Monday, October 20, 2008

Feast 2: Sloppy Seconds (Review)

Feast 2: Sloppy Seconds

Feast 2: Sloppy Seconds (3008)

Directed by John Gulager

Feast was #6 on my Top 10 horror movies of 2006. It took the typical horror stereotypes, ripped em to shreds and made a monster movie that was funny, sick and totally twisted.

Wash, rinse and repeat.

And now you get Feast 2. But this sequel still stinks of shit stains.

I really don't know what to make of it. It's got gore, pussing and oozing grossness and some funny one liners.

And it's still a yawnfest. How can they have screwed that up? Well let's see.

Boring Plot-O-Matic

The monsters have made it into a small neighboring town in the middle of nowhere and the locals have to band with the survivors of the bar' slaughter to figure out how to survive.

Awesome Review-O-Matic

Instead of me babbling on about how much this was disappointing, let's go through our 'types. Some die, some survive, but somehow I don't care.

The Regulars

1.) Honey Pie and Bartender

They're back from the original. They've got a killer fight scene that is pretty fucked up. When can you see a hot babe take on a McCain-ish geezer, and the geriatric wins.

Guest Stars

2.) Biker Queen and the Bleeders

They just didn't bring anything to the flick. Except gratuitous nudity. But then again it was biker lesbo gratuitous nudity. Oh well. I'll take whatever I can get.

3.) Greg and Secrets and Slasher

A menage o trois of looniness. Secrets (Slasher's wife) cheated on Slasher (a used carsalesman) with Greg (his coworker). Best of these three is Greg trying to be heroic and instead commits infanticide.

I mean he committed fuckin infanticide??!??!?

That was pretty sweet.

4.) Thunder and Lightning

Two little people (one a Mexican luchadore and the other a snarky Wee man) who kick ass. They love their grandma.

5.) The Monsters

OK let's see what I can remember. They have completely gone nuts, eating everything in sight, their penises flapping around and fucking animals.

Our survivors run alot. Watch survivors die and get eaten and then the movie ends abruptly so they can set up part 3.

Gore-ipedia (if you want to be shocked don't read)

Head decaps
Flesh shredding
Hammer head smashing
Ear ripping
Monster "bobitt-ing"
Monster autopsy which includes:
Organ grossness
Weird Eye slaughter
Monster vomit
Monster guts
Human vomit
Monster sperm
Decomposing grandma
Pipe thru the skull
Midget slaughter
Infanticide and baby devouring

Nude-ipedia (because you like boobies)

Biker babe boobies

WTF moment

I did mention infanticide right?

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

There were some decent moments. But all in all, I was bored. As they filmed this movie back to back with Feast 3: The Happy Finish, maybe they saved all the good stuff for the final movie.

If you're into the Feast series, it's probably mandatory to watch this. But the hype was for not.

Maybe the next set of horror stereotypes will be more entertaining. And with the rumor of monster-human hybrids, it may actually be worth 2 shits.

Wash, rinse and repeat.


The Trailer

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1 comment:

  1. Disappointing News!
    I had better hope for this one (it still has a wait on Netflix, so I havedn't seen it yet)

    Hopefully you are right, and the best was saved for the 3rd installment.