Piranha 3DPiranha 3D (2010)
Directed by Alexandre Aja
[this review brought to you by Insano Steve who "copped a feel" from a 3D boob]
After the disaster that was 'My Bloody Valentine 3D', I was totally over the whole 3D craze. But as usually is the case with me, I never learn.
Reading all the great reviews for 'Pirahna 3D', really got me excited. So hyped up in fact, I made it a point to see it while it was still in theaters, in order to experience it in all of it's 3 dimensional glory.
Boring Plot-O-Matic
After a sudden underwater tremor sets free scores of the prehistoric man-eating fish, an unlikely group of strangers must band together to stop themselves from becoming fish food for the area's new razor-toothed residents.
Awesome Review-O-Matic
Let's break this down to easily digestible morsels of awesomeness.
Plot: Spring breakers descend upon Lake Havasu for their annual drunken debauchery. Hot on the trail is a sleazy 'Girls Gone Wild'-like movie producer (played by the awful Jerry O'Connell). Jerry is led around by a local teenager who knows the area. A recent seismic event has awakened a prehistoric form of super piranha in the lake. Much much teenage death and dismemberment ensues.
Could prehistoric piranha possibly be living in a subterranean lake underneath Lake Havasu? Um, probably not. But those teenagers must die, and this is the reason.
3D: Let's just get this out of the way. The 3D helps a little bit but definitely nothing dramatic. Some of the gore looks different with the help of the 3 dimensions, but I don't really think I would have enjoyed this any less in 2D.
Gore: Now this is where this movie excels. The surreal ending when the full scale piranha attack comes is unforgettable. The entire student body screaming in pain as half eaten bodies are dragged to shore and the entire lake literally overflows with blood, reminds me of why I watch horror in the first place. Good times.
Here's my Top 5 favorite kills from the movie (SPOILER ALERT:) 5.) The annoying Eli Roth is rescued out of the water onto a boat. But whoops, Eli forgot the lower half of his body in the water! That's gotta hurt.
4.) A wire that holds up the stage that the strippers dance on snaps. This broken wire proceeds to snap back and slice a buxom co-ed completely in half (right between the cleavage!) Best large breasted kill in the movie.
3.) One of the 'Girls Gone Wild' ends up underneath the boat. One enterprising piranha decides to swim into her vagina and literally eats it's way out of her, exiting through her mouth. Superb creativity.
2.) Probably everrybody else's favorite kill is poor Jerry O'Connell getting brutally eaten alive, and most painfully, losing his penis in the struggle. The 2 pirahna subsequently fighting over his severed member definitely provides a good laugh.
1.) My personal favorite doesn't directly involve the piranha and is not even a confirmed death. A co-ed struggling to swim to shore gets her hair caught in the outboard motor of a boat. The motor continues to run, pulling her hair so hard that it pulls off her entire face! This is as good as it gets people!
T&A: So much tit. So much ass. In 3D. Give credit to the director for getting well endowed females to bare all here. Piranha 3D definitely delivered on the nudity. This was the first movie I've seen with model, Kelly Brook. It was well worth the wait. She plays another Girl Gone Wild. And yes, she gets naked.
WTF moment
Paying $16.50
The Insano Steve's Final Prognosis
In conclusion, hey a 3D horror movie can be good after all. As long as it is good as a 2D movie first. Don't be fooled just by the 3D part. Although, something must be done about the pricing. $16.50 for a 3D movie makes these things hard to recommend.
But in the end, if you know what to expect here (a fun gore-filled teenage t&a slaughter fest), well then Piranha 3D delivers on that. Whether that means I'll go see Piranha 4D (or whatever they call the sequel), that remains to be seen, .....
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Check out the trailer below!
Ving Rhames slaughters fishies
Piranha 3D Chew on this
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