Nun of That (Review)

Nun of That

Nun of That (2009)

Directed by Richard Griffin

I've been on an exploitation kick of sorts. Having seen Bitch Slap and singing the praises of Black Dynamite and Black Devil Doll, its been all 'sploitation all the time.

I hyped the film a while back and after winning a contest on Alternative Cinema, I got 4 DVDs from Shock-O-Rama Cinema including Nun of That.

So after cheering the shit out of the other 3 movies above, where does this heavenly movie stand?

It's pretty solid.

Richard Griffin (who directed Splatter Disco and Beyond the Dunwich Horror) takes the campy premise of crime fighting nuns going all renegade and taking on the Mafia and makes it part Troma film, part exploitation homage and as politically incorrect as you can be.

It's totally goofy, totally over the top and totally nun-tastic!

When you watch Shock-o-rama films, you have to take a different perspective. It's DIY cinema. Sure there are budget limitations, its got B-level dialogue and the CGI is laughable. But you genuinely see the director, the crew and the actors all give it their best and sometimes, something miraculous happens.

You get a fun flick.

Boring Plot-O-Matic

Sister Kelly Wrath has got a habit… of flying off the handle. After being gunned down in an alley, she ascends to heaven to receive training from some of the great figures of religious mythology. She is then set back to Earth to join the other members of the Order of the Black Habit, a group of supernatural vigilante nuns, as they fight evil and seek revenge against the mob.

Awesome Review-O-Matic

Well you gotta give them credit, the nunsploitation genre of grindhouse flicks hasn't been tapped for a while. It was about time for a reboot. If you're a Catholic or God fearing Republican, you may have a heart attack after you see Nun of That. This ain't Sister Act.

So who are these nuns in the Order of the Black Habit?

• Sister Wrath: She's a got temper like Jules and likes her women a la lesbo.
  
• Sister Pride: She probably make Ellen her bitch
  
• Sister Lust: Black mamba with a side of vengeance
  
• Sister Gluttony: Food is her mortal sin

So after Sister Wrath is kicked from her convent, she ends up on the other side of the tracks, dispatches of some would be thugs and dies and meets the J-man. J-man goes all Mr. Miyagi and we get a gratuitous training montage where the following happens.....

• She gets trained by Gandhi in the art of non violence violence
• Sees J-man sing a musical number
• Meets her guardian angel

After meeting her fellow sisters, they get down to business and start to kick ass. So whose ass are they kicking? Well there are a few baddies that need to be sent to hell. These include....

• Big Mama (the mama kingpin)
• Richie Corbucci (the #2)
• Viper Goldstein (a Jewish assassin)
• And various henchmen

So how do our vigilante nuns strike fear in the hearts of the criminal underground? Well with a 12 gauge shotgun and lots of ammunition. Various scenes of carnage include...

• A massacre of justice at a strip club
• A trip to an all nun bar called Bar-Nun
• A final climactic battle at a whorehouse

It's B-level justice delivered in short bursts of hilarity. Standard gunshots to the head, torso and a few Jewish ninja stars all make this a very fun flick Jesus would be proud of. Sure you get your standard molesting priest, Jewish jokes, lesbo nuns and holy priests (get it?), but its all tongue and cheek and tongue on tongue (wink wink) fun.

This is actually the first Richard Griffin or Shock-o-rama film I've seen since Cannibal Campout and I thought I'd have a hard time diggin the B-level and Troma like humor. But the fact is, the Troma movies tend to grow on you (I mean Poultrygeist was freakin damn good) and here you get special appearances from Debbie Rochon and Lloyd Kaufman giving their stamp of approval.

So when you get in the mood to see mindless entertainment and want to see nuns kickin ass, Nun of That might be your prayers answered.

Gore-ipedia

Lots of gunshot trauma

Nude-ipedia

You'd think we'd get lots of boobies, but Nun of That stays pretty clothed

WTF moment

Viper Goldstein the Jewish assassin needs his own movie

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

You kinda know what to expect when your watching a movie like Nun of That. I found it totally turn off your brain good. I mean it's not as good as Black Devil Doll or the others I mentioned but it's not irritatingly bad as you'd think it would be.

It's available via AlternativeCinema.com

Rating:
Check out the trailer below.







Here is the Nun of That 48 Hour Film Version






Tags:
nun of that, nun of that trailer , exploitation , 2009 grindhouse movies, exploitation films, gratuitous nudity, horror movies of 2009, rape revenge movies, horror blog, grindhouse, nunsploitation, splatter disco, naked women

Categories: 2009 exploitation movies, 2009 grindhouse movies, exploitation, exploitation film, gratuitous nudity, grindhouse, nudity, nun of that, nun of that trailer, nunsploitation

Bitch Slap (Review)

Bitch Slap

Bitch Slap(2009)

Directed by Rick Jacobson

Bitch Slap was one of my most anticipated exploitation movies of 2009. I mean the trailers oozed of gratuitous sex, violence and boobies. So without a doubt in my mind, I knew I needed to see this pronto. Well it took me a while but I finally got to see this throwback to all that is grindhouse and exploitation of old.

Bitch Slap is an homage to those genres, ripe with T&A and some serious amounts of bitch slapping. You're not going to be intellectually stimulated by the film (though if you got the XY chromosome you'll be stimulated in another way). Let's make this simple and do the math here.

Hot looking hotties + high tech guns + cat fighting = WIN!

So a typical review would be pointless here. So I'm going to just answer the questions you have in your perverted little mind.

Boring Plot-O-Matic

Three bad girls travel to a remote desert hideaway to steal $200 million in diamonds from a ruthless underworld kingpin.

Awesome Review-O-Matic

OK, I know my reviews tend to be long drawn out paragraphs. So for mass consumption intellect, here is a very easy to read Q&A review, one even George W. Bush could understand.

1.) Oh for the love of all that is nipples, just tell me already does any of the hot looking stars in the film get naked???

Sadly, no. Our 3 sexy vixens, Hel (Erin Cummings), Camero (America Olivo) and Trixie, the "Perfect 10" (Julia Voth) keep most of their clothes on (the few they are actually wearing).

In other words, these aren't the nipples you're looking for.

2.) I heard there is serious amounts of lesbianism, women on women sex, lots of boobie groping and even a montage of the 3 splashing water on each other in a climaxing slo mo. So it's a family movie right?

Oh most definitely. Yup, lots of Baywatch slo mo (director Rick Jacobsen is a Baywatch alum) of our trio acting uber slutty with closeups of their yummy parts. This all hits an apex when the 3 have a water fight dumping pails of water on their perfect looking bodies....ummm I'll be right back......

OK I'm back. There's also a hot scene of Trixie and Hel going all L Word on each other. Man oh man, I think I have my new favorite hottie in Julie Voth.

3.) I could just go and surf for porn or even watch some Skinemax for some hot chicks. So why should I watch this shit?

Well, because what porn and Skinemax don't have is serious amounts of bitch slapping and chick on chick violence. Fight choreographer Zoe Bell (from Tarantino's Death Proof) has designed the ultimate kick ass scenes for you to enjoy.

Not since Nada vs Frank in They Live has their been an uber fight scene that lasted for at least 10-15 minutes. And we just don't get one fight, we get 2!

4.) So who' s the big bad in all of this?

Plenty of enemies get the call including Road Warrior reject Hot Wire, his own GoGo Yubari Kinki and a mysterious Keyser Soze ultimate super villain of legend, Pinky.

5.) What the fuck dude? I heard there are a bunch of flashbacks to explain the plot in this. Can you explain because I get dizzy when that happens.

So to get to why they are in the middle of the desert searching for the diamonds, everybody's back story is told in flashbacks ranging from 6 months, to 3 days to 3 weeks. The flashbacks tell how everybody met and are quite the hoot.

Camaro in a convent taking advantage of nuns, Trixie is a stripper who using her assets to get the info she needs and Hel's got some government contacts and isn't who she says she is. Lots of hilarity ensues and its all kooky crazy.

6.) I heard there are a few cameos from people I know. Is Taylor Swift in this and if so, is she naked?

Sorry, I don't want to interrupt but Julie Voth got better boobs then you do. Yup, there are cameos. Kevin Sorbo makes a cameo as does Lucy Lawless as Mother Superior. If you watched Xena, Renee O'Connor makes an appearance as well as does Zoe Bell herself.

Also the midget prostitute from Total Recall (I shit you not)

7.) Can you check again if any of the stars got naked in this? C'mon maybe you missed a nipple slip.

Sorry no dude. But America Olivo got naked in Friday the 13th, so go watch that. On second thought, don't.

8.) I heard that the women in this movie are strong, powerful female characters who are not just beautiful but are also intelligent and evoke some feminist message about empowerment. Is this true?


**Wipes drool** Yeah sure. Whatever you say.

9.) So there's a twist right?

Yeah, even a monkey with a computer could figure out this twist.

10.) Is their enough to warrant a sequel so that I can see Julie Voth again?

Yup. Most definitely. We all want that.

If you have anymore questions, leave em in the comments below. Bitch Slap is total mindless B-movie fun. Sure it's like a strip club, all tease but no show (or touching in a sense) but it is very arousing and very stimulating.

Lots of punches to the face, high powered assault rifles, yo-yo's with razors attached to them and solid bitch slapping. It does get a little cheesy at times, where the characters are completely ACME cartoon cutouts or Skinemax parody movies. It really does feel like one of those Skinemax movies where the pseudo porn stars play secret agents or horny aliens looking for men to prey on.

But the thing about Bitch Slap is it actually feels like its a better quality of Skinemax. The 3 stars are decent actresses and make the laughable movie into something actually tolerable.

The best way to describe it is when your skimming through a copy of Maxim sometimes there's an article on some ex Green Beret special ops guy who killed like an army all by himself and you stop looking at the pics to read the article. Good article, awesome pictures.

WTF Moment

Gratuitous slo-mo water fight....Yes!

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

Bitch Slap had a limited run in the theaters and comes out on DVD March 2. It's one of those movies that the trailer made look so freakin awesome. Does it live up to the hype? Sorta. I mean it's got the best cleavage closeups I've seen in a while. Remember dude.

Hot looking hotties + high tech guns + cat fighting = WIN!

Check out the official site for a high def trailer.

Rating:

1/2

Check out the trailer below.





Tags:
bitch slap, bitch slap trailer , bitch slap unrated uncensored trailer , faster pussycat kill kill kill, b-movie, grindhouse, exploitation film, gratuitous nudity, top horror movie 2008, muscle car movies, big boobs, horror blog, horror blog cult classic, the jaded viewer

Categories: 2009 exploitation movies, b-movie, bitch slap, bitch slap trailer, gratuitous nudity, grindhouse, julie voth, muscle cars, nudity, quentin tarantino

Top 10 Horror Movies of 2009 (#1-10)

Well here it is. My Top Horror Movies of 2009! Sorry for taking so long to get this posted but I had to catch up on some of the movies I missed this year. I usually look at other people's lists and watch the movies that others claimed were the best. If I didn't, I would have missed a few sleepers and some hidden gems.

So this year's edition is a "fat as Texas" edition. I'm not just posting a top 10 list but adding #11-20 as well. If you missed #11-20 click here. This list from #11-20 you'll be surprised to find has many of the movies that can be found on the horrorsphere's Top 10 lists. I had a different take on what was considered "the best" this year and my picks are totally abnormal from everybody else. I'm just quirky that way.

First some fun facts and sidenotes!

• Though some of these movies came out in 2008, I label any movie that got wide releases or DVD releases in 2009 as coming out in 2009.
  
• It's a mix of STV, indie horror and box office elephants.
  
• Here are the movies I didn't see yet: Anti Christ, Cold Prey, Infestation, 36 Pasos, Jennifer's Body, The Last House on the Left, Rec 2, The Descent 2 and countless others
• 3 films that almost made the list that now get the Honorable Mentions tag: The Burrowers (2 spinkicks), Carriers (2 and half spinkicks), Bad Biology (2 and half spinkicks)
• The 20 films broken down by country: USA = 13, UK=1, France =1, Korea =1, Canada=2, Norway=1, Sweden=1
• The 20 films broken down by spinkick rating: 4 spinkicks=3, 3 and a 1/2 spinkicks= 2, 3 spinkicks=10, 2 spinkicks and a half=1, 2 spinkicks=4
• To read the entire review of the film click on the title.
• 4 spinkicks didn't necessarily guarantee you a higher place on the list.
  

So what did 2009 offer us in the world of horror?

• Shaky cam/POV horror makes a comeback that nobody saw coming
• All of Hollywood's remakes sucked and all were big giant turds
• The whispering killer kid movies stormed into the mainstream and excelled
• Zombie movies still packed a punch but vampire movies ruled the horror universe
• Long awaited movies made their much awaited DVD premieres
• My #1 movie is again not from the USA

Let's get to the list! Here is #10 to #1.

10.) Zombieland (3 spinkicks)

Zombieland is the only big blockbuster box office elephant in the top 10 and its one of the best zombie comedy movies to come out since Shaun of the Dead.

The "rules", Woody, the Bill Murray cameo and the zombie kill carnage are all top notch and so much fun.

To think this could have been a TV series is unbelievable as it works so perfectly as a movie. My favorite rules were "Double Tap" and "Enjoy the Little Things"

And there were a ton of little things in Zombieland that I highly enjoyed.

Read the full review here.


9.) Header (3 spinkicks and half)

Header was released by Synapse on DVD in 2009 which is why it qualifies as 2009. But why is a movie you've never heard of ranked #9 on my list?

Because of the title. What the hell is a header?

I can't tell you or it would ruin the entire movie. Let's just say Header is filled with a redneck Hatfields and McCoys war, moonshine and some of the most fucked up shit I've ever seen.

Header is the best underground horror movie of the 21st century. If you decide to cowboy up and watch Header, you are a fuckin sicko. A disturbed, fucked up individual.

And in doing so, you will be initiated into the elite club of having seen one of the most fucked up films ever made. Welcome to the club.

Read the full review here.

8.) Laid to Rest (3 spinkicks)

Our new slasher on the block Chromeskull will be remembered for his style, his knife and his damn sicko looking mask.

Laid to Rest is the best techno slasher movie of the 21st century. If Hatchet was old school American horror, Laid to Rest is new school American horror.

What Robert Hall has created here is purely an homage to all the slashers films that have come before. It's also a pure millennium based slasher film that is so sly and witty and full of top notch splatter and gore we all need to give him a standing O.

Laid to Rest should be seen if you call yourself a horror fan. It's easily one of the best horror movies of 2009.

Read the full review here.

7.) Pontypool (3 spinkicks)

Pontypool has been making many Top 10 lists and I'm adding it to mine.

Pontypool was a totally different type of pretzel I've never seen before.

It's an actually intelligent virus turning the masses into a bunch of crazies type movie that can be perceived in many ways. Is it a satire of censorship? A commentary on geopoliticalisms? Or is it just a suspense driven horror film to scare the crap out of you.

Well, it's all 3 and so much more.

You'll dread you speak the English language.

Read the full review here.

6.) Let the Right One In (3 spinkicks)

I had said I wanted to put this on my Top 10 Horror Movies of 2008, but I kinda watched it too late. As technically we all saw this on DVD in 2009, it cements itself here at #6.

Dump more praise on the Let the Right One In bandwagon.

A movie about a 12 year old girl engulfed in vampire lore is so full of innocence and dramatic despair that it's more emotional and more touching then seeing some vampire teens whining about their iPods.

More importantly, this movie is about loneliness and the connections we have in our lives.Plus seeing a 12 year old vamp suck blood seems kinda sick and awesome at the same time.

Read the full review here.

5.) Trick R Treat (4 spinkicks)

A top 10 list is not complete without having Trick R Treat on it right?

One of the best anthologies to come out in a while, this creative and unique Halloween themed campfire tales was the perfect movie to see on October 31st.

Trick 'R Treat is the best Halloween movie since Halloween. For an anthology collection, it ranks right up there with Creepshow and Tales from the Crypt.

You wonder why nobody makes movies like these anymore. I'm going all Nostradamus here but I think TRT will spawn more anthology horror movies and either that's a good thing or a poisoned candy apple.

And who can forget our new "what the hell is he?" rookie slasher of the year: Sam. One of the most scariest WTF killers to come on the horrorverse in quite a long time.

Trick R Treat was hyped and lived it up. BOO!

Read the full review here.

4.) Black Devil Doll (4 spinkicks)

The moment after I saw Black Devil Doll, it was guaranteed a spot on my Top 10 list. Think blaxsploitation, slasher flick, Skinemax and comedy all thrown into a blender and your waxing your carrot while waiting.

That's Black Devil Doll.

Black Devil Doll is the apex of all modern day blaxploitation movies, filled with sleazy humor, tons of nudity and splatter happy gore. Harking back to the old grimy and sticky Times Square grindhouse days, Black Devil Doll is a tour de force of debauchery, insanity and nudity.

And it has a Muthafuckin Puppet!

Read the full review here.

3.) Deadgirl (3 and a half spinkicks)

Deadgirl is like a depraved, warped up horror version of Stand by Me. Think an indie film with a horror element Romero-ed into it. Such is the beauty and the chill sicko-ness of Deadgirl, definitely one of the top 10 horror movies of 2009.

I've seen films where as I'm watching I feel really ashamed to be seeing this. Deadgirl so disturbing yet highly provocative that at the end you feel dirty, kinda ugh and your definitely not Jersey Shore fist pumping in the air. But when a movie like this comes along, you have to give it a standing O.

Read the full review here.




2.) Thirst (4 spinkicks)

I watched Thirst at the end of the year. It was one of those "its on a lot of Best of lists" so before I lock down my list, I needed to see this. And what did it do?

It knocked some good movies out of the Top 10 and flew up to #2. Now that says a lot doesn't it?

Chan-wook Park's Thirst is more than a vampire movie it's a morality tale of how absolute power can corrupt absolutely. It has so many layers, that each of the 3 separate acts could have been turned into their own movie.

Chan-wook Park established himself with his Vengeance Trilogy. Those movies revolutionized the action genre. With Thirst he's done it again. The horror genre will never be the same.

Read the full review here.

1.) Martyrs (3 spinkicks)

Yup. Another French movie is #1 on my list for the 2nd year in a row. Lo and behold the fuckedupness that is Martyrs. It's the most controversial, I loved it-I hated it, film of 2009. From every voice in the horror world, nobody can stop talking about this film.

I came down on the "I absolutely LOVED it" side. Why?
Martyrs has sort of created a new subgenre of horror. Uber-surreal torture-core.

It's a twisblended hybrid of the Argentoism, pure unrelenting grindy torture-core and horror taken to a transcendent level.

That's not to say I didn't have my gripes. It's almost pointless at times until you get to the end and figure what the whole thing is about. For 100 minutes, if you take the visceral challenge, you may have been a martyr yourself.

The ending is an absolute marathon to watch but when you see the finish line and finally realize what the whole thing was about, you begin to think back on everything you just witnessed. Some have said it's absolutely pointless, I beg to differ.

The definition of Martyr is "to witness". And after seeing this movie, you feel like Anna in the movie. It's a transcendent horror movie, one that makes us endure the most horrific scenes I've ever seen and than drops a bombshell and says it's all for the better good.

To witness Martyrs is to challenge yourself and to think about the endless possibilities of existence. And for that experience, it's my #1 horror movie of 2009.

the jaded viewer related linkage:

• Top Horror Movies of 2009 (#11-20)
• The Best Quotey Quotables from the Worst Movies I saw in 2009
• Check out The Jaded Viewer's Top 10 Horror Movies of 2010 (#10-1)
• Check out The Jaded Viewer's Top 10 Horror Movies of 2010 (#20-11)

****************************************************

OK, I know you horror minions have your 2 cents. So go ahead and let me have it. Throw that smelly poop at me or if on the off chance you partially agreed on some of my picks, send me that love. Chime in and let me know what you think.

This list of the Top 20 Horror Movies of 2009 also is an opportunity to see the movies you may have missed that made many of the best of 2009 within the horror community. We all missed a few flicks here and there. I hope you all give all of these movies a chance and then come back and let me know what's the what.

Next up: The Best Horror Movies of 2009 (A compilation from the horrorsphere)




Tags:
Top 10 horror movies of 2009, best horror movies 2009 , top slasher movies 2009 , 2009 horror movies

Categories: 2009 exploitation movies, 2009 horror dvd, 2009 horror movies, black devil doll review, martyrs review, the jaded viewer, top 10 horror movies of 2009, top 20 horror movies of 2009

Hanger (Review)

Hanger

Hanger (2009)

Directed by Ryan Nicholson

Well Hanger is a movie that alot of our female horror bloggers are NOT going to watch and certainly not review.

Sometimes horror is still a boys club.

There is still a part of the horrorsphere that is still extreme,vulgar, disgusting and nasty. Movies that throwback exploitation and grindhouse and make it tampon fuckin bloody. This isn't your sanitized Tarantino/Rodriguez shit. This is over the top fucked up shit. Lowest Common Denominator gave us Black Devil Doll (review here). Header (review here) gave us a new term for some fucked up shit. And Frank Henenlotter recently spawned Bad Biology (review here).

But Plotdigger Films Ryan Nicholson whose Gutterballs (full review here) and Live Feed are smack in the middle of this extreme horror genre is back with his 4th film Hanger. I loved Gutterballs, ranking it #6 on my Top Horror Movies of 2008. But I'll say straight out, as much as I appreciate all the glorious exploitation shit of old, I just couldn't dig the flick. But that isn't to say it doesn't have its moments.

Put the kids to sleep and get your barf bag ready, it looks like we're DeLoreaning back to the VHS horror of old.

Boring Plot-O-Matic

Pulled into this world to take you out! HANGER is a horrifying tale of revenge...beginning with a back-alley abortion and ending with a bloodbath so vicious that it brings a new meaning to "an eye for eye".

From pimps to dealers, from hookers and junkies..."Hanger" washes the filth away with their own blood, cleaning the streets and making way for the ultimate showdown of good vs. evil. Diving headfirst into the depths of human depravity, Plotdigger Films plans on turning the world of horror inside out and letting it all hang out to dry!

Awesome Review-O-Matic

(Warning! This review is probably filled with language that will offend some. Just because the movie is highly fucked up and offensive itself)

It's easy to get psyched when you see one flick you love and anticipate the next film of that director. So Hanger got me hyped after watching the trailer. But oddly this was 80% extreme nastiness, 10% porn and 10% plot. Gutterballs for all its nastiness had some balance in the equation, Hanger seemed to be overflowing like a clogged up toilet.

So lets breakdown the equation.

10% plot

Debbie Rochon plays Rose, a whore of whores who gets knocked up then subsequently killed by her pimp Leroy. (Leroy also disposes of a tranny as well (Lloyd Kauffman in a cameo)) Leroy is a bad ass brotha, with gear and anger issues. Because Rose can't trick due to her "pregnant, fat ass" he kills her by hanger abortion trauma, thus killing mommy and deforming the unborn son. 18 years later, Rose's favorite John, gets Hanger (the deformed son) out from the streets, gets him a job at a recycling plant and gets him some pussy. (not necessarily in that order)

Soon Hanger is hanging out with Russell, another freakazoid working at the plant. Russell is a Chinese pornhound that cares only about drinking and getting laid. Wade Gibb plays Russell and does the old yellowface act (white man playing a stereotypical Chinese caricature) and somehow turns in stellar, hilarious performance. His Mr. Woo like rambling gave me a few ha ha's and its something you think would be offensive but comes out as funny as hell.

Suffice it to say, John and Hanger go seeking revenge against Leroy because he killed their momma and favorite ho, respectively.

10% porn

Well lets get our Nude-ipedia out of the way right? Lots of breasts and boobage galore in this one. This isn't your Vivid shit here. More like Bangbus. Whore boobies and a gratuitous masturbation-interruptus scene involving Candice Lewald. Round boobies, sagging boobies and wallpaper of porn. Thank you Ryan Nicholson.

80% extreme nastiness

Most other Gore-ipedia scenes involve a killing of a hooker, a fat Jehovah's Witness and some man rape via roofies. It's typically gore-max and it's all done in a utter violent nasty streak. Somehow most of these scenes you'd think would be the shock value you signed up for end up blah. Blah, blah blah. Clocking in at 80 minutes, I guess there was no time in the movie to set any of these scenes up. Shit happens, kill scene, next.

The nasty of the uber nasty is seeing Hanger's fucked up face. He's not just deformed but seriously scarred. Russell is a little yucky too as is another worker at the plant Phil. They throw poop diapers at each other and sort all the gooey and vomitus garbage.

The dialogue is cluttered with every vulgarity and sexual nastiness you can think of. Blowtorch mediaval torture. What else can I say? The only creativeness is Russell's diatribes as he talks to Hanger. Blowjobs, tossing salads and abortions are the vernacular. If you can't stand the heat, get out of the fuckin city. With that, the ending is a little too anticlimactic and a big SHOCKER scene is no where to be found. When a movie offends you this much, you want them to go over the edge and just go "Fuck it, how can this scene be a little more fucked up?".

Hanger lives up to the movies Nicholson has created. It's Troma-ish and has that piss ass drunk feel in movies like Street Trash, Maniac and Combat Shock. It's definitely not for everyone but Hanger claims the top spot of being the nastiest film of 2009.

Ryan Nicholson takes each of the genres of old and makes his version. And trust me his versions are meaner, sicker and more depraved. As much as I like Gutterballs, Nicholson's street revenge, exploitation flick is fucked up, but without the creativeness I was looking for. Maybe he'll make a shaky cam BWP or PA like flick, unsanitized for us grindhouse fans. You listening Ryan?

WTF moment

Seeing Hanger's face for the first time

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

The DVD released November 17th. More from the MySpace site and the official site.

If you want to watch what the extreme fans watch, go see Live Feed or Gutterballs first. Then when your ready, you can watch Hanger. Also, to build up your stamina for these type of flicks go see the others I mentioned. If your a noob, go see Cannibal Holocaust first. If you can stand that, you can be ready for this flick.


Rating:

1/2

Check out the trailer below.

Categories: 2009 exploitation movies, 2009 grindhouse movies, gutterballs, gutterballs review, hanger, hanger trailer

Hanger (Trailer)

Was I the only one who actually liked Gutterballs? (full review here). Yeah I know, the anti argument were the characters were vulgar, it had a gratuitous 20 minute rape scene and the slaughter was laughable 80s slasher fare. But I kinda dug it because of all those things I just mentioned.

The fact that I ranked it #6 on my Top 10 Horror Movies of 2008 kinda says it all. I'll defend that pick as I will all my fuckin picks. So there.

Anyway, Ryan Nicholson, the director of Live Feed and Gutterballs is back with his new flick called Hanger. Put the kids to sleep and get your barf bag ready, it looks like we're DeLoreaning back to the VHS horror of old.

Hangar looks like a cross between Street Trash, Maniac and all the glorious exploitation shit of old. I mean its got hookers, degenerates, pimps, drug dealers, mutants and Debbie Rochon!
What more can you ask for? A plot? OK..see below.

Pulled into this world to take you out! HANGER is a horrifying tale of revenge...beginning with a back-alley abortion and ending with a bloodbath so vicious that it brings a new meaning to "an eye for eye".

From pimps to dealers, from hookers and junkies..."Hanger" washes the filth away with their own blood, cleaning the streets and making way for the ultimate showdown of good vs. evil. Diving headfirst into the depths of human depravity, Plotdigger Films plans on turning the world of horror inside out and letting it all hang out to dry!

Check out the trailer below. The DVD releases November 17th. More from the MySpace site.

Categories: 2009 exploitation movies, 2009 grindhouse movies, 2009 horror dvd, exploitation film, grindhouse, gutterballs, hanger, hanger trailer, street trash

Incest Death Squad (Review)

Incest Death Squad

Incest Death Squad (2009)

Directed by Corey Udler

Well if you're reading this review, you probably realized that my quote is on the cover of the DVD box.

Yup, it's right damn in front in bold freakin letters it reads:

"Are you going to hell if you see this movie? Probably so."

I still stand by that quote. Because after watching Incest Death Squad, you really are going to hell if you see this flick. It's probably what right wing, Christian conservatives will tell you but I'm sure they've never seen a Rated R flick in their lives. But seriously, I've never seen a film which casually displays religious iconography and then counters it with a brother and sister soaked in blood while going all incesty.

Yes folks. Incest Death Squad has incest, it has death and it has a squad. Not necessarily in that order.

IDS is a mixed bag of screwball comedy, Tromaville humor, perverse exploitation and some wicked foreplay. But it also has a few moments of lag, some shaky camera shots and a letdown of an ending.

So you take the good and the bad and you come out with a modern day exploitation film that fucks with your head but leaves no traumatic scarring to the most jaded viewer. And my hype for the film was just that. I was hoping Udler would push the proverbial 'sploitation frontier and take it to the next level. Sort of like where Nekromantik took that other fetish that should not be named.

So want to head to hell as well? Keep reading.

Boring Plot-O-Matic

Meet Jeb and Amber Wayne, an incestuous brother and sister who have been given a message from God. KILL ALL TOURISTS.

Meet, AaronBurg, a big city newspaper reporter sent to the Northwoods of Wisconsin to get a story on Chronic Wasting Diseas. What Aaron doesn't know is that his life will soon be turned into an orgy of bloodlust at the hands of the Waynes.

Awesome Review-O-Matic

So with a title called Incest Death Squad you're going to get my attention. I mean how do you treat the first word with anything but disdain and disgust. With necrophilia and bestiality as the other parts of the trio of fuckedupness, you really have to either go with an artsy fartsy approach, be a bizzare comedy or go all grindhouse.

Here IDS goes 2 of 3 by adding comedy to such an exploitation bonanza. The movie is set up in two parallel storylines, one involving Jeb (Greg Johnson) and Amber (Carmela Wiese) Wayne, our bro and sis children of God who use Amber's lusty vixen to lure dumb redneck fisherman to their deaths. The other storyline is one revolving around Aaron (Tom Lodewyck), our intrepid reporter as he digs for facts and meets a motel owner (Melissa Jo Murphy) as they venture off into a budding relationship.

The Jeb and Amber scenes are where we get our fix of horror. Jeb is a minister of death and is the one who invokes the Creator to fulfill his missions. But I really dug the performance by Wiese as Amber. She puts the I in IDS, playing a local Venus fly trap with her lusty sexpot advances on the man population. In the one penultimate scene that lives up to the "I" in the title, they get all down and naked covered in blood. It's not as gritty and sick as it seems but is highly uncomfortable.

In our comedy portion, we follow the slapstick adventures of Aaron and Andrea. Aaron, gets his assignments from a cameo from Lloyd Kaufman (complete with Poultrygeist branding on his shirt). It's pure Troma madness ("I want more dead hookers!") and Kaufman as the newspaper editor is his indie horror DIY best.

Aaron and Andrea scenes were mostly snoozy consisting of casual conversating and pizza eating. These scenes of very Troma-ish humor and visual aided ha ha's were ill timed and sometimes overplayed. I just didn't find any LOLs in Aaron's ineptitude. I mean this dude is hooking up with people left and right and playing the goofball. It felt a little imbalanced but the biggest thing that grinded my gears was towards the end where he encounters the squad.

It's the ending that could have been the complete WTF moment here. Jeb gets holy on a corpse and Amber wants to marry now hostage Aaron. Confused and bewildered, I was hoping we'd see these two get their comeuppance (but then there would be no IDS2). I felt we could have seen some serious carnage and total insanity. But it ended on a quiet whimper.

I think I totally overhyped this movie in my head after watching the trailer. So it didn't live up to my expectations but hell not a lot of movies do. Udler does a good job in his first feature flick taking a good concept and story and adding some comedy and vulgarity to the mix. Kudos to Udler for taking a chance on making a flick that defies all that is mainstreamy. I think he has a bright future in the indie horror scene.

Some of the performances were wicked, others not so much. However, Udler goes all Americana with the visuals of a small Wisconsin countryside. Because like I've said many times before, the USA is the best at making movies about the horrors of backwoods, USA.

Incest Death Squad is a film bent on making you uncomfortable, showering you with clean, goofy comedy than spewing you with disgusting visuals that make you want to stab your eyes out with a rusty scissor.

So should you watch it?

Probably so, but remember do not pass Go. You're going straight to hell and if even if you don't you're probably going to end up in jail.

Gore-ipedia

Snapped neck
Unseen weapon to the face
Bloody nose

Nude-ipedia

Amber boobage
Man parts

WTF moment

Jeb gets holy on one of the victims (wink wink)

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

Incest Death Squad will be at the Crypticon in Minneapolis from November 6th to 8th. It's also now available on DVD. Check out the official site, the MySpace page for more information.

I'd like to thank Cory Udler for the DVD and the quotable quote on the DVD cover. I've always dreamed one day a quote of mine would be on a DVD and now it has. Yay.

Will we see a IDS2? Most definitely from what I can tell. Here's hoping that the movie pushes the boundaries of all good taste. I'll be on the frontlines when that happens.

Rating:

Check out the trailers.

jaded viewer related linkage:
Incest Death Squad (Trailer)
Incest Death Squad (DVD Release Date)

Tags:
incest death squad, incest death squad review , incest death squad trailer , horror movie 2009, exploitation movies, horror blog, gratuitous nudity

Categories: 2009 exploitation movies, 2009 grindhouse movies, 2009 horror dvd, 2009 horror movies, exploitation film, grindhouse, incest death squad, incest death squad trailer, indie horror

Jack Ketchum's Offspring (Review)

Jack Ketchum's Offspring

Jack Ketchum's Offspring (2009)

Directed by Andrew van den Houten

[this is a review I wrote for UGO.com's Movie Blog]

I have never read a Jack Ketchum novel so I came into watching Offspring with a unique perspective. The only other Jack Ketchum movie I’ve seen was The Girl Next Door which I ranked #4 on my Top 10 Horror Movies of 2007. So I may not be a big fan, but I do appreciate his vision.

With research, Offspring is a sequel to Ketchum’s novel Off-Season. But horror fans need not read that book as this movie takes place 11 years later. The story revolves around the citizens of Dead River, Maine being invaded by Eartheaters, pseudo American cannibals who are bent on slaughtering the innocent civilians of this quiet town. They are a clan like no other. These cannibals are all “stolen” children and have a wide variety of looks. A blonde cannibal in Mad Max gear, grown up cannibals in Native American stripper leather and to top it all off we have little kiddie cannibals, all unique in their personalities. When the first horrific murders occur, the local police bring back former Sheriff George Peters (Art Hindle) to investigate.

The main townies are introduced and they are no pushover teenagers. David and Amy, a married couple who live with their infant daughter are soon visited by Amy’s friend Claire and her son Luke. Later, Claire’s crazy, psycho husband Stephen threatens to visit and we see his true persona as a misogynistic yuppie when he picks up a hitchhiker.

But all this is set up so that when the scenes of complete slaughter and destruction occur, your empathy gene turns on. The meat and potatoes of Offspring and where Ketchum’s critical acclaim comes from are the scenes of unrelenting violence by the cannibals. Gorehounds will rejoice as we get a wide variety of splatterific moments. Ocular trauma, ripped necks, sliced up stomachs and oozing intestines, infanticide, 3rd degree burnage and a decapitation to the head that was uber stellar.

But top notch gore alone can only go so far to make a movie. The fight scenes are badly executed, the dialogue a little cheesy and the costumes look like they were bought at a less than a dollar store. The characters, probably given more backstory in the book are more like nameless victim fodder. Their deaths lack any viewer attachments and even a horrible rape and bite sequence made me care less.

What the book and Ketchum tried to hint at is that these cannibals are like locusts and it’s in their nature to kill. Moreover, the “civilized” ex-husband versus the uncivilized cannibals act eerily similar when their lives are on the line. That’s the connection you should have made but the movie fails at this and all we’re left with is kid on kid violence for the sake of shock value. I appreciate a hatchet to the chest as much as the next gorehound, but it doesn’t make for an entirely awesome flick. Like the cannibals, you’ll get an arm and a leg to nibble on, but don’t expect to get full from Offspring.


DVD Features:

• Commentary with Writer Jack Ketchum, Director Andrew van den Houten, and Producer/Cinematographer William M. Miller
• Progeny: The Birth of Offspring documentary
• BailoutPrintable Script
• Webisodes
• Photo Gallery
  

Grade: C

You'll like it if....

• You’re a hardcore Jack Ketchum fan
• You love cannibals running amok
• You’re a gorehound and love splatterpunk
  

You won't like it if....

• You bad costumes and cheesy dialogue get on your nerves
• You think Wrong Turn was awful
• You are squeamish when it comes to blood and ocular trauma

Categories: 2009 exploitation movies, 2009 grindhouse movies, 2009 horror dvd, cannibal films, jack ketchum, offspring, offspring review

The Human Centipede (Stills)

It's not often I hear of a movie that just makes me drop my cookies and milk on the kitchen floor. But seeing the pics and reading the bizarro plot of Tom Six's The Human Centipede, you too will swallow your gum by accident.

Is this the start of biotorture horror?

This plot is completely ooomphy. Right?

Two pretty American girls are on a road trip through Europe. In Germany they end up alone at night with a broken car in the woods. They search for help and find an isolated villa. The next day they awake to find themselves trapped in his terrifying makeshift basement hospital along with a Japanese man. An older German man identifies himself as a retired surgeon specialized in separating Siamese twins. However his three "patients" are not about to be separated, but joined together in a horrific operation. He plans to be the first person to connect people via their gastric system, in doing so bringing to life his sick lifetime fantasy "the human centipede".

Yay. Sick fuckin yay. You can thank the Netherlands and UK for this. Seems Six is echoing Miike and Cronenberg in this insanity, only a trailer and the horror community approval will tell if this is cult yay or cult nay.

Still no trailer yet but some glorious high def pics below for you to throw up on. The Human Centipede has been screening at film festivals all over and will also premiere at LA's Screamfest and Fantastic Fest in Austin.

What a lucky Japanese dude!

Stop staring at my ass!

I hope he didn't eat Taco Bell

Categories: 2009 exploitation movies, 2009 fantastic fest, 2009 grindhouse movies, 2009 horror movies, the human centipede, the human centipede photos, tom six

The WTF List: Inglourious Basterds

I'm a big Quentin Tarantino fan. I just appreciate the fact that his movies are combinations of different grindhouse subgenres (crime thriller, kung fu mania, spaghetti western, war machine, etc.) The argument for the anti Tarantino fans is that he "steals" from other movies. To this I say, all films steal from other sources be it other movies or novels or TV or whatever.

So Inglourious Basterds is a mix of spaghetti western and that 70s-80s war machine shootapalooza (the soundtrack had that old 70s war music feel). And it works even as a "what if" alternate timeline flick. Movies are suppose to take you to a place which warps the real world. Where the impossible becomes possible. And I love those "What if the South won the civil war?" premises that sci fi authors like Harry Turtledove have created. Or what if we Germany did take over the world. And QT says what would happen if we had some Jewish soldiers slaughter dem Nazi bastards and try to take down Hitler.

What we get is just pure, relentless awesomeness. So much pure war brutality and harmonic dialogue that you've come to expect from Tarantino.

So let's get to the WTF list shall we? (spoilers obviously)

1.) The fact the switch from French to English is commented on
2.) Jew Bear
3.) The guy who played Hitler is hilarious
4.) QT's dialogue machine is very much butchered in the fact that most of it is done in French or German and it just doesn't feel the same
5.) STIGLITZ!!! (the Vincent character of IB)
6.) It's Ryan from the Office
7.) Was that Austin Powers undercover?
8.) So Eddie Murphy was potentially gonna play the black guy? (see IMDB trivia)
9.) I-talians
10.) People you thought would live, didn't. You're never safe in a QT flick
11.) Poor Wilhelm (he screamed)
12.) A Mexican standoff never gets old
13.) The scalping is so gore-ific
14.) The branding is painfully knife-tastic
15.) Hans Landa is probably one of the best villains....ever
16.) Pipe vs Pipe
17.) "You don't got to be Stonewall Jackson to know you don't want to fight in a basement."
18.) The bumrush to kill Hitler by Donowitz and Ulmer
19.) The slaughter in the theater
20.) Hitler's bullet ridden body bulleted again and again and again

21.) My random rant. Having seen this flick with mostly jabronis and a few geeks, you knew that the obvious fact that QT had to visually point out the Nazi authority baddies is brilliant. Goebbels, Goering... Not many know of the famous SS Nazis and 2nd in command other than Hitler.

I've seen all of Tarantino's movies and if I had to put a quick ranking it would go like this.

1.) Pulp Fiction
2.) Kill Bill Vol 1 and 2
3.) Inglourious Basterds
4.) Reservoir Dogs
5.) Jackie Brown
6.) Death Proof

Inglourious Basterds is a great flick, thru and thru written for the intellectuals, the fan boys and the masses. I mean it's rather talky, but the dialogue always builds up to a payoff and boy the payoffs just scream yay. I'm going to have to watch this again.

Categories: 2009 exploitation movies, 2009 grindhouse movies, inglourious basterds review, Kill Bill, pulp, quentin tarantino, the wtf list

Incest Death Squad (DVD Release)

Can you believe it? I was speechless when Cory Udler, director of Incest Death Squad told me that my quote of a review of the trailer was on the cover of the DVD. I downloaded the cover art (see above) and there you see it right on the damn cover.

"Are you going to hell if you see this movie? Probably so."

-jadedviewer.com

That was just freakin mega awesome. After watching the trailer, it's exactly how I felt. I mean incestploitation has gotta probably gotta be the last frontier of the exploitation genre (Sick Girl is a pseudo member too). But Incest Death Squad, filled with its blatant, in your face title and mindless annihilation of sinners by a brother and sister in love has gotta be breaking the fuckedupness boundaries.

I still haven't seen the flick, but I'm sure I'm going to get a copy soon so a real review is to come. My running gag here is if any of my quotes ever appeared on a DVD box, I would shut down the site. Rest assured that the site is still going to be up and running as this was a quote from a trailer review and NOT a quote from my reviews (yay for technicalities)

In the meantime, check out very quotable trailers by clicking here.

Below is from the official PR release of the DVD:

Cory J. Udler's Wisconsin shot tale of an incestuous brother and sister who kill tourists in the name of God has announced a release date for the DVD. Incest Death Squad (Shalenn Productions) will be available on DVD October 6th, 2009 from the film's official website www.incestdeathsquad.com. The film will also be available on pay per download sites and various locations across the country.

The film was shot from March 2009 through June 2009 and stars Tom Lodewyck (The Legend Trip, Pickman's Muse, Carniverous), Carmela Wiese, Greg Johnson and Melissa (Horrid) Murphy. It also boasts many horror celebrities including Troma president Lloyd Kaufman, Elske (Jessica Rabid) McCain, Scarlet Salem, George (Night of the Living Dead) Kosana and Sean Cain. 80's Hair Metal giants Britny Fox also make a cameo appearance in the film and lend their hit "Girlschool" to the film's soundtrack.

The DVD will include the feature, deleted scenes, interviews, behind the scenes footage, trailers and the online "rants" of Johnson's "Jeb Wayne" character.

Incest Death Squad will be making its world premiere October 2nd as the kickoff to the Madison Horror Film Festival at Market Square Theatres, 6604 Odana Road in Madison, at 9pm. Tickets to the premiere at $6.00 and are available at www.madisonhorror.com. Tickets for the screening are over half sold out.

"I thought long and hard about waiting on distribution", Udler says, "but at the end of the day, after we were turned down by the one company I thought was the perfect fit, I decided to just take it on myself. I don't want to sit on this film for another year waiting for someone to hand me a distribution deal. The film has a great following already and people want to see it."

Udler is distributing the film himself through the website and various local and nationwide outlets, none of which are huge chain stores.

"We are getting into smaller head shops and indy record stores, weird places where people who love good grindhouse film action can find the film. You're not going to find this at Best Buy and Blockbuster."

Udler is taking pre-orders for the DVD now at www.incestdeathsquad.com. The DVD sells for $10.00 with $2.00 for shipping and handling. The pre-orders being taken now will not be shipped out until October 6th, but as Udler says, "The DVD will be available at the screening in Madison on the 2nd and throughout that weekend. It'll be a good thing for fans, considering all of the film's stars will be there along with Elske (McCain) and Scarlet (Salem), a great opportunity to get everyone's autograph and then sell it for triple the price on Ebay."

Udler can be contacted at CoryJUdler@yahoo.com or at (920) 350 0014. He is available for interviews and appearances upon request.

Categories: 2009 exploitation movies, 2009 grindhouse movies, 70s grindhouse movies, exploitation, exploitation film, fangoria, grindhouse, incest death squad, incest death squad trailer, troma films

Incest Death Squad (Trailer)

I'm not doing my job correctly if I don't post stuff that's going to offend you. But then again, the hardcore horrorverse is un PC as can be so I'm basically preaching to the choir. So it's good to know that I can post some trailers of Cory Udler's film Incest Death Squad.

Yup you read that right, Incest Death Squad.

The exploitation craze keeps chugging along. I'm going to have to keep adding more movies to my Most Anticipated Exploitation/Grindhouse Movies of 2009. Starring Troma king Lloyd Kaufman and Elske McCain (who starred in another modern day exploit, Jessika Rabid) it seems we're not just rebooting rape and revenge, nunsploitation, and other grindhouse subgenres. Nope we gotta go with incestsploitation.

Well that's fuckin new.

So whose doing the incesting? Check out the plot below. Thanks to Fangoria for the heads up.

Incest Death Squad is the story of Jeb and Amber Wayne, an incestuous brother and sister who kill tourists in the name of God.

Check out the trailers below. The new July trailer looks better than the official trailer oddly enough. Are you going to hell if you see this movie? Hmm. Probably so.





The official trailer

Categories: 2009 exploitation movies, 2009 grindhouse movies, 70s grindhouse movies, exploitation, exploitation film, fangoria, grindhouse, incest death squad, incest death squad trailer, troma films

Dead Hooker in a Trunk (Trailer)

Fuck. I'm late on this one too. Oh well. I know this trailer came out a while ago but hell if you didn't see it here's your chance.

I've been a grindhouse/exploitation junkie of late looking for those off the wall, fucked up funtastic trailers that make you want to see some hilarious shit.

And Dead Hooker In A Trunk fits up that alley.

Directed by the Soska Sisters of Canada and brought to you by Forty FPS Productions, this little slice of the exploitation pie seems as good as the other Most Anticipated Exploitation/Grindhouse Movies of 2009 I've been previewing your way.

What's not to love about junkies, bad asses, hot women and a dead hooker in a trunk?

Check out the teaser as well as the official HD trailer.

teaser





the official trailer





Also check out the official site. Here's hoping this gets distributed AS fuckin P.

Categories: 2009 exploitation movies, 2009 grindhouse movies, dead hooker in a trunk, dead hooker in a trunk trailer, exploitation, exploitation film, grindhouse, horror hotties, soska sisters

It Ate His Face (Trailer)

I follow a simple formula on the site. I post reviews, top 5 lists and trailers. But not just any old trailers. I figure you can get your regular horror trailers via the popular horror-sphere sites. What I try to do is dig for the more obscure trailers. Sometimes I grab em from the mainstream horror sites, sometimes I'll YouTube for hours to find something new.

But when I watch something that looks like it would be jaded viewer material, that's when I figure it's a worthy post.

I may be late on this, but It Ate His Face is a worthy trailer to put up. I mean the fuckin title says it all and the trailer lives up to it.

Here be your plot.

After setting out to research an unknown section of the great lakes in Michigan, four adventurous students find themselves battling crazed rednecks, and something lurking in the water the hasn’t evolved in over 250 million years. This pre-historic parasitic monster has turned the once quintessential eco-system in this small town flat on it’s back and all living creatures are soon finding themselves prey to it. Intially distracted by the good time they are having and the loss of their friend’s brother in a sick and twisted unexplained accident only a month before they find themselves trapped in a gruesome situation as old as time itself- will they kill or be killed? They will discover that this evolution phenomenon is as deep and wide and dark as the great lake they came to research- if they survive.

Here be your trailer.





The movie is written and directed by Aramis Sartorio (aka Tommy Pistol). Seems so jarringly kooky it may actually should be on the list of my Most Anticiapted Grindhouse/Exploitation movies of 2009.

Due to funding problems it may not get completed. Here's hoping it does.

Categories: 2009 exploitation movies, 2009 grindhouse movies, 70s grindhouse movies, exploitation film, grindhouse, it ate his face, it ate his face trailer

Hell Kittens (Trailer)

Like a bumfight in the alley, these rebooted grindhouse movies keep on churning and you can't look away. I've been trying to keep tabs on every little exploitation reimaginging that keeps coming out but shit, there are way too many.

So its nice to accidentally discover this little rape and revenge movie from Rottewiler Productions called Hell Kittens.

Check out the plot below.

When an underground snuff film ring leaves 5 deadly vixens scarred for life and thirsty for vengeance, it's time to see how bad these good girls can get! The Hell Kittens will push the boundaries of bloody revenge to the edge and beyond anything you've ever seen! Does the vile band of violent and perverted snuff peddlers stand a chance in hell against the untamed wrath of the HELL KITTENS? Who will survive their orgy of shocking carnage? How far are these 5 deadly dames willing to go to settle the score? ALL THE WAY!


Here be the old school, 42nd Street style Trailer. Awesome!





Looks pretty damn skippy. It's scheduled to come out Fall, 2009.

Categories: 2009 exploitation movies, 70s grindhouse movies, exploitation, exploitation film, grindhouse, hell kittens, hell kittens trailer, rape and revenge films, top 5 rape and revenge movies