Many of my friends also had blogs slightly inspired by my insane ranting and raving. Now that I have more than 3 people visiting this site, I figured I could sneak in a few old leftover thoughts posts that were snarky, funny and completely off the wall.
The post below was written by my friend (C.R.) for his now defunct blog Acoustic Shadows. Every time I read it, it makes me laugh. Read the post for a quick Friday LOL.
compare and contrast
By CR (1/12/03)
The Atlantic Ocean, Eons Ago
The yellow ball stays longer each day, warming the water. The school knows this means it is time to travel to the coastline and mate. Already a few of the males have made their bellies red, signaling their eagerness. The fish are not good swimmers--all around them, sleeker, better adapted fish easily outdistance them. The school compensates by attaching themselves to rocks and seaweed with small, sucker-like discs on the bottom of their bodies--they can't move forward very quickly, but at least the current doesn't push them backwards. They do not have many predators--to be quite honest, they are ugly, even to each other, and their skin is tough and lumpy. As a result, few of the deep's lurking predators care to eat them, even though they swim slowly and weakly. The eggs, however, are another matter. Anything which is completely defenseless is a meal when it's sitting on the merciless ocean floor, ugly or not. And nothing is more defenseless than an unhatched egg. So when the school reaches the coastline, the females lay their eggs and, their task completed, weakly swim back out to sea. The males stay, keeping vigil over the eggs until they hatch, not eating, and not leaving the eggs except to face down predators. The fish do not take joy in this, any more than they do in eating--it is simply what they have always done, and will always do.
Mesopotamia, At The Same Time
The other monkeys are all sleeping or eating lice off each other, but Danger-Finder is bored. It's a new sensation--he has never been bored before. In that it is new, the novelty of it almost cancels the boredom itself, momentarily. But in the end, boredom wins. Danger-Finder wants to throw something at one of the other monkeys, but most of the males are bigger than him and mean too, and if he throws something at one of the females then she probably won't let him do the sweaty grunting thing later. So he sits, almost wishing there was some danger. When there is danger, Danger-Finder screams to tell the other monkeys about it, which is how he got his name, and then they all run through the trees. Then later when they're safe, he gets him berries to eat, and even Strong-Fierce, the biggest monkey, will let him eat and not take any of the berries. Danger-Finder starts to think about things other than eating and throwing and running and playing. Soon Danger-Finder begins to think about what he is doing--thinking. Danger-Finder wonders if Strong-Fierce can do it as well as he can. He bets not. He wonders if he can use thinking to stop Strong-Fierce from taking his berries, not just when there's danger, but every day. Civilization begins.
Cleveland, Ohio, Present Day
I had caviar on crackers for dinner today. It was delicious. I'm glad I have a thumb.