Top 10 Horror Movies of 2008

Before you get your yelling on about this list, let me first say I haven’t seen Let the Right One In, Repo The Genetic Opera, Trick R Treat or Martyrs as of yet.

Once I do, they will posthumously be put on a belated updated top 10 list of what I reviewed late. Mind you Trick and Matryrs make appear in a 2009 list as they may get released this year.

A few notable omissions are Cloverfield, The Strangers and Diary of the Dead. This is because I fuckin hated these flicks.

With that being said, so what did the year in horror offer us?

Pretty much the following:

1.) Remakes, bad remakes and really really bad remakes
2.) A continent full of decomposing, sometimes kinetic, flesh eating zombies
3.) The French, Australians and Brits can make really good horror movies

Honorable mentions are Frontier(s), Poultrygeist:Night of the Chicken Dead (review to come), The Ruins and Teeth. They came up short, barely.

But in the meantime, the following top 10 are the crème de la crème of the best of horror this year.

Click on the title for an entire review of the film.

The Jaded Viewer's Top 10 Horror Movies of 2008

10.) The Cottage

The dry sense of humor the Brits have can either be considered bloody unfunny or bloody fuckin brillant.

I'm a big believer in that the subtle inappropriate remarks are better than the big jokey, long winded kind.

And that's why somehow the Brits have time after time made the horror-comedy work. Shawn of the Dead, Severance and now we have The Cottage.

Plot is about 2 bumbling petty criminals who kidnap the daughter of an underground kingpin and hold her for ransom in a cottage in the farmland. What they don't know is they've stumbled upon a pissed off redneck after they trespass on his land.

The British are coming. And if the Cottage is example of what’s to come, we should be thankful.

Read the full review here.


9.) Splinter

After watching Splinter, you get the feeling that you've been thrown back into the wayback machine of creature feature horror.

Part The Thing, part The Ruins, all fun ickiness. Director Toby Wilkins champions the simplicity of unknown actors, CGI and Savini like effects, a wrong place wrong time set up and some parasitic "splinter" creepy crawlies to make the best "monster" movie of 2008.

Read the full review here.







8.)Dance of the Dead

You know what we Americans do best? Make a fuckin kick ass zombie film.

Score another one for the US of A. USA! USA!

Gregg Bishop's uber indie Dance of Dead rivals Shaun of the Dead's silliness, blends in some 80s Return of the Dead for the millenial age and clicks in some Buffy-logue to boot.

It’s the scifi club and delinquents that save the day from the zombie apocalypse this time and it’s a fun ride.

This is definitely zombie movie for the Generation Y universe. And it’s damn good. The quips, dialogue and converfunnies are all timed perfect. Massive zombie horde about to attack?

Let’s jam out and have a prom dance to remember.

Good times.

Read the full review here.


7.) The Machine Girl

It's sad that the YouTube millenials made the Machine Girl's trailer go viral.

Why?

Because it just seems that a movie like this was condensed into 2-3 minutes. It should be viewed as 90 minutes of fun, splatter and gore that catches you surprised and shocked and LOLing.

You’ve seen the trailer so I can spare you the plot (or lack thereof).

Fans of arterial spraying rejoice!

Read the full review here.


6.) Gutterballs

What do you get when you take bowling + slasher+ 80s time warp?

You get Gutterballs!

Gutterballs is an entertaining rabid dog, one that keeps biting and biting without a leash in sight.

Full of the horror staples of gratuitous sex and nudity, stereotypical teenagers and scene after scene of splatter and gore by an unusual looking slasher.

That’s really all you need for a good time right?

Read the full review here.


5.) Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer

I said it once and I'll say it again. Leave it up to the Canadians to reinvigorate the 80s horror-comedy.

Jon Knautz's Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer is a dash of Evil Dead, some Weird Science, a tad of Brain Dead, a pinch of The Gate and a heaping spoonful of Robert England.

Jack is a plumber turned Monster Hunter when the forces evil awake.

An origin story thru and thru, Jack Brooks is the next Ash.

Yeah I said it.

Read the full review here.


4.) Stuck

Stuck is going to be Stuart Gordon’s return to the horror radar.

Loosely based on a true story, Mena Suvari hits and not runs over a homeless man who is now “stuck” in her windshield.

Gordon plays out this satire brilliantly and criticizes our lack of indifference as a society.

Stuck hits on all the right chords of a good horror movie, playing with our emotions and sideswiping us with some black humor.

This movie will definitely get stuck in your head.

Read the full review here.


3.) The Signal

Do you have the crazy?

Yes I do.

I’m fuckin crazy about this movie.

Your movie doesn't have to be an original idea (The Signal is more of a few ideas thrown into one) but when you can pull off a solid piece of storytelling, glue in some splatter and chaos and throw in a few scenes of LOL, it makes for an awesome, flick.

And that's exactly what The Signal does.

I really hate how Hollywood churns out PG-13 turd burger after horror turd. So when 3 directors can team up and shell out a gem like this, it totally gives me a happy.

Told from 3 different perspectives and directed by each director in their own unique style, each has it's own personality and blends in nicely to form a coherent film.

The movie starts off with a WTF moment but then slowly transitions into a visceral apocalypse.

Read the full review here.


2.) The Midnight Meat Train

Every once in a while, Lion's Gate will poop out a movie that becomes cult like under it's horror label. The Midnight Meat Train is that movie.

Wow, just a truly awesome-tastic horror gem. One of the best horror movies of the year.

So what did you need to pull of this feat?

You needed legendary Versus/Alive/Azumi director Ryuhei Kitamura. You needed a short story from horror writer Clive Barker, a nifty screenplay by Jeff Buhler and some love from the horror community.

No thanks to Lion's Gate who decided to midnight movie and dollar themed this flick into theatrical oblivion.

TMMT is going to be a super duper horror cult classic, where it will play at midnight shows because people will WANT to see it. It hits all the right notes, leaving everybody scarred, bruised, sliced and diced and ultimately fuckin dead.

Rock on.

Read the full review here.



and the best horror movie of 2008 was.....................................................




1.) Inside

So why am I gushing gore-tastically over Inside. It has all the ingredients to be the #1 horror movie of 2008.

INGREDIENTS

1 secluded house in a riot prone French suburb
1 hot, pregnant French soon to be mother who has lost her husband in a car accident
1 insane, demented, disturbed, twisted, fraked up woman bent on killing our maternity ward heroine
3 inept cops
1 criminal perp at the wrong place and at the wrong time
1 newspaper boss at the wrong place and at the wrong time
1 mother at the wrong place and at the wrong time
50 gallons of blood and guts

Now that’s one tasty dish. This is the pinnacle of French horror so far. It was so intense, so realistic, so brutal you couldn’t look away. The story, characters, acting and gore hit on all cylinders.

After watching Inside, you won’t feel like eating for a week. You'll be looking over your shoulder every few minutes.

But you’ll be happy to have seen a movie that broke all the rules, stepped out of the boundaries and brought back a sadisticness to American shores.

Read the full review here.

****

So what do you think? Agree? Disagree? Did I miss a movie? I'd love to here what you think, bad or good. Onto 2009!

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