Monday, October 31, 2011

Things to Do While You Wait on Line at a Haunted House

Happy Halloween fellow jaded viewers!

I'm guessing your prepping your costume and are getting ready to trick or treat, heading to a party or parade or going to get your scare on at a haunted house. Well about that haunted house....

Haunted houses on Halloween night are the apex of all things Halloween. It's the perfect attraction but the anticipation is met head on with long freakin lines. You're going to wait and wait and move up a little and wait some more. You're probably reading this as you wait on line.

I'll admit, I've never had to wait during haunted houses as my press credentials now have become my VIP pass. But I've done it before and I know how horrible it can sometimes be. I decided to see for myself the pre-Halloween buzz at the now most popular haunted house in NYC, Blackout Haunted House (see review here). And boy the line was insane.

Scanning the line, Blackout has brought in a ton of noobs from different backrounds, ages and gender. Having talked to the Blackout crew, people have traveled as far as Toronto! to check out Blackout. Now that's commitment.

But what do you do while you wait? Well I've compiled a list of things to do before you get your scare on. Enjoy!

1.) Read the jaded viewer
2.) Keep checking Facebook every 2 minutes
3.) Keep checking Twitter every 1 minute
4.) Smoke a joint
5.) Tell the person in front of you their mom is looking for them
6.) Pull out a crucifix and yell out "God hates vampires!"
7.) Check your pockets for hidden money, proceed to hide money in sock
8.) Tell the person behind you that this is your second time walking through. Inform them that you had to remove your pants when you meet the "killer clown"
9.) Text your friend you signed a waiver which allows them to "insert an object into your mouth"
10.) Listen to The Misfits, proceed to yell out the lyrics
11.) See little kids in the crowd, tell them they won't be coming out
12.) Show picture of real life "ghost" (this can be done by installing that fake ghost app)
13.) Recruit people in front of you and tell them you're part of the HH. When you say "Follow me" proceed to exit and head to parking lot. Say Trick or Treat! It was a trick! Give them Twizzlers for their participation.
14.) Take out pocket mirror and keep saying Bloody Mary. Ask if people in line want to try.
15.) Vomit into paper bag. Tell crowd they got real corpses inside and you're the mortician that dressed them up.
16.) Bring a replica Hellraiser cube, ask if anybody knows how to solve it
17.) Tell security if somebody tries to scare you, you're gonna punch em in the face
18.) Prep yourself to walk through in your sunglasses
19.) Ask any hot girl if they need a personal bodyguard
20.) Drink Gatorade, tell people this usually lasts "around 2 hours"

Well I hope I could help as you wait on those crazy freakin lines. Enjoy the night and have a Happy Halloween!

Don't know what haunted house to go to? Check out my trusty NYC Haunted House guide!


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