Showing posts with label piranha 3d. Show all posts
Showing posts with label piranha 3d. Show all posts

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

The 5 Best Movies from the Splat Pack


With Eli Roth about to give us The Green Inferno, a cannibal film! in the near future, I thought we should look at the filmographies of the Splat Pack, who according to Wikipedia: "The group has been credited with bringing back ultra-violent movies, as well as moving away from PG-13 rated movies and into the R-rated spectrum, all while operating with low budgets"

The names of the members are arbitrary at best. Aja, Bousman, Marshall, McLean, Roth, Rodriguez, Wan, Whannell and Zombie. But they have given us some solid motherfuckin flicks. Here are my 5 essential best movies from some of the Splat Pack directors. Chime in if you agree or disagree.

5.) Rob Zombie - The Devil's Rejects

The Jaded Viewer says: This is pure Zombie mayhem at its best. Hillbilly rednecks slaughtering in open America. Sheri Moon, Haig and Moseley are terrifying and it clicks. Lots of cringe worthy moments with that Freebird ending just pure awesomness.

4.) Alexandre Aja - Piranha 3D

The Jaded Viewer says: I didn't like Haute Tension. Too gimmicky and twisty. Piranha 3D is pure fun. Gore, boobs, gore, cheesy special effects, Riley Steele boobs, mutilated penis. It's a monster film that takes that camp horror back to the basics.

3.) Robert Rodriguez - Grindhouse Planet Terror 

The Jaded Viewer says: With R.R, you can go with the vamps or the angry Mexican but Planet Terror is the most explosive gore-riah film filled with one legged Cherry and zombied up super soldiers. I can deny the fact it's the one I can watch again over and over again in the Grindhouse double.

2.) Eli Roth - Hostel

The Jaded Viewer says:  Hostel came out in 2005. Man has it really been 7 years? Love it or hate it, it's the pinnacle film of the Splat Pack and the one that got the gorehounds spazzing again. Pure magnificent torturous fun, Bratislava is now destination #1 for foreigners looking to get their death on. You can't deny Hostel's impact on all the films that have come after.

1.) Neil Marshall - The Descent 

The Jaded Viewer says: The Descent is the best film any of the filmmakers from the Splat Pack and Neil Marshall's Dog Soldiers is awesome, it's The Descent that will stand out as good old solid awesome horror.
Why Juno why????

Any other filmmakers that should gain Splat Pack status? Want to add your own list? Comment away! It's the damn internet right too!

Thursday, March 29, 2012

5 Semi Unknown Actresses about to blow the fuck up

Well I needed an excuse to post pictures of Katrina Bowden. So I decided to make up this post. You probably know who all these actresses are but Ms. Moretz has been making the news since the Carrie announcement and some people didn't know she was Hit Girl in Kick Ass. It would be easy to feature Jennifer Lawrence but you know me, I dig the actresses that are semi under the radar. Clearly these actresses need more exposure so here you go.



5.) Olivia Thirlby: Yup, you've seen her in Juno, but she was in The Darkest Hour and in the Dredd remake. I clearly see her doing the indie thing but a path similar to Amanda Seyfried isn't out of the question.



4.) Jamie Chung: She did the horror thing with Sorority Row but hit the mainstream radar with Hangover 2 and Sucker Punch. She's going to go all dramatic in Eden but I can't wait to see her star with JGL in Premium Rush. Oh yeah she's in Shimizu's 7500. Her hotness is bound to turn heads but I see performance gold as well.


3.) Katrina Bowden: Sure she's been on 30 Rock, but it was her performance in Tucker and Dale vs Evil that made me notice Katrina Bowden. She's in American Reunion as well and we hit the jackpot because we all know she's in Piranha 3DD. That means there is 100% confirmation she will be in a bikini.


2.) Juno Temple: She's probably the most relative unknown of the 5, but she's been in a lot of shit according to her IMDB. Most notably she was in Year One and The Three Musketeers. But I noticed her in Gregg Araki's Kaboom where she goes all grunty and nakedy. But her upcoming slate is full of awesomeness. She's in The Dark Knight Rises (heard of it?), Killer Joe, Lovelace and a werewolf lesbian film called Jack and Diane with Jena Malone. God damn yay.


1.) Chloe Grace Moretz: Clearly not unknown to genre fans, Chloe Moretz was our dear Hit Girl in Kick Ass. Her filmography is extensive and she technically broke out as Abby in Let Me In. But at only 15, she's damn versatile as an actress taking roles in crime dramas like Texas Killing Fields. Obviously Hugo was fuckin huge as well but I'm curious as hell to see her in Dark Shadows.

Clearly she is our new Carrie and that will make her skyrocket into the filmdom stratosphere.

*************************************************************

Who's on your radar actor or actress wise? What possible indie horror scream queens might be lurking as the new Jamie Lee Curtis? Chime in!

Monday, September 12, 2011

The Remaining Best of the Rest Horror Movies of 2011

With about 4 months to go, I've scanned the remaining upcoming horror schedule for the rest of 2011 and picked my favorites. Of course I don't know if any of these will actually be good but one can only hope they live up to their buzz.

I always think the best horror movies usually release around Halloween (for obvious reasons) and then the battle for the horror supremacy gets packed with contenders.

Let's see if any of these pan out.

10.) American Horror Story


Releases Date: October 5th

the jaded viewer says:
FX's new show is not a horror movie, but a show that all horror fans should be on the look out for. For now, the teaser is vague as fuckin hell, haunted house meets weird imagery? I need something to keep me entertained this fall.





9.) Grave Encounters

Release Date: August 25th - VOD/Theaters

the jaded viewer says:
Already released, it's hard to judge Grave Encounters. It's got that Paranormal Activity ripoff going against it but it's got that reality ghost hunter thing going for it. I'm on the fence with this one but it's peaked my interest.




8.) Red State


Release Date: Sept 1st - VOD, Select Theaters - Sept. 25th

the jaded viewer says:
I'm a Kevin Smith fan but even I am kind of up in the air on this flick. I guess I should ask all of you who've seen it. Yay or Nay?





7.) Paranormal Activity 3

Release Date: October 21st

the jaded viewer says:
The prequel to the series might answer some questions. PA2 was a little too dumb but we could get something new to reinvent the series. But cmon now...Bloody Mary legend in your teaser?



6.) The Dead

Release Date: October 1st

the jaded viewer says:
The Dead is probably the most anticipated zombie movie I've seen in a while. Old school Fulci zombies and actually set in Africa. It could turn out to be just another run of the mill zombie flick or it could kick so much fuckin ass. We shall see.




5.) You're Next


Release Date: ???

the jaded viewer says:
Adam Wingard's latest flick is a horror comedy described as "Home Alone" horror flick. Just premiering at TIFF, it's gotten crazy good buzz with a bidding war ensuing. I always keep Wingard, an indie filmmaker extraordinaire on my radar.

4.) Chillerama


Release Date: November 29th

the jaded viewer says:
The Adam Green/Joe Lynch/Adam Rifkin/Tim Sullivan grindhouse drive in horror comedy anthology looks b-movie-tastic. I mean its rare to have the following filmmakers get behind a project like this but as I said before, I believe the horror anthology is posed to make a comeback. Chillerama might be that juggernaut.




3.) The Woman


Release Date: October 14th

the jaded viewer says:
Lucky McKee got great hype with that Sundance video where a guy so disturbed by the flick walked out of a screening. But the film is probably one of the most odd and unique flicks to ever come out this year and though may not totally shock, it will definitely be the definitive film of McKee's movies.



2.) Piranha 3DD

Release Date: November 23rd

the jaded viewer says:
I can't wait to see this flick. Piranhas in a water park can only make for awesome kills and awesome nudity. I mean Katrina Bowden is in this and she's guaranteed to be in a freakin bikini. Great Scott! This is going to be heavy.

1.) The Human Centipede 2

Release Date: October 7th

the jaded viewer says: Love it or hate it, the Human Centipede made sure you thought of how far a film could go. Though it didn't go over the edge, the FULL SEQUENCE Tom Six promises is going to be way fuckin crazier. "Martin" looks absolutely fuckin slothy nuts. I can't wait.



*****************************************************************************

Any other horror flicks you excited for? Let me know what you think of my picks and anything else I've missed.

Friday, January 07, 2011

Top 10 Horror Movies of 2010 (#10-1)

Everybody has been posting their Top 10 Horror Movies of 2010. Sorry for taking so long to get this live but I had to catch up on some of the movies I missed this year. I usually look at other people's lists and watch the movies that others claimed were the best. If I didn't, I would have missed out on a few sleepers this year.

Like last year, I've extended this to 20 films. If you missed #20 to #11, clicky here. I had a different take on what was considered "the best" this year and my picks are totally abnormal from everybody else. I'm just quirky that way.

First some fun facts and sidenotes!
  • Though some of these movies came out in 2009, I label any movie that got wide releases or DVD releases in 2010 as coming out in 2010
  • It's a mix of indie horror and theatrical releases
  • Here are the movies I didn't see yet: Black Swan, Let Me In, Shutter Island, Paranormal Activity 2, After.Life and a few other indie horror films that ended up on some Top 10s
  • The 20 films broken down by country: USA = 12, Canada=2, UK=1, Finland =1, Australia=1, Serbia=1, Netherlands=1, Spain=1
  • The 20 films broken down by spinkick rating: 4 spinkicks=1, 3 spinkicks= 16, 2 1/2 spinkicks=3 (I did not give any horror movie 4 spinkicks this year)
  • Honorable Mentions: The Crazies, Daybreakers, Berdella, Dawning, etc.
  • To read the entire review of the film click on the title.
So what did 2010 offer us in the world of horror?
  • The horror mockumentary makes an appearance numerous times
  • Shaky cam/Shot on video flicks haven't jumped the shark yet
  • 3D Horror was everywhere and sucked in most cases
  • The Human Centipede was the most talked about hype movie that bordered on mainstreeminess
  • An unrated horror movie is too much for Hollywood theaters to handle
  • The number one movie on my list is again not from the USA
I take it some of picks will lead to WTF faces and "Your fuckin crazy". Isn't that the fun of these year end Top 10s? Let's get to the list! Here is #10 to #1.


10.) Triangle
(3 spinkicks)


Triangle delivers everything you want from a horror movie. Heightened Hitchcockian suspense, twizzler twists and turns and there is blood by the pint. For a movie created out of the UK/Australia that boasts a group of Aussies doing their best American accents, it delivers on everything you want in a horror thriller.

Your mind will trip out from the amount of WTF is in this film. So much head turning plot twists you may need to drink some Four Loko to get it all straight. It all comes full triangle and by the end you checking IMDB message boards and trivia to find out what's the what.

I love the intertwining concept of loopy time and a mad killer on the loose. And when a boat slasher film gets you to think and scan the internet, it's one of the best this year.


9.) Rec 2
(3 spinkicks)


I'm not a huge fan of shaky cam first person POV horror. So going into Rec 2, I knew the SWAT team was going to get involved, we were going to get some possessed zombie kills and I was gonna get nauseous again. Cue the Dramamine.

Rec 2 is a superior movie to the original. It's amped up the infected, brought in the heavy weaponry via SWAT officers and thrown in some crazy Spanish hipsters who get exactly what they deserve. What you end up with is a sequel that twists and turns you on every scene and makes you big gulp in complete darkness.

I gotta say, the Rec movies are the best this POV genre has to offer. They are solid flicks and use the POV gimmick very well. Rec 2 does jack up the scares, the claustrophobia and the tension. Out of all the the POV movies I've seen, Rec 2 is so far the best of the rest.


8.) Babysitter Wanted
(3 spinkicks)


Babysitter Wanted is everything The House of the Devil should have been. It's got the same premise as Ti West's film. College girl with lousy roommate gets a gig to babysit a couple's young little tyke in the middle of boonies USA. Suspense is drawn out as mysterious phone calls start ringing, she frantically searches for the kid and than the big reveal is well...revealed.

Babysitter Wanted is what I wanted from The House of the Devil. It takes that babysitter urban legend and squeezes every drop of horror onto the screen.

A very solid horror movie that actually lives up to what it was trying to do. All in all, Babysitter Wanted hits on all these notes and does it without including the 80s nostalgia.


7.) Piranha 3D
(3 spinkicks)


Piranha 3D is as cheesy and as yummy as advertised. As the only movie that's 3D on my list that says a helluva lot. 3D, tits, piranha and gore. What more did you want from a film Alex Aja?

Via Insano Steve's review.

Hey a 3D horror movie can be good after all. As long as it is good as a 2D movie first. Don't be fooled just by the 3D part. Although, something must be done about the pricing. $16.50 for a 3D movie makes these things hard to recommend.

But in the end, if you know what to expect here (a fun gore-filled teenage t&a slaughter fest), well then Piranha 3D delivers on that. Whether that means I'll go see Piranha 4D (or whatever they call the sequel), that remains to be seen, .....



6.) Dead Hooker in a Trunk
(3 spinkicks)


Dead Hooker in a Trunk is a modern day black comedy exploitation film of pulpy goodness. As the title suggests, shit hits the fan when our troupe of twin sisters, a Jesus freak and a junkie find a dead hooker in a trunk. It starts off a chain reaction of ass kicking, appendages being ripped apart, some sexual molesting and a bloody bloodbath.

The Soska Sisters first feature film is raw in that grindhouse way and has that Tarantino feel with a extra dose of indie grittiness. You'll laugh, you'll wince, you'll metal head bob your head due to the awesome soundtrack.

DHIAT is a mad mad bizzaro movie that has everything you would want. Hot kick ass girls, some ha ha's and LOLs and one killer soundtrack. I've got the Soska Sisters on my radar, it's time the rest of the world has them on theirs.

"What's not to love about junkies, bad asses, hot women and a dead hooker in a trunk?"

5.) Hatchet 2
(3 spinkicks)


Arguments aside Hatchet 2 deserved at least a decent theatrical run to prove old school American horror can survive theatrically. When all that floods US theaters are PG-13 3D CGI kills snoozefests, one can only wonder if the 80s inspired slasher films can survive in this climate. Obviously not.

But on the merit of a horror film, Hatchet 2 is a sequel that literally starts off where the last one ended. Everything about Hatchet 2 follows the sequel formula to a tee. It's been said before that Green's Hatchet is to Alien as Green's Hatchet 2 is to Aliens. Hunters abound in the sequel and all hell breaks loose. But we'll get to that in a sec.

Hatchet 2 is an unapologetic splatter slasher flick that says "Fuck You" to the other horror movies of 2010. It's the big bully in the room that taunts you, gives you wedgies, makes you feel sympathetic towards it then punches you in the face and takes your lunch money. Straight out, it's one of the best horror movies of 2010.

4.) The Last Exorcism
(3 spinkicks)


The Last Exorcism is one of the best horror movies of 2010 by far. Not because it had elements of Paranormal Activity or exorcism scares, but because somehow the mockumentary feels as real as real could be. Evangelism is clearly a scary thought in general, but when you you see how real the fakery can be and how people will believe in "the show", that's what's truly scary. The Last Exorcism amplifies this horror wise but the foundation is not without a chill to the bone factor as well.

The shot on video POV should have jumped the shark here but didn't. It reminded me of Lake Mungo, which is #3 on this list. When done well these fake docs somehow get the jumpy jumping. It's a smart mock and I liked the mockery of religion.

Sure it got a little cliched towards the end though it ended cleverly, it's a haunting feeling nevertheless.



3.) Lake Mungo
(3 1/2 spinkicks)


I must admit, Lake Mungo was not on my must-see radar when reviewing the After Dark Horrorfest movies. But this is the hidden gem beneath the proverbial sand of the eight films. I was exceptionally surprised at how great the movie was and amazed that it didn’t slowly evolve into a cheap Paranormal Activity gimmick.

The trailer and poster are very misleading and you may be convinced you’re seeing a midnight movie set to deliver jolts of jump scares.

Lake Mungo is your counterpoint to the jump scare ghost cinema verite type film. You will be so convinced by its authenticity, you may be calling a psychic to find out if it’s real or not. Or just head over to Wikipedia. Because if its on Wikipedia, it’s true.


2.) The Human Centipede
(3 spinkicks)


The most hyped up film of 2010 horror wise. The Human Centipede is pretty much a "I loved it" or "I hated it" type of film. It's reputation sealed itself when you hear the concept of what's being done and sure it doesn't go over the edge in execution, it clearly boggled the horrorsphere in every way imaginable.

The Human Centipede is a tornado of a film that challenges your visual senses and challenges your brain to compute what you're seeing. It's really something you've never seen before and that's the beauty of it. It takes about an hour to get the completion of this new Frankenstein like creation but its well worth it.

I fell on the I loved it side and though I wished it had gone further, seeing our mad scientist have his dreams come true was my dream come true as well.


1.) A Serbian Film
(3 spinkicks)


Many of you haven't yet seen A Serbian Film and somehow be thankful you haven't. But I have and when a movie scars you like this one did, it easily cements itself as the #1 horror film of 2010.

Was it a movie critiquing the Serbian government's brainwashing of ordinary citizens into committing atrocities during the war? Or is it a vile, disgusting piece of crap pretending to be art?

Honestly, I don't know. As I watched I tried to see if there was satire as we watch the de-evolution of our main character Milos. But viewing fucked up scene after fucked up scene, I was kind of shocked into a jaded submission of WTF. Something is being said about the Serbian's ravaged past but all that kept echoing was "NEWBORN PORN!"

That is one of the many fucked up things that happens in A Serbian Film.

Critics have either praised or been disgusted by the film and I now know why. Having heard of this film through the festival grapevine (and that it was being banned from film fests) I can honestly say it's a downright despicable film from the beginning and especially towards the end.

In the vain of Palumbo's Murder Set Pieces, Buttgereit's Nekromantik, Oldboy, August Underground and Hostel, the movie shocks and shocks until you vomit and then shocks some more. I of course have made it a point to see all the most fucked up movies and to be honest, yeah it's sickening but not as sickening as I thought it would be.

Could a commentary on Serbia's government and the lives of its citizens NOT be done in such a vile manor? Sure, but nobody would go see it. Only the art cinephiles would see a subtitled film portraying the atrocities of a small country in Eastern Europe.

So Srdjan Spasojevic and writer Aleksandar Radivojevic decided to go the exploitation/horror sub genre to make a point. Exploitation is now the new chic, the "It" genre, the rebooted sub genre that used to be the stepchild of the horror genre.

And that's why I think it's effective and the best horror film of 2010.

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I've seen your Top 10 list, now you've seen mine.

OK, I know you horror minions have your 2 cents. So go ahead and let me have it. Throw that smelly poop at me or if on the off chance you partially agreed on some of my picks, send me that love. Chime in and let me know what you think.

This list of the Top 20 Horror Movies of 2010 also is an opportunity to see the movies you may have missed that made many of the best of 2010 within the horror community. We all missed a few flicks here and there. I hope you all give all of these movies a chance and then come back and let me know what's the what.

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Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Piranha 3D (Review)

Piranha 3D

Piranha 3D (2010)

Directed by Alexandre Aja

[this review brought to you by Insano Steve who "copped a feel" from a 3D boob]

After the disaster that was 'My Bloody Valentine 3D', I was totally over the whole 3D craze. But as usually is the case with me, I never learn.

Reading all the great reviews for 'Pirahna 3D', really got me excited. So hyped up in fact, I made it a point to see it while it was still in theaters, in order to experience it in all of it's 3 dimensional glory.

Boring Plot-O-Matic

After a sudden underwater tremor sets free scores of the prehistoric man-eating fish, an unlikely group of strangers must band together to stop themselves from becoming fish food for the area's new razor-toothed residents.

Awesome Review-O-Matic

Let's break this down to easily digestible morsels of awesomeness.

Plot: Spring breakers descend upon Lake Havasu for their annual drunken debauchery. Hot on the trail is a sleazy 'Girls Gone Wild'-like movie producer (played by the awful Jerry O'Connell). Jerry is led around by a local teenager who knows the area. A recent seismic event has awakened a prehistoric form of super piranha in the lake. Much much teenage death and dismemberment ensues.

Could prehistoric piranha possibly be living in a subterranean lake underneath Lake Havasu? Um, probably not. But those teenagers must die, and this is the reason.

3D: Let's just get this out of the way. The 3D helps a little bit but definitely nothing dramatic. Some of the gore looks different with the help of the 3 dimensions, but I don't really think I would have enjoyed this any less in 2D.

Gore: Now this is where this movie excels. The surreal ending when the full scale piranha attack comes is unforgettable. The entire student body screaming in pain as half eaten bodies are dragged to shore and the entire lake literally overflows with blood, reminds me of why I watch horror in the first place. Good times.

Here's my Top 5 favorite kills from the movie (SPOILER ALERT:)

5.) The annoying Eli Roth is rescued out of the water onto a boat. But whoops, Eli forgot the lower half of his body in the water! That's gotta hurt.

4.) A wire that holds up the stage that the strippers dance on snaps. This broken wire proceeds to snap back and slice a buxom co-ed completely in half (right between the cleavage!) Best large breasted kill in the movie.

3.) One of the 'Girls Gone Wild' ends up underneath the boat. One enterprising piranha decides to swim into her vagina and literally eats it's way out of her, exiting through her mouth. Superb creativity.

2.) Probably everrybody else's favorite kill is poor Jerry O'Connell getting brutally eaten alive, and most painfully, losing his penis in the struggle. The 2 pirahna subsequently fighting over his severed member definitely provides a good laugh.

1.) My personal favorite doesn't directly involve the piranha and is not even a confirmed death. A co-ed struggling to swim to shore gets her hair caught in the outboard motor of a boat. The motor continues to run, pulling her hair so hard that it pulls off her entire face! This is as good as it gets people!

T&A: So much tit. So much ass. In 3D. Give credit to the director for getting well endowed females to bare all here. Piranha 3D definitely delivered on the nudity. This was the first movie I've seen with model, Kelly Brook. It was well worth the wait. She plays another Girl Gone Wild. And yes, she gets naked.

WTF moment

Paying $16.50

The Insano Steve's Final Prognosis

In conclusion, hey a 3D horror movie can be good after all. As long as it is good as a 2D movie first. Don't be fooled just by the 3D part. Although, something must be done about the pricing. $16.50 for a 3D movie makes these things hard to recommend.

But in the end, if you know what to expect here (a fun gore-filled teenage t&a slaughter fest), well then Piranha 3D delivers on that. Whether that means I'll go see Piranha 4D (or whatever they call the sequel), that remains to be seen, .....

Rating:

Check out the trailer below!





Ving Rhames slaughters fishies



Piranha 3D Chew on this
Uploaded by teasertrailer. - Watch feature films and entire TV shows.

NSFW Wild Wild Girls Trailer (or I love boobies)



Tuesday, April 27, 2010

My 12 cents on the Piranha 3D Teaser Trailer

So the Piranha 3D Teaser is out. If you haven't seen, you can watch it below. Insano Steve and I talked yesterday on remakes and his thoughts were Hollywood should make remakes on bad movies and not GOOD movies. I agree.

Remake Phantasm or Leprechaun or some other crappy movie. But leave the Elm Streets alone.
In any case, Piranha is one that I guess should be remade because....

a.) Nobody saw the original
b.) You can showcase Spring break boobage
c.) Hire decent actors playing rubbery stereotypical characters
d.) See mother fuckin piranhas in a mother fuckin lake

OK here be the trailer.





OK let's start to shred this one with random thoughts shall we?

0:00-0:20

Fake James Cameron 3D PSA is a nice touch. You didn't fool me!

0:23

Boobs!!!

0:24


Is Lake Victoria right by Amity Island?

0:27

Trampoline bouncy boobs!!!

0:30


Gratuitous Eli Roth cameo. Where's your heterosexual lifemate Quentin?

0:32

Cheerleader boobies!!!

0:35


Gratuitous Kawasaki motorcycle product placement

0:39

Why is their an old hag in Spring Break? Die bitch die!!

0:46

Elizabeth Shue is still looking hawt...but nobody is going to listen to you unless you show your boobs.

0:47

Ving Rhames. You ain't know Samuel L.

0:48

Is that a Richard Dreyfus cameo? Dude the lake you want is down the road.

0:55

That's some mutant fuckin piranha...I think its got a laser beams attached to its head

1:02

Listen to Doc Brown...he's smart!!

1:07


Jet ski vs boat (its no zombie vs shark)

1:16

HA ha! I knew those piranha had laser beams attached to their heads. They just caused a boat to explode!

1:22

This shits going to be awesome in 2D!!! Umm I mean 3D!

Thoughts on this one? Please share. I hope the sequel has ill-tempered mutated sea bass. They're more deadly than this weak piranha bullshit.