The WTF List: Inception

The summer movies are in full swing and without a doubt Inception is probably going to be the best movie of the summer blockbusters. It's almost made like a bajillion dollars already and the critics are dry humping this movie. Color me interested.

So Inception had to be seen to see what the fuss was all about. And it is indeed freakin awesome.
It's a thinking man's movie filled with ideas and layers and more layers. But at its core, Inception is original and different. So many movies these days are remakes, sequels or stories from other mediums. Christopher Nolan wrote the story over 8 years or so and though it draws from what's been done before, it's cleverly unique. Don't call it The Matrix meets something. I hate when critics do that.

So I bring you a WTF List within a WTF List. Oh its gonna get trippy.

1.) I will always think of Leo DiCaprio as Luke, the homeless kid Kirk Cameron adopts on Growing Pains (but I do think he is a solid actor and I usually buy into the characters he plays)
2.) The # of Dark Knight returning actors is a little much
3.) Well things are getting a little Matrixy
4.) The falling down/water "kick" is completely real (I usually wake up when I feel like I'm falling in a dream)
5.) The thing about Ellen Page is she seems like somebody you'd actually like to hang out with, whereas the wife (Marion Cotillard) you'd just want 10 minutes with (if you know what I'm saying)
6.) Joseph Gordon-Levitt is no longer Tommy from 3rd Rock to me anymore. Ever since I saw him in Brick, the dude can freakin act.
7.) Michael Cane could be in a KFC commercial and it would win Best Picture
8.) Shit's flipping and flopping and its just seamless CGI. Nothing looks too computer generaty.
9.) Obviously, you have to watch and listen closely to understand what's happening. I did. But the other jabronis in the theater are fuckin retarded. Jabronis can only compute: Hot girl, big explosions and celebrity sighting. How in the world will they understand Inception????
10.) It's a heist movie but in dreams. It gets a little complicated, I thought I needed to put what I saw seeing in a Powerpoint graph.
11.) SPOILER (sorta) Airplane (real!) Van chase (Dream 1) Hotel (Dream 2) Snow Mountains (Dream 3) The buildings crumbling you saw in the trailer (Limbo). Got that?
12.) I turned back to see how everybody was enjoying the flick and there were 90% faces of confusion. I'm going to conclude they are gonna so IMDB after they watch the flick so they can explain to their friends how cool it was because they didn't understand it in the first place.
13.) The subconscious is full of some heavy weaponry and lots of car chases and explosions
14.) Upon retrospect, this is how the movie plays out:

• Ending of the movie is at the beginning,
• The tutorial for us the audience
• Recruitment of heisters
  
• We are told what the fuck "Inception" actually is
  
• Recon
• The Heist
• Leo's choice
• The wildly ambiguous ending!

15.) I came to the realization after seeing this movie that I missed a few things and I'll probably have to watch it again to "get them"
16.) Sneaking into Inception a half hour in or an hour in would be super pointless.
17.) The few jokes that were sporadic...worked
18.) I hope to visit Limbo one day....seems kinda awesome
19.) The movie had to end with a wildy non solid ambigious ending...I called it before the movie started.
20.) Here's my take on the ending (SPOILERS!!!!!)...............









He's still dreaming. We didn't see Cobb waking up from the others dreams (limbo, snowy world, hotel or the van). We saw Ariadne "wake up" from each different dreamscape. All we saw was him wake up on the plane. The fact that he still sees his kids the way he saw him in his dreams says he's still dreaming.

Of course I could be wrong as the spinning top looked like it was about to fall (which is the way he knows he's not dreaming). It's open ended but that's my theory.

All of Nolan's films have ended with a little downer and I don't think Inception ending with everything working out. He's still dreaming and I'm sticking with it.

Rating:

**********************************

But than again, this is not really a WTF List of Inception. You're actually dreaming your reading this in front of your computer (what the hell kind of dream is this?) Or do you really think your reading this review of Inception and think its in reality.

You're still dreaming.

WAKE UP!!!!

Categories: inception, the wtf list

It's Comic Con Time! What's your other side of geekiness???

San Diego Comic Con 2010 starts today and lots of my friends are at SD as I speak. I've been to New York Comic Con twice and its quite crazy and massive. It's an experience everybody has to have once so we all can channel our inner geek (because being a geek is now so fashionably cool).

As this site is mostly devoted to 70% horror, cult and exploitation geekiness, there are a couple of other followings I am also a part of. Why am I going to tell you what these are?

Because an unknown masked man has pointed a gun to my head and demanded I tell you all!!!!

You all know some part of you has some other geeky following you're a part of...I'm just admitting it now because my life depends on it! OK so here we go.

• Star Trek: Yes folks, I'm 60% Trekkie. I watched all the series but I really dug TNG and DS9 mostly. I loved JJ Abrams reboot and I do have a few DVDs and toys in my home. Make it so!
• Harry Potter: I'll admit it. I read ALL THE BOOKS and have watched all the movies. Somehow back in 2000, I was led to believe it was acceptable for a man in his 20s to read a childrens book and I got hooked. Wands, potions, Voldemort and Hogwarts. I'm a muggle but I love me some magic.
• Back to the Future: Great Scott! This is my favorite trilogy ever (more than Star Wars or the Matrix, etc). I've always been a time travel diehard and really considered getting a DeLorean at one point (I'm not kidding)
• Tarantino: I'm a big Quentin Tarantino fan and have all his movies (well except Inglorious Basterds and Grindhouse (that shits gotta be one movie dammit!). We're all Q.T. fans in some form but his movies are totally MUST SEE for me.
• Kevin Smith: Yup, I dig the fat man from Jersey. I've seen all his films (well except Cop Out as I'll wait to see this on DVD). I've actually seen Smith perform his Evening with at Carnegie Hall. It was mega awesome.
  

OK...is that enough Mr. Masked Man with the very large hand cannon? I've admitted all my geekiness to the blogosphere. What more do you want??

You want others to tell everybody what their hidden geek cult following is as well? OK guys and gals, what are you a secret devoted follower of? C'mon now, time to share.

It's Comic Con time. It's the perfect time to reveal your inner geekiness. Umm and the masked man really wants to know.....

Categories: comic con 2010, comics, geek, jadedviewer.com, ny comic con, quentin tarantino, star trek, star trek deep space nine, the jaded viewer

I've never been called Versatile, but I have been called ambidextrous

I just want to thank the bloggers who mentioned my site for this award. This includes:

• Freddie @ Full Moon Reviews
• Jen @ Zombies are Magic
• Rhonny @ Dollar Bin Horror
• Brandon @ Big Daddy Horror Reviews

(if I missed anyone who sent this my way, my apologies!)
Award Rules:

1. Thank the person who gave you this award
2. Share 7 things about yourself.
3. Pass the award along to 15 bloggers who you have recently discovered and who you think are fantastic for whatever reason! (in no particular order…)
4. Contact the bloggers you’ve picked and let them know about the award.

Last year's awards fiasco has prompted me to not do #3 and #4. My blogroll to your right is filled with Versatile Bloggers and they have all probably gotten this award in some fashion.

Let's just say, the horror/movie blogosphere has the best community on the interwebs and as long as we support and comment on each other's blogs, it's going to continue to get better.

As for the 7 things....

1.) I absolutely hate tourists.
2.) I have mild insomnia
3.) I once saw 7 movies in one day at the same theater (they were all crappy movies)
4.) I played a zombie once in a short film (I never saw the film)
5.) I'm a devout Rockstar Games fan
6.) I start my day with some NOFX every morning
7.) I'm heading to Texas next month. Dallas, Austin and Houston are all stops..so where my bloggers at for a blog meetup!

Thanks again for supporting the site!

Categories: horror blog, horror blogging, jadedviewer, jadedviewer.com, movie blogs, the jaded viewer

My Live Tweet Log from watching "The Client" starring Jennifer Love Hewitt's BOOBS

It's not everyday you get a made for TV movie that's perfect to live Tweet. But when I first heard of The Client List starring Jennifer Love Hewitt's boobs, I knew I had to just go ahead and make you all aware of these magnificent melons and their latest appearance on TV.

Sure we've seen them in the Ghost Whisperer but who the fuck actually watched that show? I sure as hell didn't. But you know JLove's tits were going to make mucho appearances about a mom turned hooker for the love of her family (awwwwww..yay for mom!)

Was it sappy as hell? You betcha! *wink* *wink*. Was their gratuitous cleavage and seriously hot whores? Yuppers. Was their alot of crying and waterworks. Boo Yeah hoo. But you know why we all watched this of course. Because remember folks, everything is bigger in Texas and JLove's boobs fit right in.

So here is my Twitter log from yesterday's premiere. Remember you can follow me on Twitter @ jadedviewer. This is my 2nd running live tweet (I did one for the bad torture porn Train)

This is what you missed. Enjoy!

jadedviewer #TheClient starring #JenniferLoveHewitt's boobs is on in 15 and I don't have Lifetime in HD?!?! WTF! #JenniferLoveHewittsboobscanact

jadedviewer Oh well in a few I'll be live tweeting various comments on this badly disguised Skinemax movie! #JenniferLoveHewittsboobscanact

jadedviewer Of course this could only happen in texas....love looks super hot in curlers. #Jenniferlovehewittsboobscanact

jadedviewer The boobs make their first appearance. They're real and they're spectacular! #Jenniferlovehewittsboobscanact

jadedviewer Jeez jlove's cleavage are weapons of mass erections. #Jenniferlovehewittsboobscanact

jadedviewer Jlove just realized she's gotta give happy endings at her new job. She had the biggest "oh" face ever. #Jenniferlovehewittsboobscanact

jadedviewer "At the end of the day it beats the hell out of waitressing!" These are the hottest massage therapists ever. #Jenniferlovehewittsboobscanact

jadedviewer If this was on cinemax, we would have seen heaven 5 minutes ago. jlove just got naked. #Jenniferlovehewittsboobscanact

jadedviewer Omg its a montage of jlove boobs in lingere...this is unfreakinbelievable. #Jenniferlovehewittsboobscanact

jadedviewer The lifetime commercials are like an endurance test for me. #Jenniferlovehewittsboobscanact

jadedviewer We hit the hour mark and that's when shit hits the fan. A kid is gonna call jlove a whore in 3..2..1 #Jenniferlovehewittsboobscanact

jadedviewer Jlove's boobs are hooked on coke....omg the cops just busted in! (Pun so intended) #Jenniferlovehewittsboobscanact

jadedviewer Jlove's boobs are crying...it isn't a lifetime made for tv movie without some gratuitous crying. #Jenniferlovehewittsboobscanact

jadedviewer Omg that black lawyer is from battlestar galactica! #Jenniferlovehewittsboobscanact

jadedviewer Wow even tiger woods is on this client list...he really got around. #Jenniferlovehewittsboobscanact

jadedviewer Only 30 days in jail for whoring...way to joves boobs! #Jenniferlovehewittsboobscanact

jadedviewer What have we learned? When yr broke become a whore. Then teach the johns wives how to do it right. #Jenniferlovehewittsboobscanact

Did you watch this masterpiece of boob on film? Thoughts? Comments? Bad puns? And be sure to join this Facebook page by clicking on the picture below!

Categories: gratuitous nudity, hookers, jennifer love hewitt, lifetime, nudity

Jennifer Love Hewitt's BOOBS star in "The Client List"

So I was at my local mall last weekend and while on a search for a new belt (I'm not kidding) I noticed my mall seems to have advertising all over the place. It looked like a Times Square movie billboard. I counted 15 posters for Step It Up 3D (which is to be expectted), 11 posters for Despicable Me and 6 or so posters for a Lifetime Movie of the Week. Yes folks, a Lifetime movie. And this was no ordinary movie...no no. This one stars Jennifer Love Hewitt. Or more precisely, Jennifer Love Hewitt's boobs.

I wasn't shocked to see a movie ad for Lifetime movie. Tons of moms watch this channel including mine. So it's easy to figure they were advertising to these mothers. But the picture of JLH got my attention looking all seductivey and once I got home I had to find out what this was all about.

It's called The Client List (official site here) Here's the poster I saw.

A mother will do anything for her family! And it's "Inspired by a True Story"! Holy fuckin cow. I am so watching this today!

So what's the whole story? Here ya go.

Inspired by a true story, this Lifetime Original Movie is the story of Samantha Horton (Jennifer Love Hewitt), a former Texas homecoming queen and physical therapist. When both she and her husband, Rex (Teddy Sears), are laid off from their jobs, Samantha accepts an offer to work at a massage studio in a nearby town, not realizing that the other staff members are actually prostitutes who service a clientele of wealthy and powerful businessmen.

Eventually realizing what goes on behind closed doors, but desperate to provide for her family, Samantha goes along for the ride. But when the police raid the business and Samantha is arrested, she ends up as a key witness in the case — putting high-profile johns in handcuffs and bringing a small Texas town to its knees.

It also stars Cybill Shepperd and that hot black girl from that movie I forget! Oh man, it gets so much better. Even the preview pictures are awesome.

I'm doing this for my family! Not for the thrills or money!

I'm just a regular mom with regular size boobs. Don't call me a MILF!

My daughter baked these cookies. You have to eat one before you see my cookie.

I'm the luckiest sonnavabitch ever. Why am I crying like a sissy?

OK that's enough of the photos. Now it gets waaaaay better. Now check out the videos. Holy cow man, I think Love's boobs need to win an Oscar for their performance. Somebody call the mammary police because these should be locked up.

First up, the trailer!





This is the best performance by JLH boobs in a drama. If this doesn't make you see this, I don't know what will.





And finally, I want to visit this town as this is some excellent massaging going on.




Well I'm definitely watching this badly disguised Skinemax film for sure. Whose with me? Do I need to give you another visual? Jeez.

Categories: gratuitous nudity, hookers, jennifer love hewitt, lifetime, nudity, tv shows

Machete Maidens Unleashed! (Trailer)

I can't believe this documentary was not on my radar at all. But perusing around Twitch, this trailer will smack you like a Weng Weng punch. From Mark Hartley, who gave us Not Quite Hollywood (his doc about the Australian exploitation boom), here he gives us a glimpse into the retro nuttiness of all things Filipino exploitation.

I should be an expert on this but I'm not. I've only seen a handful of 70s and 80s Filipino exploitation movies (some goofy war flicks and most of the Weng Weng flicks). I've also seen their cheesy B-movie horror flicks where monsters and pseudo vampires (they call them Aswangs) films. Obviously, I've seen some of the blaxploitation and kun fu-sploitation that took the jungle meets civilization approach. This excellent blog profiles all the Filipino Vietnam war movies When the Vietnam War raged... in the Philippines.

Knowing a few things about Filipino culture, their identity is a very mixed bag of colonization, war and corruption. Blending in Spanish, Chinese and American influences with their own culture, its reflected in their entertainment. Their film and TV spoofed Hollywood and took knee deep lore and legends and blew them up into rubber monster movies. War movies spawned and Bruce Lee was the hero the everyman Filipino could believe in...so why not imitate him.

The trailer alone is chock full of kung pow insanity. I am very psyched to see this. It premieres on July 24th @ the Melbourne Film Festival...in freakin Australia! Damn, I wish I lived in Australia...for like a week.

Head over to the Facebook page for more info!

OK enough talk. Check out the trailer below. What do you all think?

Categories: 70s grindhouse movies, aswang, exploitation, exploitation film, filipino horror, grindhouse, philippines, weng weng, weng weng rap

Splice (Review)

Splice

Splice (2010)

Directed by Vincenzo Natali

[this review brought to you by Insano Steve who'd like to have his DNA re sequenced one day]

I've always enjoyed movies where doctors try to fuck with human DNA in order to satisfy their genetic curiosity (and spite all of God's creation). Therefore, I was very excited when I initially saw the trailer for Splice. During a long layover in San Francisco recently, I was able to see this very unique film. It's a bit difficult to review this film without giving out any spoilers, so I'll just tread lightly on a few important points.

Plot: Two brilliant geneticists (played by Adrien Brody and Sarah Polley) are working on a gene splicing project in order to help find cures for all of life's many diseases. So far the project has been a huge success, as they've genetically engineered a couple of amorphous sloth-like creatures who's bodies are chock-full of cure-all medicinal chemicals. These blobs are made from DNA from a variety of animals (and some plants!).

One day, however, the two geneticists (who are also lovers) come up with a great idea: Wouldn't it be scientifically awesome to add some human DNA to their amorphous blobs and see what happens? Suffice it to say, the resulting offspring is not what they expected. And, at that point is where the spoilers would start to become necessary.

Acting: There's only maybe 6 actors in this entire film and they all do pretty good. The budget sure didn't seem that big, so acting actually mattered here.

Before Splice, I'd never seen an Adrien Brody movie. He's been in many movies that have won awards. Movies that I've never seen, and never will see. Brody was born in Queens, NY. Most recently, he was seen kicking a surprising amount of ass in 'Predators'. In Splice, he plays the more thoughtful/ethical/wimpy scientist.

Sarah Polley was the star of the underrated slacker movie, "Go". She fell off the face of the earth after that. Good to see her back working. Polley totally rocks the shit in this movie. In Splice, she plays the reckless/down for whatever scientist. Kind of like a grown up version of her “Go” character.

Finally, Delphine Chanéac, a Frenchy model/actress, plays the resulting humanoid DNA experiment. Her 'acting' in this film is 1 part Frankenstein, 1 part Natasha Henstridge.

Gore: Minimal gore. A couple of human deaths. Several random farm creatures are eaten alive. Bad humanoid! Bad humanoid!

T&A: Oh yeah, we get to see some female humanoid nudity. But as a guy, I'm still confused on how I should have felt about that. Um, I'm going to say I didn't enjoy it, just in case.

WTF Moment: Oh, there's a couple of good ones. A separate future article would be necessary for this.

Conclusion: See Splice. Seriously, see Splice! This was a super fun movie to watch. At first, I had hoped this would be a semi-realistic look at the dangers of gene manipulation.

As it turns out, it was just a B-movie, but a thoroughly enjoyable one. Seriously, if you haven’t seen it yet, go see Splice!

Rating:
Check out the trailer below.

Categories: 2010 horror movies, sarah polley, splice, splice review

Obscure Horror Month: Luther the Geek

Over at Big Daddy Horror Reviews, Brandon is making July Obscure Horror month. He's got other horror bloggers going into the time machine to remember the forgotten horror of old. I've chimed in my pick for this series by contributing my review of Luther the Geek.

You can check it out by going here: CLUCK, CLUCK, CLUCK!!!

For my full review, head over here.

Categories: 80's horror, chickens, clucking, luther the geek, luther the geek review, stacy haiduk naked, stacy haiduk showe scene

The WTF List: Predators

In the sweltering heat, what better way to get cool by watching the action summer movies. As we get into action-palooza, I figure I'd get in the mood by watching Predators. I wasn't expecting much but 64% fresh on Rotten Tomatoes convinced me to give it a try. So let's head over to the game preserve with a WTF list.

1.) They're not even fuckin around, drop em in and lets get slaughtering
2.) Adrien Brody makes artsy fartsy movies doesn't he?
3.) Danny fuckin Trejo is a Mexican enforcer? This is like a totally new role he's never had to play before
4.) OK so we got a Ruskie, a Yakuza, an ex Con, token blood diamond slavemaster, Israeli sniper hottie, Eric from That 70s Show and Brody. Odds token black guy dies first. 2:1.
5.) Predators dogs are like Star Wars reject pets
6.) Predator vision has not improved since the 80s.
7.) Gratuitous reference to Ah-nuhld! You'd think the Predators would want revenge on Dutch and transport him to the preserve.
8.) It's not a Predators movie without a guy with a mini-gun.
9.) Jeezus. Topher Grace is one whiny bitch.
10.) OMG! Is that other alien target Species 8472?!?
11.) Hello crazy Laurence Fisburne
12.) Goodbye crazy Laurence Fisburne
13.) Original Predator vs Uber Predator. It's not as climactic as I was hoping.
14.) That twist was lame .
15.) Yakuza vs Predator! Awesome! This is the best scene in the entire movie.
16.) Dude. Is that CGI on Adrien Brody body?
17.) Well looky here, he went all Dutch.
18.) None of the characters are that memorable as in the original and there aren't as many memorable lines.
19.) Seriously...how would Brody know how to fly a Predators ship if he was able to hijack one???
20.) If we had to tally Predators vs Human matchups, it would look something like this: Predators: 30,492 Humans: 3

All in all, Predators was a decent action movie that let me cool off for a few hours. It's hard to live up to the original and even Danny Glover's drive by Predator 2 is good to watch on TBS from time to time. Only time will tell if Predators will rounds out this trilogy for the better.


Rating:
Check out the trailer below.

Categories: 80s action, action cinema, danny trejo, predator, predators, robert rodriguez

Machete vs The Expendables: Which one will punch you in the face the hardest?

The latest Machete trailer came out today and it looks badass. In the battle of alpha male minds everywhere, we are going into full action porn mode when Machete will battle it out with The Expendables in a month or so.

These 2 mega giant rock em sock em movies won't go head to head. Mind you The Expendables comes out August 13th during peak summer movie time while Machete comes out September 3rd. But they are 2 of the biggest action flicks to come out this year.

So who has the edge? Let's break it down star by star and X Factors.

1.) Stallone vs Trejo
Edge: Stallone

Stallone is an icon and he can't be denied his legendary status. He has single handily kept the action movie alive by reincarnating his iconic characters Rocky and Rambo. Trejo has always been "That Guy" in movies but he's as badass as they come. I'm going with Stallone.

2.) Rodriguez/Alba vs Statham/Li
Edge: Rodriguez/Alba

As much as I bow down to the greatness of Jason Statham and Jet Li, you can't argue seeing Jessica Alba and Michelle Rodriguez in scantily clad tight leather shoot heavy artillery and blowing shit up as not being totally fuckin awesome. They're hot and they're kicking ass for Machete. Statham and Li can helm their own action franchises but seeing Rodriguez and Alba is enough to put them over the top. Yummy.

3.) Seagal vs Lundgren
Edge: Seagal

Sorry Dolph fans, but the pseudo Japanese Westerner gets the edge here because Seagal brings in the I'm overweight but I can use a Katana like no other mofo. Both are has been 80s stars but Seagal seems to get the slight edge as we last saw Lundgren with JCVD. Now if JCVD was in The Expendables, that would be a different story.

4.) Lindsay Lohan vs Terry Crews
Edge: Crews

In a few incoherent words....PA PA PA PA POWER!!!

5.) Marin vs Austin/Couture
Edge: Marin

Cheech Marin plays a priest turned killer. Plus if he says titty twister, I'm sold. It'll be interesting to see a wrestler and a MMA guy join the crew but Cheech is Cheech and he is fuckin hilarious.

6.) Don Johnson vs Eric Roberts
Edge: Johnson

Sure Eric Roberts was decent in the Dark Knight but seeing Don Johnson might be awesome for shits and giggles. Both were 80s stars and both are now way off the radar and will act for food. I hope they both die in their respective films.

7.) Robert DeNiro vs Mickey Rourke
Edge: Rourke

The battle of Oscar winners will bring class to both flicks but I have to with Rourke here based on the fact that somehow Mickey will totally overact in The Expendables somehow. It's too easy to have DeNiro play a corrupt Senator, shit I don't even know what Rourke's role is but my money is on demolition expert.

8.) Gratuitous Cameo Battle: McGowan/Savini vs Schwarzenegger/Willis
Edge: Schwarenegger/Willis

I love Rose McGowan and would automatically default to giving her the edge. It helps that we'll get to see Tom Savini as well in Machete. But c'mon now, Ah-nuld and John fuckin McClaine are cameo-ing in a Stallone flick and that is unprecedented. Without a doubt the cameo battle is won by these 2 legendary kings of action.

9.) Who will have more EXPLOSIONS?
Edge: The Expendables

Duh.

10.) Who will have more MACHETES?
Edge: Machete

Double Duh.

So after tallying everything up we've got:

• The Expendables: 5
  
• Machete: 5
  

It's a TIE!!

I can't deny I'm salivating for both movies. I really don't know which one is going to be better. But maybe you guys do. Which movie do you think will make you punch your fist through a wall?

For now, check out the trailers.

NEW MACHETE TRAILER!!!!

More Machete Videos

THE EXPENDABLES TRAILER!!!!

Categories: 80s action, action cinema, jason statham, jessica alba, jet li, machete, robert rodriguez, rose mcgowan, stallone, the expendables, the expendables trailer

Haeundae (Review)

Haeundae aka Tidal Wave

Haeundae (2009)

Directed by Je-gyun Yun

I'm not going with a long review of this movie as it was 2 hours long which was an hour and half longer than it should have been.

Haeundae is Korea's biggest budget movie in their film history at $11 million dollars. The disaster movie has never really been done outside Hollywood so it was nice to see some other countries take a crack at it.

So how does Tidal Wave rate?

It's not too bad. The movie for the first hour and 20 or so minutes makes you care about a certain group of characters who live in the sea resort town of Haeundae. We got a fisherman and his crush, a jokester, a scientist and his stubborn wife, a rich business man, a lifeguard and a rich party girl. Honestly, aside from the lifeguard/party girl story line, I could have cared less about the others.

What I wanted to see was mass hysteria, shit blowing up, bridges crashing into the sea and people drowning. And you do get it in the last 30-40 minutes. The special effects aren't too bad with scenes of the mega tsunami hitting the beach and the skyscrapers getting flooded by a huge tidal wave. People are being washed away, trapped in flooded elevators, stuff is getting wrecked and people are dying. It's your typical Hollywood fare, but you know...more Koreany.

Douchebags you wanna see die, don't. Heroes you empathize with, sacrifice themselves and our main characters make it out OK. It's all utterly ridiculous but then again, the tsunami in 2004 killed over a thousand people in a few hours so maybe it's not too preposterous. Who knows?

Korea takes a crack at the disaster movie and they are right up there with any 2012 or The Day After Tomorrow but on a smaller scale. It's a little too long though and they should have had more action. I was a little bored but when the waves are attackin, I was rooting the mega tsunami to do its worse (that's so wrong I know)

Next time your at the beach, you'll be more inclined to make sand castles than head out to the water after seeing this flick.


Rating:
Check out the trailer below.

Categories: 2010 horror dvd, 2010 horror movies, disaster movies, korean horror

New York, New Yuck (NYC Movies from the Exploitation Era)

Oh New York, New York. The city so nice they named it twice (well you know they did that because they knew somebody was gonna steal the first name). My hometown is the greatest city in the world. But it wasn't always the Disney-fied, tourist filled haven we have today. I remember walking the fucked up Times Square and being offered drugs for sale at 2pm in the afternoon. Oh those were the days.

Mind you this is not me reminiscing about the 70s grindhouse Times Square, this was even in the late 80s and early 90s. I saw Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation in one of the last grindhouse theaters near the Crossroads of the World. About a dozen people packed a theater that should have been shut down. But I digress.

I love my city but the movies during the Exploitation Era made it seemed we were fuckin Detroit. And at times, they were deadly accurate. So here are 10 movies (not necessarily in fucked up order) that showed the seedier, dirtier and grimier side of NYC back in the day.

When are ya gonna come and visit?



10.) Maniac Cop

Fictional NYC is...filled with a maniac cop who kills innocent people.

Reality NYC is...filled with a maniac cops who kill innocent people. OK maybe not all the time but if your color is off white or brown you may get maimed. See ya later if you're black. The NYPD have hiccups every now and then which is why we got Rev. Al Sharpton holding a press conference and march every 10 minutes.




9.) C.H.U.D.

Fictional NYC is...filled with cannibalistic humanoid underground dwellers who kill and eat people. Need I really say more?

Reality NYC is...inhabited by rats the size of footballs and insects that rival SyFy cheesiness. I'm serious about the rats as during the summer months they will show up on the train platform and wait for the 7 train while checking their Facebook on their iPhone 4. These are some of the smartest, mutant rats you will ever see.






8.) Q The Winged Serpent

Fictional NYC is...a giant serpent monster that lay its egg in the Chrysler tower and start terrorizing New Yorkers. It also likes grabbing sunbathers and window washers.

Reality NYC is... the NYPD is ill equip to handle a giant monster serpent who is under the control of a deranged madman. Sure they can stop a bomb threat or two in the middle of Times Square but let loose a ravenous monster and we're all fucked.





7.) Escape from New York

Fictional NYC is...a maximum security federal penal colony where gangs, criminals and the unwanted live in chaos.

Reality NYC is...we call this place the Bronx.





6.) The Warriors

Fictional NYC is...over run with gangs who pretty much own every piece of real estate in all 5 boroughs in NYC.

Reality NYC is...oh NYC still has gangs but they are all in the bad bad places we direct tourists to when they're lost. "You're looking for Rockefeller Center?" asks a tourist. "Oh thats in Bed Stuy, you should go at night" directs a disgruntled New Yorker. "...and be sure to wear red"





5.) Combat Shock

Fictional NYC is...deteriorating and completely falling apart. We ignore our returning vets who have shell shock, we can't get them jobs because of the economy and the streets have been taken over by drug dealers, pimps and prostitutes. Oh and all the babies are deformed freaks.

Reality NYC is...ditto. except for the deformed babies. Hmm then again, I'm sure there are deformed babies somewhere that we don't know about.





4.) Street Trash

Fictional NYC is...the homeless and the despair will drink anything to forget their troubles. NYC is where life is cheaper than a bottle of Viper

Reality NYC is...the new place where the homeless and the despair congregate is called "Williamsburg". The new drink of choice is "Pabst Blue Ribbon aka PBR" and we call these people "hipsters". You can identify these hipsters with scruffy beards, sports jackets with t-shirts and smoking Clove cigarettes and playing kickball. They are highly toxic.




3.) Ms. 45

Fictional NYC is...filled with drug dealers, pimps and gangs that prey on mute women and rape them....repeatedly. Oh yeah, vigilantism is totally legal so get your vengeance on!

Reality NYC is...now just filled with women who all look like the Sex and the City meets Hannah Montana. The women who have been scorned or fucked up get revenge by getting into flame wars on Facebook or deleting their boyfriend's WOW account. Also, somehow the ex boyfriend's comic book collection ends up on Craigslist. Wow, that's just fucked up brutal.




2.) Driller Killer

Fictional NYC is...a psychotic dude goes around killing people with a drill.

Reality NYC is...this is what most New Yorkers want to do to tourists who block pedestrian traffic.




1.) Maniac

Fictional NYC is...a mad man is on the loose and killing people all around the city.

Reality NYC is...seriously, you don't want to come here. I think I wanna move now.



When's the last time you were in NYC? Do you like our tourist friendly, Nickelodeon city now? Did you visit the city when it was a haven for debauchery and filth? Are you totally fuckin scared of NYC???

If you know of any other NYC grindhouse/exploitation movies, share em by leaving a comment below.

I *HEART* NY.

Categories: abel ferrara, exploitation, exploitation film, grindhouse, maniac, ms. 45, q the winged serpent, street trash, the chuds

When Rappers Make Movies, Movies become AWESOME

You'd think having a rapper in your movie would turn out to be a big FAIL. Somtimes that's not the case. That's because your not watching the right rappers in the right movies, you know what I'm saying? Insano Steve already detailed how awesome Stickey Fingaz hip hop musical A Day in the Life was. Even I was blown away by the cleverlogue of seeing Stickey, Omar and WeeBey from the Wire, Michael Rappaport, Caine from Menace II Society and Treach (from Naughty by Nature).

So thank the hip hop gods, Stickey Fingaz made another musical. This one is called Caught on Tape and it looks fuckin awesome. And whose in this one you asking? OMG, look at this lineup motherfucka. Vivica Fox and Cedric the Entertainer are the notables in this one with Sticky.

Bust a cap and watch the trailer below.




Straght out of Shaolin (aka Staten Island) comes The RZA's Wu Tang vs. The Golden Phoenix trailer (news via FilmDrunk). The RZA, musical genius and founding member of the infamous Wu Tang Clan goes all homagy to all the old Chinese king fu flicks of old.

This fucker has got serious street cred my brothas. Jackie Chan's stunt team, Fight choreographer Robert Tai of 5 Deadly Venoms,members of the USA Shaolin Team, and starring Shaw Bros. Legend Chi Kuan Chun and Dr. King Ogun Ali Muhammad, founder of the Universal African Fighting System.

And it wouldn't be Wu Tang without 5th generation Shaolin disciple The RZA.
It's got serious kung fu-ery and all sorts of insane action.

HaaaaaaaaYaaaaaaaaaa. Check out the trailer.






Have I changed your perception of the rapper turned filmmaker stereotype? Hahaha. Maybe not but what do you think of these flicks?

Categories: blaxploitation, china, gangsta movies, kung fu, martial arts, musical, wu tang clan

Manhater (Review)

Manhater

Manhater (2005)

Directed by Anthony Doublin
Written by Philip R. Calderone

I support indie horror in all its forms. Low low budget to the straight to DVD cash ins, some of the most creative fun films come independently.

Via a screener from Mr. Calderone, I had a chance to watch Manhater, which is pure DIY filmmaking where everybody has multiple jobs and the crew and cast does it for the joy of making a good movie. You see that passion and excitement in these low budget flicks. I saw it in movies like Thicker than Water: The Vampire Diaries and Incest Death Squad which turn out surprisingly good but some turn out not so good like The Landlord and Dismal.

So I grade these indie/low budget movies on an indie curve. I forgive the special effects, the mediocre acting and the lack of sets. I try to focus on the story, the filmmaking and anything that seemed to be ambitious that worked.

Manhater is definitely ambitious film that is like a cross between a Lifetime movie of the week, Species and Supernatural. It's described as a "horror thriller" driven with story but somehow it shortcuts its way to a typical set up, kill scene loopy loop.

So what's the initial prognosis? Manhater is a supernatural pseudo rape and revenge movie pure and simple. Have I ever seen a supernatural women scorn revenge film? Nope. This is what makes it different and also interesting to watch. It's not without its flaws in story, sometimes laughable FX and stiff actors. But hey, it's got a porn star on the cover and its got gore and that gets at least a half a spinkick in my book.

Boring Plot-O-Matic

A vulnerable woman, years of cheating boyfriends and finally an abusive husband--a perfect setup for revenge. But what if you're too beaten down to take things into your own hands? What if you just want out, just want it all to stop, just want them all to go away...and then what if it happens?

Awesome Review-O-Matic

According to the filmmakers, the movie had to fulfill the following criteria for funding and distribution.

• Blood
• Nudity
• Creature

For a low budget movie, they do their best amping up each of these criteria. Blood and gore and done the old fashioned way which I applaud. The nudity (mostly from Ariel X who plays the creature Enyo) and a few other normals and a creature dressed in white body paint, KISS hair and googly eyes.

That only leaves the story of Vonda and her life. Seems she's been in bad relationships with 5 BFs that have left her scarred. On her friend's advice she meets Eileen, a witch who wishes to harness the powers of the great goddess of war Enyo. Using Vonda as a catalyst, Enyo is summoned and starts offing V's exes.

There are a few choice scenes of Vonda being abused but a true revenge movie jacks up the abuse to the max. We only see this with one BF Bruce but not the others. It made me sympathize with the exes as though their all douchebags, none of them really deserved to die. If we had seen a few flashbacks of man on woman fuckedupness, I would have empathized with Vonda more.

Later, the movie goes into generic mode where we see set up and kill scene from Enyo (who can transform from a LA hooker to a ghost white monster at a moments notice). Sort of like Natasha Henstridge in Species she seeks out the exes, seduces them and kills them. Her weaponry and our Gore-ipedia? Kreuger like finger nails that slice and dice. We get a few choice splatter scenes involved shower trauma, decapitations, and gut spillage. Nothing I'm writing Dread Central about.

The movie is cheesy even by SyFy standards but the effort is there. Even for a minimal budget flick like this, seeing the creativeness and collaboration is remarkable. The special effects were a little goofy and I'm sure they could have done without it. They could have easily edited or inferred "magic" was being done instead of Photoshopping some effects in.

So how does this all grade? Manhater is overly ambitious and makes every effort to go beyond its means. You applaud the effort but the result is ehhh. The story is solid, performances by Emelle are good while the others are cardboardy stiff. But what will make Manhater memorable is the titular character Enyo with emphasis on tit. Ariel X who is a porn star is naked in like 80% of the movie and belts out the best one liners and kill scenes in the entire flick.

There are good low budget horror movies and there are really bad dollar bin ones. This gets 2 spinkicks and ends up average.

Best way to sum it up is what I tweeted after watching the flick:

"Watched an indie horror "thriller" #manhater. Had blood, nudity and a pornstar vengeance demon. All in all my rating is "ehhh..boobs!"


Nude-ipedia

Fat boobies
I mentioned Ariel X a bondage porn star is naked in this 80% of the time right?

WTF Moment

The decapitation special effect.

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

Head over to the official site for more info. You never know where you might find this film, be it Blockbuster, Netflix or a dollar bin. Hey at least it's not a remake of a remake of a remake.

Rating:
Check out the trailer below.

Categories: 2010 horror dvd, 2010 horror movies, gratuitous nudity, independent cinema, indepentent horror, indie horror, manhater, nudity