No Right Turn (Review)

No Right Turn No Right Turn (2009)Directed by David Noel BourkeEvery now and then we here at the jaded viewer take a break from reviewing the horror and grindhouse and delve into the indie scene. Why? Because indie movies from every country are where filmmakers still bring creativity to cinema.And the indie spirit is where you can find a movie like No Right Turn, a full fledge fairy tale pulp crime thriller that can only be described as eclectically...

Categories: crime thriller, David Noel Bourke, denmark, independent cinema, indie horror, no right turn, no right turn review, pulp

Reviews of Movies that Sucked

Why do I watch movies I know suck? Well, first off because all these movies were free DVDs I got from work. Secondly, some seemed they may actually be MST3K worthy. Finally, some of these flicks had pseudo horror stars in them.So in the posts below are reviews for Killing Ariel, Against the Dark, Black Swarm and Legend of the Bog.In any case, I figure these reviews are more of warnings to avoid these films at all costs. These reviews will be short...

Categories: jadedviewer, jadedviewer.com, reviews of movies that suck, the jaded viewer

Against the Dark (Review)

Against the Dark Against the Dark (2009)Directed by Richard CrudoOMG I'm reviewing the anti-Van Damme!! It's Steven "I have no other facial emotions" Seagal!!Think of Against the Dark as the poor, bastard cousin of I am Legend. It's like 28 Days Later but with horrible acting, reusable vampire stuntmen and stuntwomen and Seagal barely lifting his sword in any action scenes.Seems a virus has hit the entire fuckin planet and everybody who gets infected...

Categories: against the dark, against the dark review, steven seagal, vampires

Legend of the Bog (Review)

Legend of the Bog Legend of the Bog (2009)Directed by Brendan FoleyWow this was just terri-awful. Just outright fuckin dumb. Everything about this movie made me want to kick myself in the groin, rip out my eyeballs and ramble obscenities at my TV for having watched this atrocity on film.Random tourists (Americans and Irish and Brits folks) and some archeologist with a blonde hottie (Nora-Jane Noone who was in The Descent) converge on a cabin in the...

Categories: bog bodies, legend of the bog, legend of the bog review, vinnie jones

Black Swarm (Review)

Black Swarm Black Swarm (2007)Directed by David WinningIt's a Sci Fi monster movie of the week!You know how these movies go. Innocent family moves to suburbia, encounters local community, meets a member of the opposite sex and then killer insects try to kill them all.I'm not going to say this was completely awful but it was in the vicinity of crappiness. I mean I'm all for watching killer, mutant wasps savagely stinging the shit out of helpless suburbans...

Categories: black swarm, black swarm review, killer bees, killing wasps, robert england

Killing Ariel (Review)

Killing Ariel Killing Ariel (2008)Directed by Fred Calvert & David NegronSome middle age American salaryman decides to cheat on his wife with some Euro-hottie. Seems his mommy got it on with a succubi demon or some shit or the other.Fast forward to the euro chick and dude going fuckin in a cabin in the woods when the dude goes going all crazy. A few killings of Ariel montage scenes later, I was bored out of my fuckin mind.I didn't care about...

Categories: 2009 horror dvd, killing ariel, killing ariel review

RIP: Michael Jackson (1958-2009)

I had that red and black jacket when I was a kid. I learned that Thriller dance. I had leather pants with the white socks.It's a sad day all over the world because the King of Pop is now dead.I remember rewatching the Thriller music video on a VHS tape that I would rewind countless times over. It was one of my first time also watching zombies. WTF are zombies I would ask my parents?Fuckin scary.Just forget the eccentric lifestyle, Bubbles, Macaulay...

Categories: michael jackson, michael jackson death, michael jackson thriller video, thriller live

The Box Trailer and Twilight Zone "Button, Button" Episode

Richard Kelly (director of Donnie Darko and Southland Tales) is back and doing his best M. Knight Shyamalan impersonation. With The Box, he takes a short story by Richard Matheson which was in turn, turned into an episode called "Button, Button" on the new Twilight Zone in 1986.Starring Cameron Diaz, the story is an interesting premise or a load of twisty badness. You decide. You are the experiment.A small wooden box arrives on the doorstep of a...

Categories: button button, cameron diaz, richard kelly, The Box, the box trailer, twilight zone

Dead Snow (Review)

Dead SnowDead Snow (2009)Directed by Tommy WirkolaIt wasn't too long ago I was blogging about Nazi zombies.After the flick was getting mega hype from Sundance film festival, you knew this was gonna be one of those horror films that just gets it. It wasn't trying to appeal to the PG-13 millenials so Hollywood could $ca ching. Dead Snow was appealing to the horror-sphere and won the Nazi zombie race against Worst Case Scenario and others.Wirkola's...

Categories: dead snow, dead snow review, dead snow trailer, dod sno, fast moving zombies, german zombies, nazi zombies, norwegian horror

Surviving Evil (Trailer)

Did everybody miss me? Well due to unforseen shit I had to take care of last week, I was of course MIA in my updating. Well I'm back and I've got some zany reviews to put up. In the meantime, I figure your getting your horror fixes from other horror-sphere sites but whose gonna cover a horror movie that takes place on the Philippines???Well the jaded viewer will.Surviving Evil stars Billy Zane and hot Natalie Mendoza (from The Descent and Descent...

Categories: aswang, billy zane, filipino horror, natalie mendoza, philippines, surviving evil, surviving evil trailer

The Horror Continuum (Links from the Horrorsphere)

It's Horror Continuum Fridays. Where I give you links from around the horrorsphere and the interweb......I met Alejandro Aja when he screened Haute Tension a while back. Now he's got porn stars and Eli Roth cameo-ing in Piranha 3D. Wow......this show is a fake tv show...whereas this show is a REALITY show and they both have the same plot.....whats with Japanese youth's fascination with wrist slice and dice?(I realize these would make excellent tweets...

Categories: links from the horrorsphere, the horror continuum

Cinemassacre.com's You Know What's Bullshit (DVD special edition)

I stumbled upon the video below while surfing for porn. Porn and old Quantum Leap episodes.Don't ask.But it hits the nail on the head with what's wrong with DVDs. I fuckin hate the damn multiple security tape and locking mechanism clippy things. You need to fuckin Oceans 11 to open the fuckin DVD box.Enjoy the Bullshit Man's latest rant. Fuckin DV...

Categories: bullshitman, cinemassacre.com, dvds, you know whats bullshit

Ong Bak 2 (Review)

Ong Bak 2 Ong Bak 2 (2009)Directed by Tony JaaThe Jaa is back.Let's get this out of the way first. This is a pseudo sequel to the smash and bash that is Ong Bak. Got that?Let's also get this out of the way too.Thailand is still the king of action cinema for now. Stunt-a-palooza, muy thai kneeing and elbowing and just rampant 1-2-3 punches. Sick shit all around.I'm not a big fan of period piece action cinema. Whenever some Chinese or Japanese movie...

Categories: martial arts, muay thai, ong bak, ong bak 2, ong bak 2 review, ong bak 2 trailer, Prachya Pinkaew, thai movies, tony jaa

The Last Gasps of the Horror Convention

Well I was planning to go. But I didn't. I was thinking of going to go to the NYC Fangoria Weekend of Horrors last weekend. I elected not to go. Not because I was booked to do anything else, I just got that very eerie feeling it was going to suck.And from my Evil Adam's account via UGO.com it really sorta did.I've been to my share of Fangoria fests and Chiller conventions. When I first heard of Chiller being the mecca of horrorfests, I was psyched.In...

Categories: bootlegging movies, chiller theatre, Chiller Theatre Toy Model and Expo 2008, fangoria, fangoria weekend of horrors, horror convention, horror dealers, the horror continuum

Babysitter Wanted (Trailer)

Sometimes you can watch a trailer and not think anything of it. Perusing Terrorfeed, I scanned a trailer for Babysitter Wanted. It seem like your run of the mill slash and dash but I did more research as it stars the hot Sarah Thompson (she was Eve on Angel) and it has Nana Visitor (Kira Nerys! from Star Trek: DS9) as well as Bill fuckin Moseley.Shockingly, from all the reviews I glanced at the horrorsphere is claiming this is an actually rockstar...

Categories: 2008 horror dvd, 2009 horror trailers, babysitter wanted, babysitter wanted trailer, bill moseley, gore, nana visitor, sarah thompson, slasher films, splatter

The Horror Continuum (Links from the Horrorsphere)

I've been thinking it over and I figure there should be a day where I share what I find on the interweb with the rest of the horrorsphere. So every Friday (hopefully), will be The Horror Continuum. Where I'll post just random things I find on the Internet that maybe you missed.If you have some links to share with everybody, feel free to post them in the comments below.First up free press courtesy of the jaded viewer mailbox.....Interesting web series...

Categories: fangoria weekend of horrors, jadedviewer.com, links from the horrorsphere, the horror continuum, the jaded viewer, viral links

Dead Hooker in a Trunk (Trailer)

Fuck. I'm late on this one too. Oh well. I know this trailer came out a while ago but hell if you didn't see it here's your chance.I've been a grindhouse/exploitation junkie of late looking for those off the wall, fucked up funtastic trailers that make you want to see some hilarious shit.And Dead Hooker In A Trunk fits up that alley.Directed by the Soska Sisters of Canada and brought to you by Forty FPS Productions, this little slice of the exploitation...

Categories: 2009 exploitation movies, 2009 grindhouse movies, dead hooker in a trunk, dead hooker in a trunk trailer, exploitation, exploitation film, grindhouse, horror hotties, soska sisters

Enter the Void (Teaser Trailer)

Gasper Noe's new full length feature film since Irreversible looks out right mesmerizing. Enter the Void is definitely going to be a "tour de force" (I love how this is always the most quotable quote for a movie). Thanks to Twitch, you can all see the teaser trailer which is now online.For you noobs, Noe's films are artsy masterpieces of surreality. If you want to do your homework, see I Stand Alone and Irreversible (that's if you can take the punishment...

Categories: cannes, enter the void, enter the void teaser trailer, gasper noe, i stand alone, irreversible

It Ate His Face (Trailer)

I follow a simple formula on the site. I post reviews, top 5 lists and trailers. But not just any old trailers. I figure you can get your regular horror trailers via the popular horror-sphere sites. What I try to do is dig for the more obscure trailers. Sometimes I grab em from the mainstream horror sites, sometimes I'll YouTube for hours to find something new.But when I watch something that looks like it would be jaded viewer material, that's when I figure it's a worthy post.I may be late on this, but It Ate His Face is a worthy trailer to put...

Categories: 2009 exploitation movies, 2009 grindhouse movies, 70s grindhouse movies, exploitation film, grindhouse, it ate his face, it ate his face trailer

Evil Things (Review)

Evil ThingsEvil Things (2009)Directed by Dominic PerezI've been on a tear reviewing some indie horror films of late (see The Landlord and Thicker than Water: The Vampire Diaries). Its a credit to the fact that I want the jaded viewer to be a haven of where little engines that could can reap the benefits of getting press and pub from the horror-sphere.Because it's the indie filmmakers that put Hollywood on their toes. This is where creativity is still...

Categories: cloverfield, evil things, evil things review, indepentent horror, indie horror, pov horror, rec, the blair witch project