Thursday, April 02, 2009

The Broken (Review)

The Broken

The Broken (2008)

Directed by Sean Ellis

I saw the trailer for Sean Ellis Cashback but never saw the movie. It does look really cool.

So instead I saw The Broken. Part of the After Dark Horrorfest flicks.

I can understand After Dark films wanted to have a collection of different horror subgenres to be part of its 8 films to die for.

So what we get here is an anti-gorehound movie for the masses. Very tension filled, suspense driven, M. Knight endingly BORING SNOOZE-A-RAMA.

The movie is filled with moments of nothingness. Absolutely nothing. By nothing of course I mean scene after scene of filler. When a movie starts to flashback to something that happened 15 minutes ago showcasing something dreamlike, you know you're in trouble.

In addition to that ZZZZ-fest on the eyes, all we see is Lena Headey aimlessly walking from one place to another trying to be scared (or Ellis trying to scare us). Which of course isn't scary at all.

All this adds up to a meta-horror universe of Poe and Barker like stories that work out to probably be a good read but makes a horrible movie.

Boring Plot-O-Matic

On a busy street in London, Gina thinks she sees herself drive past in her own car. Stunned by this strange event, Gina follows the mystery woman up to her apartment. From here, events take an eerie turn for the worse until Gina's awareness slides from solid reality into a world that will haunt more than just her nightmares.

Awesome Review-O-Matic

The beginning of a movie has to set up everything so the ending will pay off. But when the set up is long and arduous and ridiculously pointless, you begin to even wonder if the pay off will be worth it.

The Broken's beginning and middle are so broken (pun so fuckin intended) that by the time you get to the "AH HA!" ending, you don't give 2 shits.

Lena Headey (she's actually British you Sarah Connor fans!) plays a radiologist in London. Her family/friends includes:

1.) Her Dad (he's American)
2.) Typical brother dude
3.) Brother's girlfriend
4.) Her boyfriend, some French dude

She sees somebody that resembles herself, we join Gina on figuring out WTF is going on. Soon she starts noticing odd things (aka more nothingness) and a lot of broken mirrors (even more nothingness).

Her family starts to get killed off by their own set of dopplegangers and soon she's next on the hit list.

Suffice it to say, if I kept going I'd probably give away too much.

For a 90 minute movie, it felt like 100 years. Effective movies that build suspense and make the audience hooked to their seats give their audience some idea of what the hell is going on. At no point in the Broken did I get that.

Sure, I was speculating on a wide variety of what was stalking Gina. Was it......

1.) Vampires?
2.) Time traveling assassins?
3.) Evil Dopplegangers?
4.) Ghosts?
5.) Evil Doppleganger, vampire ghost, time traveling assassins?

One of those is true by the way. But by the end, I didn't really care. Usually, I'll IMDB Trivia a movie or Wikipedia or Google to get more info.

There was no way I was gonna give this movie too much of my brain power.

Here are a few fun facts from The Broken:

1.) Times somebody takes a shower: 3
2.) Times we see Lena Headey nude: 1 (boobies!)
3.) Times we see a fake looking crash test dummy in a dreamlike car accident: 4
4.) Times we see the London Underground: 2
5.) Times we see a broken mirror: too many to count

Gore-ipedia (if you want to be shocked don't read)

Suffocationand blunt trauma
Mouth trauma
Vehicular crash test dummy trauma

Nude-ipedia (because you like boobies)

Lena Headey gets nude!!! (only boobies and walking around nakedness)
British girl gets naked

WTF moment

The ending that I saw coming a billion light years away

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

I don't discriminate in my horror movies. I am a big gorehound but I also dig the psychological horror, the Mist-like horror films that are all about suspense.

But this really was a big snoozefest and if it wasn't seeing Lena Headey nude, this would have been totally pointless.

Be sure to check out the used DVD bin at your Walmart. This is where you will find the Broken.


The Trailer

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  1. Sorry to hear that this one was a dud - don't let it deter you from seeing Cashback though - that is a great flick!

  2. this should be called "THE REALLY FUCKIN BROKEN"

  3. Did anyone else catch the totally contradictory line in Scene 1? It goes like this: "'s not uncommon, but it's pretty rare". Isn't that basically saying, "'s common...but it's uncommon"? WTF?! Ellis was certainly not on the ball when he wrote this one! Where were the editors?

  4. Don't see cashback, you would hate it based on this review.

  5. Literally a stupid movie.. I fast forward it through the whole thing to see what's the ending and the ending is of course, STUPID!