So on a cold, frigid day last week I went to see the overly hyped, groundbreaking behemoth that is Avatar. What can you say that hasn't been said already? I dug the Real D awesomeness but the story was equivalent to a high school film club pitching potential Star Trek episode ideas.
Insano Steve said it best. It's the same rehashed story they use for every other movie. Dumb, stoopid guy has to join group and learn their ways. Meets girl. Likes girl. Gets in fight with girl's pseudo BF (he's a douche) and pseudo BF makes fun of guy. Girl sees this. He wins girl. Big fight ensues. He has to choose old culture or new culture. He chooses new culture. The End.
But damn those effects are spec-fuckin-tacular. So without further ado, it's the WTF list: Avatar Edition! Spoilers Ahoy.
1.) Really? 5 3D previews in a row? Jeezus...those piranhas look fake
2.) I haven't even put on my Real D glasses and I have a headache already
3.) Well, color me impressed. The virtual displays look holodecky
4.) Damn, these be tall motherfuckers
5.) Have we not learned from our mistakes? Guess not. USA! USA! USA!
6.) I am mesmerized by colorful, spinning bugs
7.) Dude! I see Na'vi boobage!
8.) So are there like Samoan, fat Na'vi?
9.) This is reminding me of the time Sigourney Weaver tried saving Gorillas in the Mist
10.) These rhino-elephant creatures are very awe-ish. So is the rainbow plant life.
11.) Giovanni Ribisi is the best overacting actor of our generation
12.) Dude, it's like Top Gun but with dragony creatures. Maverick this is Goose...
13.) Holy Shit! They gonna do it!!! They gonna hook up their tentacles, use a condom bro
14.) The whole Native American angle is a bit overused...couldn't we just give them some whiskey and wait a few generations (oh snap! He just didn't say that)
15.) Ewoks vs Empire all over again...and yet somehow we all believe this is plausible
16.) Great job USA, you blew up a tree. Pat yourself on the back.
17.) So is Jake Sully....Obama or am I reading too much in to this. You the chosen one!
18.) Well this be my first 3D action flick and I'm loving every minute of it
19.) Damn, America can't even win a war in a movie, we suck
20.) I now have a slight headache but I'll admit Avatar is very breathtaking visually
21.) FYI. Michelle Rodriguez in a tank top is visually yumminess
If I have to give this a spinkick rating it be 3. I mean the last 3D flick I saw was My Bloody Valentine and the gimmick use of this format in that flick was slightly entertaining.
But James Cameron seems like the guy to be the chosen one to lead us into this new tech. I mean he made tall, blue smurfs look and feel "real". And you gotta give him his props. But that's the thing. Even the Star Wars fans know Lucas can't write or pen any sensible dialogue and Cameron seems to suffer from "Dialogue and plot may be regurgitated but this shit be in 3D!".
Avatar is simply visual eye candy that has pushed the envelope that we will now all be watching movies in funny sunglasses for the foreseeable future. Sigh.
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