if you want to be shocked don't read)
People getting totally gunned down Beheadings (I counted like 5) Flesh eating virus gore Shotgun blast to the head Cow slaughter Cannibalism Eye trauma Sword head trauma Hand and decapitations
Nudipedia (because you like boobies)
Hot blonde in a tub has big boobies Mad Max vixens with cleavage Rhona Mitra's hotness WTF moment
St. Clair's eye and the Medieval Times flip of a coin
The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis
It's not a perfect movie but it's heart is in the right place. Doomsday didn't turd out like Waterworld but creates a 21st century post apocalyptic world that looks like Newark. I definitely knew coming in this was not going to come close to Marshall's other masterpieces Dog Soldiers and The Descent, but as fas as big budget blockbusters go, this one wasn't too bad.
Let's hope Neil goes back to his roots and gives us the next horror movie we all want.
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