a jaded viewer reviews the world of horror, splatter, gore, cult, grindhouse, trash, b-movie, indie, asian and exploitation films
Friday, February 10, 2012
The Shortround: The Code (Review)
Lots of new Shortround posts this week. Here's another one where you can actually watch for yourself. From Mark Blitch comes The Code, a horror comedy short that part Buffy part Shaun of the Dead.
The tagline says it all: Put it on your Google Calendar
the jaded viewer says: At 6 minutes, The Code cleverly polishes it's Buffy dialogue and Shaun of the Dead references while throwing in cameos chock full of horror icons. It's funny and knows the stereotypical horror cliches it parodies. I like the cliched opening of a douchebag alpha male with the supposed dumb blonde though I was 100% sure she was a Buffy in disguise.
The vampire, chainsaw slasher and Bigfoot were solid surprises but Taylor Brandt as zombie Shaun steals the show with his loyalty for Google Calendar. Obvious reference aside, it made me LOL and the makeup and FX won ton of awards at the Splatterfest Festival in Houston.
Good job by all those involved and I'm happy you all were able to see it as well.
I've been seeing a lot of promos and posters all over NYC for NBC's new show Smash. I'll admit, this is not my sort of bag, but when jaded viewer friend Christina Rose dropped me a line informed me that Gary King's indie musical How Do You Write A Joe Scherman Song? is soon to be released I had to take a quick glance at the trailer (which is below).
Here be the plot:
Joe (Joe Schermann) dreams of hitting it big on Broadway. After landing an opportunity to write for an Off-Broadway musical, he is forced to cast either the love of his life Evey (Christina Rose) or his newly discovered muse Summer (Debbie Williams). The realities of show business prove to Joe that writing is easy, living is hard.
Christina is a brilliant actress (she was brilliant in Death of the Dead (see review here and interview here) and I'm sure she's going to show off all her talents: her beauty, singing and acting in this little slice of NYC indie film.
Here's more info via the Press Release:
HOW DO YOU WRITE A JOE SCHERMANN SONG is an original feature film musical written and directed by Gary King; music and lyrics by Joe Schermann; and original score by Ken Lampl. It stars the singer/songwriter of the same name Joe Schermann, Christina Rose (of Broadway's GREASE, Deadheads, & previously worked with King on "Death of the Dead"), Mark DiConzo ("New York Lately"), Debbie Williams, Jenn Dees ("What's Up Lovely") and Darly Ray Carliles (Jaradoa Theater). The incredible dance sequences in the film were choreographed by Mark DiConzo and Christina Rose. The indie film was funded primarily through crowdfunding (Kickstarter) which has led to a global fan base long before the film's release. Marcus Wolf and Edward A. Bishop of Flicker Dreams Productions served as executive producers.
Film festival screening announcements coming soon.
The Shortround returns with another Fatal Pictures short film by producer Zach Green and director Richard Powell. I previously reviewed their short Worm which was dastardly disturbing. In Familiar, we get what made Worm mesmerizing and also a bucket of splatter.
Here be the plot.
Through a series of tragic events a middle aged man grows to suspect the negative impulses plaguing his mind may not be his own.
the jaded viewer says: In Familiar, we follow John Dodd, twin brother to Geoffrey Dodd who we saw in Worm. He has a American Beauty like life, with a wife and daughter living the suburban dream (or nightmare). Like his brother, we get to hear his inner most thoughts and he's longing for escape from his mid life hell. Dinners are eaten, sleep is dreadful and all John wants is to escape after his daughter goes on to college.
But John believes his wife is the cartoon ball and chain and is plotting to keep him locked to this living hell. Soon a big development has him taking drastic measures to ensure his escape but that nagging voice in his head is more than what it seems. As Familiar concludes into some self inflicted open surgery, John must battle the inner demon living inside of him.
Familiar is the type of short that packs an emotional punch in it's 20 minute run time then most Hollywood dramas. The lack of dialogue other than an inner monologue by Robert Nolan is paced to a point where it slowly grows over time. It clearly is American Beauty meets Cronenberg madness. Powell works the inner monologue with methodical timing and inserts conversational emotions with each scene between the characters.
I would say it lacks in the fact that an eerie conclusion is used as an ending where possibly a reunion between John and his wife might have been more fitting. Clearly the WTF-ness of it all makes it 10 times more terrifying. Nolan's performance is top notch and shows he can drive a short with just his face.
Green and Powell are a hell of an exciting duo in indie film and there is no doubt a feature is on it's way. If Familiar is the type of work we can look forward to, I can't wait.
I was able check out ABC's new show The River a little early. You've probably seen the commercials and the marquee branding that it comes from Paranormal Activity director Oren Peli. Having watched the pilot, I gotta admit it's probably the best pilot I've ever seen since Lost.
It really grabs you from the opening scene and you get seriously mesmerized by it all. Sometimes in pilots, they think they need to establish characters so you all know who is who. The River touches on a few character developments but doesn't get bogged down in the details. It knows it'll get into that in later episodes.
What The River does well is jump right into the shit you wanna see. So what's that exactly?
A Steve Irwin (but American) like TV explorer and wildlife guru and his family were stars of a hit weekly TV show where they discovered new species and got into the adventures (you know Swiss Family Robinson style I guess). Years later, dear old dad seems to have gone missing and his wife, his son and a new TV crew go searching for the long lost star explorer. They're joined by a hot blonde (there is always a hottie and who also lost her dad in the last expedition), a few TV producers and camera guys and a South American guide with his daughter and it's bon voyage into the Amazon.
Filmed with that Paranormal Activity style of shaky cam footage (via the cameramen), surveillance shots, old archived footage and traditional TV style, it all works on all those different levels. Soon these rag tag group locates a beacon that is suppose to be from Dr. Emmet Cole, our intrepid adventurer and they locate and search an abandoned boat of the long lost crew. But then shit starts hitting the fan.
Magical unseen forces are wreaking havoc, weird footage of dad doing Amazonian things and a glimpsed at story from the natives is told. A few scenes had me going WTF. But it's the pure awesomeness of Peli and his sight beyond sight that makes The River standout. We get a mythos in the pilot, a few blurry attacks and a good ole WTF death scene. Awesome.
Sure it's basically Paranormal Activity meets Lost. The characters all seem to echo a bit of shadiness and our "Jack" character is now called Lincoln Cole. But all in all, something seems not right and the mystery really does hook you. The dragonflies are all quirky and the mysterious entity that "seeks blood" isn't just shutting doors or flickering lights but outright attacking the castaways.
The River looks promising and I'm going to definitely check out series. There is already so much good horror TV shows probably on your plate but I'm banking on the natives and the river to slaughter and cannibalize this millennial version of the SS Minnow.
Good times.
The River premieres on February 7th 2012 (Tuesday) on ABC.
[this review is from The Jaded Viewer 2 DVD Giveaway Winner Kim K. She suffered through these awful flicks like a real soldier and for that I'm giving her a honorary jaded viewer gold star of awesomeness]
I was warned - these movies won’t be making any "best of" lists. Watching them was a test of will. I have a short attention span. I'm rating them not by spinkicks, but by how many failed attempts it took me to actually sit down with the movie long enough to watch until the end.
"Ferocious Planet"
Alien movies, even when done well, are not typically the subgenre I reach for first. Plus, I tend toward thinking that any film with the word ‘Ferocious’ in the title is bound to be lame. But you can't judge a film by it's cover right?
Okay... maybe you can.
This movie begins with two scientists giving a demonstration to a group of politicians, military and fellow scientists on their groundbreaking technology whose purpose quickly becomes unimportant as once activated, the entire lab rips out of our dimension and into one inhabited only by dinosaur-like aliens. The scientists spend the remainder of the movie trying to fix their machine so that the group can make it back home. The politicians & military men prance around the jungle exploring, in hopes of securing fame and fortune. You can probably guess which group was (marginally) more successful.
There were funny moments, though most of them were likely unintentional. This movie had a feel of Jurassic Park-meets-Predator tweaked for a scifi original. The CGI was cartoonish, but in the context of this movie, it works well enough. The concept was ridiculous from the get-go, so I say run with that. The movie doesn’t seem to take itself too seriously either, which I respect, so if you’re going to watch, make it a drinking game:
Drink every time someone gets killed
-Twice if it’s not the person you expect -Three times if killed in almost identical manner to the previous character
Drink for every cut-to-commercial edit
Drink whenever someone says “that’s impossible,” “we’ve hit a snag,” or “we have a problem”
Drink for every time gunshots don’t work.
-Twice when characters use them anyway.
Drink anytime someone mentions self preservation
Drink for breathless running through the forest.
There is one kind of funny, ironic twist in the final five minutes that I appreciated, but not enough to make watching the entire movie worthwhile.
I give this film: 4 failed attempts.
No nudity in either flick and minimal gore, I’m afraid.
And there you go. Now may I request you send me a copy of “Martyrs” or “The Woman” as consolation for playing? ;)
Could the Jaded Viewer outsmart (or die horribly) against these infamous slasher icons?
I was watching an episode of Tosh.0 and Daniel Tosh started naming celebrities he thought he could beat up. It's pretty funny video and it got me thinking, if I were a final guy trapped in a horror movie, which top horror slashers could I outsmart?
Based upon my educational level, my vast knowledge of horror trivia, tactics and experience, I think I could do well against certain slashers and pretty much get sliced early on against others. So below you'll find a list of slashers and whether or not I could outsmart them and escape scot fuckin free.
I want you fellow jaded viewers and my horror blogger alumni to try this experiment as well. List a bunch of slashers and think really hard if you could come out a winner. Don't be asshole/douche and think you could really get away from all of them. Share your lists and we'll all pretend to be smart motherfuckers!
Here's mine!
1.) Jason Voorhees
the jaded viewer says: Fuck yeah I could outsmart Jason. I'm not that freakin clumsy, won't trip running away in the woods and I'm pretty sure I'm in decently physically fit cardio wise. Jason waits for you to board yourself up in a house or cabin in the woods. Fuck that shit.
I'm running all night, even in the dead of night until I reach pavement of a highway. I'll bring a water bottle with me. 2.) Freddy Kreuger
the jaded viewer says: When I dream, I'm totally not in control. I don't know how to dream properly (lucid dreaming or whatever it's called) and I'd totally get Inception killed by the son of 1000 maniacs. 3.) Michael Myers
the jaded viewer says: The king of slashers and the smartest maniac on the planet. Michael was calculated, methodical and damn clever. I wouldn't last 10 minutes if I was hanging out in front of the Haddonfield 7-Eleven.
4.) Jigsaw
the jaded viewer says: Fuck y'all. If I need to hack my arm off I'm doing it to live. But knowing Jigsaw, his traps always have a damn twist so my likely survival probably hovers around 20%.
5.) Chucky
the jaded viewer says: He's a fuckin doll. Outsmart Chucky? Hell I could actually kick his ass. I'll show him who's the Good Guy.
Name a slasher in the comments and in my follow up to this post, I'll let you know if I could win or die a horrific death. If you have a horror blog, choose a few slashers and ask yourself if you could beat these icons of horror.
....and you do to. Ewwwww. Not like that. Well sorta. The twisted twins, the Soska Sisters breakthrough movie Dead Hooker in a Trunk is now out on DVD via IFC Midnight. Congrats to Jen and Sylvia for making their dreams come true. The Jaded Viewer and the Twisted Twins share a special bond. I was the first to highlight their flick on the horror-sphere and they in turn put a quote from my review in their damn trailer (which was super duper mega awesome)
To celebrate, we all get to watch DHIAT with them....on Twitter.
[this review is from The Jaded Viewer 2 DVD Giveaway Winner Kim K. She suffered through these awful flicks like a real soldier and for that I'm giving her a honorary jaded viewer gold star of awesomeness]
I was warned - these movies won’t be making any "best of" lists. Watching them was a test of will. I have a short attention span. I'm rating them not by spinkicks, but by how many failed attempts it took me to actually sit down with the movie long enough to watch until the end.
"Savage County"
David Harris is a first time director & this was a low budget, direct-to-video production. I have a soft spot for new artists trying to get an edge in, even if I’m not a fan; and judging by their Facebook page, he does have a following, which he is clearly catering toward. If you’re an 11-15 year old who is new to the horror genre & enjoyed the web series this was a spin-off from - you could potentially love this movie. It is the training bra of horror.
The plot follows a group of high school students about to graduate as they road trip out into the countryside one last time. When a prank goes wrong, the kids accidentally kill the eldest of a family of creepy homicidal hillbillies. Creepy hillbillies get pissed. Storyline marches forward into a watered down version of some of the most familiar (and successful) horror themes we know and love. (See: Deliverance, Texas Chainsaw, Hills Have Eyes, Wrong Turn, House of 1000 Corpses etc etc)
‘Recycled’ doesn’t necessarily resign a movie to a fate of suckage. When you’re playing to human fear, there are only so many threads to explore. Filmmakers in the genre build on and borrow from each other almost as a rule. But you’d better add something original to make it stick in people’s heads if you’re going that route. The fact that one of the hillbillies vaguely resembles Willie Nelson is not enough for me As for the kids, we’ve got a small group of token everything out in this cornfield. The jocks, the cheerleader, the “good girl”, the punky loner, the nerd, the black kid. All of these stereotypes hung out together in your school too, right? There is one particularly useless girl back at base, whose sole job seems to be talking into a webcam and cueing awful music. The movie keeps awkwardly cutting back to her and it was precisely these moments that made me wonder if I needed to take another break.
The plot unfolds. Kids freak out after the accidental murder. Split up. Make one stupid decision after another. Cops get involved. Oops - cops are sided with the hillbillies. Hillbillies torture and pick off kids. The script remains one dimensional, and ends predictably while still leaving loose ends (I fear a sequel’s in the works); yet for a tween slasher-flick, it delivers what is expected and is certainly not the worst ever made. Though it did leave me feeling mildly lobotomized.
I rate this movie: 3 failed attempts.
Check out the trailer. I doubt you'll last :30 secs before you stop watching.
It's rare that I get asked to talk about myself and my blog. But when I do, it's an honor and I will go out of my way to make it as fun as possible. So when the awesome-tastic site Stuff Monsters Like asked me to do a celebrity interview, I said "Who's the celebrity? Wait you mean me?"
So I obliged and answered the questions in only the way I can...by being all around goofy. Check out the interview and read my thoughts on the state of horror, how the jaded viewer got started and which country makes the best horror movies. Plus I think I make a reference to porn. I'm pretty sure I do. Yup, tons of free porn.
On the surface, Kill List looks to be your standard five and dime crime thriller. Underworld goons doing their trade eliminating threats for $$. But as I thought about the film after watching it, you start seeing the layers underneath Kill List that enable you to see a movie that has more than meets the eye.
Kill List is a film that slowly burns you into a look into the life of a retired hit man and scopes out a world where his past, his present and his future all collide into an orgy of madness. It's an interesting journey seeing a drama, gore soaked slaughter and a Wicker Man-ish horror flick all blended into one. Sure there is a twist at the end and numerous unanswered questions which make you go WTF but it stills hit you harder than a hail of bullets.
What you'll get from Kill List is a character study of a soldier turned assassin who elects to try to live as a normal but it seems PTSD and pure conditioning to kill are not as easy to shut down when you get home. There is pure hell to pay for the sins of your past and it seems mysterious forces want have molded our hit man's world into their own.
Kill List is a solid flick that may seem like Pulp Fiction without the glitz and glamour. And for that it gets high marks for showing me a touch of all the genres I love from the UK.
Boring Plot-O-Matic
Eight months after a disastrous job in Kiev left him physically and mentally scarred, ex-soldier turned contract killer, Jay, is pressured by his partner, Gal, into taking a new assignment. As they descend into the dark and disturbing world of the contract, Jay begins to unravel once again - his fear and paranoia sending him deep into the heart of darkness.
Awesome Review-O-Matic
I'm going to break this down via Earth layers. Seems easier that way as far as I'm concerned.
The Crust
Kill List starts off as we see Jay and his Swedish wife Shel arguing about money. It seems Jay is a retired ex soldier with tours of Iraq who came back and went all crime underworld . We meet his friend and partner Gal and during a dinner party they talk about their lives, a past botched job and the life they now lead.
Clearly Wheatley uses this first Act to make us care for Jay and Gal and their alpha male shenanigans. Jay and Shel have a son and we see his fatherly side as well as Mr. Husband. Both Jay (Neil Maskell) and Shel (MyAnna Buring) have an uneasy relationship and you can see the scars Jay has been dealing with bubbling up. He's angry and all his instincts have have been dulled by being in this normal life.
Both Maskell and Buring give off good chemistry as a husband and wife who know they have had issues as they both transition to normals (Shel knows Jay is a hit man which is unique). Michael Smiley as Gal is still struggling to go normal but it seems as we move on the the list, we'll see who still has the instincts to do the job. The Mantle
As both Jay and Gal fulfill their assignments, Jay slowly descents into what he was in the past. Before they embark on the kill, they stake out their victims finding in their now grey moral world reasons to take them out. The kills involving a Priest (highlighted in big white text), a Librarian are dastardly brutal. They slowly start out as professionals but it seems as Jay's scars get reopened (allegor-ized by a inflicted slice on his hand) he's going towards the deep end.
It begs the question can a soldier or even a hit man just turn off "their switch" when they retire? Is it just that easy to do? Kill List says no and I agree. Jay who seemed to be a brutal killer back in the day is as vicious when he gets a taste for it again. Each of the victims on "the list" are moral embodiments to stop him from going back to his killing ways. A priest representing morality, a librarian representing logic and a government official representing the law. Jay ignores all of this and slaughters them all.
The Core
The final scenes with the final kill go into weird Wicker Man territory. Everybody seems to have been played and characters who looked idle appear to be more sinister. A action sequence through a tunnel is mesmerzingly claustrophobic and vicious. These last scenes are very peculiar whipping in survival horror with bizarre rituals. It' s possibly fitting Jay confronts organized chaos as his final test. Having been now conditioned into a cold blooded killer/soldier, his instincts kick in and he becomes the embodiment of a savage.
Could we have gotten a better explanation of the "game" being played? Final answers on why characters actions became oddly weird? Sure but Whealtey seems to want us to fill in the holes which is fine with me.
Kill List gets a barely 3 spinkicks from me for taking me on a long journey of how easily a man can be stripped of his normal suit and launched into a naked and vicious savage. That's what you should take away from Kill List.
Nude-ipedia
Nada
Gore-ipedia
Hammer to the head trauma Gunshots to the head Torture trauma Sliced bowel trauma WTF moment
The twist ending
The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis
Kill List is available on VOD and on Amazon Instant Video. It comes out in theaters on February 3rd.
Lots of new Shortround posts this week. Here's another one where you can actually watch for yourself. From Mark Blitch comes The Code, a horror comedy short that part Buffy part Shaun of the Dead.
