Monday, January 26, 2009

Wild Country (Review)

Wild Country

Wild Country (2005)

Directed by Craig Strachan

When you have turn on the English subs for an English language movie, aye mate, this is going to be eh fuckin hell of a movie.

Well invoke Braveheart, because the Scots seem to be monopolizing the werewolf genre. Oops. I just ruined the entire movie for you. That's ok, because I saved you 70 minutes.

Wild Country is a step above Sci-Fi channel-ish quality. With mucho gracias gore and blood, a backdrop of the Scottish woodlands and teenager fodder to be killed, it was watchable enough to be somewhat interesting.

So by ruining it for you I saved you so you didn't have to see gratuitous running, dull kill scenes, more running and more duller kill scenes.

Boring Plot-O-Matic

16 year-old Kelly Ann gives birth to a baby boy, which is immediately given up for adoption. Six weeks later, trying to get over the emotional upset, she goes on an overnight hike with her church youth group.

The group is joined by 18-year-old Lee, the father of Kelly Ann’s baby. Kelly Ann isn’t pleased to see him. The rest of the group get worried when Kelly Ann starts thinking she hears a baby crying on the moors. But they do indeed find a baby abandoned in a ruined castle.

As they hike back to take the baby to safety, the group is stalked by a wild beast that picks them off one by one.

Awesome Review-O-Matic

Made 3 years after Neil Marshall's Dog Soldiers (who did Wild Country's effects), one of the best werewolf movies made on either side of the Atlantic, it seems the Scottish have a werewolf fetish. And thats the shadow that Wild Country eventually falls into. It can't match Dog Soldiers pinnacle chaotic awesomeness and falls into the teenage monster used DVD bin.

Kelly Ann is our final girl, who with her dorky uncomprehensible, Scot heavy accented friends are camping out in the Glasgow woodlands. They are brought to the woods by Father Steve, a most unusual priest for some R&R youth ministry-ing.

As our Scottish scoobies toss around Scottish slang, they soon realized something is hunting them. We soon get our generic, Grade B munching wolf kills. Beheads, ripped throats, intenstinal rippage.

The gore is gore-verage. Blah Blooh Blah. ZZZZZZZZZZZZ. I found myself snoozing through some of the most ridiculous cliches scenes of carnage.

And splatter cliches o plenty come up.

Lots of running and falling down. I mean tie your shoelaces mate. Other clich o matics were flashlight scares, quick cuts and the gratuitous semi twist ending.

Only one scene actually registered on the gore Richter scale has a poor schmuck have half his body ripped apart by our wolf beast.

And boy is our wolf-bear monster thing look like it was bought at a 99 cents store.

The quick shots at night as our fodder run away are effective but once daylight hit and we got see what the hunting manimal was, it looked mega super duper cheap.

It was like a cross between a grizzly, a wolf and a really fugly looking dog. The effects are all done el natural, without the aide of CGI. But here it looks mega weird and plasticy. I mean there were better effects in an episode of Buffy then there are here.

As we get to our max conclusion and ending, I was hoping we'd get some bang for our buck. Something different. Some big last howl to kick this up a notch. But the only howl at the end was me howling in pain wishing this movie was over.

If I want to see nature gone wild or man vs beast, I'll hit up National Geographic or *gasp* a Sci Fi Channel original movie.

At least I can MST3K those flicks into something somewhat watchable.

Gore-ipedia (if you want to be shocked don't read)

Arterial throat slayage
Ripped neck hemmoraging
Intenstine spewage
Monster munching
Ripped apart body attack
Cow explosion

Nude-ipedia (because you like boobies)

Breastfeeding (does that even count?)

WTF moment

The semi twist ending which made me smack my head in stupidity because I saw it coming, then actually said "Nah, they not gonna end the movie like that, that would be too obvious". But then they ended the movie like that which was so fuckin obvious.

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

The choice is clear.

If you're going to see one Scottish werewolf movie this year. See.............

Dog Soldiers.

The fact I ruined it for you by just saying this movie is about werewolves has pretty much ruined the ending for you.

My bad. But trust me that's actually good for you.


Watch the trailer here. Check out the official site.

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  1. Glad you took the knife on this one Bro, and saved me the agony [and the time, like you said]

    I appreciate it! :-)

  2. Rattling careful movie analyze here you score my appreciation. In a movie, criticism in music utilization is not really emphasized. I was hoping to rivet writer critique on music in every reexamine i indicate.

  3. Yeah it was a big bad wolf eating kids. Scottish kids. Big snooze. Avoid this flick.