Friday, January 09, 2009

Top 10 Horror Movies of 2008

Before you get your yelling on about this list, let me first say I haven’t seen Let the Right One In, Repo The Genetic Opera, Trick R Treat or Martyrs as of yet.

Once I do, they will posthumously be put on a belated updated top 10 list of what I reviewed late. Mind you Trick and Matryrs make appear in a 2009 list as they may get released this year.

A few notable omissions are Cloverfield, The Strangers and Diary of the Dead. This is because I fuckin hated these flicks.

With that being said, so what did the year in horror offer us?

Pretty much the following:

1.) Remakes, bad remakes and really really bad remakes
2.) A continent full of decomposing, sometimes kinetic, flesh eating zombies
3.) The French, Australians and Brits can make really good horror movies

Honorable mentions are Frontier(s), Poultrygeist:Night of the Chicken Dead (review to come), The Ruins and Teeth. They came up short, barely.

But in the meantime, the following top 10 are the crème de la crème of the best of horror this year.

Click on the title for an entire review of the film.

The Jaded Viewer's Top 10 Horror Movies of 2008

10.) The Cottage

The dry sense of humor the Brits have can either be considered bloody unfunny or bloody fuckin brillant.

I'm a big believer in that the subtle inappropriate remarks are better than the big jokey, long winded kind.

And that's why somehow the Brits have time after time made the horror-comedy work. Shawn of the Dead, Severance and now we have The Cottage.

Plot is about 2 bumbling petty criminals who kidnap the daughter of an underground kingpin and hold her for ransom in a cottage in the farmland. What they don't know is they've stumbled upon a pissed off redneck after they trespass on his land.

The British are coming. And if the Cottage is example of what’s to come, we should be thankful.

Read the full review here.

9.) Splinter

After watching Splinter, you get the feeling that you've been thrown back into the wayback machine of creature feature horror.

Part The Thing, part The Ruins, all fun ickiness. Director Toby Wilkins champions the simplicity of unknown actors, CGI and Savini like effects, a wrong place wrong time set up and some parasitic "splinter" creepy crawlies to make the best "monster" movie of 2008.

Read the full review here.

8.)Dance of the Dead

You know what we Americans do best? Make a fuckin kick ass zombie film.

Score another one for the US of A. USA! USA!

Gregg Bishop's uber indie Dance of Dead rivals Shaun of the Dead's silliness, blends in some 80s Return of the Dead for the millenial age and clicks in some Buffy-logue to boot.

It’s the scifi club and delinquents that save the day from the zombie apocalypse this time and it’s a fun ride.

This is definitely zombie movie for the Generation Y universe. And it’s damn good. The quips, dialogue and converfunnies are all timed perfect. Massive zombie horde about to attack?

Let’s jam out and have a prom dance to remember.

Good times.

Read the full review here.

7.) The Machine Girl

It's sad that the YouTube millenials made the Machine Girl's trailer go viral.


Because it just seems that a movie like this was condensed into 2-3 minutes. It should be viewed as 90 minutes of fun, splatter and gore that catches you surprised and shocked and LOLing.

You’ve seen the trailer so I can spare you the plot (or lack thereof).

Fans of arterial spraying rejoice!

Read the full review here.

6.) Gutterballs

What do you get when you take bowling + slasher+ 80s time warp?

You get Gutterballs!

Gutterballs is an entertaining rabid dog, one that keeps biting and biting without a leash in sight.

Full of the horror staples of gratuitous sex and nudity, stereotypical teenagers and scene after scene of splatter and gore by an unusual looking slasher.

That’s really all you need for a good time right?

Read the full review here.

5.) Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer

I said it once and I'll say it again. Leave it up to the Canadians to reinvigorate the 80s horror-comedy.

Jon Knautz's Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer is a dash of Evil Dead, some Weird Science, a tad of Brain Dead, a pinch of The Gate and a heaping spoonful of Robert England.

Jack is a plumber turned Monster Hunter when the forces evil awake.

An origin story thru and thru, Jack Brooks is the next Ash.

Yeah I said it.

Read the full review here.

4.) Stuck

Stuck is going to be Stuart Gordon’s return to the horror radar.

Loosely based on a true story, Mena Suvari hits and not runs over a homeless man who is now “stuck” in her windshield.

Gordon plays out this satire brilliantly and criticizes our lack of indifference as a society.

Stuck hits on all the right chords of a good horror movie, playing with our emotions and sideswiping us with some black humor.

This movie will definitely get stuck in your head.

Read the full review here.

3.) The Signal

Do you have the crazy?

Yes I do.

I’m fuckin crazy about this movie.

Your movie doesn't have to be an original idea (The Signal is more of a few ideas thrown into one) but when you can pull off a solid piece of storytelling, glue in some splatter and chaos and throw in a few scenes of LOL, it makes for an awesome, flick.

And that's exactly what The Signal does.

I really hate how Hollywood churns out PG-13 turd burger after horror turd. So when 3 directors can team up and shell out a gem like this, it totally gives me a happy.

Told from 3 different perspectives and directed by each director in their own unique style, each has it's own personality and blends in nicely to form a coherent film.

The movie starts off with a WTF moment but then slowly transitions into a visceral apocalypse.

Read the full review here.

2.) The Midnight Meat Train

Every once in a while, Lion's Gate will poop out a movie that becomes cult like under it's horror label. The Midnight Meat Train is that movie.

Wow, just a truly awesome-tastic horror gem. One of the best horror movies of the year.

So what did you need to pull of this feat?

You needed legendary Versus/Alive/Azumi director Ryuhei Kitamura. You needed a short story from horror writer Clive Barker, a nifty screenplay by Jeff Buhler and some love from the horror community.

No thanks to Lion's Gate who decided to midnight movie and dollar themed this flick into theatrical oblivion.

TMMT is going to be a super duper horror cult classic, where it will play at midnight shows because people will WANT to see it. It hits all the right notes, leaving everybody scarred, bruised, sliced and diced and ultimately fuckin dead.

Rock on.

Read the full review here.

and the best horror movie of 2008 was.....................................................

1.) Inside

So why am I gushing gore-tastically over Inside. It has all the ingredients to be the #1 horror movie of 2008.


1 secluded house in a riot prone French suburb
1 hot, pregnant French soon to be mother who has lost her husband in a car accident
1 insane, demented, disturbed, twisted, fraked up woman bent on killing our maternity ward heroine
3 inept cops
1 criminal perp at the wrong place and at the wrong time
1 newspaper boss at the wrong place and at the wrong time
1 mother at the wrong place and at the wrong time
50 gallons of blood and guts

Now that’s one tasty dish. This is the pinnacle of French horror so far. It was so intense, so realistic, so brutal you couldn’t look away. The story, characters, acting and gore hit on all cylinders.

After watching Inside, you won’t feel like eating for a week. You'll be looking over your shoulder every few minutes.

But you’ll be happy to have seen a movie that broke all the rules, stepped out of the boundaries and brought back a sadisticness to American shores.

Read the full review here.


So what do you think? Agree? Disagree? Did I miss a movie? I'd love to here what you think, bad or good. Onto 2009!

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  1. Great list JV!!

    I know that The Cottage is somewhere in my Netflix Queue - I'll have to find it and move it closer to the top... [same with Splinter, Dance of the Dead, and Gutterballs]

    While I enjoyed Machine Girl, I don't know that I would have included it the "top ten" [same can be said for The Signal]

    However, I DEFINITELY agree with Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer, [looking forward to the sequel!!]
    Stuck, [a pleasant surprise] The Midnight Meat Train, [my personal favorite of the year!] and Inside [an insane film!]

    Well done my friend!

  2. Are you retarded? You thought the top movie was INSIDE?!?!?! I gotta tell you that you need to put down the crack pipe. I was getting ridiculously angry watching that movie because everyone seemed to be living with stupidity. I had to walk out after the cops showed up and didn't f-cking spread out or actually do anything. If someone did that in real life, they would deserve to die.

  3. I quite liked the desent.

  4. Hey I'm all for anybody disagreeing with my list, even my #1 pick, but give me what you thought was #1 last year.

    Inside was slime and grime and craziness I hadn't seen before.

    Honestly, when do the cops actually come to the rescue in a horror movie?

    I like the fact the slasher was not your typical hockey mask, glove wearing, butcher knife wielding maniac.

    It was an old crazy lady.

  5. Gutterballs is THE worst movie of all time. What are you thinking? "Let the Right One In" was by far the best horror movie of the year.

  6. INSIDE is an amazing masterpiece of a movie! YESSIR!

    I'm so sick of all these horrible "horror" movies the studios are popping out every other month.

    I added a few movies to my netflix list because of this, thanks!

  7. Glad I could help get some of these flicks on your ques.

    Not everybody will agree with whats on this list, I mean Gutterballs is a hard movie to watch...but jeez at least it aint Saw V.

  8. hey honestly im not afraid to watch horror movie thats because im going to mute the sound of dvd or i cover my ears.....

    but sometimes i feel its not good to watch too many horror movie.....

    its b coz ....

    can i ask some question why do we make a horror movie that can make usscared

  9. hey honestly im not afraid to watch horror movie... bcoz ill going to cover my ears....
    its funny...but many people doing like that...

    sometimes the background music can make us scared that what im doing what i said

  10. i suggest that the no. 1 horror movie will be the bagman....

    the inside movie its like a nonsense movie im sorry but that is true..many people said that pls changet..try to watch BAGMAN MOVIE...

  11. Inside was badass!

  12. The movies you listed at the top as the ones you haven't seen are all going to replace some of the ones on your list. Let the right one in is brilliant, and Martyrs is one of the most disturbing things I've ever seen, and I'm a big fan of French Horror and Korean gore flicks. There were 2 on your list that I hadn't seen yet. I'm dl them now.

  13. I've seen both Let the Right One In and Martyrs I gave them great reviews. I can revise my list so it is what it is. :-P

    What 2 we're on the list that your downloading?

  14. the cottage, mid-nite meat train and dance of the dead should be voted some of the WORST horror films of all time mate. seriusly...get some "movie taste"

  15. Sure dude. I'm sure you loved all the Saw movies and thought Friday the 13th remake and My Bloody Valentine 3D were the best thing since frakin slice bread.

  16. Hey Bro,I have to say you have a really good,informative site. Your reviews are awesome and funny. I'm glad I found this place,it helps alot. I will have to say though,I did enjoy the F13 remake. It wasn't all that bad. Anyways dude,I'll be back again.

  17. um.. where is "Let the Right one in"?
    That could be an oscar contender..
    and did you steal these reviews from other sites cuz I swear I've read them before on other lists just like this

  18. Let the Right One In didn't come out on DVD until 2009. One of those things where I didn't include it in.

    As for stealing reviews?!?!? No fuckin way dude. I don't steal reviews. All the reviews I wrote myself. I did write the Top Horror Movies of 2008 for so you may have seen it on there.

    But all those reviews are from a cerebral. Hence all the funny shit.

  19. Good post, this movies are great i haven't watched The Signal, but now i will watched. Thanks i'm making this week horror nights.