Monday, April 27, 2009

Fuck you Chev Chelios! (My thoughts on Crank 2)

X marks the spots

Look at Amy Smart's titties. You looking? Yeah you are you fuckin alpha male you.

I saw Crank 2 last week and it blew me away. Shit was better than Crank. I'm not going to review it as it's nutzoid to even review. I mean if you haven't seen it, stop whatever your doing and see this shit.

It's filled with comic book ultraviolence, loads of titties and boobies, crazy shootouts, stereotypical gang members from every race and Jason fuckin Statham.

What more do you need?

Fuck more boobies? Really? Those up there weren't enough? You wanna see a hot babe with guns? You got it motherfucker.

Hot Asian babe with guns

Damn you all are hard to please. This is a guy's guy movie. So much testosterone you can make Grade A steroids from. I can only describe the awesomeness of Crank 2 in disjointed grunt phrases which if you've seen the movie you'll get.

Here are the 20 things I love about this movie.

1.) Fuck you Chev Chelios!
2.) The doc's black momma
3.) Amy mounts the horses
4.) Bai Ling's broken english
5.) Severed hombre cabeza
6.) Young Chev
7.) Carradine in racist Chinese makeup
8.) Gratuitous porn star cameos (Jenna Haze, Ron Jeremy, Lexington Steele)
9.) Lloyd Kauffman cameo
10.) Every scene where Chev needs a jump
11.) Chev fucks up a social club
12.) Chev fucks up a strip club
13.) Chev statics up the granny
14.) What the fuck was in the cooler?
15.) Gratuitous big head fight scene
16.) The video game intro
17.) The diagram showing us how Chev's artificial heart works
18.) The dog collar
19.) The mental case from the first flick
20.) The gun up the dude's anus

There are so many other scenes in this flick that I'm forgetting but shit, for 85 minutes I was fuckin riled and revved.

Be sure to stay thru the credits as their are final final scenes of our man Chev. And their are hilarious outtakes at the end.


Go see this movie, please.

The fuckin hilarious trailer is below. It's Red band mofo!


  1. was that jenna haze in the trailer? damn...

  2. Yes it was. She's mainstream! OK maybe not.

  3. So I rented this yesterday and you were right! Fucking insane. But what was up with the digital fogging? In the racetrack scene Amy's "cock-wallet" is censored and the scene where she kicks Cory Haims ass, her shit was fogged out. Is there an unrated dvd I'm not aware of? Gotta see that snatch! I mean, if she didn't want to show anything, then why shoot it and tease us? Anyone know? -shawn