Monday, June 29, 2009

Against the Dark (Review)

Against the Dark

Against the Dark (2009)

Directed by Richard Crudo

OMG I'm reviewing the anti-Van Damme!! It's Steven "I have no other facial emotions" Seagal!!

Think of Against the Dark as the poor, bastard cousin of I am Legend. It's like 28 Days Later but with horrible acting, reusable vampire stuntmen and stuntwomen and Seagal barely lifting his sword in any action scenes.

Seems a virus has hit the entire fuckin planet and everybody who gets infected becomes all vampiry and gets a taste for blood and zombie mutilation.

The survivors all end up in an abandoned hospital and like a side scroller level game, they have to make their way to the exit or be mushroomed cloud by the Army. The flick just has random encounters with the infected who get easily slaughtered by the rogue hunters led by an overweight, barely audible Seagal. The survivors are just a bunch of white people who you know will become easy fodder for the mass of vampires.

Action scenes are barely action scenes and any level of tension is like watching an infomercial. This is the movie where Seagal said fuck it. Where's my paycheck?

Rating:
1/2 a

3 comments:

  1. I knew this was going to be bad when they said these 2 words: Steven Segal!

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  2. Segal must be broke these days!

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  3. LOL - very broke! Sad to see him fall to this level.

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