Spring Break Massacre (Review)

Spring Break Massacre

Spring Break Massacre (2008)

Directed by Michael Hoffman

According to IMDB Trivia, Spring Break Massacre was filmed in only 6 days and with one camera.

Welcome to the world of low budget horror.

With the Hollywood reboot of Piranha 3D, not only has Hollywood tried to reboot grindhouse films, but they're even trying to bring back those 80s campy horror films. You know the ones...gratuitous nudity, ridiculous dialogue and tons of carnage and blood.

So it wasn't long that we'd see more 80s horror rebooted. With Spring Break Massacre, director Michael Hoffman reboots the slumber party/spring break genre , indie horror style. You have to give him credit, for a movie shot in 6 days, one camera, limited funds and a multi cast and crew, the movie came out looking pretty solid.

But it's still plagued by a hiccupy screenplay, flashbacks upon flashbacks and cameos that seem gratuitous as the nudity.

But aside from that, Spring Break Massacre loads up on everything you want from a movie that's called Spring Break Massacre. There's spring break, there is a massacre and their are tons of awesome top only nudity that puts a smile in every alpha male's face. Throw in some generic kills and you got a indie throwback that should make every horror fan sigh after paying $16 for some 3D flick.

Boring Plot-O-Matic

A sleepover party during spring-break turns deadly for six beautiful sorority co-eds. Stanley Peterson, convicted serial killer, has escaped from maximum security prison. It's up to the college cuties to unravel the mystery of their assailant before the night is over.

Awesome Review-O-Matic

If your reading this review, all you wanna know is the following:

• How much nudity is in the film?
• Are there any good scenes of splatter and gore?
• Does this movie have a crazy slasher or twist ending that makes you go WTF?
  

The quick answers are yes, yeah and yes on both. C'mon now don't stop reading just yet. Don't you want to know a little more?

First let me say the "spring break" in Spring Break Massacre is a little misleading. Sure it takes place during spring break but if you're thinking the beer and wet t-shirt contests from Piranha 3D, these aren't the boobies you're looking for. Instead we go from lakeside spring break montages in a small Illinois town to a horror slumber party genre flick in a few short scenes.

CAMEO-PALOOZA!

So when we're not hanging out with our oversexed, drugged up white coeds, we meet the local sheriff (Reggie Bannister from Phantasm) and his deputy Hendricks (Linnea Quigley). Part of every spring break/slumber party movie is to chill with the police and show how inept they are and we get that feeling from the cameos from our stars. My gripe here is we spend too much time with our local law enforcement. It's good to have the horror star power of the past, but short cameos work best.

I LOVE ME SOME BOOBIES

See? I knew you'd keep reading if I wrote that. Let's be real. Sometimes indie horror movies will not get the best looking actors and actresses. But Spring Break Massacre really felt like a real throwback. The guys look like jock-o-douchebags and the girls, wowsers. Holy fuckin hawtness. These girls were actually hot (aside from a pimple faced Asian and a chubby chubster). And they get totally nude (OK boobies nude but they are all real and spectacular)

You rarely see this in low low low budget horror (I'm thinking this isn't as low budget as I think it is). The standout is our lead Heather (Sarah Minnic) who is gives a Jaime Pressly like performance of hot blonde meets funny facial expressions. The other girls all follow your usual sorority stereotypes as we have: "the smoker", "the lesbian", "the hot brunette", "the other hot blonde" and "the virgin".

Before we can get to our kills, we get our campy camp humor. This is illustrated in a scene where the guys fantasize what the girls are doing at their girls only slumber party. These lead to dream sequences that were LOL. But we just don't get a few sporadic random boobage. Other scenes of aborted skinny dipping and a lesbian shower scene are added in. If there is one thing Spring Break Massacre did well, it was making sure gratuitous nudity was used gratuitously.

IS THAT A KNI-.....OWWWWWWWWWWWWW

So a lot of red herring killers are touted in front of us. Who is the mysterious killer? Is it the wrongly accused escaped convict? A "To Catch a Predator" creepy neighbor? Or is it one of our spring break bunch? Hoffman throws in many probables to get us confused. This is repeated as we see our creepy neighbor (Bob Farster) show up to scare the girls and act all perverty.

Most of what we see is after carnage kills. Bodies littering the house and a few quick cuts to death. It's not until the end does it go all splater-palooza. Some of the kills are basic, nothing I'm writing Fangoria about.

I REALLY HAVE NO IDEA WHAT'S GOING ON

A few of the weirdness from Spring Break Massacre comes in the use of grainy black and white flashbacks that are intertwined in the film. As the twist is revealed and motive is explained we even get full flashbacks of scenes we've already seen!

The biggest problem is the bulk of the movie is told in a flashback. We see one of our characters in the aftermath of the massacre pretty much showing that she survives. I hated this. Why do this? It takes out the fun of "who will survive" aspect of a horror film. Saw did this and that's why I disliked the first flick.

When our killer is finally revealed it doesn't make sense. I can "get it" that it's not suppose to make sense because all those spring break/slumber party/sorority house/summer camp horror movie killers never made sense and always had odd motives for why they killed. We get a full explanation of why the slasher kills in SBM. I just didn't like it.

Spring Break Massacre is a throwback to the glory days of 80s camp horror. Most of us today don't appreciate this genre if we're not wearing funny glasses. But I appreciate this subgenre of horror and I know Michael Hoffman does to. In every scene, you know Hoffman is parodying the Roger Corman labeled spring break movies but also making one for today.

The formula for these movies is pretty simple. Tits, slaughtered teens, a crazy slasher and then more tits. Spring Break Massacre is exactly that, nothing more and nothing less. And at least it didn't cost me $16 fuckin dollars.

Gore-ipedia

Gunshot wounds
Knife trauma
Head bashing
After carnage bodies

Nude-ipedia

Lots and lots and lots.

WTF moment

The final line in the movie.

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

I appreciated this indie effort to reboot this genre. If you want to see what Michael Hoffman can do with actually funds, you can support him by "liking" the Facebook page. It seems they are about to get started on the reimagining/sequel to this film.

Kudos to Hoffman and his team. I'm looking forward to see what a bigger budget will bring.

Want to see what the fuss (and boobies) are all about?

Also check out the official site. Also you can buy the DVD at Amazon.com, Best Buy or Blockbuster. It's also on Netflix. Support indie horror dammit!

Rating:
Check out the trailer below!

Categories: 80s slasher horror, gratuitous nudity, nudity, slasher films, slashers, spring break massacre, straight to dvd