Bloodrayne: The Third Reich (Review)

Bloodrayne: The Third Reich

Bloodrayne: The Third Reich (2010)

Directed by Uwe Boll

I don't think I've seen a Uwe Boll movie since Postal.

Avoiding Uwe Boll movies isn't to hard. But Brendan Fletcher (a Boll regular) reminds us that the reason Uwe Boll's names keep popping up on the Interwebs is because websites give him the free coverage he knows he'll get if he keeps making fucked up movies. For every Auschwitz he makes, he does make a Bloodrayne 3.

So I'm as guilty as everybody else when I review this 3rd installment of Bloodrayne. I try to go in and hope it's tolerable but it's inevitable that this flick was doomed from the start.

Bloodrayne: The Third Reich is the equivalent of seeing a monkey throw its own feces at a tiger. It's kinda goofy and totally outrageous. You're hoping to see the tiger just rip the monkey to shreds. But all we get is more feces thrown all over the place. Yup...there's shit all over the place.

In between the lovely Natassia Malthe as Rayne slices and dices, has lesbian sex then in one of the most WTF moments ever has sex with a resistance fighter in the back of a Nazi truck where they are prisoners headed to their execution. Read that sentence again. Got it? Now that's Uwe Boll making sure we get ample boobage no matter what the situation.

I don't have to lecture you on the Uwe Boll movie game to film process. It's pretty shitty all around. So here are some pics and clips to save you 70 minutes of your time.

Boring Plot-O-Matic

Rayne fights against the Nazis in Europe during World War II, encountering Ekart Brand, a Nazi leader whose target is to inject Adolf Hitler with Rayne's blood in an attempt to transform him into a dhampir and attain immortality.

Awesome Review-O-Matic

OK you probably want to see Natassia Malthe naked because as well as killing Nazis and Nazi vampires she still has time to get some lesbo sex and fuck in the back of a Nazi trunk. So this be your exit to see her boobage. See am I not thinking of your best interests?

Let's check out some pics.

There isn't any way I could maintain eye contact with Rayne

These aren't your Indiana Jones Nazis

I don't know why she's wearing that leather hat thing either

Sometimes you gotta kill Nazi vampires in a bikini

Here's some clips. I'll set them up for you.

Here's Rayne distracting the soldiers with her cleavage. It works every time.

Lots of voice over dialogue just to see her cleavage.



She just had lesbian sex 2 minutes before this action scene.



Here's the trailer.



Nude-ipedia

Natassia Malthe gets naked for all of us

Gore-ipedia

Lots of standard slice and dice, decaps and vamps turning into ooze

WTF moment

Really? A sex scene in the back of a moving Nazi truck where your like 5 min away from being executed?

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

Ummm I liked Kristinna Loken better.

Rating:

Categories: 2011 horror movies, action cinema, bloodrayne, german horror, german splatter, gratuitous nudity, nazis, nudity, stop uwe boll, uwe boll, vampires, world war 2

Philosophy of a Knife (Trailer)

There's a debate on whether or not Philosophy of a Knife is worth the time, money and effort to watch what the horror underground is calling the first "Goreumentary". Though many would say Men Behind the Sun is the first (a film that shocked the fuck out of me) that movie was made 20 years ago and you figured somebody would take the goreumentary a little further.

That's where Andrey Iskanov comes in.

The Russian director of Nails and Visions of Suffering has decided to make a documentary about Japanese Unit 731, where a group of Japanese scientists performed biological medical experiments on Russian prisoners.

Here be the plot from Unearthed Films who produced the film with Iskanov.

The true history of Japanese Unit 731, from it's beginnings in the 1930's to it's demise in 1945, and the subsequent trials in Khabarovsk, USSR, of many of the Japanese doctors from Unit 731. The facts are told, and previously unknown evidence is revealed by an eyewitness to these events, former doctor and military translator, Anatoly Protasov. Part documentary and part feature, the story is shown from the perspective of a young Japanese nurse who witnessed many of horrors, and a young Japanese officer who is torn between his sincere convictions that he is serving the greater purpose, and the deep sympathy he feels for an imprisoned Russian girl. His life is a living hell as he's compelled to carry out atrocious experiments on the other prisoners, using them as guinea pigs in this shocking tale of mankind's barbarity. Philosophy of a knife is truly one of the most violent, brutal and harrowing movies ever made.

The gripes come in that's its 4.....yes FUCKIN 4 HOURS LONG!!!!

And that "starved" prisoners all look like Anna Kournikova. From what I've read in reviews and comments, the torture and gore are in peak form and are disturbing as fuck.

Hmmmm. We've got pros and we got cons. The DVD came out on July 8th and is available via Unearthed Films.

Many fucked ups scenes are up on YouTube. Check out the trailer below and decide if you're in or out.

Tags:
Philosophy of a Knife, Philosophy of a Knife trailer , Philosophy of a Knife unrated uncensored trailer , japanese unit 731, goreumentary, japanese atrocities, exploitation film, gratuitous nudity, top horror movie 2008, world war II, Andrey Iskanov, horror blog,unearthed films, the jaded viewer

Categories: Andrey Iskanov, goreumentary, japanese atrocities, japanese unit 731, Men Behind the Sun, Philosophy of a Knife, Philosophy of a Knife trailer, russian horror, unearthed films, world war 2